Complicated Situation..

[jm2013]

I posted here over a month ago seeking advice. My wife had an affair with a co worker and I did not know how to proceed. I've been stuck in limbo trying to figure out what I should do with my life.

 

Since then things have rapidly deteriorated... My wife's parents have been a thorn in my side. When I finally got my wife to admit to an affair which she claimed only happened one time and stopped it shortly after they started having sex, she told me she wanted me and me only. That event made her realize her love for me.

 

But in the mean time her parents have justified the affair saying my wife and I are not compatible and she should move on with this other guy and essentially trying to compare us apples to apples.

 

Which to me is ironic to me since he cheated on his family as well which should speak volumes. And to have your family say they should be together is striking. Even if they did get together I would highly doubt that relationship would last.

 

Anyways, her parents are doing everything in their power to get us to move into divorce. When all of this first went down I moved out of my house and started staying at my mom's house. I finally went back home almost 2 weeks ago.

 

Since then I have uncovered another lie from my wife. She had told me she broke off contact with this guy and has not spoken or seen him since she left her job and sent off an email saying she did not want further contact.

 

So my wife tells me she'll be transparent even giving me her password to her email account and phone. So one day I decided what the heck. I scope out her email and low and behold I find an interesting email from a run she signed up for.

 

Basically she contacted the people who were running the event to have both her name and his named scrubbed from the results on their web page when the race was over. And for some reason they were signed up as husband and wife under HIS last name.

 

So I questioned her about this and she told me it was a "test" her dad wanted to play on me to show how far I'd go to see what she's doing which she proceeded to tell me her dad was right about me or something weird. I do not know what that test would prove but found it really weird.

 

Anyways, I knew something was offbeat. So I go to the Facebook page of the event holder and low and behold find photos of HIM and my wife together. So I sent her the link to show her.

 

She finally admits he was there but proceeds to blame it on her father. Saying that her dad said he called this guy to tell him to come at a later time so they would not see each other. That's so weird in my opinion but oh well.

 

So she proceeds to tell me he shows up there and they run together, spoke after and he even told her that he still cares a lot about her. She supposedly tells the guy she is trying to make it work between us. Who knows.

 

So even with the lies and deception my wife still says she wants to make things work and professes her love to me daily. I just feel like I cannot trust one word that comes out of her mouth. I cannot trust her entire family. I feel like I should cut my loss and run far far away. I'm 29 and we've got a 4 year old daughter. I do still love my wife and find it very very difficult to walk away especially away from my daughter.

 

Has anybody had in laws like that? It's like they treat my wife like she's still a child and she just accepts that. Really bizarre in my opinion. I don't think we've got much of a future considering all the damage that has been done.

[Yasuandio]

Contact his wife. She has a right to know. As for your wife, she is a cake-eater, and her parents are covering for her. Collect evidence. You are a young man. Do you wan your wife's deceptive and premiscuious conduct and extreme character flaws (as well as your tolancence thereof) to influence your daughter as she matures into a young lady? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, sir. Yas

[Philosoraptor]

She continues to lie and will continue to do so. She's pretty much having the best of both worlds.

 

Personally in your shoes I'd tell her parents you'll proceed with the divorce if they convince her to sign over whatever property you share and request no spousal support. Tell them you'll be out of her life forever if she's willing to do so.

 

Win-win. They get what they want and you get this cheater (who is obviously still cheating and lying to you) and her crazy family out of your life. Might sound harsh, but you need to do what you can do to take care of yourself right now. Depending on where you live you may not only lose her but your assets too, both current and future assets. No reason to get screwed over multiple times here.

[RightThere]

Sounds like your wife is blaming her parents but not taking responsibility for what she's actually doing. Everything she's done has been someone else's fault.

 

Don't buy it. She needs to accept responsibility for what she's done and probably continues to do.

[jm2013]

Thanks for the responses. I guess which makes my situation so complex is because of how she is with me now. She's very nice, has plenty of sex and is actively trying to appease me daily.

 

With that being said, she told me her parents MADE her choose between them or me and she chose me. She said it was hard that day because she did not want her family to abandon her.

