Contacted ex.... Sigh

[Kermit76]

Long story short.

 

Two year relationship. Got dumped out of the blue.

Actually the second time she dumped me. I was such

a good boyfriend to her but wasnt perfect. Had flaws of

my own. Confidence and self esteem issues.

 

Got dumped right after a wedding and handled it pretty well. No NC for close to 3 months and then texted her a how are things text. She responded like a stranger. Very short answers and hours a part. I asked for some things back as well and she said it was too soon for her to be doing this. She ended the conversation with a have a good holiday season. Seemed no interest in me and didn't once ask about me.

 

I know its difficult to accept. Just trying to move on. More insulted I was treated like I meant nothing to her. I won't bother her anymore. She was the one who wanted to stay in touch. She also said she is focusing on herself and hopes I am too.

 

It hurts. I now feel like im starting over with the break up. And finally accepting its over.

 

Sigh.

[LostOne08]

This sucks, sorry to hear about this. You just have to pick yourself back up from square one and go NC again. I'm in a similar situation, we've been broken up almost three months and I've been essentially NC for 5 weeks. Sometimes, I'm fighting everything inside me to not contact her. Then I try to remind myself of a few simple things and usually the urge passes:

 

-You can't bring someone closer by pestering them with contact, but you can drive them further away

-Contact will never give you the answers or closure you want, just leaving you wanting more contact

-Contact is a two way street, if she wants to talk to me, she knows where to find me

 

It's been extremely difficult because I felt a real connection with my ex that she suddenly says she didn't feel anymore. I reached out to her twice since the breakup and she got colder and colder each time. To the point where I know that now, if I try to reach out to her, she's going to be extremely hurtful. I know you said you have things to get back from her, but I'd recommend chalking those items up as a complete loss unless she contacts you. You could also attempt to have a third party get the items for you, like a mutual friend, if that's an option.

[Kermit76]

Yeah. Already dropped stuff off to her family the day after break up. Heard thru a mutual friend she was shocked by this. This time around your right. Maybe cut my losses.

 

Questions:

Why so cold to me?

Why cant she see me?

 

She said maybe down the road. Why am I holding on when I know that's its over.

[Confusedguy81]

Yeah. Already dropped stuff off to her family the day after break up. Heard thru a mutual friend she was shocked by this. This time around your right. Maybe cut my losses.

 

Questions:

Why so cold to me?

Why cant she see me?

 

She said maybe down the road. Why am I holding on when I know that's its over.

 

Being cold keeps you from contacting them frequently.

 

She can't see you because maybe she is worried about you trying to talk about giving you another shot which she is not ready for.

[Kermit76]

The grass is greener syndrome perfectly illustrates the break up I'm going thru. So glad I found it in words.

 

The answers to my questions make sense. I will bow out and move on. I have no choice.

[organizedchaos]

 

Questions:

Why so cold to me?

Why cant she see me?

 

Defense mechanism.

[me85]

I a so sorry.

 

My ex has been the same way. In an instant. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Stone cold JERKOFF.

 

Please please please let's help each other move on by using this forum to cope and talk to people who understand and are going through the same thing as us.

 

It really helps.

I've never gone through anything like this before and it really does tear your insides out and make you just want to sulk while balled up in a sad little puddle until someone else comes along and reminds us that we are beautiful creatures who deserve to be loved.

[me85]

This sucks, sorry to hear about this. You just have to pick yourself back up from square one and go NC again. I'm in a similar situation, we've been broken up almost three months and I've been essentially NC for 5 weeks. Sometimes, I'm fighting everything inside me to not contact her. Then I try to remind myself of a few simple things and usually the urge passes:

 

-You can't bring someone closer by pestering them with contact, but you can drive them further away

-Contact will never give you the answers or closure you want, just leaving you wanting more contact

-Contact is a two way street, if she wants to talk to me, she knows where to find me

 

It's been extremely difficult because I felt a real connection with my ex that she suddenly says she didn't feel anymore. I reached out to her twice since the breakup and she got colder and colder each time. To the point where I know that now, if I try to reach out to her, she's going to be extremely hurtful. I know you said you have things to get back from her, but I'd recommend chalking those items up as a complete loss unless she contacts you. You could also attempt to have a third party get the items for you, like a mutual friend, if that's an option.

 

Could not agree more. I pushed and pushed for reasons and now I'm finally at a point (after days/weeks of trying) where I am finally done trying to win him back, get closure...it's never going to happen. I have made a complete fool out of myself which makes me so feel so much worse about things. I started the strong one and it was he who was weak now the roles have reversed and it just sucks.

 

I want my strength back. I'm more disappointed IN MYSELF & ashamed that I let this "BU" get the best of me and absolutely HATE that I let it consume me completely to where I feel not good enough.

[me85]

I AM so sorry.

 

My ex has been the same way. In an instant. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Stone cold JERKOFF.

 

Please please please let's help each other move on by using this forum to cope and talk to people who understand and are going through the same thing as us.

 

It really helps.

