Ex gets mad when i say we can't be friends.

[Cream]

i need some advice on this. when me and my ex were talking she said she still wants to be in each others lives still, because i mean something to her. i didn't do anything wrong like her other exes, like cheat or whatever, so she wants us to have a platonic relationship in the future.

 

i did the smart thing, and told her it's not a good idea, because i'm still in love with her. i said "you're either with me as a partner, or you're out of my life forever." so i ignored her for a few days while she blew up my phone. i finally spoke with her and she said she was crying for days and depressed. i finally agreed that we can be friends but then she said its too late... that i drained everything she was willing to give me.

 

i give in then she, even start to beg to be her friend, then she say's to stay out of her life and is playing hard to get now.

 

i'm just confused. i asked her if she still loved me, and she said she'll learn to love again. did she break up so i could improve, and she's kept me hanging on so we could get back?

 

why is she playing this game???

[Confusedguy81]

people play games. She wants you to chase the friendship now. It's all about control. She lost control when you said you didn't want to be friends. She is trying to regain control by using this guilt garbage.

 

Best advice? Go on extended no contact. You have to approach everything like she is already out of your life. Whether she enters your life again doesn't matter and if she does, don't take the breadcrumbs. If you want to be with her, her only statement to you should be something along the lines like "I want to be with you again".

[Kate9292]

Maybe she really wanted you as a friend and your rejection hurt her too? Then she got over it and she doesn't want you in her life at all.

 

i asked her if she still loved me, and she said she'll learn to love again.

 

Notice that she didn't say "love you". Just "love" in general.

 

It's over.

[Zahara]

A game. It's exactly what it is.

 

When she wanted to be friends, and you explained you couldn't because you were in love with her, she begged and cried. The moment you gave in, she turned it all around. A game. An ego boosting game. Dumpers feel the discomfort of losing someone as well. But their discomfort comes from not having someone there to be their crutch while they move on. You are still a source of comfort for them.

 

She dumped you. That means she doesn't want to be with you. It doesn't matter her motives.

 

You need to stop talking to her. And stop asking her if she still loves you. Irrelevant. She would be with you if she loved you the way you desire. She's not with you so what she feels isn't giving you what you need. The only thing she is giving you is heartache.

 

You said you can't be friends with her, either partners or nothing at all. Stick to your word. You both can't give each other what the other needs. Stay NC.

[Priv]

I think it's best to do just that. Stay out of her life. Looks to me that whatever kind of communication you will have with her in the near future will be distorted to justify her decision to break up with you seeing how she reacts.

 

It is very reasonable to not want to be friends after a break up. Don't forget that. Also, the moment you finally give in (which you really shouldn't), she tries to get even with you by claiming you drained everything she was willing to give you. To make her hurt you... To basically dump you all over again. So manipulative.

 

And please don't think things like 'did she break up so i could improve, and she's kept me hanging on so we could get back?'. It shows very little self respect, and that's what you should be focusing on. I'm sure you were good enough in the relationship, after the relationship seeing you care enough to post here after being played, and for a lot of other women.

 

It will get better. I'm 2 months in having an ex who claimed i pretty ruined her life and already posting this . But you need to go NC.

[Chi townD]

Drama Queen....blah.

 

Go back to NC. When she said, "Too late, you drain everything she was willing to give you." You should have said," Okay then, LATER!!"

 

Because when you REALLY think about it? What was she really ready to give you? That would be breadcrumbs and false hope until her next boy toy comes into the picture.

 

Time to move on, dude.

[radiodarcy]

Ugh my ex wanted to be friends after he dumped me as well. I was all for it ; I loved him so much I thought it could be a foot in the door to us getting back together.

 

But when he started bragging about all the girls he was dating and acting confused and angry when i told him it bothered me, I just went full on NC.

 

After 7 months I felt I was ready to be friends again and contacted him (Also, I was really curious as to how he was - - as I had lost touch with all our mutual friends). But he was very cold towards me, so I just dropped it and went back to NC.

 

Three months later he contacted me out of the blue via IM to tell me how his girlfriend was pregnant and how happy he was It took me a few weeks but eventually I got over it.

 

I have found that when the dumper wants to be friends, it's all about them and easing their guilt. Also your ex probably wants to keep you around as a safety net. If she cared anything about you and your feelings she would understand that you need to time to heal and in order to do that you simply cannot be her friend now.

[d0nnivain]

She's playing games so much as pouting because she isn't being given what she wants -- absolution for hurting you.

 

 

Your comment that she is out of your life forever was a bit harsh. If you had toned it down to "I need NC now because I still love you but because you only want to be friends, which I do appreciate, I can't be around you because it hurts to much. If you ever cared about me or if you are sincere about wanting to be my friend, please respect my desire for NC because to do anything else hurts me again and again every day. I'll get back in touch when I'm ready."

 

 

The part where you may never be ready is unspoken.

 

 

For now, just be happy that you got what you wanted -- NC. Use it to heal. When you are all better, then you can worry about what's going on with her.

[Jmk21]

Friendship with an ex isn't special. I don't believe in a platonic friendship once love OR sex is involved. I believe there is a boundary for platonic friendship. Just leads to drama

[Cream]

I agree with all you are saying. Weeks ago I tried telling her I was sorry, and all that... But she ignored me, went nc. so I got upset and said, "fine you'll never hear from me again." so now we're both NC and I'm hoping she'll change her mind about us during the holidays...

[Simon Phoenix]

Why are you talking to her about this? Stay NC.

[Cream]

I don't think you should be hoping she changes her mind. I think you're better off without this for a good long while, at least.

 

when we were talking, she said she still cares about me, but there's no chance right now, because i don't know how to respect her space, then she went NC on me. so yeah, i'm just gonna do the smart thing and leave her alone, and let things come together naturally.