 

I told her the right thing to do (if she didn't really expect to see him there) was to walk away and tell everybody to screw off and call me right away to tell me what had happened. I would have given a lot of respect in that scenario.

 

So fast forwarding, she now tells me she told her family she has chosen to be with me. And their response was abandonment. Not sure what kind of whacky family would tell their kid they'd abandon them over a marital decision THEY should be making on their own as an adult.

 

So I hear from her now every day that she wants to move to Florida. She's always dreamed of living there. And she's basically saying that no matter what happens to US she'll still find a way there. Which would be damaging cause she'd be ripping my daughter away from me and going almost 1,000 miles away.

[Yasuandio]

She can't take your daughter away unless you drag your feet in lawyering up. Then, if it happens, you have yourself to blame.

 

Better get an emergency hearing set immediately.

 

Your wife is all over the place - one day she's in bed with a co-worker, next day she's abandoned you for her parents, then she want to reconcile with you, then you catch her at the race with the ex-lover, the next thing you know - she wants to exile to Florida with your daughter.

 

She's totally unpredictable - wouldn't be surprised if she has a pair of passports hidden away. She may even be unstable - her parents treatment of her is somewhat abusive - and must be painful and confusing (probably not something new either). I would not take any chances with her rather erratic behaviors of late. You need the law to step in so she doesn't take the child away. Yas

[GuyInLimbo]

Can someone please explain to me something? Why do so many posters here consider getting a divorce walking away from their children?? Man up, people. YOU determine how much of your child's life you will be involved in, divorced or not. A divorce does NOT, in any way, mean walking out of the house and disappearing from that kid's life.

 

OP, get the f out of this marriage. Your wife is playing for an idiot and you seem to be grasping for a reason to believe what she's telling you. Here's the truth: SHE'S BANGING THIS OTHER GUY. Do yourself a favor and file for divorce NOW. And seek custody of your kid.

[Mr. Lucky]

Has anybody had in laws like that? It's like they treat my wife like she's still a child and she just accepts that. Really bizarre in my opinion.

They don't treat her like a child, she allows - and even encourages - that type of interaction. It's all on her since she could simply cut contact with them if she felt it was best for her marriage. Obviously, she doesn't see things that way.

 

I'm with GuyInLimbo on this one. She's keeping you close with lip service and sex while she sees how things play out with him. As long as you're happy with sloppy seconds and being her Plan B back-up option, keep right on doing what you're doing ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[aliveagain]

I think you need to divorce the parents. Get her into counseling than marriage counseling for the two of you. If you want the relationship to work, tell O/M's wife than get rid of all the facilitators of your wife's affair. There are too many people in your marriage.

[jm2013]

She can't take your daughter away unless you drag your feet in lawyering up. Then, if it happens, you have yourself to blame.

 

Better get an emergency hearing set immediately.

 

Your wife is all over the place - one day she's in bed with a co-worker, next day she's abandoned you for her parents, then she want to reconcile with you, then you catch her at the race with the ex-lover, the next thing you know - she wants to exile to Florida with your daughter.

 

She's totally unpredictable - wouldn't be surprised if she has a pair of passports hidden away. She may even be unstable - her parents treatment of her is somewhat abusive - and must be painful and confusing (probably not something new either). I would not take any chances with her rather erratic behaviors of late. You need the law to step in so she doesn't take the child away. Yas

 

I guess I do feel kinda bad for her. I'm not sure if she's being 100% truthful but it seems like she's coming to a realization of how her parents have been with her throughout her life. We sat down the other night and talked about it for hours and it was like a light bulb turned on.

 

Going back even from dating to our engagement and into our marriage we seemed to do EVERYTHING with her parents. To me it got annoying and wanted to separate myself from it.

 

I guess her hearing how bad I am/was to her for years paired with a co worker who made it his initiative to bang my wife the day he started it became extremely toxic which led up to all the events that are currently unfolding.

 

I think you guys are right though. I sitting hear still in disbelief of what has happened in my life. And I think it will prove rather difficult for us to be together. Especially with us both at the house at the same time.

