Out of touch with the entire world around me?

[mike1988]

I don't fit in with anyone or anything around me. At all.

 

It's difficult to explain. Basically, I'm the opposite of almost everything and everyone around me.

 

I am a 25 year old waiter. I graduated High School, have some college credits under my belt, and briefly served in the U.S. Military three years ago.

 

The reason I am currently a waiter and no longer in the U.S. Military is because of a benign, non-threatening heart defect. The ONLY REASON it was discovered was because I collapsed from exhaustion while pushing myself too hard during a PT run. Had it been, 1973, 1983, 1993 even...the standards were not as high as they are today, therefore, I wouldn't have collapsed, and I would be a proud member of the U.S. Military today instead of a redheaded waiter with no social life. So whenever I hear people talk about how "old school" I am in a negative way, or when I hear politicians talk about "change" and moving "forward", I find myself personally insulted because I know for a FACT that my life is a disappointment BECAUSE the times have changed.

 

It would even be easier even to get laid 20, 30, 40 years ago, no question! Girls didn't use stupid texting words, or words like "ginger" or "creepy" or anything to ridicule people.

 

I have bright orange hair. Most guys my age don't.

 

I am old school in a new school world.

 

I listen to good music, but most of it is older, usually from 25+ years ago, so I'm out of touch with the music of today.

 

I watch movies that don't fit in with what others whom I know and work with watch. For example, I've never seen The Hobbit, Avatar, The Hunger Games, Twilight, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. I'm more a Rambo/Die Hard/Lethal Weapon type of guy.

 

I voted against Barack Obama twice, nearly any voter my age probably voted for him, twice.

 

I like George W. Bush, most people my age don't.

 

I'm tall and skinny with good hair. Today's style is short and stocky with little/no hair.

 

My favorite TV Show ever was "Cheers", which went off the air 20 years ago and even it's spin-off "Frasier" has been off the air for 9 years. Most people my age don't even know anything about those shows. Makes me think to myself, "What the hell Mike...you sit on YouTube watching shows that weren't on TV since 1993...you're so out of the times".

 

I LOATHE political correctness. We are now more politically correct than ever I feel it's hurting our country. Things like Human Resources for example. It shouldn't even exist in my opinion, I believe that it is a waste of time, money and management. Back in the 1980s it was called "Personnel" and likely consisted of a room where people smoked cigarettes, drank coffee, and had affairs. It was useless then and is now. Yet we live in a society with things like Human Resources. I feel totally out of the times.

 

I haven't had sex in 10 months, I have no social life except the occasional beer at the bar across the street from where I work with people I work with but we don't have each other's numbers or anything like that. I literally have no friends. I have co-workers, "friends on Facebook" but no social life of any kind. If I was invited to a party, and I didn't show up, nobody would notice.

 

Wouldn't you think that my being so old school and unique would be appealing to people, especially girls? Wouldn't you think that they would say, "Holy crap...this guys 6 feet tall, has a deep voice, dark eyes, bright red hair, he's an old school all-American cowboy and even spent sometime in the Military." Basically, wouldn't they think of me almost like a young Clint Eastwood? I know he's a movie star, but you can catch my drift. I grew up idolizing film characters like Magnum P.I., Sam Malone, Dirty Harry. I wanted to be as rugged as Tom Selleck, and have as awesome of hair as Ted Danson, and be as cool and laid back as Clint Eastwood, and yet nowadays it seems girls whether they are 18 or 35, have no appeal at all to what I grew up thinking women wanted!

 

What disturbs me is that my father, now almost in his sixties and a retired police officer, told me all my life not to sweat the uniqueness and that people "change alot past high school". But I'm now halfway through my twenties and I don't notice any change at all and it's scaring the hell out of me. I am beginning to wonder if maybe my generation is so immature, that they're not going to lose their High School immaturity which makes me continually disconnected and out of touch with the world.

 

Let me leave you with one last example. I invited a girl I knew from my old work to a concert of a famous rock musician a few years ago that I knew she loved, and so did I. I bought $200 tickets, we had known each other for over a year, we were both single and we had a blast.

 

When I came home, my father was astounded I hadn't spent the night with her. His reaction was, "Wait a minute, you've known this girl over a year, you see her day after day, you're both the same age, you spent $200 and invited her to a concert of someone she loves, you have a great time, and you didn't even get a hug? A kiss? Makeout? Nothing?"

 

Now is that reaction because when my father was the age I was when I went to the concert it would have been 1977 and getting laid was easier than today? Or is it because I'm ugly? The thoughts roll through my mind.

 

I just feel so dramatically out of touch that it is starting to upset me. Any thoughts on my situation? Thank you.

Edited November 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

If you medically discharged from the military you are still entitled to VA benefits. They have amazing mental health programs. Use one.

 

Your father seems a bit of a bully. I don't see anything wrong with how you treated the girl you took to the concert.

 

Living in a small town can feel isloating & it does shrink the dating pool. Is moving to a bigger city an option? Can you sign up for either local college classes or go to school on line? A degree may open up other career paths.

