I am sooo Heatbroken. Can somebody me !!!

[Star4223]

It won't feel like this forever. I'm about 5 weeks out from the end of my A and dday, and I feel a million times better now versus a few days after. Please take care of yourself. You deserve someone that can give you 100% of their time, not the leftover bits. Take it a day, or an hour at a time. Keep busy, try to eat small meals, and get active! It will get better, I've been there.

 

Can you tell me how you A ended? Did he ever try to get back together or did you put your foot down and walk away? I feel so dumb and weak for wanting him back after all of this.

[Star4223]

The thing about your situation is that you seem to have more love for him than he has for you (if he even has any) and you really deserve someone who will pt you first. If he really felt for you, he would have been left his wife. If you say she chased him with a knife and dented his car and if that craziness is not enough for him to leave, then I don't know what to tell you. The best thing to do is to move on. And are you sure she really chased him with a knife or is that what he tells you just to get you to back off?

 

 

No she really is like that, I have no doubt that she did that to me, but even with that he said he is gonna liquidate his things and put the money away to one of our mutual friends.

 

I do feel so Dumb and Weak to want him back. Maybe it would be different if things with us were bad before all this happened, but I still have so much love for him even after this. I totally feel like I must be crazy because who would want someone after being treated like this!!!

[Cdngirl5279]

I haven't heard from him in approx. 3 weeks or so. It's a long, complicated story but the short version is: BS had suspicions, confronted him, he denied and managed to convince her. Then a few days later, him and I decided that he should just come clean and let the chips fall where they may. I deserve more, and better than what I was getting. He realized this as well, it doesn't mean he no longer loves me. I believe that he still does. There were no promises between him and the wife, but they were seeing if they could get past it.

 

Do I think they can, honestly I don't. A year worth of lies, betrayal, broken trust etc etc is huge. Do I want him back? Nope. Do we need to resolve things - yes we do for our situation. There is a high chance that we would wind up working in the same building at some point and we need to be civil to one another.

 

I deserve more - and I didn't have to deal with getting 'breadcrumbs'. We saw each other all the time, and spoke every day no matter what else was going on (vacations, work etc). You need to move on.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks for the reply's. A friend of our's text him this weekend to see if he was okay. She then text me to let me know she had reached him. Not anything positive though. When she asked him if he he owed me an explaination for what was going on he basically said that he was sorry I had put up with his stupid ass and that he had given me the green light to move on if thing were too difficult for me. I know him VERY well he handles this stress with humor and made a few jokes and although I am not handling it that way I know he would. I sent him a text as well and he said nothing about ending things with me only that his wife had found out about his Facebook and that he had her blocked. He had to miss an entire week of work because she gave him a black eye and that he had to lock himself in the bathroom because she chased him around the house with a knife and kicked a couple of dents in his car. I am sure its over between us because if he really cared he would been a little concerned with my welfare and didnt really show any affection for me. Its really hard to believe that the man you love and couldnt wait to see you a week and a half ago, someone that you were planning a vacation with, someone that would choose a job so that you could spend more time together, that would hold you and kiss you and be so happy to see you would suddenly act as if they never ever cared for you and that they dont miss you at all. I am still crying daily, The really hard time are first thing in the morning and at night when I am lying in the bed wondering what he is doing at that moment. I haven even changes the sheet because he just slept there with me less than 2 weeks ago. I just feels like a BIG hole in my heart, such an emptiness and almost unbearable. I just want to feel better. I am afraid to hot ever hear from him, what to say to him if he calls. I know I need to put it in my head that he is not ever gonna call me and that its over. I am just hoping that he realizes that he needs me. I know that a STUPID thing to wish for and that its for the best for me to move on, but I am so in love with him. I just can't think of my life without him in it!!

 

What you feel, magnify what his wife feels x1000! And she is the one who is married to him and has built a whole life with him, known him longer than you have.

I"m not saying that to be mean or to hurt you but to give yourself a reality check here. He has no choice but to side with his wife and go NC with you, that is if he wants to stay married to her. If he didn't love her, he'd leave and be with you full time. He'd divorce.

