JUST found out about OW2-she's my friend!!

[HeSh_tTheBed]

Holy smokes. OK. Hi, all. Long time lurker here..always sitting back going "Nah--that'll never happen to me..."I WAS SO CLOSE to putting the A behind me, thanks to advice and warnings on here, and then this bombshell. My friend hooked up with a guy on a website and I found out from her it was my ex-MM (she didn't know about us, it all came together slowly!!!!)

 

OK. Background: I had been 1 year LC with MM but with him occasionally reaching out to see if I'm still warm. And I was. Hot, even, but trying desperately not to show it, doing a great job of no social media, etc. But occasionally I'd answer an email or two, kinda get sucked in, jealous of his wife (thinking they'd R'd) and the whole gambit.

 

NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I HAVE GUESSED MM WAS A SERIAL CHEATER. I spent my 20's meeting all kinds of sketchy people, NEVER did I think I could fall for this.

 

We were buddies for a couple years, involved in a hobby together. He came across as sweet, fumbling, a first timer. Our courtship began slowly, chastely, with him going limp occasionally from guilt. It took us 7 months to get to sex. I broke up with him because I just found the whole A experience to be maddening and wrong. Several times broke up and got back together and last December it stuck. He would continue to pursue and stalk me, but I did a good job of deflecting. Just two days ago, he tried with me again.

 

So my friend reveals to me she sought an A on this site last Feb. and found him and HE KNOWS WE'RE FRIENDS AND WILL TALK and he pursued her. He was mean to her--a side of him I'd catch glimpses of, but it was so at odds with the nice guy image, I brushed it away as a sliver of darkness that just made him sexy. Well, he has said bad things to her and I hate him for it. Treated her like an object, that type of thing. I'm not jealous of her. She's beautiful, smart. We're bonded forever, as far as I'm concerned. Comrades in arms. She can have him-- even if I wouldn't foist him on my worst enemy.

 

Oh, who knows, we all deserve what we get in this A world, I guess, but my question is--anyone else come across their xMM's Jekyll/ Hyde/serial cheater persona and get floored? Anybody have an xMM go after a friend? He would send her email scenarios that were identical to stuff I wrote.

 

Anyone else worry he's some kind of serial killer to boot? I'm serious. This level of manipulation and deceit and trophy keeping and split personality scares me. Plus he has stalker/predator energy and joked with my friend about some threatening imagery. As the info. keeps pouring in, I am stunned by all the cues I missed, the denials I crafted, I never knew I could be this dumb!!!

Edited November 21, 2013 by HeSh_tTheBed

[HeSh_tTheBed]

Can I apologize for the user name? It's so bad. I was aghast and rushing and that summed up how I felt. He'd spent years acting like all his bad behavior was just dumb-guy cluelessness; and this last thing really just killed all the attraction/memories/sexiness that was there; and that username describes what it feels like.

[AmyBamy]

This is all very weird and very soap opera like. It will be interesting to see what kind of feedback you get. The guy I dated didn't tell me he was married but I found out and broke up with him. But no he's just a normal guy. He isn't a psycho or anything just a normal guy who is in an unhappy and crappy marriage. Your story sounds really out there.

[experiencethedevine]

Holy smokes. OK. Hi, all. Long time lurker here..always sitting back going "Nah--that'll never happen to me..."I WAS SO CLOSE to putting the A behind me, thanks to advice and warnings on here, and then this bombshell. My friend hooked up with a guy on a website and I found out from her it was my ex-MM (she didn't know about us, it all came together slowly!!!!)

 

OK. Background: I had been 1 year LC with MM but with him occasionally reaching out to see if I'm still warm. And I was. Hot, even, but trying desperately not to show it, doing a great job of no social media, etc. But occasionally I'd answer an email or two, kinda get sucked in, jealous of his wife (thinking they'd R'd) and the whole gambit.

 

NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I HAVE GUESSED MM WAS A SERIAL CHEATER. I spent my 20's meeting all kinds of sketchy people, NEVER did I think I could fall for this.

 

We were buddies for a couple years, involved in a hobby together. He came across as sweet, fumbling, a first timer. Our courtship began slowly, chastely, with him going limp occasionally from guilt. It took us 7 months to get to sex. I broke up with him because I just found the whole A experience to be maddening and wrong. Several times broke up and got back together and last December it stuck. He would continue to pursue and stalk me, but I did a good job of deflecting. Just two days ago, he tried with me again.

 

So my friend reveals to me she sought an A on this site last Feb. and found him and HE KNOWS WE'RE FRIENDS AND WILL TALK and he pursued her. He was mean to her--a side of him I'd catch glimpses of, but it was so at odds with the nice guy image, I brushed it away as a sliver of darkness that just made him sexy. Well, he has said bad things to her and I hate him for it. Treated her like an object, that type of thing. I'm not jealous of her. She's beautiful, smart. We're bonded forever, as far as I'm concerned. Comrades in arms. She can have him-- even if I wouldn't foist him on my worst enemy.

 

Oh, who knows, we all deserve what we get in this A world, I guess, but my question is--anyone else come across their xMM's Jekyll/ Hyde/serial cheater persona and get floored? Anybody have an xMM go after a friend? He would send her email scenarios that were identical to stuff I wrote.

 

Anyone else worry he's some kind of serial killer to boot? I'm serious. This level of manipulation and deceit and trophy keeping and split personality scares me. Plus he has stalker/predator energy and joked with my friend about some threatening imagery. As the info. keeps pouring in, I am stunned by all the cues I missed, the denials I crafted, I never knew I could be this dumb!!!

 

The man is a master manipulator, is he not?

 

A mendacious character with insidious designs on your friend be cause he knows she is connected to you and is playing cat and mouse with you.

 

What a vile creature to have encountered, and how fortunate that you are no longer involved with such a dangerous individual.

 

It might be prudent to give your friend the heads up on your knowledge of the man before something equally foul befalls her too.

[HeSh_tTheBed]

Thanks guys...god I'm still groaning over my bad user name, esp. after a fitful night's sleep. Yes. Master manipulator. I guess. I don't even know anymore (is anyone that good or is it all just weird addictive unconscious survival skills/emptiness that drives destructive decision-making?) I have completely lost faith in my ability to judge or analyze people. That's part of the crazy making/gaslighting of A's--you actually drive a person insane. That, btw, is why I quit the A. I hated doing that to a man's W.

 

I do not flatter myself he's doing this to get at me---he did not give me all his love--always held back and criticized my demands for more. That's not a person who's in love.

 

I am worried now. I have flashes of him stalking/hurting one of us. I have kids, and I worry what an insane person might do. So my question is: am I over-dramatizing the crazy? IS it possible that this is just classic serial cheater behavior? I want to tell his W but I'm afraid of him (and my H, another story there...) Because I'm feeling scared and wanna get a guard dog.

[MorbidFever]

If I were you, I would tell him to never contact you again or you're going to call the police. So sorry this is happening.

 

I would not engage him at all. If he does contact you after your warning, call the police. I dealt with something similar, but it was directed towards other men, not me. He threatened other people and sent me an email once how he was going to an event to "just say hi" to another guy he thought was after me. I knew what he was up to and told him he better stop. He ended up NOT going. I think it could be reactionary and anger, but why chance it. Be safe!