 

You are holding a fish in the picture, so I assume you enjoy the sport. Join a fishing club. You will at least meet other guys there.

 

Ask somebody from work for their number. Flirt with a customer & ask them out.

 

Dye your hair if you hate it so much.

 

Join your local Republican county committee & volunteer to work for them. There are lots of young republicans out there plus the older ones have daughters & neices who they will introduce you to.

Edited November 22, 2013 by d0nnivain

[DrSimple]

I see a lot of excuses, you need to take ownership of your life. Don't look around at other people and blame the world for not being ideal for you.

 

So you don't have a social life? Start building one today. They do not just mysteriously appear, but are built over time by meeting new people.

 

So you can't be in the military because of a benign heart defect, well no matter how benign it is the military won't accept you because they deem it to be a liability. In the end they are protecting you (and of course themselves), even if you feel hurt. Don't blame the times, look at how the increased screening has saved the lives of thousands of others. You may have got a bad shake on the matter, but own it and move on. If you keep focusing on what you could have been, you won't see what you should become.

 

Dare to be different, dare to be yourself. Rather then feeling bad about how you don't fit in you have to start realizing you have to be happy with who you are. If you are happy with yourself, people will be drawn to that and things will change. Internal validation is much more important then external.

 

As for the situation with this girl at the concert. Did you expressly say it was a date? If you have known her for a year already she might have felt you were doing it as a friend. Did you make a move? It is highly unlikely a woman will throw herself at you after a date, a man must take responsibility for being the initiator. If you don't make an attempt to kiss her, then you won't get a kiss.

[mike1988]

I see a lot of excuses, you need to take ownership of your life. Don't look around at other people and blame the world for not being ideal for you.

 

So you don't have a social life? Start building one today. They do not just mysteriously appear, but are built over time by meeting new people.

 

So you can't be in the military because of a benign heart defect, well no matter how benign it is the military won't accept you because they deem it to be a liability. In the end they are protecting you (and of course themselves), even if you feel hurt. Don't blame the times, look at how the increased screening has saved the lives of thousands of others. You may have got a bad shake on the matter, but own it and move on. If you keep focusing on what you could have been, you won't see what you should become.

 

Dare to be different, dare to be yourself. Rather then feeling bad about how you don't fit in you have to start realizing you have to be happy with who you are. If you are happy with yourself, people will be drawn to that and things will change. Internal validation is much more important then external.

 

As for the situation with this girl at the concert. Did you expressly say it was a date? If you have known her for a year already she might have felt you were doing it as a friend. Did you make a move? It is highly unlikely a woman will throw herself at you after a date, a man must take responsibility for being the initiator. If you don't make an attempt to kiss her, then you won't get a kiss.

 

It wasn't a date but considering how flirty we had been I was shocked that there wasn't even an opportunity. That was three years ago. What's done is done, I guess.

 

Basically my anger at the present is because I see things so out of the norm and they make me appear so retro that it's become a liability. Clearly, the thought that my "daring to be myself" could succeed has failed. So now I must try to be something I'm not and it's difficult to do.

[DrSimple]

It wasn't a date but considering how flirty we had been I was shocked that there wasn't even an opportunity. That was three years ago. What's done is done, I guess.

 

Basically my anger at the present is because I see things so out of the norm and they make me appear so retro that it's become a liability. Clearly, the thought that my "daring to be myself" could succeed has failed. So now I must try to be something I'm not and it's difficult to do.

 

If you try and be something you are not, you will not succeed. If you have to change who you are to be social with other people, you likely won't like what those people have to offer you anyway.

 

The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to continue being your "retro" self, but perhaps try and pick up some new interests. You can like old things, have old style, yet still take enjoyment out of modern things as well.

 

If you can't find the time to learn to be comfortable in your own skin, it will be hard for others to be comfortable with you as well.

 

Lastly, another great thing to do is to use the internet to reach out to like-minded groups for support. Go find your subculture and connect! You will find friends and opinions there, perhaps even people in your area.

[jm2013]

Dude, you sound depressed and have deeply expressed your need to get laid multiple times. People pick up on negativity and usually don't want any part of it. Before I got married I brought high energy and conversation anywhere I went. It doesn't matter what you look like dude.

 

Women like attention and to be heard. You could look like a freak and still get laid if you stuck to the basic principles women desire. With that being said, you should focus on a new and improved attitude.

 

For some reason you're looking at your own interests in some sort of negative light thinking other people will perceive it negatively. The second you walk out of your house you're being analyzed. I'm into marketing and it's the way you market yourself man.

 

The clothes you wear, car you drive, personality are all being analyzed daily. Just make the best of things and try going out with a bubbly outgoing personality. And make sure you pay attention to what a girl is telling you. Tell her she's beautiful, buy her a drink and make some small talk .

 

It's all a #'s game too. The more social you get the more impressions you get the better your chances of getting laid are. Good luck man.