 

I agree with bymyself, sorry...I think you love him and have invested your heart and emotions much more than he has, which is why he's able to shut it off and shut you out. He probably has feelings for you but they may not be as deep and serious as yours are.

 

I say, do your best to let go and grieve this loss. Surround yourself with your family and friends, be good and spoil yourself, keep busy and don't let this situation or him ruin your holiday season, both today and Christmas!

[Star4223]

This week he did start with a few text ,message and then phone calls. He does want me to go on a trip with him for a few days and I am just terrified. I know how I feel and I just feel so hurt my everything that has happen. I do feel so very distant from him at this point and feel a connection loss with him. I really dont feel as if I can ever trust him or rely on him anymore after everything. As for instance, if I plan to take a day off work and the plans fall through without even a phone call?? I am just not sure if I want to deal with that right now really. There is just soooo many thing in between us now I think reality had slapped me across the face. I do miss him so very much right now, but I know any relationship I have with him is forever changed and I never thought I would feel this way. It like he built me up with all this LOVE, then took it away and made me crave it to live, wait for him, shower all my love on him, all to make him feel loved. I am really confused right now and hurt more than I thought I would be. Now fast forward to the middle of this week and if I have not heard from him I will be in a panic and thats the worse feeling of having an affair, the feeling of abandment.

[whichwayisup]

This week he did start with a few text ,message and then phone calls. He does want me to go on a trip with him for a few days and I am just terrified. I know how I feel and I just feel so hurt my everything that has happen. I do feel so very distant from him at this point and feel a connection loss with him. I really dont feel as if I can ever trust him or rely on him anymore after everything.

 

This is your decision, but honestly I think you know going on that trip is not a good idea and it won't be easy on you. Find it in you to get the strength to say no to the trip. The pain you'll feel later won't be worth the small amount you'll have with him if you go. It's like selling your soul to the devil! What you feel afterwards you're not gonna like at all. Please, don't go on that trip with him. You've come a long way, you feel distant and you say you can't trust him, so really, what is the point of going?

 

 

As for instance, if I plan to take a day off work and the plans fall through without even a phone call?? I am just not sure if I want to deal with that right now really. There is just soooo many thing in between us now I think reality had slapped me across the face. I do miss him so very much right now, but I know any relationship I have with him is forever changed and I never thought I would feel this way. It like he built me up with all this LOVE, then took it away and made me crave it to live, wait for him, shower all my love on him, all to make him feel loved. I am really confused right now and hurt more than I thought I would be. Now fast forward to the middle of this week and if I have not heard from him I will be in a panic and thats the worse feeling of having an affair, the feeling of abandment.

 

That pain and the ups/downs have taken a toll on you and it's killing you inside. Time to end it, really walk away.For your own sanity.

[Star4223]

I did it, I went on the trip with him. I guess im a gluten for punishment and now i'm paying for it! I swear I wish I knew how to end this. I just feel impossible, I literally don't want to go on with my life without him. I realize that a terrible thing to say. I guess I thought something magical would happen to get him to love me the way I love him. I realize its lonely on the road as a truck driver and maybe thats the only reason he took me in the first place. He told me that I have loved him more in the last eight months than his wife has loved him in the entire 22 years they have been together. Like when I kiss or rub him belly and tell him how much I like it he says that she just looks at it in disgust and says you really need to loose weight lard ass.

 

Last night he was in town to drop off and pick up a load and we didnt end up getting to see each other. His company made him drive to a town about 50 miles from his house and he acted mad because the told him he would be able to either stay in my town or go home for the night. He told me that he would be able to make it home because he would rum out of drive hours and would stay in a little town 50 miles from his house. We were in the middle of about a 1 hour conversation when I am not sure if something happened to his phone or he took another call and I didnt hear him say hold on, but anyway I lost him. I tried to call him back 4 times and he did not answer and I text him twice with no answer. That really hurt me that he didnt even call me back and to make matters worse I called and text him this morning 1st to find out what happened and 2nd to find out how the roads were where he was because we got some bad weather last night and the roads here were bad and I said R U ok? and then The Roads are Bad Here, School id closed for the Kids. The text i received back was "I am at Home, Please Stop" My heart dropped! Those words just hurt sooo bad!! I had no idea he went home and now I feel like a neusence to him. These are thing that a normal people in a normal relationship can do to each other,COMMUNICATE!!! So why should I feel this way!!

