Complicated Situation..

[jm2013]

I want to also mention our side business. I touched base on it at the end but I think this did wear my wife down. I would go to my 9-5 come home, and go into the office.

 

At the time I thought this was the man thing to do. Make great money for my family. Well, I was completely wrong. I ignored the attention my wife and daughter needed during this time. It felt like making money was of vital importance to do the things we wanted.

 

Build a larger house, live very comfortable. These were my goals. I was willing to sacrifice short term for a long term financial freedom when things were established. I told my wife constantly I wanted her to stay home and be with our daughter during the day. I strived to make this work. What I did was help kill our marriage.

 

I ignored the attention my wife needed. While I was working in the office she'd come in there naked wanting to have sex. I pretty much ignored it and would get mad if I was in the middle of something. I know how stupid right? Who the hell would deny sex?

 

It's the little things you don't think about. I was so wrapped up in the bs of reaching my goal which was ultimately for my family I didn't recognize what I was doing. I even told her parents my goal was to make enough money to where she could quit her job and we'd live in comfort. They thought I was living in a fantasy land.

 

So my guess that during a couple years I was establishing our business and not giving her the attention she needed we kind of fell apart. But we may have already fell apart long ago. Just seems like a long drawn out toxic mess. I've learned a lot through these years.

Edited November 22, 2013 by jm2013

[Yasuandio]

Well, man, noone can say you do not see both sides of the coin. For a woman to be rejected sexually (repeatedly) is devastating to her ego, self esteem, confidence, and womanhood. Even if it was a long time ago - it is still messing with her psyche - I know, cause I've been there. At least your intentions were good in your case.

 

While letter writing is not normally recommended - I think these thoughts, particularly that last post of the time you were ignoring your wife, should be written to her in a heartfelt letter. Both sides - but, in historical order. I do not think the letter should ask for anything, but should only serve as YOUR perspective, of YOUR OWN contributions, and how the disturburbing outcomes have affected YOU. Just as you've written her. Your regrets of the past - but too, the important mission you were focused on to create happiness as you perceived it for your family.

 

No blaming, no blame-shifting, no guilt. Simply your perceptions. No requests, no inuenuendos, no hope, no lack of hope. A simple reflection.

 

Leave parents out of it as much as possible. For instance, when discussing the pain you felt when she moved the pool to her parents house - put it a different way. For example: "I so loved watching daughter splashing around in the water, I wanted to see her at home enjoying this activity also. I don't understand why this joy was taken from us."

 

Don't use the word "you" when referring to her. Only speak about your own feeling words. If you want to write it I'd be glad to edit it for you.

 

It is just a suggestion. Yas

[jm2013]

Well, man, noone can say you do not see both sides of the coin. For a woman to be rejected sexually (repeatedly) is devastating to her ego, self esteem, confidence, and womanhood. Even if it was a long time ago - it is still messing with her psyche - I know, cause I've been there. At least your intentions were good in your case.

 

While letter writing is not normally recommended - I think these thoughts, particularly that last post of the time you were ignoring your wife, should be written to her in a heartfelt letter. Both sides - but, in historical order. I do not think the letter should ask for anything, but should only serve as YOUR perspective, of YOUR OWN contributions, and how the disturburbing outcomes have affected YOU. Just as you've written her. Your regrets of the past - but too, the important mission you were focused on to create happiness as you perceived it for your family.

 

No blaming, no blame-shifting, no guilt. Simply your perceptions. No requests, no inuenuendos, no hope, no lack of hope. A simple reflection.

 

Leave parents out of it as much as possible. For instance, when discussing the pain you felt when she moved the pool to her parents house - put it a different way. For example: "I so loved watching daughter splashing around in the water, I wanted to see her at home enjoying this activity also. I don't understand why this joy was taken from us."

 

Don't use the word "you" when referring to her. Only speak about your own feeling words. If you want to write it I'd be glad to edit it for you.

 

It is just a suggestion. Yas

 

Thanks, Yas. Your feedback is good and really appreciate your advice. Thanks for reading

[revitup]

I want to also mention our side business. I touched base on it at the end but I think this did wear my wife down. I would go to my 9-5 come home, and go into the office.

 

At the time I thought this was the man thing to do. Make great money for my family. Well, I was completely wrong. I ignored the attention my wife and daughter needed during this time. It felt like making money was of vital importance to do the things we wanted.

 

Build a larger house, live very comfortable. These were my goals. I was willing to sacrifice short term for a long term financial freedom when things were established. I told my wife constantly I wanted her to stay home and be with our daughter during the day. I strived to make this work. What I did was help kill our marriage.

 

I ignored the attention my wife needed. While I was working in the office she'd come in there naked wanting to have sex. I pretty much ignored it and would get mad if I was in the middle of something. I know how stupid right? Who the hell would deny sex?

 

It's the little things you don't think about. I was so wrapped up in the bs of reaching my goal which was ultimately for my family I didn't recognize what I was doing. I even told her parents my goal was to make enough money to where she could quit her job and we'd live in comfort. They thought I was living in a fantasy land.