[BC1980]

I mean, I got mad when my ex broke up with me, but I had to accept it. So I'm generally not that concerned if he is angry we can't be friends.

[Cream]

Why are you talking to her about this? Stay NC.

 

i've been NC for 2 weeks, this has just got me thinking lately. it just gets me that she was practically begging and pleading to still be in my life, then when i finally give in, she gives me the cold shoulder and flips the script.

[Cream]

alright, so its one of those nights where i'm missing her. i was reading through really old texts msgs i use to have with my ex. she said "i like to play hard to get with my partners, not only to play games.. but so they can meet my standards."

 

so does this hold any water with my situation??

[Simon Phoenix]

alright, so its one of those nights where i'm missing her. i was reading through really old texts msgs i use to have with my ex. she said "i like to play hard to get with my partners, not only to play games.. but so they can meet my standards."

 

so does this hold any water with my situation??

 

No, delete them.

[Pa76]

She sounds like drama. Best to stay out of each others lives. Also I feel it's best to go NC once relationship ends. If you keep up contacted it will take longer to heal.

 

My ex dumped me 2 weeks ago. Day after we talked on phone cause dumping happened at 2am. So anyways he said he wants to be friends cause he cares about me but I told him I can't be friends. He said he is still friends with some exes (he told me while we were together he doesn't talk to any..ha) and he can't just cut someone out of his life. He even said I can still go to his sisters for Thanksgiving. Hell no!!!!! I then told him he can throw out my stuff. I think he thought all along he would see me again so I think he was shocked. So in a way he was dumped too. I could never call a person like him a friend.

 

***Make sure you delete ALL pictures, texts and emails. Delete phone number and email addresses. Also delete from social media. I deleted my Facebook and Instagram. Those websites are obnoxious to begin with.

[ponchsox]

When the dumper gets to remain friends with you (assuming they like you) this is the perfect ending to dumping you, eases their guilt, and now they can control when they want to see you and talk to you.

 

PLEASE do not give someone who betrayed you this satisfaction.

[Cream]

When the dumper gets to remain friends with you (assuming they like you) this is the perfect ending to dumping you, eases their guilt, and now they can control when they want to see you and talk to you.

 

PLEASE do not give someone who betrayed you this satisfaction.

 

she said i'm acting childish, and immature because i'm not taking her offer to be friends. she said i driving her away that she lost love for me, and that she's losing hope for us. said "i'm trying to make this breakup as smooth as possible, just incase there is another us in the future."

 

she's messing with my head.

Edited November 25, 2013 by Cream

[fixing]

she said i'm acting childish, and immature because i'm not taking her offer to be friends. she said i driving her away that she lost love for me, and that she's losing hope for us. said "i'm trying to make this breakup as smooth as possible, just incase there is another us in the future."

 

No, she is easing her own guilty conscious by telling you she wants to be friends. I really dont like women who do this. In reality, she has ended the relationship with you. She has thrown you a few crumbs with the whole 'still be friends BS' when she should be telling you to move on and go your separate ways.

 

What you got to do, is stick to 100% no contact. Friendship will never work, and it most certainly will NEVER lead to you getting back together. She wants to use you to help herself fully transition into being single.

 

Make her go cold turkey from you. NC only way forward here sir.

[Cream]

No, she is easing her own guilty conscious by telling you she wants to be friends. I really dont like women who do this. In reality, she has ended the relationship with you. She has thrown you a few crumbs with the whole 'still be friends BS' when she should be telling you to move on and go your separate ways.

 

What you got to do, is stick to 100% no contact. Friendship will never work, and it most certainly will NEVER lead to you getting back together. She wants to use you to help herself fully transition into being single.

 

Make her go cold turkey from you. NC only way forward here sir.

 

she did say she's done now, that i pushed her too far and she's moving on. that i ruined anything we could have had. she's pretty pissed off and ignoring me.

 

i guess the only way if we can have a reconciliation is that we both leave each other alone for a while... you right, being friends will never lead to getting back together.

[fixing]

Yeah exactly. Of course its natural that you want her back. She said you pushed it to far, well then, give her no more attention. You gotta start thinking well, she dont want my attention and love, then **** it, ill give it to the next woman who will reciprocate.

For sure, NC now for a while, let the dust settle, and you take care of yourself. Gotta give her a chance to actually miss you too, but just count on it. Go out and date and have fun yourself. Soon as she hears about that, she will be pissed right off!

[Cream]

Yeah exactly. Of course its natural that you want her back. She said you pushed it to far, well then, give her no more attention. You gotta start thinking well, she dont want my attention and love, then **** it, ill give it to the next woman who will reciprocate.

For sure, NC now for a while, let the dust settle, and you take care of yourself. Gotta give her a chance to actually miss you too, but just count on it. Go out and date and have fun yourself. Soon as she hears about that, she will be pissed right off!

 

yeah, i never gave her time to think twice or even miss me. i got angry one time and said "fine, i'll go date all these other girls then." she got hurt but said "go be with someone more than happy to be with you, because i don't want it anymore." she knows i'm not going to do that, and that i was lying because i really do want to be with her. i'm just going to disappear until she contacts me.

[Simon Phoenix]

she said i'm acting childish, and immature because i'm not taking her offer to be friends. she said i driving her away that she lost love for me, and that she's losing hope for us. said "i'm trying to make this breakup as smooth as possible, just incase there is another us in the future."

 

she's messing with my head.

 

You're messing with your own head.

[mikecr50]

I've been through the same nonsense, we're too different of people-lets still be friends NO THANKS! Then she's mad at me WTF! I'm no orbiter, you wanted to breakup bu-bye! NEXT!