 

And lastly. He just happened to mention that he had a job offer in Panama City Beach Florida. I was shocked and asked him, How do you think this little move will effect us? and his reply was "Well I can get a dedicated Route from there to Louisville and I will be there 2 or 3 time a week and you can come down a couple of time a year for vacation". When I asked how that would work out with his Wife, he said "I didnt say I was taking her" I am not stupid, he is not going to leave him 11 year old daughter and move 9 hours away from EVERYBODY in his family to live in a State where he knows nobody. These lies are killing me inside and I dont know which way it up anymore.

 

I know in my heart that I need to leave, I just can't imagine him not in my life, I love him so much!!

[whichwayisup]

You Don?t Miss Him. You Miss The Idea Of Who You Wanted Him To Be. | The Current Conscience

 

He isn't leaving and he's lied to you so much, exaggerated truths, bent the truth to suit him best. Trust me, he loves that YOU love him so much but he isn't in love with you in the way you want him to be, enough for him to leave his wife and kids.

 

End it. This is toxic now and he's continually hurting you. Get help to you can cope with all this easier and in a healthy way - Therapy will get you stronger to end it once and for all. What he is offering you is shi.t. You know that so don't you dare consider his offer.

 

Read that link, over and over again until it sinks in.

[Cinnimon]

And this "I am at Home, Please Stop", is exactly what I would have done, forever!!!

[whichwayisup]

And this "I am at Home, Please Stop", is exactly what I would have done, forever!!!

 

Certainly puts things in perspective, doesn't it.

 

He is in this for the affair only. What you have put into this, your heart and your love, he hasn't done that. He can easily put you out of his head and continue life at home like you don't exist. I am sorry to say that but you need to start seeing reality and not be blinded by your love for him and cling in hopes that he'll be in your life forever.

 

Yes it will hurt, and yes you'll cry and feel awful for some time BUT, you WILL heal and you WILL go on with your life. Once you have let go and truly grieved the loss, you'll see how much better you feel, how easy and drama free your life will be and you'll be thankful it's over. You are going to be fine without him, I promise you that.

These are thing that a normal people in a normal relationship can do to each other,COMMUNICATE!!! So why should I feel this way!!

 

But it isn't a normal relationship, it's an affair. Different setting, different dynamic, it's not a regular relationship at all. You want a R with him but he can ONLY offer you an affair, on his terms. You want more, he cannot give that to you so you only option now is to say goodbye and end it. Go NC.

Edited December 10, 2013 by whichwayisup

[stillafool]

Why was your friend texting him??????????? No wonder he was upset!

[Star4223]

And this "I am at Home, Please Stop", is exactly what I would have done, forever!!!

 

He will never know how that little text hurt me. And the bad part id how would I would have know that?? He told me he wasnt going home and now he is probably mad at ME!! I also have no idea is he will even go to work today and He erases my number from his phone so if I want to talk I have to call him. Last time he said why didnt you call you know I dont have your number programmed into my phone. All this is making me feel like a stalker!!!

[Star4223]

Why was your friend texting him??????????? No wonder he was upset!

 

 

I text him this morning. I didnt know he went home.

[starryeyedsurprise]

Move on and let him go. He clearly does not have the feelings involved that you do. Don't you deserve better than this? Don't you deserve 100% from the other person? He does not care....he only care because you are letting him walk all over you and take advantage of you. He has a home, a wife and family.

 

Please wake up and walk away. Cut this ********* out of your life with no looking back. Yes it will hurt, but once again, don't you deserve better? Do you like the anxiety and pain that goes with this toxic relationship? Do you enjoy the highs and lows? I didn't think so.

 

I heard an awesome quote the other day that said Woman have the exact love life that they go after....sounds to me you need to re-evaluate how you want your future love life to look.

