hotgurl Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 All right this is mostly for the ladies, How long would you be willing to wait for your bf to propose? Marriage is important to me and I have brought it up but feel it would be better for him to purpose. We have talked about it but he said he is not ready. So basically if i pop the question I feel he would turn me down because it is too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 It would depend on my age. I'd probably wait two to three years then begin to develop an attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
danielle_rae Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 If it was a guy I was totally serious about, and completely in love with, I'd wait as long as it takes, because sure enough he would do it if he really loves you. [color=indigo][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 Depends on how old you are a lot I think. I am 31. At this point, I think waiting years and years would be a bit silly. If I was 21 ,different story. Lots of living and growing to do then, and marriage can wait a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 well, I am 26 and he is 45 so it's been 3 1/2 yrs and I am beganing to doubt whether or not he'll ever get married. I wish I could be one of thoose people who are happy just living together forever but I'm not. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by hotgurl well, I am 26 and he is 45 so it's been 3 1/2 yrs and I am beganing to doubt whether or not he'll ever get married. I wish I could be one of thoose people who are happy just living together forever but I'm not. Ugh. Hotgurl, just think in 20 years you'll still be sexually viable and he'll need a diaper change. Maybe you could just run to the hills? Run for your life? Maybe the age difference is preventing him from marrying you because he's worried you'll do just that once his bag starts to REALLY wrinkle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 i know the age difference is big but He is very active and health conscious. I actually have more medical problems then he does. But really the reason it works is that I had a child very young and it changed me. I became more responsible and just think and act differently than guys my age. After having my daughter I could never seriously date a guy in his 2o It just didn't work. Yeah i like to party and have a good time but frats and football and drinking games aren't my life. I love to travel, paint, experience new things but I also want stability and a home. I don't want anymore children either. So he works out because he is stable, loves my daughter helps raise her but loves to try new experience, is very athletic and caring and gentle, he cuddles a lot is attentive in bed. He just has so much more maturity and the qualities I am looking for that I never found in guys in their 20's even late 20. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I understand that, I myself prefer older men-but that may be a reason he's not proposing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 you're right it could. We have never really brought up the age difference in relation to the future. He's never been married either so I figure it was a comfirmed bachelor type deal. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I asked my Dad this question for you He is 22 years older than my Mom, and was a confirmed bachelor before he met her. According to him (granted, he's 75 now, so he's A LOT wiser and more thoughtful - when he's not senile, haha - than he was 30 years ago when he married my Mom).....anyways, according to him, men that age don't usually wait years and years to propose, if they're going to, because you know you're old and you don't want her asking for kids when you're like 60. That's what he said, anyways. It makes some sense to me. I was born when he was 50 and he still bitches about being "too old for this crap" on a daily basis. But he likes it. I think older men make MUCH better Dads. But it does suck for my Mom - a vibrant, attractive, if occassionally insane woman who, if she dyed her hair would look 15 years younger than she is. She's always taking care of him, now. I mean, he was SUPER healthy for the first 20 years of their marriage. Now, anyways what 75 year old man IS healthy, but he sort of started falling apart when he turned 72. In the space of 3 years he just disintegrated. And the senility thing just kills. It happens to all old people, but I hate that I really NEED my Dad right NOW and sometimes he just isn't there anymore. I need to start my own thread about this...haha. And my mom , occassionally, I'll catch her staring off into space in the kitchen, depressed. She says stuff like, what will I do when your father is gone? And that makes ME depressed. Anyways, I asked an older man for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 thanks so much for your reply. I asked him why he didn't want to marry me and he said I never said that I am just not ready. I asked well do you ever want to get married or do you just not believe in it? he said no that's not it but he is very vague. We don't want any kids so I don't think that is an issue. blind otter: thanks for you insight and advice it certainly gives me something to think about. I just love him so much and it is hard to walk away. I do sometimes think what it will be like 20-30 down the road but you never know. I could die first or he could be in an accident tomorrow. I guess I have to think how long I want to wait and how important it is for me to be married. The thing is my daughter loves him so much and calls him dad or wants to so it kinda like if I walk away I break two hearts not one. For now i'll stay because it seems silly to walk from such a good relationship but I do want more of a commitment so I am struggling with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Ummm . . . I dunno . . . Ten inches? . . . Is this a trick question? LMAO Lil Honey Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 How long is too long varies according to age, one's desire to get married, etc... But, hotgurl, if he continues to tell you that he is just not ready, blah, blah, blah ...it may just be that if marriage is what you truly want, you will have to look elsewhere. Unfortunately, staying with someone who has told you they don't want to get married rarely seems to change their mind about matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 If your relationship with the silver fox makes you feel warm and fuzzy most of the time then stay with it. If , most of the time though, you are looking toward the future and worrying then you'd better listen to Mr. Spock. (Max thinks Dr. Spock should have an AM radio call in show.