 

Even if I told her I wanted to move forward with a divorce it feels like she'd still be coming on to me. I still love my wife. It's a feeling that won't probably go away for a long time.

 

I can't erase what has been done nor be naive about what is currently happening. As much as I want to trust in what my wife says (which has been blown out the window) I just cannot do it.

 

She told me it would be so wrong for me to come back to the house if I did not plan on reconciling our marriage with her. She thinks me being there and leaving again would mess our daughter up. But I told her any amount of time I can spend with our daughter will be good.

 

I don't even know WHY I had to leave for her crappy mistakes. I degraded my life style over her bad choices. And I'm still paying the mortgage and bills there. So I figured why can't I still enjoy what we had too until we come to a conclusion?

 

Not sure how many of you have done that or just left. I guess I'm opening myself up to no resolve and tempting situations while being there with her. I'd really like to think she's not still banging this other guy. I mean I don't see how she'd have the time to do it since we're pretty much together now for the most part all the time.

 

Thanks everybody for the replies. It's always great to get input from the many who've been faced with these types of situations.

[littlejaz]

Talk to an attorney now, she may be stringing you along while she lawyers up and sees what she can take you for. You need to know what your rights are in your state before she pulls something. After she has done it, all you will be able to do is kick yourself in the behind. Knowledge is power.

[jm2013]

Contact his wife. She has a right to know. As for your wife, she is a cake-eater, and her parents are covering for her. Collect evidence. You are a young man. Do you wan your wife's deceptive and premiscuious conduct and extreme character flaws (as well as your tolancence thereof) to influence your daughter as she matures into a young lady? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, sir. Yas

 

I have indeed reached out to his wife. I even called him up since his phone # was all over my phone records to tell me he's an a hole. I also requested his wife's # which he provided (maybe it was fake?). Anyways after days of trying to reach out to her and even to a previous email address she had emailed me with since she did some work for me, I got an email back from her maiden name like one was just created to cease contact with her and something about her needing to make her own decisions. And in the email it said he told her everything. So who knows.

 

Thanks for the reply

 

Can someone please explain to me something? Why do so many posters here consider getting a divorce walking away from their children?? Man up, people. YOU determine how much of your child's life you will be involved in, divorced or not. A divorce does NOT, in any way, mean walking out of the house and disappearing from that kid's life.

 

OP, get the f out of this marriage. Your wife is playing for an idiot and you seem to be grasping for a reason to believe what she's telling you. Here's the truth: SHE'S BANGING THIS OTHER GUY. Do yourself a favor and file for divorce NOW. And seek custody of your kid.

 

Well, that's what it feels like. I understand the visitations but when you're used to seeing your kids daily it's hard to walk away from. Going from daily communication to an every other weekend father sucks. And I really hope she's not still banging this other guy. Not sure where she'd find the time to do that now. Thanks for the reply.

 

They don't treat her like a child, she allows - and even encourages - that type of interaction. It's all on her since she could simply cut contact with them if she felt it was best for her marriage. Obviously, she doesn't see things that way.

 

I'm with GuyInLimbo on this one. She's keeping you close with lip service and sex while she sees how things play out with him. As long as you're happy with sloppy seconds and being her Plan B back-up option, keep right on doing what you're doing ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

This is true. She claims to have cut all contact with them. She's broken all the plans she made with them to try and be with me. Hoping that's still not happening but who knows.. I'm really not surprised at anything anymore.

 

I think you need to divorce the parents. Get her into counseling than marriage counseling for the two of you. If you want the relationship to work, tell O/M's wife than get rid of all the facilitators of your wife's affair. There are too many people in your marriage.

 

I divorced her parents awhile ago. This is probably why more resentment came my way. They knew I started to distance myself from them but made it seem like I was distancing myself from my wife. I went to about 3 counseling sessions then had her sit in one of them. I'm struggling with some very big trust issues. Not sure if this marriage is able to move forward with so much destruction that has happened already.