[Cinnimon]

He will never know how that little text hurt me. And the bad part id how would I would have know that?? He told me he wasnt going home and now he is probably mad at ME!! I also have no idea is he will even go to work today and He erases my number from his phone so if I want to talk I have to call him. Last time he said why didnt you call you know I dont have your number programmed into my phone. All this is making me feel like a stalker!!!

Star4223, I'm not one to try and kick someone when they are down and I know you are hurting and confused, trust me I've been there, am still there at times. BUT It's not that he will never know, it's more likely that he doesn't care. He is probably mad at you? Why are you not mad at him, are you supposed to be a mind reader??? Flip the script on him girl. Treat him like he treats you and in time hopefully it will become the way you feel instead of something you just do. I am telling you right now, if my xmm would have EVER told me to STOP, I would have stopped so fast it would have made his head feel like he was a lawnmower and I just pulled the cord. Instead it was the I want you , need you,I love you, please don't go BS that kept me in..........God these stories tick me off!!!

[Star4223]

Cinni, It was sooo cold to me. It made me feel like I was nothing to him at all!!! I cannot believe he said that to me. Those little words were the coldest thing he has EVER said to me!!! How do I react to that??? I am hurt and I want to be mad and I wonder what its gonna toke to finally get me there. I feel so dumb and low!!! Taken for granted and kicked im the face all at the same time. We just had the best weekend and now its back to reality!!!'

[whichwayisup]

Cinni, It was sooo cold to me. It made me feel like I was nothing to him at all!!! I cannot believe he said that to me. Those little words were the coldest thing he has EVER said to me!!! How do I react to that??? I am hurt and I want to be mad and I wonder what its gonna toke to finally get me there. I feel so dumb and low!!! Taken for granted and kicked im the face all at the same time. We just had the best weekend and now its back to reality!!!'

 

Again you are seeing this as a real 'normal' relationship, investing your heart and so much into him, whereas he sees it as an affair, which he can turn off at any time and live his life at home with his wife and family. It SHOULD hurt you, enough that you see you deserve better and more! Only thing is, you won't get that at all from him.

 

Reality is good, it should make you see how things really are, not what you want them to be. Please read that link I put up for you.

 

How do you react to that? END IT with him. Or, accept your role in his life as the OW on the side, on his terms and time frame, when he can see and talk to you, he will. Though I pray for your sake you walk away from what is can provide for you. I hope that you see you should have a normal and happy relationship - With someone else. In the future when the timing is right and you're over him.

[Star4223]

Whichway, Thank you very much for talking to me. I have been so Brainwashed this entire time that what we have is so special and that it goes way beyond sex, but that we have a connection that doesnt come around everyday. That he is gonna heave in six months, spring ect... he is gonna live with me until we can decide where we want to live, even how everything will go down when he leaves and she is served with the divorce papers, how is visitation will go with us when we are together. Now I am at this point, it like a lose of innocence. I believed him with all my heart and soul. We have now gotten to this point and it feels cheap and I keep trying to make thing better again, but I can do that by myself anymore.

[Speakingofwhich]

Star4223, it may help you to realize that his poor treatment of you has nothing to do with you. You better believe he treats his W the same way.

 

Because people treat you the way they do not because of who you are but because of who they are.

 

You mentioned in an earlier post that you rub his stomach and kiss it. Whereas his W just looks at it and tells him in a rough way he needs to lose weight.

 

He probably treats her the same way. It's their dance. If you were to marry him you'd be part of that same dance. No mushy mushy love stuff would be going on between the two of you after a very short time, if ever.

 

He is showing you clearly who he is. Believe him.

[starryeyedsurprise]

Please get angry with him. Use that anger to move yourself forward and away from this horribly toxic relationship. You deserve better than what he is offering, and it isn't much.

 

I know the pain and heartache, I have been through it and it feels better everyday. I had an angry day yesterday, but today I see sunshine and rainbows again. I will never let a man dictate my mood or myself ever again.

 

Get tough ;-) Think of him as a POS, and you are the fly that keeps going back to that POS....become a butterfly instead

[Star4223]

I know what I need to do and its gonna be the hardest thing in the world for me. Maybe it will be a lot easier if he just moved and I never saw him again. I think im gonna need him to end it I am not sure I have the strength for it!

