Outspokenwallflower Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I'll try to make it brief: I was consistently dating a guy for six months before his communication started to slow down considerably. Things seemed to be fine, at least in my eyes, so it came as a surprise. When we first started dating, I reiterated pretty firmly that I value honesty from guys, and when they aren't interested, I prefer being told upfront rather than a guy disappearing or doing the fade. He claimed he wouldn't do that to a woman, because it's been done to him and he know how much it sucks. At this point, I would get once in awhile phone calls/texts (or he would sometimes pick up/respond to mine), and he would still speak somewhat affectionately towards me, saying things like "It would crush me if we stopped talking" or "I have feelings for you". However, obviously, the words wouldn't match the actions. Last time I saw him was two weeks ago; last time I spoke to him was a week ago; I've tried reaching out to him with no avail. Since then, he's texted maybe once or twice (few words, miscellaneous at best) and two days ago, texted me saying he was sick. I wrote something witty and funny (in which he replied 'LMFAO') told him to feel better, and haven't heard since. Don't wanna bother him if he is sick, but I suspected the fade out before then anyway. So, I'm leaning towards confronting him not so much about the fade out, but about whether or not he'd just like to stop seeing me because he may not be interested anymore. I was just wondering if I should wait to do so, or get it done within the next day or two? Also, this clearly appears to be a fade out right? I don't want to project anything. Not too sure how to go about the confrontation either. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 "It doesn't seem that you're into this anymore, that's cool. I'm moving on, best of luck in the future" And be done with it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Addison312 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 "It doesn't seem that you're into this anymore, that's cool. I'm moving on, best of luck in the future" And be done with it. This is all that you need to text. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Outspokenwallflower Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 Funnily enough, he once told me, when I was showing a moment of vulnerability about how I felt for him, to not be a punk over text and to vocally express how I felt. That he preferred it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Bindi33 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I just recently had a guy do this to me. At first I started to chase after him but then realized it wasn't worth my time and stopped trying. He eventually texted me and I ignored it. Then he showed up at my work drunk (I work at a bar) and started spilling his feelings for me, he missed me, I'm the only one he wants, he's afraid to get his heart broken, etc etc etc. well I fell for it. A few days later I talked to him sober and he said what he said drunk was all true and wanted to give this a better shot. Well of course once I started to show interest again he did the fade out once again! My advice: just cut him loose right here and now. Anyone who is worth it will never start this whole fade out game. If you cut contact, he'll most likely come back around once you do. But he'll eventually fade out again. It's a vicious cycle with these type of people. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like he has lost interest. Is it normal for you two to not see each other in two weeks? How did he justify the fact that he did not see you for this long period of time? My advice to you is to wait a few days (no need to kick him while is sick) and then call him and tell him this is not working out anymore. If you'd rather do it face to face and you can get him to agree to a meetup, ask him to meet you for coffee and do it face to face. But yeah, probably best to not drag it out and just end it now. On the plus-side, you will be the one who ended it officially, which will take away some of the rejection-pain that comes with being a dumpee. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Funnily enough, he once told me, when I was showing a moment of vulnerability about how I felt for him, to not be a punk over text and to vocally express how I felt. That he preferred it that way. This is wholly over-rated. Most people would agree that it's preferable, but why? Courage? Perhaps. Respect? Perhaps. But why go through the trouble, inconvenience and money and time to break face to face with someone you are just dating? After six months, I would think it was beyond dating...maybe I'm naive. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 You have nothing to gain by confronting him. It will just prolong things. He is telegraphing pretty clearly to you that he is no longer interested. You are best served by just doing your own fade. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Just stop responding to texts/calls. Next time, assess how he treats friends/family. People with this pattern don't tend to be very reliable overall and can't keep friends either. Ask more questions about past relationships and how they ended. You can easily avoid people with this pattern in the future. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Outspokenwallflower Posted November 23, 2013 Author Share Posted November 23, 2013 Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like he has lost interest. Is it normal for you two to not see each other in two weeks? How did he justify the fact that he did not see you for this long period of time? My advice to you is to wait a few days (no need to kick him while is sick) and then call him and tell him this is not working out anymore. If you'd rather do it face to face and you can get him to agree to a meetup, ask him to meet you for coffee and do it face to face. But yeah, probably best to not drag it out and just end it now. On the plus-side, you will be the one who ended it officially, which will take away some of the rejection-pain that comes with being a dumpee. Good luck! There were times when due to work schedules or distance (I live a half hour or more away from him with traffic) that we wouldn't see each other for two weeks. Longest point it ever went to was three, but once we saw each other again, it went back into the regular groove of seeing each other often. Before seeing him two weeks ago, when communication became sluggish, at the very least, I hadn't seen him in over two months. Now I'm debating whether or not I should confront the fade out. I still haven't heard from him since Wednesday, and although I know that this must be a fade out, I'm the type of person who hates to project. So maybe I should say nothing at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Before seeing him two weeks ago, when communication became sluggish, at the very least, I hadn't seen him in over two months. You had not seen him in over two months??? Sweetie, there is your answer, he is not interested. If he was, he would have probably found time to see you in those two months. Sounds like he has been fading on you for a few months now. My advice is to accept that it is over and not contact him anymore. If he contacts you again you can tell him that you are not interested in dating someone who you rarely get to see or hear from. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 If you want to hang on and see him once in a great while, do it BUT start dating men locally who are available and who make time for you. Then if it gets serious, dump the original boyfriend. You can think of him as backup. Frankly I wouldn't bother. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 Sounds like a fade out. Confronting him doesn't really do you a lot of good as it just makes it things awkward. If you think he's lost interest than move on and pull a fade out of your own. If you really want closure or think their's still hope, maybe sending something a little playful that addresses his feelings. Maybe: "You know, a less secure girl might start to wonder how come we havn't seen each other in so long..." If you get no response (or some runaround) then you've got your answer. You don't really gain anything from telling him off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kate9292 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Don't confront him, assume he's not worth any of your time and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Fade out = not interested. What benefit would be served by a sit down discussion of why the person is not interested? Or a trite "yr great but I dont see anything happening". Absolutely none. Except prolonging awkwardness for all involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Outspokenwallflower Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 Thanks everyone I'm going to just let it go and try to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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