 

thank you for your reply

 

Talk to an attorney now, she may be stringing you along while she lawyers up and sees what she can take you for. You need to know what your rights are in your state before she pulls something. After she has done it, all you will be able to do is kick yourself in the behind. Knowledge is power.

 

I have already consulted one. He told me to wait 6 months and see what happens. He also advised to go for a dissolution if things didn't work out since it's cheaper and faster if both parties are on board with it.

 

 

thank you for your reply

[cozycottagelg]

Can someone please explain to me something? Why do so many posters here consider getting a divorce walking away from their children?? Man up, people. YOU determine how much of your child's life you will be involved in, divorced or not. A divorce does NOT, in any way, mean walking out of the house and disappearing from that kid's life.

 

OP, get the f out of this marriage. Your wife is playing for an idiot and you seem to be grasping for a reason to believe what she's telling you. Here's the truth: SHE'S BANGING THIS OTHER GUY. Do yourself a favor and file for divorce NOW. And seek custody of your kid.

 

I agree with this. And I'm not sure where you live but you also mentioned not wanting to only see them every other weekend...why not try for 50/50?

[dumped2013]

Dude,

Same thing happened to me. My exw's family covered and lied for her to cover her lies. I had a hard time ever trusting her after what I found out and cut my losses. You are young and have a lot of living left to do.

[jm2013]

I agree with this. And I'm not sure where you live but you also mentioned not wanting to only see them every other weekend...why not try for 50/50?

 

There's no way my wife would go for 50/50. I know her too well. I could ask, but I am certain there's no way she'd accept that. Thanks for the reply.

 

Dude,

Same thing happened to me. My exw's family covered and lied for her to cover her lies. I had a hard time ever trusting her after what I found out and cut my losses. You are young and have a lot of living left to do.

 

Yeah man.. I don't know what I'm more sickened at. My wife having the affair or her whacky parents condoning the affair and trying to actively get them together. What parent in their right mind would tell their daughter the guy their daughter had an affair with would be a perfect match lol...

 

They are missing the point that he too threw away his wife and kid. Sounds legit. Let's try and get our daughter together with a known cheater who would probably eventually end up doing the same damn thing to her down the road when he gets board and horny checking out a new girl that just started in his office.

 

If my wife told me to screw off and left me in the gutter to go be with him it would make my life easier. Instead she's confusing the situation even more by trying to have daily sex with me and saying things to try and get me to move forward.

 

And like you said, it's hard to re-establish trust. I don't think trust could ever happen again. Anytime she'd go over to her parent's house all I could help but wonder is what the hell they were trying to do that time or what kind of BS they'd be feeding her. It's definitely not a life I'd look forward to living. Everybody is right, the grass is greener on the other side. It's a crappy feeling knowing your spouse decided to toss everything you've built over an 8 year period down the tubes. I still love her and find it difficult to just walk away. I'll admit it.

 

I don't know why I'm still there entertaining her idea that we could push forward and make it work. I think that's why she's so persistent on having sex with me daily to try and make me only focus on that thinking it would get me over this whole mess or something. Who knows.

 

Thanks for the reply man. I hope to have your strength and outlook one day.

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't know why I'm still there entertaining her idea that we could push forward and make it work. I think that's why she's so persistent on having sex with me daily to try and make me only focus on that thinking it would get me over this whole mess or something. Who knows.

It can work but it takes the right combination of remorseful spouse and forgiving spouse. You'd also need some major disconnects from her family and any situation involving the OM.

 

There are posters here that have recovered from affairs and gone ahead with stronger marriages. No reason why you can't be one of them if that turns out to be what you want. Right now, one day at a time...

 

Mr. Lucky

[revitup]

Running?

 

You're 29 and it's you who should run my man.Either run to a great marriage counselor or a legal one,NOW.

 

And I mean RUN from the wife's parents , this never ends well when the in laws are this devious,I know all too well.

 

No matter what you do you will be blamed for everything that goes wrong from now on (by the in laws) and later you will be blamed for everything and every dream that isn't realized by the W.I was....

