skippy88 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I turned 25 this year and I've already given up on ever getting a gf or getting married. I partially blame my location and how i was raised, the rest of it falls on myself. I'm extremely shy and socially awkward to the point where i would rather fight an alligator with a plastic spork then go somewhere and meet new people. I also live out in the country near a small town(less than 1000 people), i grew up farming, so i never got to hang out with other kids during my childhood, so needless to say i was never popular in school, and never went on a date. Now i've taken over the farm and in reality have very little to no time to go on dates march-november, but thats never been a problem because i've gone on very few dates, and none in the past 3-4 years. Any guys in my area that are near my age and married, either married their highschool sweetheart(never had one) or a girl they knocked up in college(never went). So needless to say i've come to the conclusion the odds are stacked heavily against me so why bother. Link to post Share on other sites
mysunflower Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 online dating, plz Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Skippy: Defeatist attitudes are something that your generation seems to have more and more of. It amazes me how upset and angry people here under 30 get when they can't find a gf, or someone breaks up with them. It is almost if they are entitled to everything without very much reflection or work. Is it because you have never had to face real adversity so you have no idea how to fight for what you want? I had an extremely hard childhood, young adulthood and I worked very hard, sometimes with much danger, heartbreak and unfairness. I learned if I fought hard enough and kept working at it, I would eventually get to where I was going and get what I wanted. I have never once had anything handed to me and I have succeeded in every area of my life because of not giving up and never blaming the world for my lack. I am not sure why at 25 you are giving up on anything, but if not finding a gf is the pinnacle of your disappointments and strife then consider yourself lucky. Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't solve anything, and no, you aren't alone. Entitlement and waiting for the world to hand you your due is something a lot of people buy into these days. SMH, Grumps 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Malakas Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 There is online dating and your town surely has some bars you can go out and meet some girls.You can ask your friends to introduce you to someone.You can start a new hobby and meet some people through those activities.But will surely NOT help you is sit down and do nothing.So start having a more positive attitude and try to do something that will change your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
fallenheart Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I pretty much agree with you. There are no women around. You live on a farm. And you're socially awkward. I personally can't stand to be around socially awkward people and I'm more tolerant than most. Girls have no patience for that at all. They only respond to confidence. You don't have any, so yeah...you're outta luck. UNLESS....you actually want to work and put in effort and change things about your situation. Cause if you don't, then yeah. You should give up at 25. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 What effort have you made to fix your situation? Are you willing to drive to a bigger town? Can you move? Do you have an OLD profile? There's a wonderful group that has been around for years -- ToastMasters -- that has helped thousands of people overcome shyness & social awkwardness. Google it & go to the meetings. If you aren't willing to get off your butt & make these changes in your life, you are right: you will be alone forever because only you have the power to change your life. Nobody can do it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 OP, I am pretty sure if it came down to you actually having to fight an alligator with a plastic spork vs talking to people you don't know, you'd think differently. I have always been insulted by dudes that never went to war and had people actively trying to kill them talking about how they would rather go to war. Well, maybe they should go to war. Maybe they should face a near violent death situation. Well, here I am getting massively rejected and laughed at by some little girl, but I'd rather be like that than in a plane that just took catastrophic damage from a missile hit, and I am burning to death while falling towards the ground. Now that would suck. Getting rejected by a girl, whatever. On to the next one. So, go ahead and find a lake in Florida or something and go there butt ass naked with just a plastic spork and fight an alligator, because I think you need an adjustment on how you view things. It'll be good for you! If you come out alive and with all your limbs and digits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author skippy88 Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 lol no i don't feel entitled to a girlfriend, i was just wondering if anyone was in the same boat or had any new ideas. OLD doesn't work since once again the odds are stacked against guys, and most of the girls on them live an hour+ away. Asking friends is out because they don't know anyone either. I'm not gonna move and leave the only thing i know how to do. Most of my friends that aren't married are stuck in the same boat as me, only one has been able to get and keep a gf and that was because he got her to move in with him after a couple months, before that he went through a couple years of having a gf during the winter, but once spring and summer rolled around he wouldn't have as much time and then they'd hit the road. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Ignore the OLD advice - it's not the core of the problem. You need to get over your crippling anxiety of meeting new people. If you don't fix that first then OLD or old fashioned meetup are as pointless as a bandaid to an infected wound. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Well, you mention living in a rural area... the reason for your willingness to give up is pretty obvious. Plus you say you're stuck with a farm, it sounds to me like a responsibility you don't want. I guess if I was in your position, I'd try to get that farm into money-making condition and sell it, then take the money and buy some house that's in foreclosure as close to the nearest big city as you can get without getting too expensive. And if it turns out to be a fixer-upper, so much the better... growing up on a farm, you probably know carpentry etc already. In fact, I'm in a situation a bit like yours, though I'm 46 and live in the 2nd largest city in the nation. The secret is to use your home sweet home as a base for meetups. Just remember, as long as you own your own place and you keep the bills paid, your home is your castle and you're the master of it... you're only limited by your imagination as far as what you choose to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I'll be blunt with you and say that there are very few women that are willing to become a farm wife. They don't like the isolation and extremely hard work for very little pay. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but that is the truth. That is what I have read and what I have seen in real life. My husband has cousins that still live and work on the family farm in his home country, and they are middle aged and still bachelors. The women raised on the farms there move to the city as soon as they graduate high school. His brothers, OTOH, who moved to the city after graduation, got a college degree, and a good job not in the farming industry, and both have long time wives and very solid marriages. I do know one man who lives on the family farm and has a wife now, who is in his 20s, and he traveled and spent time in other countries in order to find a wife who was willing to marry him and move back to the farm, except she is not expected to do farm work. She has a job as a teacher in the nearest town. I do have a client who is in exactly your position, except he's middle aged. He spent his life, up until a few years ago, working on the family farm, isolated, without a girlfriend or wife, and has extreme social anxiety and can't relate to women. Now that he moved to the big city, he comes into contact with them, but doesn't know how to interact with them. It's been a slow process to teach him social skills and improve his social anxiety. My suggestion would be to decide what is more important to you--farming or having a life companion. It would seem that having both is very unlikely in today's world. Women just don't seem to be interested in working on a farm. Too much work for very little pay. You could sell the farm, move to the city, and get a job in the city, and maybe a college education and work in another field that you would be interested in. In the city, you could also get counseling to help you with your social anxiety. Alternatively, I guess you'll be a confirmed bachelor, like the other guys I know who chose to stay on the family farm. The young farmer who did manage to find a wife willing to move back to the farm had a lot going for him (looks, personality, and willingness to travel to find a wife while his parents took care of the farm. He didn't have social anxiety though, and his wife was not willing to do farm work. She works in the nearby town as a teacher.) So I sympathize. You are in a tough position there. I would suggest moving to the big city if having a life companion is more important to you than keeping the family farm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
napy666 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I am 26 and I have been single for 2 years going on 3. To me I feel the same way thinking I won't find another boyfriend or be single for a handful of years before I do find someone. I hate being single its too lonely and sucks at times haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I'm 24 and while I haven't "given up", I've learned to accept being single, am very accustomed to it, and am okay with staying like this. I would love for it to change, but can handle things if it doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Never, ever give up on being single Link to post Share on other sites
ScreamingTrees Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Never, ever give up on being single I don't get what you're trying to say. Are you trying to be funny or bold? It isn't working, I'm afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
leftfordead2 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I turned 25 this year and I've already given up on ever getting a gf or getting married. I partially blame my location and how i was raised, the rest of it falls on myself. I'm extremely shy and socially awkward to the point where i would rather fight an alligator with a plastic spork then go somewhere and meet new people. I also live out in the country near a small town(less than 1000 people), i grew up farming, so i never got to hang out with other kids during my childhood, so needless to say i was never popular in school, and never went on a date. Now i've taken over the farm and in reality have very little to no time to go on dates march-november, but thats never been a problem because i've gone on very few dates, and none in the past 3-4 years. Any guys in my area that are near my age and married, either married their highschool sweetheart(never had one) or a girl they knocked up in college(never went). So needless to say i've come to the conclusion the odds are stacked heavily against me so why bother. I've also given up. Except that I'm 26 and a girl. Learnt to live happily alone. Link to post Share on other sites
befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I turned 25 this year and I've already given up on ever getting a gf or getting married. I partially blame my location and how i was raised, the rest of it falls on myself. I'm extremely shy and socially awkward to the point where i would rather fight an alligator with a plastic spork then go somewhere and meet new people. I also live out in the country near a small town(less than 1000 people), i grew up farming, so i never got to hang out with other kids during my childhood, so needless to say i was never popular in school, and never went on a date. Now i've taken over the farm and in reality have very little to no time to go on dates march-november, but thats never been a problem because i've gone on very few dates, and none in the past 3-4 years. Any guys in my area that are near my age and married, either married their highschool sweetheart(never had one) or a girl they knocked up in college(never went). So needless to say i've come to the conclusion the odds are stacked heavily against me so why bother. I don't know. It might be realistic to think you won't find someone. But, now is the time you get to live your life how you think you should. So, unless you don't want to find someone I don't think you shouldn't give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Never give up, Never surrender!! all good things take time and effort. I'm 27 single and not giving in quite yet. the only person you are hurting with this defeatist talk is yourself in the end, it never helps and never gets anything done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The_Face Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm 24 and while I haven't "given up", I've learned to accept being single, am very accustomed to it, and am okay with staying like this. I would love for it to change, but can handle things if it doesn't. That's pretty much what I was going to say. That, and don't give up. Do something to change your current situation. It would be sad to give up, especially at your age. Best of luck, OP, best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
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