GreenFish Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 My fiancee cheated on me, albeit by text, with a friend of her cousin's. We were scheduled to be married this December, but now I'm worried that she'll do it again. I've been the father to her beautiful child of which I am not the father, however I love her like she was my own. We were very happy together, I was ready for marriage. When she started texting this guy I asked her to stop. She claimed that I didn't want her to have friends and she continued. Thing is, she just met him and cheated on me with him within a two day period. She made me feel like I was controlling when I mentioned it until I actually caught her after reading their texts. She then cried and told me it meant nothing, that she would always love me more than anybody and that she would never do it again. I know it's typical for cheaters to say this, but I really do love her and don't want to leave her or her child. She told me, though, that I shouldn't be this upset over it, as it was just over text, but I told her what I believe -- that cheating is cheating. I just need somebody to talk to..my self esteem has taken a hit and a lonely feeling has taken to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Running Man Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 She told me, though, that I shouldn't be this upset over it, as it was just over text, but I told her what I believe -- that cheating is cheating. I just need somebody to talk to..my self esteem has taken a hit and a lonely feeling has taken to me. She shouldn't be upset if you postpone the marriage for another year to give her time to prove she can be loyal. How old are both of you? How long have you been together? Why would you devote yourself to someone who has already lied to your face and accuse you of being controlling while expecting you to help raise her kid? Marriage is about trust and loyalty among other things. She already showed you she cant do neither. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 How the heck do you cheat on somebody via text? I think you are over reacting. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 How the heck do you cheat on somebody via text? I think you are over reacting. I'm guessing she must have been sexting. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 My fiancee cheated on me, albeit by text, with a friend of her cousin's. We were scheduled to be married this December, but now I'm worried that she'll do it again. I've been the father to her beautiful child of which I am not the father, however I love her like she was my own. We were very happy together, I was ready for marriage. When she started texting this guy I asked her to stop. She claimed that I didn't want her to have friends and she continued. Thing is, she just met him and cheated on me with him within a two day period. She made me feel like I was controlling when I mentioned it until I actually caught her after reading their texts. She then cried and told me it meant nothing, that she would always love me more than anybody and that she would never do it again. I know it's typical for cheaters to say this, but I really do love her and don't want to leave her or her child. She told me, though, that I shouldn't be this upset over it, as it was just over text, but I told her what I believe -- that cheating is cheating. I just need somebody to talk to..my self esteem has taken a hit and a lonely feeling has taken to me. I have to ask, what do you mean by cheating? Exactly what was she saying to this guy? Was she telling him she loved him or something? Was she talking to him about things of a sexual nature? If it was sexual, were they talking about sex in general..like "I like to get spanked" or something. Or was it in specific reference to each other? Like saying "I would love going down on you" or something. Give a few specifics please. Did they ever talk about meeting up? Her also telling you that you shouldn't be upset is also a red flag, cheating is cheating. First of all, if you decide to forgive her you first need to make it clear this guy is out of her life and they do not talk again. Also, tell her that you will sometimes randomly ask to see her phone so you can check her texts, and that you expect her to immediately hand her phone over to you when you ask. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Is this guy someone she knows in real life as well? Sexting + real life meets means very high probability something in RL happened too. Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 If I were you I would want to know why she felt the need to have this kind of relationship with another guy. I would have a deep conversation where I would demand honest answers. If there was a real problem between us, I'm sure in such a conversation it would come out. This is the first thing you got to do before showing her you are very angry so she confesses the real truth. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 when you are upset and feel betrayed no one can tell you that you are over reacting you are the one who feels what you feel regardless of what others say..... you need to talk it out sexting is emotional involvement....in my opinion...its desire .....and lust attached to emotion that desire should be reserved for you.......not demonstrated for someone else....state how you feel, be honest and tell her you doubt her...tears from her dont prove she wont do it again and that remains to be seen how sincere she is about not doing it again...deb Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 At the very least you have to postpone the wedding..... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Yeah, I would postpone the wedding. She thinks you shouldn't be upset because it was only over texts? But, if you didn't catch her, how far would have it gone? Sooner or later the sexting wouldn't be enough and they would want to meet up somewhere. A good definition of cheating is say or doing something to someone else that you wouldn't do in front of your significant other. That's cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 How the heck do you cheat on somebody via text? I think you are over reacting. Have you ever heard of the term 'emotional affair'? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 My fiancee cheated on me, albeit by text, with a friend of her cousin's. We were scheduled to be married this December, but now I'm worried that she'll do it again. I've been the father to her beautiful child of which I am not the father, however I love her like she was my own. We were very happy together, I was ready for marriage. When she started texting this guy I asked her to stop. She claimed that I didn't want her to have friends and she continued. Thing is, she just met him and cheated on me with him within a two day period. She made me feel like I was controlling when I mentioned it until I actually caught her after reading their texts. She then cried and told me it meant nothing, that she would always love me more than anybody and that she would never do it again. I know it's typical for cheaters to say this, but I really do love her and don't want to leave her or her child. She told me, though, that I shouldn't be this upset over it, as it was just over text, but I told her what I believe -- that cheating is cheating. I just need somebody to talk to..my self esteem has taken a hit and a lonely feeling has taken to me. I bolded all the stuff that popped up. Read it to yourself OP. How screwed up is this relationship. Also, stop being a nice guy. You're not that child's father, this woman knows that, and you best believe she will up and leave at the drop of a hat without any concern for whatever bond you've formed with this child because.. you're not the father. "She cheated but I love her" So cheating is ok? You told her not to do it but she still did it. Dating is an audition for marriage. Why would you marry someone who doesn't respect you? Beats me pal. Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 My fiancee cheated on me, albeit by text, with a friend of her cousin's. We were scheduled to be married this December, but now I'm worried that she'll do it again. I've been the father to her beautiful child of which I am not the father, however I love her like she was my own. We were very happy together, I was ready for marriage. When she started texting this guy I asked her to stop. She claimed that I didn't want her to have friends and she continued. Thing is, she just met him and cheated on me with him within a two day period. She made me feel like I was controlling when I mentioned it until I actually caught her after reading their texts. She then cried and told me it meant nothing, that she would always love me more than anybody and that she would never do it again. I know it's typical for cheaters to say this, but I really do love her and don't want to leave her or her child. She told me, though, that I shouldn't be this upset over it, as it was just over text, but I told her what I believe -- that cheating is cheating. I just need somebody to talk to..my self esteem has taken a hit and a lonely feeling has taken to me. So, your just about to get married and she is treating you like this???? After you fathering her child?? ITS WRONG MATE, PERIOD. Let me tell you my experience.... I fell for a girl, she quickly moved into my place. I changed the house for her, treated her like a princess, i be'd the best i could be to her. Trusted her 100% and never questioned her phone/facebook activity's until the 15th month... We shared my laptop, and had auto facebook logins. I was aware, that for the last week she had been constantly facebooking 'someone' but me being me, i didnt care... Well, this time i opened that 'new' message because i noticed 'kiss' at the end. Scrolling backwards up, i saw this unusually friendly conversation with this new 'guy' friend. Low and behold, the talk got more intimate, till i eventually found the whore had had sex with this guy the week before whilst she was away on a christening that i was conveniently not invited too.. I kicked her ass out, and the slag was completely unapologetic and left. 13 months now, NC, but meanwhile, i found out of several different cheating moments of hers. One in particular crushed me, as the fat bastard used to come over regularly and smile to my face. Moral of the story, once a cheating slag, ALWAYS A CHEATING SLAG. PERIOD. What she is doing is cheating, maybe not physically, maybe so. Thats a red flag, and if i were you man, i would reconsider getting married. Call her out. Or if you have anyway of finding out if she has slept with him, do it. But right now, you're about to marry a woman who has shown signs of unfaithfulness by texting some *******. Be very careful, all im saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenFish Posted November 23, 2013 Author Share Posted November 23, 2013 Thank you everybody for replying. I really appreciate all the advice I've received from you guys. To the poster above me -- I'm very sorry. The texts were mainly about them having sex the next time he came over and how much she wanted him. She told me that it would have never happened and that it was just a "stupid text-thing." She has barely talked to him in person (as far as I know.) *Sigh* I have postponed the wedding. But once again, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Thank you everybody for replying. I really appreciate all the advice I've received from you guys. To the poster above me -- I'm very sorry. The texts were mainly about them having sex the next time he came over and how much she wanted him. She told me that it would have never happened and that it was just a "stupid text-thing." She has barely talked to him in person (as far as I know.) *Sigh* I have postponed the wedding. But once again, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. Don't be naive. How the hell do you go from meeting someone...and two days later planning on having sex? They hooked up already!!! It's been going on for a while!! Just check her phone records....you'll see! Your not crazy. Your girlfriends a liar......an accomplished one at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Thank you everybody for replying. I really appreciate all the advice I've received from you guys. To the poster above me -- I'm very sorry. The texts were mainly about them having sex the next time he came over and how much she wanted him. She told me that it would have never happened and that it was just a "stupid text-thing." She has barely talked to him in person (as far as I know.) *Sigh* I have postponed the wedding. But once again, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. Dude she's definitely screwing that guy, dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
old Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Sounds like you are not a good match. Either she does not conform to your standards of fidelity or you are jealous, insecure, and narrow minded Doesn't matter which. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 The texts were mainly about them having sex the next time he came over and how much she wanted him. She told me that it would have never happened and that it was just a "stupid text-thing." And you believe this? Dude........... Allow me to translate this: "It never would have happened because I got caught". If you hadn't caught her then it would definitely 100% have happened. In fact chances are extremely high that it has already happened before. You need to get to the bottom of this bro. She's lying to your face and disrespecting you and your entire relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Pistol pete Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 To quote a line from Kick-Ass.. 'Like every serial killer already knew: eventually, fantasizing just doesn't do it for you anymore' Apply your own scenario to this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Thank you everybody for replying. I really appreciate all the advice I've received from you guys. To the poster above me -- I'm very sorry. The texts were mainly about them having sex the next time he came over and how much she wanted him. She told me that it would have never happened and that it was just a "stupid text-thing." She has barely talked to him in person (as far as I know.) *Sigh* I have postponed the wedding. But once again, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. Base on this post it is time to dump her. Dating is the job interview for marriage. She failed the interview. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 Thank you everybody for replying. I really appreciate all the advice I've received from you guys. To the poster above me -- I'm very sorry. The texts were mainly about them having sex the next time he came over and how much she wanted him. She told me that it would have never happened and that it was just a "stupid text-thing." She has barely talked to him in person (as far as I know.) *Sigh* I have postponed the wedding. But once again, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. Don't be naive. How the hell do you go from meeting someone...and two days later planning on having sex? They hooked up already!!! It's been going on for a while!! Just check her phone records....you'll see! Your not crazy. Your girlfriends a liar......an accomplished one at that. Sounds closer to the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Kayla7 Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 You are right, cheating is cheating. The next step is your personal choice. Can you be with someone who has cheated on you? Will you always be worried she'll cheat again after you are married? I hope you make the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
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