I think I have an interesting case I need

[Greenj30]

Hello LS I think I have an interesting case. I dated my now Ex-Girlfriend for 7 months. We broke up last Tuesday due to her having Ambivalent feelings and us not being able to progress but her reason for wanting to break up wasnt really clear. I initiated the break up(although I did'nt want to) and she agreed this was a strange break up because we ended up kissing for a long time. I Immediately went no contact for two days and I started to move on with my life. Well I was on Twitter and I saw that she tweeted " Wow..it's nice to see that you have moved on so fast." We then had a text conversation that went like this.

 

Me: I Don't think you understand..

Her: I'm not so sure you do either :/..

Me: Well could you explain I would like too? :/

(An hour later)

 

Me: *Her name*??

Her: I'm sorry im just not sure if I should say anything right now it's to emotional and to fresh.

Me: okay I will give you your space when your ready to talk let me know.

Her: It's just that I don't want to confuse your emotions or whatever.

 

(Hours later I had talked with a friend of mine and gotten some great advice)

 

Me: I just wanted to let you know lines of communication are open

Her: Okay:), We should get coffee soon! Monday at 4?

Me: Sure that works! Be safe walking home.

 

(My phone died and when I got it back on I had 3 Messages)

 

Her: I will Jacob(mutual friend) is giving me a ride home!

Her: I really don't wanna confuse your emotions or anything but It's just hard I'm so confused and I miss you!

Her: I'm sorry I shouldn't of said anything..

 

I replied to her telling her I miss her too. The next day I text her to reschedule coffee on monday in which she agreed to a later time. But then she said she wanted to talk in person the next morning and she said this.

 

Her: "Ugh...I'm so conflicted I wanna call you babe and tell you I love you. But I feel like it's not the right thing too do. It sucks."

 

Anyways to make a long story short we ended up kissing again after we had talked in the morning she pretty much said keep the door open for her and to wait for her but she understands if I can't. The next day I saw her at church because we go to the same church and after the service she Stared at me for a while and Isolated me and we had a good conversation. Later tat evening I get a text from her saying

 

Her: " The more I feel and the more I think about this the more confident I am that I can love you gently and right."

 

Me: "Sorry for the late reply but I was trying to fix this garage. But that makes me glad :)"

 

Her: "Im Glad too I truly care about you so I am taking this seriously!"

 

Since then she had been initiating all if not 98% of contact with me and she has made a point to tell me that she sleeps with the Giraffe I bought her every night, and she is using pet names that she used when we were dating again.

 

What do you all think of this? Am I being led on with bread crumbs? What course of action should I take?

[Greenj30]

Btw im 21 and she is 20 if that helps or makes a differnce.

[xUnknown]

Hello LS I think I have an interesting case. I dated my now Ex-Girlfriend for 7 months. We broke up last Tuesday due to her having Ambivalent feelings and us not being able to progress but her reason for wanting to break up wasnt really clear. I initiated the break up(although I did'nt want to) and she agreed this was a strange break up because we ended up kissing for a long time. I Immediately went no contact for two days and I started to move on with my life. Well I was on Twitter and I saw that she tweeted " Wow..it's nice to see that you have moved on so fast." We then had a text conversation that went like this.

 

Me: I Don't think you understand..

Her: I'm not so sure you do either :/..

Me: Well could you explain I would like too? :/

(An hour later)

 

Me: *Her name*??

Her: I'm sorry im just not sure if I should say anything right now it's to emotional and to fresh.

Me: okay I will give you your space when your ready to talk let me know.

Her: It's just that I don't want to confuse your emotions or whatever.

 

(Hours later I had talked with a friend of mine and gotten some great advice)

 

Me: I just wanted to let you know lines of communication are open

Her: Okay:), We should get coffee soon! Monday at 4?

Me: Sure that works! Be safe walking home.

 

(My phone died and when I got it back on I had 3 Messages)

 

Her: I will Jacob(mutual friend) is giving me a ride home!

Her: I really don't wanna confuse your emotions or anything but It's just hard I'm so confused and I miss you!

Her: I'm sorry I shouldn't of said anything..

 

I replied to her telling her I miss her too. The next day I text her to reschedule coffee on monday in which she agreed to a later time. But then she said she wanted to talk in person the next morning and she said this.

 

Her: "Ugh...I'm so conflicted I wanna call you babe and tell you I love you. But I feel like it's not the right thing too do. It sucks."