I've never gone through anything like this before and it really does tear your insides out and make you just want to sulk while balled up in a sad little puddle until someone else comes along and reminds us that we are beautiful creatures who deserve to be loved.

 

I am* so sorry...

[Ftheeastcoast]

Telling you to go NC seems pointless, it's really just time to move on. You seem like you understand that communication is gone and contact is pointless.

[Kermit76]

Sorry as well.

 

At the end although I'm still hurting I have to realize its her loss.

 

I tried my very best in the relationship and even out of it to make things right.

 

Although now friends and family are now telling me she was no good to begin with I'm starting to see her true colors and my blinders are off.

 

She left me at a very difficult time in my life. Unemployed. Interviewing couldn't find a job. Had financial issues. She left when the going got tough. Just like that and didnt look back.

 

If she wanted to be cold she could have ignored my texts. Answering them and not acknowledging my existence was much colder.

 

She always had a mean side and now its in full force. Funny just days of breaking up with me I was picking her up from the airport. Everything seemed fine. She told me she was thinking about breaking up for weeks. Went to wedding with me and played her girlfriend role perfectly.

[Kermit76]

Swears to me there is no one else and she just lost interest.

[Confusedguy81]

Swears to me there is no one else and she just lost interest.

 

 

You sound whipped and put her on some kind of throne. Just break contact and improve yourself. She may or may not comeback. The problem with contact is it just pushes them further away.

[Kermit76]

Good advice. Definitely improving myself or at least trying to. Not whipped just pissed..

[Confusedguy81]

Good advice. Definitely improving myself or at least trying to. Not whipped just pissed..

 

pissed is worse because when you do talk to her that may come up. Any hint of anger you show will just validate her decision. That's why NC is best because your emotions are high and you may do something you will regret.

[me85]

Sorry as well.

 

At the end although I'm still hurting I have to realize its her loss.

 

I tried my very best in the relationship and even out of it to make things right.

 

Although now friends and family are now telling me she was no good to begin with I'm starting to see her true colors and my blinders are off.

 

She left me at a very difficult time in my life. Unemployed. Interviewing couldn't find a job. Had financial issues. She left when the going got tough. Just like that and didnt look back.

 

If she wanted to be cold she could have ignored my texts. Answering them and not acknowledging my existence was much colder.

 

She always had a mean side and now its in full force. Funny just days of breaking up with me I was picking her up from the airport. Everything seemed fine. She told me she was thinking about breaking up for weeks. Went to wedding with me and played her girlfriend role perfectly.

 

Wow. I am SO sorry.

 

My ex had more than just a mean streak in him and was never understanding that me not finding a job was what made me depressed he just called me an "unhappy person."

He broke up with me and asked me to move out 2 days before I started a new job, one week before our 2 year anniversary and 2 weeks before my birthday.

 

That job I worked for (they were horrible-fired me for no reason 9 days later saying it was nothing I did wrong-WTF) anyway my ex who was still in full contact with and sleeping with and "trying to work things out" asked me over to "comfort me & be there for me" ya right, just wanted sex then after when I ask "what are we?" proceeds to tell me that he doesn't love me the same way as I love him...oh and ends up practically throwing me out of his house because I wanted to talk and I was crying. Oh but he's "so sorry" the next day. I'M AN IDIOT. That was months ago. Gave him another chance...

 

THEN ON my birthday he just got me a card (DUMB-MEANINGLESS CARD "FUNNY" CARD) and met up with me in a parking lot and was a total JERK to me ON my birthday.

 

Oh the list goes on and on...I'M AN IDIOT. I hope no one on here thinks I'm a total moron and desperate like this in general because that couldn't be further from the truth. I was such a strong confident person before I got involved with my ex. I should have never put up with all the **** he put me through. It really is my own damn fault.

 

My ex emotionally abused me, and physically and verbally & controlled me & completely robbed me of my self worth through it all & then he just disposed of me without ever telling me to face to face-PROPERLY-how sorry he was for mistreating me and tearing me down these past 3 years. I really wish I never met him.

 

I will find myself again.

This is the FIRST and LAST time I allow anyone to hurt me this way.

[Jules78]

I started the strong one and it was he who was weak now the roles have reversed and it just sucks.

 

I want my strength back. I'm more disappointed IN MYSELF & ashamed that I let this "BU" get the best of me and absolutely HATE that I let it consume me completely to where I feel not good enough.

 

These two things are my issues with this BU as well. I am pissed at myself!

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Hey don't worry about losing your strength. I too was the strong one, though she was at times. Look at it this way, we were so honestly invested in them and loving of them even when they pushed us away it took ALL OUR STRENGTH.

 

The heartache is all on us. They like it the further they get out. But for us broken, common conversation takes everything we've got!

 

We'll be the strong ones in the end because we'll work on ourselves and become awesome people whilst our exes simply rebound to the next and think they know everything about how a relationship should work.

 

They'll only realize the same or new problems come up once the **** hits the fan.

 

me85 - I too was depressed because of lack of a job. Your ex sounds like he showed his true colours. He sounds like an emotional chameleon the same as my ex. They change their colours once they suck you dry and go back to their real self until the next person comes along. These people are dangerous and you will recover. As for me maybe I won't recover, maybe you won't.

