Kris Posted January 21, 2001 Share Posted January 21, 2001 I'm best friends with a guy that I've know for about 5 years. He means the world to me and I know I'm falling in love with him. We are totally connected to one another, and he agrees with this. Unfortunately, we live in different states, I have 2 kids, AND we have a 4 1/2 year age difference (I am older). Our relationship got physical last year and we rarely get to see one another due to money, work, and school conflicts. He constantly tells me he's confused about things and doesn't know what we should do, but that he misses me very much. We're not seeing other people, but we haven't made a "committment" to each other either. He'll be done with school in less than a year and I'm hoping that we'll be able to resolve this by then. I'm just very lonely and miss him terribly. I want us to be able to say that we'll eventually be able to be together, but he seems afraid to admit to anything right now. We've talked about a future together, but then he seems scared off by this. What should I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 21, 2001 Share Posted January 21, 2001 So you've been doing this long distance thing for five years, uh? Well, you need to set a bit of a time limit. You say he's not willing to make a committment to you. People who enter into geographically undesireable relationships often do so because of a deep fear of intimacy and/or committment. This is perfect for him. Set a time limit of six months...one year...two years...whatever you feel comfortable with, for him to turn this around, profess his love and committment to you, and be with you. If he's a day late, cut your losses and move on. Don't give him one single day beyond your deadline. It's pretty obvious he's getting whatever jollies he requires out of this situation. You aren't. He's quire happy with things just like they are. You don't even need to tell him about your deadline. Just make it reasonable and acceptable to yourself after judging all the circumstances. And enforce it for yourself!!! If this guy really cares about you as much as he says he does, he will want to work with you on the best solution to getting himself, you and the kids together. It doesn't seem like he's close to reaching that level of caring yet. Just how much of your precious time do you want to give him to decide? Figure that out and mark it on the calendar. This isn't being mean, this is just looking out for yourself because he certainly isn't looking out for you that right now. The age difference has nothing to do with anything...unless you are 23 and he is 18. In that case, mark your calendar for about ten years from now. I'm very sad that you couldn't have fallen in love with someone who lives much more near you...or someone a lot more mature than this dude. Link to post Share on other sites
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