 

Anyways to make a long story short we ended up kissing again after we had talked in the morning she pretty much said keep the door open for her and to wait for her but she understands if I can't. The next day I saw her at church because we go to the same church and after the service she Stared at me for a while and Isolated me and we had a good conversation. Later tat evening I get a text from her saying

 

Her: " The more I feel and the more I think about this the more confident I am that I can love you gently and right."

 

Me: "Sorry for the late reply but I was trying to fix this garage. But that makes me glad :)"

 

Her: "Im Glad too I truly care about you so I am taking this seriously!"

 

Since then she had been initiating all if not 98% of contact with me and she has made a point to tell me that she sleeps with the Giraffe I bought her every night, and she is using pet names that she used when we were dating again.

 

What do you all think of this? Am I being led on with bread crumbs? What course of action should I take?

 

Keep yourself protected. Think of the game of cat and mouse. You don't want her to think she has you entireley..she may "change her mind". You have to show her it isn't that easy to end things then get back with you...youre nobodies doormat.

[Greenj30]

So your saying I should make myself more unavailable?

[xUnknown]

So your saying I should make myself more unavailable?

 

I would say just don't let yourself completely give into it...don't let her know how easy it is to get you back. She can't think that she can break up with you knowing a day later she will get you back...

[Greenj30]

I agree with you both she definitely has to understand the world demands consequences. Im n ot here to play games so I will definitely challenge her.

[Simon Phoenix]

You are giving in way too easy. She says she misses you and loves you, but no where did she say that she's made a mistake. There are several stories recently on the Breakup Forum about exes acting in the exact same way she was, then pulling back once they realize they have you hooked. Read Armyguy's thread on there. She needs to up the ante and you need to stop answering most of her correspondence or at least seem busy.

[xUnknown]

You are giving in way too easy. She says she misses you and loves you, but no where did she say that she's made a mistake. There are several stories recently on the Breakup Forum about exes acting in the exact same way she was, then pulling back once they realize they have you hooked. Read Armyguy's thread on there. She needs to up the ante and you need to stop answering most of her correspondence or at least seem busy.

 

Yep...this.

[Greenj30]

You guys are young so I know a lot of decisions are based on emotions and what each person does... as opposed to what each person says. But reading your explanation of what happened, it's 100% unclear to me what the problem is. Why you broke up, why she had a change of heart, etc. You need to talk about this with her. I would rechedule that coffee date and gently lay down the line. No more texting, misleading smiley faces, glances, etc. Sit down face to face for half an hour and hash it out. First, ask her the questions you need answers to. Then ask her if she is hoping to get back together or if she's just playing around. See what she says. Maybe after you broke up she met someone new (this guy she mentioned? I know girls usually only mention other guys to their exes if they want to make him jealous and gauge his reaction). Maybe she is fighting those old feelings for you and is having a hard time letting go. Maybe she doesn't like something that happened between you guys. But you have to get her talking.

 

Don't commit yourself to anything, no dates, no more hanging out, etc., until you get the answers from her as to what she wants and what went wrong for her. If she can't answer those questions, you need to go No Contact so she knows you're not going to sit around and wait until she feels like jumping back into it. Be wary.

 

Best of luck to you guys!

Caitlin

 

Thank you I really appreciate all the advice! The break up was both mutual yet unclear to me too especially her side she said she has romantic feelings for me just not enough and that I have all the qualities of a long term partner for her but the little things are missing( the spark was gone which is normal in a healthy relationship because the HM pahse is over). I didmt rrally understand and I still don't. She also is 'confused' aboit a lot of things in life right now from what I hear. We are both college students. Right now I am in LC with her because I think its most effective but I am now taking the advice of being more unavailable. Like yesterday we were exchanging texts and she got mad at me because she thought I was disinterested in her because I was cooking and had tweeted before I replied to her. We ended up talking on the phone for like 30 mimutes and she didn't want me to get off the phone. She saod she loved me and wished me a goodnight. Im not getting my hopes up either. Im really taking this one day at a time. I want to give her space so she can figure herself out but it seems like shecdoesnt want me to do that.

[Greenj30]

Bump also do you guys think this is a game and if so do you think its intentiona

[xUnknown]

Bump also do you guys think this is a game and if so do you think its intentiona

 

No game...just make sure she knows she can't get you back that easily...