 

So my guess that during a couple years I was establishing our business and not giving her the attention she needed we kind of fell apart. But we may have already fell apart long ago. Just seems like a long drawn out toxic mess. I've learned a lot through these years.

 

Yep, That would do it for REV....

 

Hey brother, sorry about the mess.I have been right there and I mean all of it.

 

Early surprise births and in laws from another planet.Working many hours and trying to provide it all.

 

When she walked in naked,did you know about the cheating?

 

If you did- You are off the hook for the pass on sex and the man-card is restored!

 

If you didn't - You get it back anyway,I am in a good mood today and you earned it for working hard.

 

You did not cause all of this and you are not able to fix this by yourself.So just work on you and stay tough.

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

Well, man, noone can say you do not see both sides of the coin. For a woman to be rejected sexually (repeatedly) is devastating to her ego, self esteem, confidence, and womanhood. Even if it was a long time ago - it is still messing with her psyche - I know, cause I've been there. At least your intentions were good in your case.

 

While letter writing is not normally recommended - I think these thoughts, particularly that last post of the time you were ignoring your wife, should be written to her in a heartfelt letter. Both sides - but, in historical order. I do not think the letter should ask for anything, but should only serve as YOUR perspective, of YOUR OWN contributions, and how the disturburbing outcomes have affected YOU. Just as you've written her. Your regrets of the past - but too, the important mission you were focused on to create happiness as you perceived it for your family.

 

No blaming, no blame-shifting, no guilt. Simply your perceptions. No requests, no inuenuendos, no hope, no lack of hope. A simple reflection.

 

Leave parents out of it as much as possible. For instance, when discussing the pain you felt when she moved the pool to her parents house - put it a different way. For example: "I so loved watching daughter splashing around in the water, I wanted to see her at home enjoying this activity also. I don't understand why this joy was taken from us."

 

Don't use the word "you" when referring to her. Only speak about your own feeling words. If you want to write it I'd be glad to edit it for you.

 

It is just a suggestion. Yas

 

Hey Yas.....I'd hit it!

 

That is my way of helping you overcome the bad guys and restore faith in men for the new people here..... lol

 

REVITUP

[Yasuandio]

Hey Yas.....I'd hit it!

 

That is my way of helping you overcome the bad guys and restore faith in men for the new people here..... lol

 

REVITUP

 

I must be dense - I don't get what you're saying to me Rev.

[revitup]

Well, man, noone can say you do not see both sides of the coin. For a woman to be rejected sexually (repeatedly) is devastating to her ego, self esteem, confidence, and womanhood. Even if it was a long time ago - it is still messing with her psyche - I know, cause I've been there. At least your intentions were good in your case.

 

While letter writing is not normally recommended - I think these thoughts, particularly that last post of the time you were ignoring your wife, should be written to her in a heartfelt letter. Both sides - but, in historical order. I do not think the letter should ask for anything, but should only serve as YOUR perspective, of YOUR OWN contributions, and how the disturburbing outcomes have affected YOU. Just as you've written her. Your regrets of the past - but too, the important mission you were focused on to create happiness as you perceived it for your family.

 

No blaming, no blame-shifting, no guilt. Simply your perceptions. No requests, no inuenuendos, no hope, no lack of hope. A simple reflection.

 

Leave parents out of it as much as possible. For instance, when discussing the pain you felt when she moved the pool to her parents house - put it a different way. For example: "I so loved watching daughter splashing around in the water, I wanted to see her at home enjoying this activity also. I don't understand why this joy was taken from us."

 

Don't use the word "you" when referring to her. Only speak about your own feeling words. If you want to write it I'd be glad to edit it for you.

 

It is just a suggestion. Yas

 

 

Yas, I was making a funny by saying "I'd hit it" ....meaning I was hitting on you in order to make up for the BAD behavior you ant time you may have been rejected......

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

I must be dense - I don't get what you're saying to me Rev.

 

No , you are not dense.REV was just being REV.

 

REVITUP

[Yasuandio]

Yas, I was making a funny by saying "I'd hit it" ....meaning I was hitting on you in order to make up for the BAD behavior you ant time you may have been rejected......

 

REVITUP

 

Oh, I think I get it now. It was a compliment, right?

[Yasuandio]

Sorry, double post. Hands trembling.

Edited November 26, 2013 by Yasuandio

[revitup]

Oh, I think I get it now. It was a compliment, right?

 

A huge compliment,I was just saying I don't understand a fella EVER rejecting the Yas!

 

Therefore in an effort to make up for the prior foolishness of the dingbat who made you feel rejected,I was complimenting you and talking a little "smack" or just basically trying to say "I'm sorry that any man made you feel as though you had been rejected".

 

I hope you don't read too much into that,I was really trying to spread some cheer and went down in flames or something.

 

Yas, I apologize if it was seen as something inappropriate, that's not how it was meant.

 

REVITUP