Author Greenj30 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 (edited) To clear up any confusion I initiated the break up because of the ambivalent feelings she had for weeks prior. We didn't have a lot of problems at all our arguments were short too the point and we always made up. She would sometimes treat me poorly but I just ignored her. She says that im the perfect guy for her and she feels like its unfair for the Ambivalence to be there. She feels like we have great longterm qualities but she also felt like the romance was gone(spark). We had been physically intimate aswell, some of the things she has said or done are as follows. -Romantic feelings are there just not enougn.(whatevee this means lol) -She pretty much asked me to wait for her.(please keep the door open but I understand if you can't) -She said shes taking this seriously. And with work on herself she could love me right. -She has given huge signs of intrest while at the same time acting aloof or a little disintrested. -she said shes feels fine talking to me. -she says "trust me because im having a hard time too and I really don't wanna be just friends." She said shes not playing games. This all happend after 2 days of NC...im still not entirely sure of what happend lol. Oh and she said she only needs space with time. SN:I want her back but im all for growth so I wouldn't get back with her right now even if she begged. Edited November 24, 2013 by Greenj30 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I still think you guys should stop talking, or at the very least, stop talking nearly as frequently. How is anything supposed to change if you don't leave each other alone and allow time for you two to step back and reflect? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 I still think you guys should stop talking, or at the very least, stop talking nearly as frequently. How is anything supposed to change if you don't leave each other alone and allow time for you two to step back and reflect? I suggested this to her and we are gonna take your advice and not talk nearly as frequently. I think it will be okay though. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I suggested this to her and we are gonna take your advice and not talk nearly as frequently. I think it will be okay though. By "not nearly as frequently" I hope you mean "almost never at all". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 (edited) Pretty much. She is impossible to avoid all together. Also can someone tell me what's going on in her head? Edited November 25, 2013 by Greenj30 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Pretty much. She is impossible to avoid all together. Also can someone tell me what's going on in her head? No. We aren't her so we have no idea. Trying to figure out what someone else is thinking is one of the biggest wastes of time on this planet. Link to post Share on other sites
golk Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 If she's the one who is confused and said the spark is gone then the best thing you can do is leave her alone. If you want a confused person to become "unconfused", then don't talk to her. Sounds like she would have broken up with you sooner or later if she felt that way, probably when the next guy came around. Just let her be for a while so you two can gather your thoughts and emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Share Posted December 2, 2013 Hello again I am back with an update I have been following your guys advice and keeping limited to no contact with my ex. She is acting ver weird I must say. Shes posting super depressing things on Twitter (ex: "this whole lonely pathetic lonely reject phase of my life can end anytime now") and I haven't replied to any posts. She also says things like "that's great im happy your happy.." how should I proceed when she acts like this? Link to post Share on other sites
yic Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 She has lost control of her feelings. She needs to reel it back in. Try as you may, you cannot change that. Anything you say or do will sway her, but she will just sway right back. There's nothing you can say to stabilize her. Only time and perspective can help at this point. I would also recommend a few days around from her twitter. She updates it because she knows you read it -- just another tactic to hook you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 She has lost control of her feelings. She needs to reel it back in. Try as you may, you cannot change that. Anything you say or do will sway her, but she will just sway right back. There's nothing you can say to stabilize her. Only time and perspective can help at this point. I would also recommend a few days around from her twitter. She updates it because she knows you read it -- just another tactic to hook you. Ahh that makes sense this is all so confusing..she is tweeting love songs now haha. But im letting her figure herself out im suprisingly over her in a weird way like I want her back but I wouldnt be sad if I saw her dating someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Hello again I am back with an update I have been following your guys advice and keeping limited to no contact with my ex. She is acting ver weird I must say. Shes posting super depressing things on Twitter (ex: "this whole lonely pathetic lonely reject phase of my life can end anytime now") and I haven't replied to any posts. She also says things like "that's great im happy your happy.." how should I proceed when she acts like this? If you are reading her Twitter you aren't keeping No Contact. Last thing you should be doing is reading and psychoanalyzing her posts on social media. When I said take a break I meant take a real break. While you aren't responding you aren't exactly stepping back when you do things like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 If you are reading her Twitter you aren't keeping No Contact. Last thing you should be doing is reading and psychoanalyzing her posts on social media. When I said take a break I meant take a real break. While you aren't responding you aren't exactly stepping back when you do things like this. Okay I didn't understand that. Thanks for clearing it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Share Posted December 6, 2013 I've been no contact for 5 days so far the struggle is real..lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 So it seems my ex is trying to get my attention by posting love songs and depressing statuses such as "I don't belong anywhere"..etc.. I've been no contact for a couple of weeks now ita getting easier. She sent me a text of which I didn't reply to saying "i have so much love and care for you..If you need anything im here for you just so you know <3". If GIGS is a real thing I feel like she has it. Or she is severely confused in which I don't know what to do opinons? Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 So it seems my ex is trying to get my attention by posting love songs and depressing statuses such as "I don't belong anywhere"..etc.. I've been no contact for a couple of weeks now ita getting easier. She sent me a text of which I didn't reply to saying "i have so much love and care for you..If you need anything im here for you just so you know <3". If GIGS is a real thing I feel like she has it. Or she is severely confused in which I don't know what to do opinons? Just text her and be like wtf is going on... she'll answer with either good news for you, or bad... then make your next move from there and go NC - for real this time. Unfollow her, block her or hide her stuff from your FB feed --or, give it another go. But she posts this stuff for your attention - you don't know if it means she's begging for you to come back or not...but what it IS doing is holding you back from moving on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 I kind of did that and she apologized saying sorry its just reallly confusing and shes gonna ruin things with her craziness. I think im moving on just fine. I havent talked to her in weeks havent seen her since the break up and its only getting easier. I think im gonna hold off on the blocking/unfollow thing atleast just for a little bit longer. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 So it seems my ex is trying to get my attention by posting love songs and depressing statuses such as "I don't belong anywhere"..etc.. I've been no contact for a couple of weeks now ita getting easier. She sent me a text of which I didn't reply to saying "i have so much love and care for you..If you need anything im here for you just so you know <3". If GIGS is a real thing I feel like she has it. Or she is severely confused in which I don't know what to do opinons? Well, now that you're starting to gain a bit of distance and clarity, start thinking about what you want. At first you were all about hoping she'd come back, but now that you're starting to feel clearer and she's posting depressing crap on twitter or wherever, you can start to more objectively assess whether a relationship with her is the right thing for you... or if you're ready to be done with the confusing, emotional roller coaster. If it were me, I'd be looking for a fairly specific combination of words and actions, and without those I'd maintain NC and start moving on with my life. You may not be at that point, but at least you can start imagining what your own future should look like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 Like what sort of things would you be looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Like what sort of things would you be looking for? Assuming that I was certain that I wanted the relationship, I'd be looking for indications that she had come to a place of mental and emotional clarity in her own right, certain she's ready to move forward and participate as an adult in an adult relationship. Do you see any indications of this sort? You are at a different place now than you were two months ago. You are nearly free of the inertia of attachment and able to decide what's right for you. The whiny crap she's doing over twitter wouldn't play well with me given that she's the one who started all of this. Nobody should have to tolerate wishy-washy, self-focused, adolescent, victim-role drama. I'd be looking for big-girl behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 I would stop following her on social media. It seems like you are doing a great job avoiding her in real life, but you need to unfollow her on social media to really allow NC to do its thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 17, 2013 Author Share Posted December 17, 2013 Okay so I involuntarily found out from a mutual friend that that ill be seeing her tomorrow at our church midweek service and im pretty sure she will try talking to me how should I proceed if she does? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 Hello I ended up kissing her after a huge argument with her. I'm pretty sure she is either talking to or dating a new guy but hasnt told me about it also it doesnt make sense. I say that because I think she broke up woth me bevause she didn't want commitment at this time long term. But the guy is 7 years her senior (27) and he has a 7 year old son. But anyways I have gone full no contact and I wont be seeing her or hearing anout her again for a while. I deleted her number, blocked her on social networks, and got a gym membership i am dedicating this time alone to buildimg my worth, traveling the world and doimg things I generally would like to do. Its strange even though we kissed i don't feel anything either im numb or this process has sped up. I don't know what grieving stage im in. I also am pretty shure this is an case of GIGS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 Bump bump bump. Link to post Share on other sites
mmmburrito Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Good work so far! Hang in there and keep working on improving YOU. My grandma always had a saying: "What's meant for you won't miss you." So in the meantime... you yourself are all you have to worry about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greenj30 Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Thank you for the encouragement...I actually got a cpl of texts from her today which I did reply the first one was her asking me not to say something to her parents. I told her thats define I dont feel a need to tell them. She replied "thank you so much for being understanding I'm trying not to get emotional but you deserve so much and I have much more to apologize for." I replied simply by saying "there will be a time for that but have a goodnight" to end the conversation. Did I handle this well? Also im not sure that im gonna block her number I don't think its necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
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