[starryeyedsurprise]

You need to end it and put your foot down. He won't end it because he is a coward and a cake eater. He will continue to play with you as long as you are willing to play the game. This is your choice and your life.

 

It might seem like you will never get over it, but trust me you will. You will look back and say why did I waste so much time with him. He isn't a god, or your savior. He is a liar, cheater and manipulator. Think about how badly he is treating his wife, do you want to be in her shoes? No I think not.

 

Yes, it will suck, but the longer you play the game, the more damage you will do to yourself. Get back your self esteem.

[Cinnimon]

I know what I need to do and its gonna be the hardest thing in the world for me. Maybe it will be a lot easier if he just moved and I never saw him again. I think im gonna need him to end it I am not sure I have the strength for it!

 

Star4223, I don't think there is another OW on this planet that wouldn't like to reach in and take that pain right out of you. Unfortunately, it is impossible and it definitely takes strength , will and a whole lot of pain to walk away. I can almost guarantee you he won't be the one walking away. His pain (if he even has any) is not to the depths of yours. While you are pining desperately to figure out the how's. what's, why's, he is going marrily along with his life. It is going to have to be you to do it , you and you alone. We can be here for support, but that is all. It sucks but it's the reality.

Good luck.........

[pteromom]

His company made him drive to a town about 50 miles from his house and he acted mad because the told him he would be able to either stay in my town or go home for the night. He told me that he would be able to make it home because he would rum out of drive hours and would stay in a little town 50 miles from his house. We were in the middle of about a 1 hour conversation when I am not sure if something happened to his phone or he took another call and I didnt hear him say hold on, but anyway I lost him. I tried to call him back 4 times and he did not answer and I text him twice with no answer.

 

Are you sure he didn't get a call from another OW in the town he was staying in, and ended up seeing her?

 

This seems like his M.O. - to find an OW to see when he's in her town. So it isn't out of the realm of possibility that he has one there as well.

 

These are thing that a normal people in a normal relationship can do to each other,COMMUNICATE!!! So why should I feel this way!!

But this isn't a normal relationship.

 

This guy is a really good manipulator. He says things like "You loved me more this month than my wife has in 22 years." It makes your heart melt which is just what it is designed to to. And it cost him NOTHING to say it.

 

But love isn't about words. It's about action. So let's look at his actions:

- He prioritizes his wife

- He doesn't text you back when you are worried about him

- When he has issues at home, he just completely cuts you off and you don't hear from him

- He decides when, where, how you talk/get together, and you can never reach out to him when you need someone

- He's choosing an obviously abusive horrible marriage over you (assuming he is telling the truth about that)

- The "love" he does give you benefits him as well. Think about when he is loving and sweet and romantic - it is when you are having sex, being together, when he needs the escape and the validation and affection. It's all about what HE needs - he just gives you enough to keep you coming back for more

 

Think about his ACTIONS. When has he ever put himself out for you? Put you first? You can do better than this.

[splitscreen]

I know what I need to do and its gonna be the hardest thing in the world for me. Maybe it will be a lot easier if he just moved and I never saw him again. I think im gonna need him to end it I am not sure I have the strength for it!

 

 

 

Oh dear one...I so feel your pain and I have read this entire thread seeing parts of myself in everything you are going through. I too have not ended it but am going through this rollercoaster ride of emotions. My AP is also a trucker...crazy. We had a mini DDay Dec 2nd when he said his wife outright asked him if he is having an affair and the worst part, is she asked if it was with me! Ugghhh... well he freaked. He called to let me know and that he would let me know if we "had to stop". Suddenly, I got so mad, I told him "Yes, let's stop." In 3 years I have never even hinted that I wanted this to end. He was silent for a bit and said "Forever?" My heart was falling out of my chest at that point so I said "for now."

 

 

The worst part was the silence, no text, no calls nothing until yesterday...The worst part is I had it in my mind and even on paper all the things that would benefit me by ending the affair. But I tell you, once I heard his voice and his sweet "I love you baby's" I caved. I am now right back to where I was.. I feel like an idiot.