 

REVITUP

[dumped2013]

Like rev said. Dude age is on your side. Write it off as a bad experience. I wish what I'm going through had happened when I was 29 instead of now......

[jm2013]

Yeah.. I guess I'm afraid of the unknown as well.. We're so financially integrated.. And me coming out of this with 2 child support payments and alimony I won't have a pot to piss in for awhile. I think my lawyer said I'd have about 13 months of alimony right now unless it was negotiated or waved.

 

And staying at my house is like staying at a Fours seasons compared to my mom's house. It just feels foreign and weird being there lol.. I guess we'll see how much money I'm left with after all the damages..

[oldshirt]

There's no way my wife would go for 50/50. I know her too well. I could ask, but I am certain there's no way she'd accept that. Thanks for the reply.

 

 

 

 

OK for starters it is the judge who determines what the custody arraingments will be, NOT your kooky wife and her psycho parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

That's why you need to get a lawyer NOW and start working on this!!!!!!!

 

You wife doesn't get to choose what she will accept and what she won't. she lives with what the court orders.

 

Whether you get royally screwed in the divorce or whether you have some control in the outcome is determined by how well you fight for yourself and how well your attorney represents you.

[oldshirt]

This whole story is all messed up. Something is really off here. Either her parents are the most psycho, evil, manipulative inlaws on the face of the planet or there is something you aren't telling us.

 

Why do they hate you so bad they are willing to lie, cheat and steal to get her to have an affair with a married man??

 

Are you beating her? Are you abusing or molesting your child? Have you just got out of prison for drug trafficking, child prostitution or child molesting? Are you a drug dealer? Pimp? Alcoholic? serial cheater? Cowboys fan????

 

If you are a normal Joe and not a criminal or an abuser or a druggie/alky, I'd say it would be worth the divorce just to get away from the parents.

 

With parents like that, she should be the one crapping blood to try to get you to stay and not the one screwing around and coming up with the most hair-brained stories on why she should be banging this guy.

 

There is something really, really amiss here:confused:

[dumped2013]

You need to lawyer up. Remember, she cheated on you. It might not be as bad as you think.

[jm2013]

You need to lawyer up. Remember, she cheated on you. It might not be as bad as you think.

 

I know. I wish that were the case but I live in a no fault divorce state.

[jm2013]

This whole story is all messed up. Something is really off here. Either her parents are the most psycho, evil, manipulative inlaws on the face of the planet or there is something you aren't telling us.

 

Why do they hate you so bad they are willing to lie, cheat and steal to get her to have an affair with a married man??

 

Are you beating her? Are you abusing or molesting your child? Have you just got out of prison for drug trafficking, child prostitution or child molesting? Are you a drug dealer? Pimp? Alcoholic? serial cheater? Cowboys fan????

 

If you are a normal Joe and not a criminal or an abuser or a druggie/alky, I'd say it would be worth the divorce just to get away from the parents.

 

With parents like that, she should be the one crapping blood to try to get you to stay and not the one screwing around and coming up with the most hair-brained stories on why she should be banging this guy.

 

There is something really, really amiss here:confused:

 

You're right. I can't come here and say I was the perfect husband cause I wasn't. My wife and I have had our ups and downs for years. When I was 19-20 I had just started dating a girl I met at a friend's party.

 

Needless to say, the relationship with her was short lived. I broke up with her and found out a week or so later she was pregnant with my kid. From there I wasn't actively seeking to be with any other women.

 

I had just started my new job around 20-21 and this is where I met my wife. She was very attractive and always fun to talk to. She left her number with me and asked if I'd ever want to grab a drink or something to eat with her.

 

This is where our relationship began and on our first date I told her exactly what my problems were at the time. I wanted her to know my problems so if we did start dating she didn't get a curve ball about my situation.

 

Needless to say she was ok with it and wanted to continue to see each other. I had figured she would have told her parents about it and not sure when she did or had during the time we were dating.

 

Anyways, we started to have sex and low and behold SHE gets pregnant. MY life felt like it was falling apart left and right at that point. So after long consideration and talking to my wife about it we came to the decision to keep the baby and move forward.