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you I really appreciate all the advice! The break up was both mutual yet unclear to me too especially her side she said she has romantic feelings for me just not enough and that I have all the qualities of a long term partner for her but the little things are missing( the spark was gone which is normal in a healthy relationship because the HM pahse is over). I didmt rrally understand and I still don't. She also is 'confused' aboit a lot of things in life right now from what I hear. We are both college students. Right now I am in LC with her because I think its most effective but I am now taking the advice of being more unavailable. Like yesterday we were exchanging texts and she got mad at me because she thought I was disinterested in her because I was cooking and had tweeted before I replied to her. We ended up talking on the phone for like 30 mimutes and she didn't want me to get off the phone. She saod she loved me and wished me a goodnight. Im not getting my hopes up either. Im really taking this one day at a time. I want to give her space so she can figure herself out but it seems like shecdoesnt want me to do that.

 

You are still talking to her way too much. A bunch of texting and a 30-minute phone conversation? That's not LC.

[Greenj30]

I guess your right...I haven't yalked to her today and I still won't say anything even if she does reply

[Greenj30]

I need your help!! So late last night she texted me saying "you seem happy now." I asked her what she meant and she said " I've been reading your tweets and just the way you've been responding to me overall you seem happier without me, did I make you unhappy?" I replied telling her that im not necessarily happier without her I just respect her decision and my feelings don't matter overall. She said ""Of course your feelings matter.. Not necessarily? Kay then... Guess thts all I need to know. You can tell me to move on dont wait for me to figure it out thanks"" I replied saying. "" You need to stop now seriously... don't twist my words and make them mean something else.. I want to be with you I want you to figure yourself out.. you have no idea how hard it is. But once again I respect your decision I can't make you stay or comeback or whatever no matter how much I want that's up too you." She then called me 5 minutes later crying telling me it seems like I don't care, that when we broke up I seemed like I didn't care, and I just reitterated the points I made about respecting her decision. And that I did care..She then started apologizing profusely for putting me in this situation..and she told me all the things she misses about us. We made small talk and went to bed. Did I handle this properly?

Edited November 22, 2013 by Greenj30

[xUnknown]

I need your help!! So late last night she texted me saying "you seem happy now." I asked her what she meant and she said " I've been reading your tweets and just the way you've been responding to me overall you seem happier without me, did I make you unhappy?" I replied telling her that im not necessarily happier without her I just respect her decision and my feelings don't matter overall. She said ""Of course your feelings matter.. Not necessarily? Kay then... Guess thts all I need to know. You can tell me to move on dont wait for me to figure it out thanks"" I replied saying. "" You need to stop now seriously... don't twist my words and make them mean something else.. I want to be with you I want you to figure yourself out.. you have no idea how hard it is. But once again I respect your decision I can't make you stay or comeback or whatever no matter how much I want that's up too you." She then called me 5 minutes later crying telling me it seems like I don't care, that when we broke up I seemed like I didn't care, and I just reitterated the points I made about respecting her decision. And that I did care..She then started apologizing profusely for putting me in this situation..and she told me all the things she misses about us. We made small talk and went to bed. Did I handle this properly?

I think it you handled it okay. I would have most likely said the same thing. My break up was just like yours - not showing emotion during breakup. You have to keep what dignity you have left, plus, it gets them thinking. See how that turned out for you? - she told you how much she cares and misses you. You're on her mind. You will be. Just keep doing what you're doing. Don't tweet stuff like "I'm so much happier and better now" or anything vindictive like that. Hell, I would just drop of of twitter and/or not post anything. That will get her thinking as well. In short, you're doing alright...keep doing it.

 

I know my ex has been thinking the same things that your ex said to you (how you seemed like you didn't care etc.), but I know my ex is too stubborn to actually come forward like yours did. But who knows, maybe the holidays will hit her hard - yeah, they will, I know. But I've gotta keep up NC. 24 days NC now.

[Greenj30]

I think it you handled it okay. I would have most likely said the same thing. My break up was just like yours - not showing emotion during breakup. You have to keep what dignity you have left, plus, it gets them thinking. See how that turned out for you? - she told you how much she cares and misses you. You're on her mind. You will be. Just keep doing what you're doing. Don't tweet stuff like "I'm so much happier and better now" or anything vindictive like that. Hell, I would just drop of of twitter and/or not post anything. That will get her thinking as well. In short, you're doing alright...keep doing it.

 

I know my ex has been thinking the same things that your ex said to you (how you seemed like you didn't care etc.), but I know my ex is too stubborn to actually come forward like yours did. But who knows, maybe the holidays will hit her hard - yeah, they will, I know. But I've gotta keep up NC. 24 days NC now.

