So many lies

[BlueBobby]

That still doesn't make it alright. Nor acceptable. Nor good for your marriage. Or you wife.

 

It's not the 'getting caught' that hurts your wife.

 

It's the fact that you intentionally deceive her, lie to her, mislead her, withold the truth about your trustworthiness and loyalty from her.

 

But you don't get that, I think. Or just don't care enough about her to want to try.

 

Ya I'm not looking for someone to tell me it's alright. If it was alright probably wouldn't be exciting or as fun at all, would it.

[Cinnimon]

I think (I could be wrong) that what he was trying to say in his post is that people tend to make blanket statements that their ALL being used, their ALL going to get caught, they ALL are not in love and so forth. I think what he is trying to say is it's not always black and white. I think he was trying to give perspective based on his own experience as to the how and why's in his own A.

[BlueBobby]

I've got to point out the obviously screaming out loud flaw in your logic here...although I garauntee my doing so is a pointless excersise in futility.

 

It's not the confessing that hurts your wife.

 

I know that. I've tried to just stay faithful. I've went a long time without sex before. Close to a year. I've done that before. I tell my wife she's sexy, I help with my kids more than most dads do I love them more than anything and I want my wife to he happy.

 

I want to be happy to. This makes me happy.

[Owl]

I know that. I've tried to just stay faithful. I've went a long time without sex before. Close to a year. I've done that before. I tell my wife she's sexy, I help with my kids more than most dads do I love them more than anything and I want my wife to he happy.

 

I want to be happy to. This makes me happy.

 

And that's ok, even though it's all based on lying to your wife, and risking divorce, splitting up the family, and her complete and total emotional devestation.

 

There are other ways of creating your own happiness, with a lower price tag. Sadly...you're not the one who ultimately pays the price, either.

 

And on that note, I'm done. Nothing I say will change your mind...the only thing that might will be if your wife finds out and your world comes crashing down.

[Owl]

Ya I'm not looking for someone to tell me it's alright. If it was alright probably wouldn't be exciting or as fun at all, would it.

 

Actually...this is my last note...I couldn't help to notice that when you responded with this, you completely and totally ignored the effort to spell out what the impacts to your wife were.

 

Which is of course the basis of your happiness here...ignoring what you're doing to her so that you can have fun and be happy 'being with' someone else.

 

You completely dodge that reality, even on a web discussion.

[HeSh_tTheBed]

I'm not lying the other girl. I don't tell her exactly how I feel about her because it would just make her attach more and be harder on her I think, I'm not lying though I just don't tell her everything.

 

But if you're not a manipulative person you don't say--or not say---things to produce/not produce an effect. You don't try to control the other's experience of you.

 

I'm beginning to think A's are all about control---keeping everything/everyone together and having some more of what you like---no matter how variable the elements. I used to reject the idea an A was like addiction--I was very pro-A--but now I see there is the illusion of control.

[KathyM]

I wasnt trying to sound like an ass. Guys have feeling too. I've had sex with people and affairs that nobody had ever found out about. It's another lie to say everyone gets caught.

If you're referring to me as having said that everyone gets caught, I didn't say that. I said you are likely to get caught because your wife already has reason to suspect you from past behavior. Not everyone gets caught, obviously. Many do, and you are very naïve if you think you won't be.

[beach]

With all the lies - there is no basis for the M. It's an illusion. It's what you've chosen by what you've lied about. There's no foundation; just a crumbling scene of deception.

 

Same holds true with your OW.

 

 

Sad to think you believe this is a good thing.

 

You made it so that nothing is "real".

[MissBee]

I wasnt trying to sound like an ass. Guys have feeling too. I've had sex with people and affairs that nobody had ever found out about. It's another lie to say everyone gets caught.

 

Bobby, you're rebutting lies you've made up.

 

It's not as though you're pointing to specific posts/threads where people are actually saying these "lies" you're talking about.

 

I haven't seen anyone say everyone gets caught or all MM are using the OW as a sex toy etc. I guess I don't really find this thread convincing or see where you're headed when it starts on the premise of clearing up some "lies" that haven't been identified as anything anyone here has said besides you.

 

You are a serial cheater and no one has found out about some of your escapades....great. I'm not sure how this helps OW coming here? Except maybe they will be privy to the fact that they may not be the one true love of the MM but like you he may be a serial cheater who will do it so long as he doesn't get caught.

 

Since this isn't rebutting any concrete points, I have to just say that most OW/OM are advised based on what they present here. Many stories boil down to the same thing, even with different characters and detail changes. Ironically, even your "revelation" is nothing new, brilliant or insightful, but falls right in line with what people have advised in the past about the mentality of some of those in As, i.e. it is self-centered, they aren't ever getting divorced, they will do it so long as they don't get caught and they will rationalize to high heaven why they should. Nothing new here and you haven't disproved any "lies."

[KathyM]

And I'll also add that cheating on your wife is not loving your wife. Cheating is the most unloving thing you could do to her. You are not only breaking the vows you made to her, which she is trusting you to keep, but you are robbing her of her reality and her right to have the monogamous marriage that she wants. If you don't want to honor your vows and give her the kind of marriage (monogamous) that she wants, then at least have the decency to leave the marriage so that she can find it with someone who will be monogamous.

[Quiet Storm]

She gives me the KIND of sex I want and she lets me talk about things that I want to talk about without making me feel like I'm fckd up in the head. She likes the same things I do, not related to sex too.