 

Everything about her seemed so good. I know it wasn't long after we dated maybe like 3 months before she got pregnant. But our connection was strong.

 

Her parents didn't take that lightly. I think that's when it all started with them. They absolutely hated what was happening. At the time I had a pretty decent job too.

 

So fast forward about 4 months after we found out she was pregnant and she miscarried. There was something emotionally that happened then. When the other girl had my boy something weird triggered.

 

She had no contact with me for about a week after he was born. And things at that point weren't good. Shortly after she came over to my house and apologized and said she was emotional cause we lost our baby but she had mine.

 

We moved forward from that point. Things were going great and I asked her father for permission to marry his daughter. At that time with everything he knew about me he still granted me permission to ask her to marry me.

 

Looking back at that I think he was kind of uncomfortable but who knows what he was actually thinking. So after our engagement we decided to move in together and her parents absolutely hated it.

 

But for me, I wanted to make sure living together first that we were compatible in that area. Things were kind of off beat with her family for the couple years we lived in our apartment. It's like they did not recognize we were living together.

 

But during this whole time we spend loads of time at her parents house. I found it kind of weird and annoying at times but wanted to do whatever my wife wanted to do that made her happy.

 

And yes, both my wife and I through our 20's went out a lot, had fun and there was drinking involved. I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic though some might have said I was a weekend one.

 

During the tough times when she wanted to go to her parents I decided to go hang out with a friend. This was toxic to our marriage. And coming to think of it we've had loads of problems through the years. But it always seemed like we overcame our problems.

 

So from our apartment we built our house. It was a fun experience. Hell, her father even helped me finish our basement. I thought we were living the dream. New cars, new house. Nice things. Went out to eat a few times a week. Dropped thousands on nice dinners cause I knew she loved to go out to eat. Her parents always took her out.

 

So about a year after we built our house we decided to try and have a kid. This was a fun experience. Our daughter was planned and she got pregnant about a month into trying. What pissed me off is her parents didn't even acknowledge her being pregnant for awhile.

 

Their resentment for me must have been strong. I'm not really sure. Anyways, when our daughter was born things got really weird. It's like her parents tried to step in and parent my daughter. I HATED that and even expressed that to my wife. She did not take anything I said and do anything about it. She knew my concerns.

 

When we'd go shopping we would have to drop our daughter off at their house... I asked my wife why we couldn't just bring her. We had to constantly be at her parents house. I hated it. Not that I didn't think they were nice people I just felt my wife and I and our daughter were a family now. It's like we could never grow up and be adults. That's how her family made me feel. They were knee deep in our business ALL the time.

 

Our daughter has been well taken care of. My wife and I make sure our daughter feels loved. We have probably overly bought things for her along with her parents and probably spoil her way to much.

 

I started to distance myself from her family. I didn't want to be around her family as much as she did. I even tried to buy things for my daughter to get them to stick around the house without having to book it over there. Her parents live like 5 minutes away. In the summer times she'd book it to her parent's house to take our daughter in a little pool they bought so I bought one as well. So my wife decides to pack it up and bring it over there. I was like WTF! I was not sure WHY in the hell she always had to be there. IT was irritating.

 

I tried to give my wife good things. New purses, shoes, clothes, dinners we bought a Treadmill she really wanted. I thought all the material stuff would make her even more happy. It made me feel good inside when I knew she was happy. But as the years passed when I'd buy her something the happiness blew down to like a day.

 

And her parents HATED when we bought new things. For some reason they financially thought we couldn't do things. If we bought a brand new big screen LCD her dad was out the next week looking for something bigger than what we had.

 

He always expressed he wanted his kids to have it better than what they HAD at our age. Not better than what we have. It always felt like a pissing contest when we bought stuff.

 

My wife and I bought a fully loaded 2013 Ford Explorer and I thought they were going to melt down. Instead of congratulating their daughter they asked WHY we would buy this or that. WHY do you need that big of a car? Then spout off that he needs to get rid of his car now..

