hayleym Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Married men are getting a bad reputation. I want to have my cake and eat it too, and I'm a woman, I'm married. He's married. We are not planning to leave our marriages. We have no affair deadlines. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 It still will get to a point where you are missing and wanting that person. Not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mycatsnuggles Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Yes both married and have good relationships with spouses yet there is an emotional ans sexual lack in the marriage we have found with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
BrookeRL Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I'm a married woman for 8 years now with 2 boys, and for the past 3 years I have been sleeping with a married man with 3 kids. My lover and I have no plans on divorcing our spouses ever. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Married men are getting a bad reputation. I want to have my cake and eat it too, and I'm a woman, I'm married. He's married. We are not planning to leave our marriages. We have no affair deadlines. The affair is often a more stable ship in some ways when both people are married and don't plan on leaving. It is more unstable when one person leaves and expects the same or realize now as a single AP that the dynamic is different or when one person is single. When both are married, both can be cake-eaters and in some ways accept things as is more so than when one is single and is attempting to have a full and forward-looking relationship with a married person....that is a way more unequally yoked scenario and very asymmetrical and results in more dissatisfaction it seems. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Married men are getting a bad reputation. I want to have my cake and eat it too, and I'm a woman, I'm married. He's married. We are not planning to leave our marriages. We have no affair deadlines. Well I had an affair and I wasn’t planning on leaving my marriage. The last for about 6 months, it was physical for 3. I was a cake eater so was the OM. My husband found out about the affair filed for divorce and here I am trying to win him back. My advice is if you love your husband and really don’t want a divorce then end the affair now and try to rebuild you marriage and find what’s messing. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Well I had an affair and I wasn’t planning on leaving my marriage. The last for about 6 months, it was physical for 3. I was a cake eater so was the OM. My husband found out about the affair filed for divorce and here I am trying to win him back. My advice is if you love your husband and really don’t want a divorce then end the affair now and try to rebuild you marriage and find what’s messing. Excellent point. Its not unusual for people to be in an affair with no INTENTION of divorce. But by the very fact of having an affair, they're certainly RISKING that as an outcome. So I guess the other part of this question would have to be... Are you in an affair and don't intend to divorce...and are you ok with RISKING divorce to continue your affair? 12 Link to post Share on other sites
hopewild Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) Well I am not the married person in my situation but I can say that I have no desire for them to leave their spouse and the other person does not consider it an option. It's my only experience with it but I think that it puts us in a better place knowing where we stand. I don't have any illusions about the outcome of this affair. We know what we want and more importantly what we don't want at this point. And constant communication and examination occurs in order to make sure that we are on the same page with this. PS - first post!!! hey everyone. it's great that a place like this exists for people to relate and give advice. Edited November 22, 2013 by hopewild PS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayleym Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 [quote Are you in an affair and don't intend to divorce...and are you ok with RISKING divorce to continue your affair? Yes. I've been risking it for two years. I don't have any regrets. We have played it pretty safe. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 [quote Are you in an affair and don't intend to divorce...and are you ok with RISKING divorce to continue your affair? Yes. I've been risking it for two years. I don't have any regrets. We have played it pretty safe. Curious: if your husband finds out and wants to divorce you, will you feel badly about that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whiterabbit46 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Why be married to some poor unsuspecting guy while you're out doing the nasty with another man? Why not just give the cuckold a break, divorce him, and then you can have as many affairs as you want without being exposed for what you really are and without breaking someone's heart when they find out? It's pretty obvious that these cheaters have zero respect for their husbands or their marriages, so why stay? One of the posters has been scr3wing a married man for three years, and yet has no plans to leave her husband. Why? Why does she stay? Guilt? Pity? Security? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whiterabbit46 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Why be married to some poor unsuspecting guy while you're out doing the nasty with another man? Why not just give the cuckold a break, divorce him, and then you can have as many affairs as you want without being exposed for what you really are and without breaking someone's heart when they find out? It's pretty obvious that these cheaters have zero respect for their husbands or their marriages, so why stay? One of the posters has been scr3wing a married man for three years, and yet has no plans to leave her husband. Why? Why does she stay? Guilt? Pity? Security? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 [quote Are you in an affair and don't intend to divorce...and are you ok with RISKING divorce to continue your affair? Yes. I've been risking it for two years. I don't have any regrets. We have played it pretty safe.Sounds like the Captain of the Titanic talking.......Yep....I'm willing to risk those pesky icebergs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 [quote Are you in an affair and don't intend to divorce...and are you ok with RISKING divorce to continue your affair? Yes. I've been risking it for two years. I don't have any regrets. We have played it pretty safe.So , you and the rest of these folks who are married and in affairs are showing what exactly? Proud that you can get away with cheating , are you? Or is it that you have so little respect for your spouse? What do you want here, except to start a brouhaha? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 The affair is often a more stable ship in some ways when both people are married and don't plan on leaving. It is more unstable when one person leaves and expects the same or realize now as a single AP that the dynamic is different or when one person is single. When both are married, both can be cake-eaters and in some ways accept things as is more so than when one is single and is attempting to have a full and forward-looking relationship with a married person....that is a way more unequally yoked scenario and very asymmetrical and results in more dissatisfaction it seems. Yes to the OP and yes to this.^ When both AP's are married and not looking to divorce it creates a balance and understanding. It eliminates one of the main topics of strife in the A relationship that you see discussed daily on this board. Expectations and demands are almost nil, which in turn leads to a more peaceful relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Why be married to some poor unsuspecting guy while you're out doing the nasty with another man? Why not just give the cuckold a break, divorce him, and then you can have as many affairs as you want without being exposed for what you really are and without breaking someone's heart when they find out? It's pretty obvious that these cheaters have zero respect for their husbands or their marriages, so why stay? One of the posters has been scr3wing a married man for three years, and yet has no plans to leave her husband. Why? Why does she stay? Guilt? Pity? Security? This is off topic. I read through the OP's post and nowhere could I find her asking for advice or criticism about her choices. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Yes. I've been risking it for two years. I don't have any regrets. We have played it pretty safe.So , you and the rest of these folks who are married and in affairs are showing what exactly? Proud that you can get away with cheating , are you? Or is it that you have so little respect for your spouse? What do you want here, except to start a brouhaha? I think if the people that responded to this thread were the people it was addressed to, there would be no brouhaha at all. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 This is off topic. I read through the OP's post and nowhere could I find her asking for advice or criticism about her choices. She's not asking for anything. So why bother making the post? And OP, why do you decide to stay with husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 She's not asking for anything. So why bother making the post? And OP, why do you decide to stay with husband? Because she is wondering if there are others here in her situation. Happens every single day on these forums. Do you really think her motivation was to post it to get a bunch of people coming in questioning her choices? No. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 (edited) Why be married to some poor unsuspecting guy while you're out doing the nasty with another man? Why not just give the cuckold a break, divorce him, and then you can have as many affairs as you want without being exposed for what you really are and without breaking someone's heart when they find out? It's pretty obvious that these cheaters have zero respect for their husbands or their marriages, so why stay? One of the posters has been scr3wing a married man for three years, and yet has no plans to leave her husband. Why? Why does she stay? Guilt? Pity? Security? White, There are a lot of reasons that one would do this, and they are willing to take the benefits with the risk. They could get financial from one, emotional from another or what ever benefits from either. There are marriages out there that can't be fixed 100% but still have some benefits. And who knows what the BS did to the WS, and who knows if the BS would hurt if they knew. Lots of information is missing, so I could argue to take it at face value and respond to the OP question. I can understand it. Edited November 29, 2013 by OldRover 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 So , you and the rest of these folks who are married and in affairs are showing what exactly? Proud that you can get away with cheating , are you? Or is it that you have so little respect for your spouse? What do you want here, except to start a brouhaha? I think if the people that responded to this thread were the people it was addressed to, there would be no brouhaha at all. I think a little more understanding is needed. The situation is more complicated than it seems. Many are in marriages in which something essential is lacking. It could be affection, it could be romance, it could be sex, or whatever. On the other hand there could also be a major investment in the marriage and real love, children, friendship and so on. So two people like this become involved in an affair. The affair completes the marriage in that it supplies much of what is missing in the marriage. And it makes the marriages more stable because what was missing is now being supplied from the outside. That's why, in my opinion, such affairs happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I get it, I do. Marriage is complicated and long! I am a married OP. But, does nothing about having an M and an A register as unstable? Does nothing about your happiness with the situation make you think, "Hmm. People could be very upset with me and very hurt, so what is it about me that makes me feel ok with this?" That's what I don't get. Picture being caught. How will you explain or justify that this felt good to you? I couldn't. It never felt stable or satisfying to me, so I don't understand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tweetiebirdie Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 no, not everyone in an affair is planning divorce. I've been seeing my CM for over 2 years, and although he isn't married, he has lived with his partner for 13+ years and has no plans to leave her. I've never asked him to leave her for me, either, as I'm happy with our relationship as it is. I'm an extremely busy medical student, and I don't have time for a full time boyfriend with all the time I spend in the hospital and studying. So being involved in an affair is working out for both of us and we have no intention of changing it. Link to post Share on other sites
hopewild Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 All you guys who are married and seem to brag about having an affair are pathetic in my eyes. Nothing personal, lol. I just shake my head. You just stay married because the financial stability is there. I would never stay married if I wanted to screw other women. I have morals. La dee da. We all hope to be half as great as you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 When I post here in this section, I do so to seek information and not slam anyone. For those of you married and and not seeking to divorce... have you considered what if I get caught? I imagine you have. In other words what is your plan B? Try to save marriage? Give up AP? Go deeper underground? Accept divorce? NO JUDGEMENTS - just seeking information. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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