 

I think it's totally possible to love more than one person at a time and I do.

 

 

Sounds like another affair where the mutual effedupness fuels the connection. Nice.

 

"Let's just bask in our issues. No judgemental spouses around to point out flaws. We can just be our lying, cheating selves and feel so loved and accepted"

[Sub]

She gives me the KIND of sex I want and she lets me talk about things that I want to talk about without making me feel like I'm fckd up in the head. She likes the same things I do, not related to sex too.

 

I think it's totally possible to love more than one person at a time and I do.

 

Ok. So, then, you would be fine if your wife starts sleeping and "loving" your buddy, the OW's husband.

[beach]

And your OW here - has known all along you have sex with others too? Others being besides your wife and other woman...

 

And she's accepting of that?

[tired girl]

Make no mistake, he isn't your buddy. Buddies don't screw each other's wives. I think there is some kind of bro code you are breaking here. I am betting he would agree, why don't you ask him.

[BlueBobby]

Wasn't calling anyone out here as a liar, I'm not talking about annoying specific or specific posts I'm saying my girl told me she came here, I checked it out and read for a few days thinking screw that I'm not going to say something. I feel like whoever writes for support, chick or guy is being told a lot, not every time, but a lot, that they other person does not really care about them and they should end it. Lots of times the advice is even to stop talking to that person without even telling them first.

 

I understand I'm a horrible lying cheat. You don't know my entire situation but ya I regret getting married. Doesn't mean I don't love my wife but I regret getting married. I need to live where I live to work the job I work, don't have education enough to just get a different job or the money. She would move away with my kids if I hadn't got married and she would move away if we divorced. Ya I would get partial custody or whatever but we all know how much time Id really get.

 

Beside all those points I care about her, she's my friend and the mother of my boys. I don't regret meeting her and being with her or my years with her I just wouldn't have got her pregnant if I knew how little we had in common I have no idea. It's hard to go into. She knew what I'm like she pretended she was into the same things, she's not at all. She got pregnant in the first year. I didn't get sex for a whole year both times she had the kids. And whatever that happens maybe but it was not easy and I never cheated the first year at all. I had already cheated on her before she got pregnant though because within a few months of dating she already stopped wanting sex. I cheated on her in the second pregnancy cause she completely cut me off. No there was no medical issue she got checked out both times.

I care about her, she's a great person I see her as her own kind of selfish.

Ya I get I'm an *******! Lol! Since all that I've told her about one affair because she found a text. The text didnt prove an affair. I just was over it by then, that girl was still hanging around my wife and I just told her. I thought it might actually help our sex life if that sounds stupid. For a while it did, after she stopped flipping out but she didn't trust me at all for a couple years. I never cheated for a couple years so she had no reason to.

 

I like our life. It's pretty solid. We don't have a lot but what we have is pretty good. I could divorce her and be single but why?? When I can have my life and also the fun.

 

It's really hard to resist the girl I'm with now. I would call it an addiction. For sure it could be it feels just like that. She is another half of me I didn't think you could find in a woman. But she's not my wife. She's my buddy's wife. I just get to have her sometimes.

Edited November 23, 2013 by BlueBobby

[BlueBobby]

Make no mistake, he isn't your buddy. Buddies don't screw each other's wives. I think there is some kind of bro code you are breaking here. I am betting he would agree, why don't you ask him.

 

If he wanted to screw my wife if let him with no problem but Id wanna be there. Make no mistake I pretty much guarantee that or something close will happen in the next few years. We are buddy's. he would not be cool with me and his wife at all but we are all friends and real close. Things have happened that aren't like every friendship lol .. He's my buddy.

[Iamhisflower]

Curious...would you be okay with one of your "buddies" screwing your wife?

[BlueBobby]

My wife and my friend both know what me and my girl are like. They are in denial. They wanted a monogamous marriage but they went into it knowing we didn't.

[BlueBobby]

Curious...would you be okay with one of your "buddies" screwing your wife?

 

Ya if she was into that but she's not.

[BlueBobby]

And your OW here - has known all along you have sex with others too? Others being besides your wife and other woman...

 

And she's accepting of that?

 

I haven't had sex with anyone else since I've been with her and its been over a year. But we've talked about it a lot ya and she's into it, I can tell she would rather have me to herself but she also likes the idea of sharing but just sex, not time.

[bentleychic]

I think I just figured out who your MOW is. LOL

 

Not sure how I'd feel about my MM posting here. Hmmm...

[Iamhisflower]

If he wanted to screw my wife if let him with no problem but Id wanna be there. Make no mistake I pretty much guarantee that or something close will happen in the next few years. We are buddy's. he would not be cool with me and his wife at all but we are all friends and real close. Things have happened that aren't like every friendship lol .. He's my buddy.

 

So you have multiple affairs and would like to watch your wife have sex with another man?! Wow ok. Did something bad happen to you as a kid? If my mind worked like that, I'd be running to therapy.

[beach]

It appears your attitude toward women is off.

 

Have you ever addressed that in counseling? Your disregard for women by disrespecting them purposely...seems vindictive.

[BlueBobby]

It appears your attitude toward women is off.

 

Have you ever addressed that in counseling? Your disregard for women by disrespecting them purposely...seems vindictive.

 

I love all women.

[BlueBobby]

So you have multiple affairs and would like to watch your wife have sex with another man?! Wow ok. Did something bad happen to you as a kid? If my mind worked like that, I'd be running to therapy.

 

LOL! non of anyone's business. I am fine.