Will the images go away??

[peruano99]

Ha! I was just reading a interview about The Walking Dead. I finished reading and at the bottom of the page was another story about some other show. The thumbnail for the link showed the upper body of a woman in bed with a man behind her, his face near hers.

 

The instant I saw it I pictured them two together. Funny thing is I stared at it for a while because the anger and rage that was building inside me almost felt good in a weird way. Its like I want to hate my wife, I want to rage at her. I had to stop though because I started getting way to mad for my own good

 

You need to go see a counselor.

[drifter777]

Ha! I was just reading a interview about The Walking Dead. I finished reading and at the bottom of the page was another story about some other show. The thumbnail for the link showed the upper body of a woman in bed with a man behind her, his face near hers.

 

The instant I saw it I pictured them two together. Funny thing is I stared at it for a while because the anger and rage that was building inside me almost felt good in a weird way. Its like I want to hate my wife, I want to rage at her. I had to stop though because I started getting way to mad for my own good

I agree that you should see a counselor but not because of feeling good about letting your emotions come into your conscious mind where you can feel them and work with them. Most BH's suffer from these horrible mind-movies because, for most men, the sex is the hardest thing to accept.

 

I don't think you necessarily want to "hate your wife" as you say, but I think you do want her to suffer some real consequences for cheating on you. You want her to un-fu(k the OM because that is the only thing that will take away the thoughts of her with him. You want her to understand how cruel she was to selfishly betray you. It hurts to think that the sexual relationship you had with your wife has been tarnished. It can no longer be special because she shared it all with another man. When something triggers the images of her with OM all of this sh*t comes crashing down on your mind, and it's unbearable. I know because I've been there. It's been decades and I still trigger sometimes and mourn for the relationship that my wife killed.

 

The only thing that has helped me reduce the frequency and intensity of the mind-movies is talking to my wife about details of why she did it and, surprisingly, what she did with him. The details about the sex helped remove some of the more disgusting images in my mind since my imagination blew everything out of proportion. I'm not saying this would work for you because we're all different, but it might be worth trying. Your wife will be afraid to reveal details about the sex because she thinks it might make everything worse, but how much worse can it get? Just know you will hear things that could hurt but it might be what can help make things a little better.

[Ap22]

I agree that you should see a counselor but not because of feeling good about letting your emotions come into your conscious mind where you can feel them and work with them. Most BH's suffer from these horrible mind-movies because, for most men, the sex is the hardest thing to accept.

 

I don't think you necessarily want to "hate your wife" as you say, but I think you do want her to suffer some real consequences for cheating on you. You want her to un-fu(k the OM because that is the only thing that will take away the thoughts of her with him. You want her to understand how cruel she was to selfishly betray you. It hurts to think that the sexual relationship you had with your wife has been tarnished. It can no longer be special because she shared it all with another man. When something triggers the images of her with OM all of this sh*t comes crashing down on your mind, and it's unbearable. I know because I've been there. It's been decades and I still trigger sometimes and mourn for the relationship that my wife killed.

 

The only thing that has helped me reduce the frequency and intensity of the mind-movies is talking to my wife about details of why she did it and, surprisingly, what she did with him. The details about the sex helped remove some of the more disgusting images in my mind since my imagination blew everything out of proportion. I'm not saying this would work for you because we're all different, but it might be worth trying. Your wife will be afraid to reveal details about the sex because she thinks it might make everything worse, but how much worse can it get? Just know you will hear things that could hurt but it might be what can help make things a little better.

 

Let me clarify. I heal by making myself angry. I have been through so much in my life and thats the way I cope. I can be so depressed, not wanting to move, and then I hit a point where anger starts to boil me inside and once it takes over I feel indestructible. Its not violent anger, its a defiant anger. Its my greatest strength because it kills any self pity and replaces it with a defiant attitude that wont let me stay down. Its a voice in my head that tells me to get my ass up and move...this wont destroy you...she wont destroy me. I almost love that feeling because it gives me such focus and clarity. Its like being in a zone and you have no doubts about what needs to be done.

 

You're right, I dont want to hate my wife. One of the hardest parts of trying to R is having this feeling that I'm letting her get off easy. Its only been 2 weeks since I found out so everything is fresh. Our MC said that she had never seen anyone react as well to an affair as I had. She was quite shocked by how well I was taking it. Again, thats the defiant anger in me. It pretty much shuts my emotional core down.

 

As far as getting her to tell me the details about the sex they had....I dont want to know. I think that will only make it worse for me. I think knowing exactly what/how they did things would only make it more real for me.

Edited December 5, 2013 by Ap22

[drifter777]

Let me clarify. I heal by making myself angry. I have been through so much in my life and thats the way I cope. I can be so depressed, not wanting to move, and then I hit a point where anger starts to boil me inside and once it takes over I feel indestructible. Its not violent anger, its a defiant anger. Its my greatest strength because it kills any self pity and replaces it with a defiant attitude that wont let me stay down. Its a voice in my head that tells me to get my ass up and move...this wont destroy you...she wont destroy me. I almost love that feeling because it gives me such focus and clarity. Its like being in a zone and you have no doubts about what needs to be done.

 

You're right, I dont want to hate my wife. One of the hardest parts of trying to R is having this feeling that I'm letting her get off easy. Its only been 2 weeks since I found out so everything is fresh. Our MC said that she had never seen anyone react as well to an affair as I had. She was quite shocked by how well I was taking it. Again, thats the defiant anger in me. It pretty much shuts my emotional core down.

As far as getting her to tell me the details about the sex they had....I dont want to know. I think that will only make it worse for me. I think knowing exactly what/how they did things would only make it more real for me.

Regarding the part above that I bolded, you sound quite proud of all this. For you to see the defiant anger within you shutting down your true emotions as a good thing tells me you are very immature and insecure. I understand - I was in the same place as you are after my wife cheated. You are not emotionally ready to work through her infidelity right now, and your not going to believe a word of what I am saying.