MY THREE YEAR RELATIONSHIP!!!!

[CAN-CAN]

I need someone's help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years (Feb 27). We went to high school together and kinda started dating through friends of ours. Everything started out great for the first year and a half, then he broke up w/me for all kinds of reason. Come to find out his sister or satan which ever :0)~ set him up with a friend of hers. Luckly, the girl was ugly and after begging and many tears later he came back to me. This was in Aug of 99, then in Oct of 99 he decided to tell me about it. I freaked out and behind his back I started to see this football player from our college that was a couple years older. All I wanted to do was get back at him and I did. This was last year in Jan 00. Now we fight all the time bringing up the past and throwing it into eachothers face - more me then him. We love eachother very much and want to be together for good but we need help over comeing the past and getting along. I have tried to talk to him, but he does not communicate well. HELP!!!!!!!!!!

 

Can-Can

[Tony T]

This has got more to do with immaturity than anything else. And you couldn't convince me in a million years that you love him. People that love others don't try to make their lives miserable.

 

He broke up with you for a very legitimate reason and he was not dishonest or misleading about it. He did not cheat on you, he broke up with you to free himself to see another person he wanted to see. That was his right and his business.

 

YOU are the one who begged and pleaded for him to come back. Now, he legitimately broke up with you and did not cheat on you but you went out and screwed some football player to get back at him. Get back at him for what??? For exercising his rights of freedom as a human being. This grudge stuff is very immature.

 

Now the two of you are throwing stuff back and forth at each other. You even admit you are worse than he is about it so he must be a bit more evolved mentally. That's OK...there's still hope. But this kind of stupid bickering is extremely immature and trashy.

 

So, if you have read this far, you are pretty pissed at me for accusing you of arrested emotional development. Well, good.

 

You can prove to yourself that you have grown up, that you are now eligible for entrance into the exclusive club of rational, sane, mature adults by having a good talk with your boyfriend. Ask for forgiveness for your fling with this football player, which was pretty nutty and uncalled for. Negotiate a moratorium on this stupid fighting that is unproductive, unconstructive, and meaningless to the relationship. Agree that the two of you shall forever bury the past.

 

Then start the relationship anew. Wipe the whole slate clean.

 

Now, if you can carry on a nice relationship without getting into these childish, juvenile spats that go noplace..and if you can have a nice, supportive, wholesome interaction with your boyfriend devoid of all the nonsense and stupidity, then you have arrived and you can then be proclaimed a mature, sane, rational, emotionally healthy adult with all the accorded benefits...like a good life.

 

There is no reason to have these kinds of fights unless you are using them to put excitement into an otherwise boring relationship, which happens often. If that's the case, find new things you can do together to spice up your together time...rather than fight.

[Can-Can]

First of all you make me sound like the bad person!!!! He had plans with this girl weeks before and was seeing her before he broke up with me. That's what happend and I didn't sleep with the football player all I did was go to the movies nothing more!!!! I have done everything for this guy. The problems started when he bad mouthed me to his family and they wouldn't talk to me, that's why we were fighting. He didn't have to be sneaky about it. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has got more to do with immaturity than anything else. And you couldn't convince me in a million years that you love him. People that love others don't try to make their lives miserable.

 

He broke up with you for a very legitimate reason and he was not dishonest or misleading about it. He did not cheat on you, he broke up with you to free himself to see another person he wanted to see. That was his right and his business.

 

YOU are the one who begged and pleaded for him to come back. Now, he legitimately broke up with you and did not cheat on you but you went out and screwed some football player to get back at him. Get back at him for what??? For exercising his rights of freedom as a human being. This grudge stuff is very immature. Now the two of you are throwing stuff back and forth at each other. You even admit you are worse than he is about it so he must be a bit more evolved mentally. That's OK...there's still hope. But this kind of stupid bickering is extremely immature and trashy. So, if you have read this far, you are pretty pissed at me for accusing you of arrested emotional development. Well, good. You can prove to yourself that you have grown up, that you are now eligible for entrance into the exclusive club of rational, sane, mature adults by having a good talk with your boyfriend. Ask for forgiveness for your fling with this football player, which was pretty nutty and uncalled for. Negotiate a moratorium on this stupid fighting that is unproductive, unconstructive, and meaningless to the relationship. Agree that the two of you shall forever bury the past. Then start the relationship anew. Wipe the whole slate clean. Now, if you can carry on a nice relationship without getting into these childish, juvenile spats that go noplace..and if you can have a nice, supportive, wholesome interaction with your boyfriend devoid of all the nonsense and stupidity, then you have arrived and you can then be proclaimed a mature, sane, rational, emotionally healthy adult with all the accorded benefits...like a good life. There is no reason to have these kinds of fights unless you are using them to put excitement into an otherwise boring relationship, which happens often. If that's the case, find new things you can do together to spice up your together time...rather than fight.

[Tony T]

Well, your reply to me implies you do have a combative streak.

 

Take all my incorrect assumptions out of my original answer and follow the rest of my advice...if you like.

 

It is simply not rational to waste one's precious life arguing about stupid stuff. And when you can't resolve something with someone after a few tries, get away from them.

 

Life is simply too short. But, for Pete's sake, try to open your mind and understand that arguing is just not the way to go. It takes a lot of energy you could be using for making love and having sensational orgasms.