 

But we both want to and even if we're single for life, it's better than living a lie. At least we can sit back and watch the blinders slowly fall off and think "wow is this the person that I loved all this time!?"

Edited November 23, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[fixing]

Sorry as well.

 

At the end although I'm still hurting I have to realize its her loss.

 

I tried my very best in the relationship and even out of it to make things right.

 

Although now friends and family are now telling me she was no good to begin with I'm starting to see her true colors and my blinders are off.

 

She left me at a very difficult time in my life. Unemployed. Interviewing couldn't find a job. Had financial issues. She left when the going got tough. Just like that and didnt look back.

 

If she wanted to be cold she could have ignored my texts. Answering them and not acknowledging my existence was much colder.

 

She always had a mean side and now its in full force. Funny just days of breaking up with me I was picking her up from the airport. Everything seemed fine. She told me she was thinking about breaking up for weeks. Went to wedding with me and played her girlfriend role perfectly.

 

Great. This is the thinking you need to continue with. Its ALWAYS their loss man. You did your best, she dropped you and didn't give a ****e about the awful period you were/are in. Love yourself again. She aint worth it no more.

[Mz_sassy_77]

It is very hard not to reach out and make that contact. I have come to realize if they want to contact you then they will. By us contacting them it makes us look weak. The last contact I had was very soon after the BU and was pretty amicable I think. I remember thinking to myself this is the last time I will ever contact you and I have stuck to that. Stay strong and resist the urge to contact OP. It only ends with us feeling worse and them getting a little ego boost cos they know we are still thinking about them.

[Kermit76]

Posted yesterday. Still feel like sh@$.

 

Ex pretty much responded to texts from me but showed no interest. It was business like. Short answers. Not one question about me.

 

Feel like I'm starting over from day one of BU.

 

Was I expecting too much? Heard thru mutual friends she was questioning BU the day after it happened but that was 3 months ago. Guess I was hoping me contacting her would rekindle things.

 

Now I'm flooded with thoughts about our relationship. Really feels like I'm starting over. Yelling at myself in my head that's its over. Trying to give myself no hope that she will ever contact me and go no contact for good.

 

Starting new job on Monday and want to be focused.

 

We had a 6 hour breakup. I believe this is the grass is greener syndrome and sounds like she is focused on her career and kicked me to the curb.

 

The worst thing I feel is she said in the text message (our only contact inn3 months... I broke it and am the dumpee) is I should be improving myself and of course I said I was but waking up today I know Im not. I was. Going to gym, yoga, meditation days after BU but then got anxiety about waiting for her to contact me and I caved. Now everything to bettet myself has stopped. She has done nothing. I'm the one hurting myself. Its so sad. I feel powerless and have images of her enjoying life without me l like I meant nothing.

[cavalier99]

Sorry. On the bright side you have helped counltess LSers understand the dangers of breaking NC. It sucks. Just pick up right back where you left off and dont mess up again. Rock on! Cav

[Confusedguy81]

Posted yesterday. Still feel like sh@$.

 

Ex pretty much responded to texts from me but showed no interest. It was business like. Short answers. Not one question about me.

 

Feel like I'm starting over from day one of BU.

 

Was I expecting too much? Heard thru mutual friends she was questioning BU the day after it happened but that was 3 months ago. Guess I was hoping me contacting her would rekindle things.

 

Now I'm flooded with thoughts about our relationship. Really feels like I'm starting over. Yelling at myself in my head that's its over. Trying to give myself no hope that she will ever contact me and go no contact for good.

 

Starting new job on Monday and want to be focused.

 

We had a 6 hour breakup. I believe this is the grass is greener syndrome and sounds like she is focused on her career and kicked me to the curb.

 

The worst thing I feel is she said in the text message (our only contact inn3 months... I broke it and am the dumpee) is I should be improving myself and of course I said I was but waking up today I know Im not. I was. Going to gym, yoga, meditation days after BU but then got anxiety about waiting for her to contact me and I caved. Now everything to bettet myself has stopped. She has done nothing. I'm the one hurting myself. Its so sad. I feel powerless and have images of her enjoying life without me l like I meant nothing.

 

Why the Fudge did you break NC? Breaking NC is just going to give you more anxiety. It's not like you have sudden control when you break contact; it actually feels like quiet the opposite in my opinion. Maybe consider seeing a therapist. You may have dependency issues.

 

Don't assume that you know her feelings and that it's the grass is greener syndrome. Women are crazy and it's impossible to know what they're thinking.

 

Again, breaking contact is just gonna make you more depressed and her more annoyed with you. Just stop.

[Kermit76]

Broke contact thinking she was reconsidering or at least on my end hoping. She was always confused in our relationship. Very indecisive person. Thought 3 months is a lot of time to get some perspective. I was dead wrong.

 

Maybe some dependency issues. This is my first long relationship and the BU was out of the blue.

 

I'm using this board as my therapy.

[chris21422]

thank god for posting this. I'm having this urge to contact my ex since last night.

 

 

arghh go away!