 

 

Sorry... I know I'm kinda all over the place here. I'd be surprised if anybody was still reading my sob story.

 

 

So my guess is during this time not sure when it started my wife endlessly heard from her parents how much of a POS I was. Pair that with her co worker who wanted to bang my wife the second he set his eyes on her his first day.

 

I even told her he made me uncomfortable when I came around. I knew in my gut something just wasn't right with it from day one. They became Facebook friends and were liking each others posts like crazy. I asked her what the hell was up with that and she kinda blew it off. But it stopped so they must have talked about it.

 

Just little things. The way he looked at her. The similarities they both had. My wife started working out religiously and trying to cook. He liked cooking. So these are all things I tried to start doing. And

 

 

Anyways, it got to the point that when the weekend hit we went our separate ways. She'd always be at our parents and I'd go off with a friend to get my mind off my problems and slug a couple down and help him work on his cars or do whatever. We never really hit the bars.

 

I shouldn't have done that. Would have been better to just stay at home and wait for them to get back I know. I can run from my own mistakes I've got plenty.

 

I've even left her there alone usually on a weekend in the evening for a few hours. We had no US time. When we bought the treadmill the routine was to get our daughter to bed then she'd disappear into the basement for hours of workout. Then she'd come upstairs and we'd just go to bed. There was absolutely no communication. So when she'd do that I'd just leave. I was annoyed.

 

So fast forward to her cheat day. We had gotten in an argument and stupid me would always threaten divorce. But she'd almost always implicate it and I'd just say it.

 

So on that day I said FINE LETS DIVORCE. Not meaning it at all. Stupid thing to say I know. Lesson learned. That's the day she went to work and banged her co worker. She went in and he comforted her. Then she said it just happened. So I'm thinking first of all how do you bang at work. When you send your wife off you don't expect that she'll be dropping her panties at work. So whatever. I did not know they did that on that day. She eventually told me.

 

When she was there having sex with him I was actively writing an apology letter and buying my wife roses, bought a nice groupon to take her to a fancy restaurant, and also bought US tickets to a nearby amusement park knowing we had to find each other again.

 

I spent about a month and a have working out hard and losing a few pounds getting back into shape. Running about 3-5 miles a day and trying the love dare with her even know she didn't reciprocate.

 

I put forth a lot of effort to repair our marriage during that time and it felt like she wanted nothing to do with it. I was still taking my family out to dinners, avoiding arguments, complementing her again. Nothing seemed to work.

 

So I found the phone records and discovered she had been talking to this guy a lot. Before work, after work and on weekends via voice and text. I printed the records and brought showed them to her. She threw them and said he was just a really good friend and I was looking to much into it.

 

After that the phone calls virtually stopped. I told her I did not want her to have contact with him at all anymore. She had since found a new job. It seemed like it was hard to break of contact with him. I didn't even know she did cheat on me at that point.

 

So I had to lie and she finally admitted to the affair. After she told me things appeared to change though. Like a switch flipped cause after that she completely changed. Sex is plenty full, she pays more attention to me. I can't interpret it so I don't know. Not sure if that's normal when somebody finds out about cheating.

 

So now I've been sitting in this limbo. Last night I told her I'd never be able to ever trust her again and told her I'd take care of my family financially until she'd be able to go on her own. Then pay the owed child support etc. She started sobbing saying she was going to fight for me and not let me go.

 

I told her she went about everything the wrong ways. I tell her no communication with this guy and she lies to my face again and again. Runs this thing WITH him and comes home to lie to me. IT doesn't make sense one bit.

 

If you're still reading thank for hearing me out. There's more from the past but I thought it would be too much. I started a side business that also put stress on our marriage. At the time I thought I needed to make as much money as possible cause it would make our lives comfortable Our family would be able to enjoy much more. Vacations, nice things etc. I know stupid me.

 

Thanks again guys. You all rock. This forum has started helping me tremendously. It's good to talk to people who've lived and experienced the same issues.

[jm2013]

Sorry if my story seems kind of chopped. I had to do things then come back to writing it so it sounds like it's all over the place. I think you guys will get the idea though.