HairTie Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I had been involved with a MM for over a year. He's married, 17 years older than me, and I'm single. He had been talking to a friend of ours (well a friend of mine whom he met) and telling her that we had been honest with each other, and we both knew that there was no future for us together for many reasons. We both fell in love with each other, that I'm 100% sure of. What I dont know, and will never know because we no longer speak, is what these "other reasons" were. We ended things because hes married. I thought that was the reason there could never be more between us. I cannot think of any other reason except maybe age, but it never seemed to be an issue. What are other possible reasons? Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I don't know your details so here are some reasons I thought of... you are at different stages in your lives you want kids, he doesn't you like to party, he doesn't age does come into play sooner or later he may not find you have much in common what he loses by leaving is too much if they don't fit then they don't apply. It would help if you gave more details about your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HairTie Posted November 23, 2013 Author Share Posted November 23, 2013 I don't know your details so here are some reasons I thought of... you are at different stages in your lives you want kids, he doesn't you like to party, he doesn't age does come into play sooner or later he may not find you have much in common what he loses by leaving is too much if they don't fit then they don't apply. It would help if you gave more details about your relationship. I feel like all of the above are related either to age or his marriage. We have very much in commion which is how feelings came to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HairTie Posted November 23, 2013 Author Share Posted November 23, 2013 Every situation is different - my question is in relation to a man who claims he is happily married (aside from sexual fulfillment), loves his wife, and doesnt want to leave her. In that scenario, #1: How can he truly love his wife? He loves her, but not enough to not cheat on her? Or is the answer really as simple as: he loves her, but he loves himself more i.e. Hes selfish? #2: How can he possibly think he loves the OW? How can he think it is possible to be in love with two women? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 You can love two people at one time. Many betrayed wives ask themselves and the WS how could you love me and do that. My husband reply was..I was selfish. I thought if you didn't know it wouldn't hurt you. I love you and I know my behavior was not loving. I'm sorry. I struggled with that one for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 My father married his first wife who was nine years younger than him. His second wife was ten years older. I asked him did age make a difference. He said not at first but it did over time. That may be what happened with your MM. Like I said I was just throwing out the ideas I could think of. I'm sorry that they didn't help. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) I think you have to be an emotionally healthy person, who is secure in himself, and capable of introspection... To truly love someone in the way that most of us want to be loved. The fact is that many people are in the midst of their own issues, and aren't capable (in their current state) of genuinely loving bw or ow- in the sense that they are really concerned for their feelings and have their best interests at heart. They are lying to themselves, and love them in a selfish way. It often takes counseling or harsh consequences to prompt the introspection needed to realize they were not being loving to either woman. Edited November 23, 2013 by Quiet Storm 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hopewild Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I think you have to be an emotionally healthy person, who is secure in himself, and capable of introspection... To truly love someone in the way that most of us want to be loved. The fact is that many people are in the midst of their own issues, and aren't capable (in their current state) of genuinely loving bw or ow- in the sense that they are really concerned for their feelings and have their best interests at heart. They are lying to themselves, and love them in a selfish way. It often takes counseling or harsh consequences to prompt the introspection needed to realize they were not being loving to either woman. WOW. This is so insightful. Giving me a lot to think about right now. Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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