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 hello dr. spock my bf is 14 inches long. Is that too long? Dr. Spock: well dear if you don't choke it's not too long. Just start with a banna and work your way up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 well, I am 26 and he is 45 so it's been 3 1/2 yrs and I am beganing to doubt whether or not he'll ever get married. I wish I could be one of thoose people who are happy just living together forever but I'm not. And no kids in the picture down the road, I'm sure he just feels married to you anyway right now and isn't in any rush. BUT if marriage is that important to you and he loves you then he should marry you...IF you decide that you can't be with him if he won't marry you then it will be time to really sit and think is he worth giving up just so you can be married? I mean, common law is just about as married as you can be - Just minus the wedding and the ring on the finger. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Cut off the poon-tang, he'll marry you then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 damn free milk. I should have listened to my mom. It is hard I really love him and He is the kinda guy that will be happy living with someone forever and doesn't feel the need to get married. He wants to buy a house together so that is why it is on my mind more lately. For the house we are having legal documnets drawn up. So if a break up happens we each get what we put in plus equity and so one of us can't just kick the other person out. Also what happens in the event of death. Plus since I have been so sick this year I need something drawn up so he can talk to the doctors and stuff. Damn wouldn't it be easier to get married than I could have the ring and cermony and dress and vows too. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by hotgurl Damn wouldn't it be easier to get married than I could have the ring and cermony and dress and vows too. Oh, that wouldn't make it any easier my dear. 'Just say no' to free milk. Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by hotgurl damn free milk. I should have listened to my mom. It is hard I really love him and He is the kinda guy that will be happy living with someone forever and doesn't feel the need to get married. He wants to buy a house together so that is why it is on my mind more lately. For the house we are having legal documnets drawn up. So if a break up happens we each get what we put in plus equity and so one of us can't just kick the other person out. Also what happens in the event of death. Plus since I have been so sick this year I need something drawn up so he can talk to the doctors and stuff. Damn wouldn't it be easier to get married than I could have the ring and cermony and dress and vows too. Hotgurl, if I were in your situation, my instincts would long have told me to run, not walk away from someone like this... So he wants to buy a house, talk to your doctors when you get sick, and have sex, but not get married? Maybe you can deal, but I dont think I could. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Tell him you're tired of playing house. Tell him to step up to the plate or step off the field - so that you can play with the other players. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 I Know that's what I should do. I am just afraid of losing him. I did tell him I want to be engaged before we buy the house and need to know whether or not he'll marry me. He said I bring it up so much that I should just let it be and he'll let me know before we buy a house. I know exactly what's going to happen we'll be in the office signing for the house and I'll be like I just can't do this and run out and never come back. As for the doctors it's just practical. I've been in the er a couple times and he takes care of my daughter when I am sick. And he wanted to know what was going on and how long it would be if he needed to take my daughter home to rest. I was late at night. They didn't tell him anything not even if I had seen the doctor yet or not. Plus he is a father to my daughter and it makes it tougher. I know what i need to do but I am just scared. Maybe if I write a letter really explaining everything so I won't get so emotional and give it to him Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 It would frustrate me that his answers are kinda vague on the issue. I'd want to know where he was up to I guess. But that's me. And I tend to ask too many questions at the best of times. It's true you dont want to pressure too much and push him away...but at the same time, you don't want to sit back waiting,and feeling upset yourself. I assume you've made it clear how important this is to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 29, 2004 Author Share Posted December 29, 2004 I have stated how important it is to me. Just today he asked me why I seemed upset and I said I am freaked out by the house and wanted to be at least engaged before we buy. I said I don't know if I can't give up something so important to me and still live with myself. I said I just don't know if I can buy a house if we have no future. And he said nothing. God it's so frustrating because he is vague and it drives me up a wall. It's making me neurotic because I never get an answer or resolution so I bring it up all the time which is not good and frustrates him. I told him two weeks ago I needed a definite answer whether it yes or no. I deserve to know and it's unfair to be strung along. I said I am not saying you have to propose tomorrow but tell me if it's in our future relatively soon. and if it's not tell me then so I know. He said ok but you have to stop brining it up all the time. He said if you don't mention it for 6 months I'll let you know, which i think is total bs. I said but you looking at buying a house in 2-3 months and he said I'll let you know before then. But why can't he let me know now. It soo frustrating. grrrr He is really slow in making decision even about buying stuff. He'll research it for months and comparison shop. I took him 6 months to buy a mountain bike and 4 months to buy skis . The he had buyers remorse and would compare to make sure he got a good price. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 my b.f just called. I am going to first night in Boston with some friends and he couldn't come because of work. he called to say he is already missing me and when I get back we should have a romantic dinner with champagne. He is always so sweet like that. We sometimes are one of those couples that make you want to vomit. that's is why I want to marry him. Plus I guess i just want to affirmation of the commitment to each other. Even if it's just eloping in Mexico or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
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