Adunaphel Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I didn't know where to post this, I hope the 'in search of' forum is appropriate. I'd need advice about how to handle situations where a stranger is trying to flirt with you or to get your phone number. Expecially about how to 'slip away' from the conversation once you let him know that you have a boyfriend and/or you are not interested in him. The other day I was travelling by train and this guy was basically trying to hit on me - (hey, it doesn't happen to me *that*often - only seldom! I'm not the kind of person that gets hit on a lot!) - I mentioned that I had a boyfriend, when he asked me to hang out together sometimes I said that I basically had not a lot of spare time, when he said I was very pretty, I had nice eyes and blah blah blah I told him to _please_ stop because he was embarassing me, and still he kept talking until his train stop came. All the time I was thinking "please *stop* bugging me". I'm a very shy person and it's very embarassing when someone is trying to engage you in a conversation *you just don't want to have with him*. (Expecially in a semi-desert train compartment) Is there a way to tell someone "I'm sorry, I don't care for company/talking right now, I'd rather be left alone" without sounding like a rude b*tch? Is there any good excuse to leave the train compartment (or any other place you might be) without looking rude and a chicken? Is there any *nice* way to tell someone in a bar/pub that thank you, you'd *really* rather they didn't buy you a drink? To tell someone "I'm flattered by your attention, but could you please leave me the f*ck alone now?" Sorry if this post sounds silly, but it's a real problem for me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 give him some warnings with one word answers and negative body language. if this does not work just tell them you're married and have eight kids. lie lie lie but be direct. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Is there any good excuse to leave the train compartment (or any other place you might be) without looking rude and a chicken? If he doesn't seem concerned about you thinking him a boor and a bore, why do you worry if he thinks you're 'chicken'. Just leave. No excuses. Just go. Is there any *nice* way to tell someone in a bar/pub that thank you, you'd *really* rather they didn't buy you a drink? "I'd really rather you not buy me a drink. Thanks anyway" To tell someone "I'm flattered by your attention, but could you please leave me the f*ck alone now?" Don't say you're flattered by the attention. Say 'thank you, but I have a boyfriend and I am not interested in meeting anyone else'. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 let him know you have a Girlfriend, and she is the psycho-possesive-jealous-type and she can hear him right now...cause she implanted a microphone chip in your brain. that should work. either that or your Kids need a new daddy! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale give him some warnings with one word answers and negative body language. if this does not work just tell them you're married and have eight kids. lie lie lie but be direct. Alpha knows those signals well. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 You could say "sorry, I want to be alone right now -- I just found out I have HIV and I'm pregnant and my new boyfriend just told me HE has syphilis." Seriously though, don't worry about appearing polite or nice in their eyes. You said it yourself in your original post: [color=blue]"I'm sorry, I don't care for company/talking right now, I'd rather be left alone"[/color] If they refuse to leave you alone, get up and walk away and/or tell them that you insist on being left along and that if he doesn't leave you will be forced to call the police. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I understand this completely. Sometimes I don´t have problems telling them anything and just run. Other times I find myself suffering an interrogation à la KGB or Spanish Inquisition and I don´t find the courage to tell the guy to get lost. I think the problem is, they think I´m a shy girl and that´s why I look away all the time or just answer with yes or no. This in turn makes them try harder, etc., etc. I guess, the best thing would be to be honest and tell them straight away you are not interested in a date with them. And if you say it with a smile they will hopefully back off? It´s been years since the last time someone approached me in such a pushy way, so even though I don´t like it at all, I also never had the pressure to find a solution to this problem; actually I think with this type of guy there´s no real solution, but to suffer it silently or become very blunt. Think it like this, it´s surely good for your karma to be nice and friendly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adunaphel Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 Thank you for all your valuable advice!!! Alpha, one word answers sound like a great idea! I've never tried them. I guess the reason is that one word answers would embarass *me* a lot. But hey, if they'd have on others the same effect thay have on me it's just one more reason to try them. It's one of the few cases when "don't treat others the way you would not like others to treat you" does not apply! Moi, Don't say you're flattered by the attention. Say 'thank you, but I have a boyfriend and I am not interested in meeting anyone else'. you are so right. Expecially since I'm not even that flattered in the first place. I guess I should leave out from my sentences *all* the "thanks for the compliment, but...", "That's flattering, but..." parts. Even if I were just trying to be nice, they might send the wrong message. Hokey, Moi, I'll follow your advice next time: I won't worry about looking polite to someone who is acting in an insistent way and putting me in embarass. I guess it's easier said than done, but I'll think about what you wrote and just ignore the voices in my head that yell at me that I'm being rude!!! You could say "sorry, I want to be alone right now -- I just found out I have HIV and I'm pregnant and my new boyfriend just told me HE has syphilis." let him know you have a Girlfriend, and she is the psycho-possesive-jealous-type and she can hear him right now...cause she implanted a microphone chip in your brain. Kooky, I think the problem is, they think I´m a shy girl and that´s why I look away all the time or just answer with yes or no. This in turn makes them try harder, etc., etc. I know the situation, it's awful! Actually I've started to think that it's not that they think we are shy, but there are just people unable to read basic body language! Thanks for sharing Link to post Share on other sites
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