 

 

Okay good because I wasnt sure! Thanks for the encouragment..this might sound weird but I think she's waiting on me to wait for her if that makes sense? Also what do you thimk is going on in her mind?

Edited November 22, 2013 by Greenj30

[Simon Phoenix]

I need your help!! So late last night she texted me saying "you seem happy now." I asked her what she meant and she said " I've been reading your tweets and just the way you've been responding to me overall you seem happier without me, did I make you unhappy?" I replied telling her that im not necessarily happier without her I just respect her decision and my feelings don't matter overall. She said ""Of course your feelings matter.. Not necessarily? Kay then... Guess thts all I need to know. You can tell me to move on dont wait for me to figure it out thanks"" I replied saying. "" You need to stop now seriously... don't twist my words and make them mean something else.. I want to be with you I want you to figure yourself out.. you have no idea how hard it is. But once again I respect your decision I can't make you stay or comeback or whatever no matter how much I want that's up too you." She then called me 5 minutes later crying telling me it seems like I don't care, that when we broke up I seemed like I didn't care, and I just reitterated the points I made about respecting her decision. And that I did care..She then started apologizing profusely for putting me in this situation..and she told me all the things she misses about us. We made small talk and went to bed. Did I handle this properly?

 

She's playing games dude. This girl is wishy-washy as hell. I would stop indulging this at this point. She needs to make a real move, and you need to stop having these types of conversations. She's just looking for ego boosts.

[Greenj30]

Why do you think she is playing games? Your the only one who has said that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why do you think she is playing games? Your the only one who has said that.

 

She's going back and forth fishing for compliments from you and fishing for responses. She should be the one trying to curry your favor and giving you compliments, not playing games and trying to get you to compliment her. It's not up to you to wait on her -- it's up to her to aggressively come after you. You can't enable her when she starts talking like that -- you have to cut off the conversation or change the subject.

[Greenj30]

Im not so sure this is a game. I think she Genuinely cares shes just confused. Not toake excuses for her or anything. I just have to becareful and protect myself and watch what I say and how i carry myself because that will determine how her confusion progresses.

[Simon Phoenix]

Im not so sure this is a game. I think she Genuinely cares shes just confused. Not toake excuses for her or anything. I just have to becareful and protect myself and watch what I say and how i carry myself because that will determine how her confusion progresses.

 

Her confusion is not your problem. You didn't dump her -- she dumped you. If she can't get her sh*t straight that's on her. It's not on you to wait around for her to stop herpderping around. You are definitely enabling her and you have to stop.

[Greenj30]

What is she stalling fo though? Also the break up was initiated by me. Also while we were breaking up she said were compatible when it comes to the big things, but she said shes not sure if we are compatible on the little things. Which seems weird to me could someone explain?

Edited November 23, 2013 by Greenj30

[Simon Phoenix]

Again, I disagree. A woman who gets dumped will NOT give compliments, chase you, etc. At least not a woman who has any iota of confidence or dignity. I think she just still likes you and is hurt and confused. Be kind to her. Despite what she says (the negative things about your relationship)... her actions are speaking louder than words here. She seems to really like you still.

 

She dumped him, or at least forced him to dump her from reading the OP. Either way, the both of them need time apart. If they get together now it's a receipe for disaster. They haven't been broken up for two weeks and they haven't given each other space. This contact they have right now is just not good -- if they do get back together they are going right back to the same relationship which just failed. If I were them I would go NC from each other through the Christmas-New Year's Holiday and get some time apart to breathe.

Edited November 23, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, now I'm confused. Who dumped who?

 

Yeah, I thought she dumped him, but in the OP apparently he dumped her because he felt he was forced to, basically beating her to it it seems. Either way, this apparently happened a week-and-a-half ago and they are doing all of this talking, which is plain stupid for the both of them.

[Simon Phoenix]

Guys just because he felt "forced" to dump her doesn't change the fact that she was probably hurt by it. Even if things are bad, she obviously was sticking with it because she still had feelings. That is why she is so confused IMO. She thinks he doesn't care. He has to tell her he cares and he just needs time. Hopefully she will recognize she needs time too.

 

But you can't dump someone and then blame the break up on them. If she wanted out and her feelings were gone she wouldn't have held on. It's not her fault. Maybe some problems in the relationship were. But you can't dump her and then still expect them to not be totally crushed.

 

He doesn't have to tell her he cares. In fact, he shouldn't tell her anything at all except that they should take a break from communicating because this whole situation is a mess. If he's going to break up with her, he needs to leave her alone for a while.