The hits just keep coming...

[devilish innocent]

I'm very sorry about your dog. It's always very tough when a beloved pet dies.

 

While it probably would have been better to shut off your phone, you shouldn't feel too bad about your reaction. It's understandable when you've just found out your dog is dying, and your ex chooses that time to be a jerk. All I can say is he and his girlfriend must be pretty miserable themselves. People who are content and happy with their lives wouldn't feel the need to put others down.

 

It sucks that your ex can't even make time for his son. At least your son has one parent who is there for them. If your ex keeps this up, your son will grow up and know who the better parent was.

 

Just do your best to ignore their rude comments. If there's any way to set things up on Twitter so you can't see their Twitter posts, you should definitely do that. Stay busy with other things. Also, keep doing your best to limit your conversations to the things that have to be discussed. I hope it gets easier.

[whichwayisup]

I tell you what, it sure does seem like I can't get a break.

 

Ex and his skank are busy shacking up... meanwhile my life is falling apart.

 

Yesterday, I had to take our dog to the vet. I found out that she has a tumor that is so large the vet doesn't think it makes sense to operate. I have to put her to sleep. I got her just before I met him. She's been with us for 11 years.

 

While I was at the vets getting this news... ex decided he would start harrasing me via text message. He sent me text after text after text about what a piece of crap he thinks I am, that he stopped loving me a long time ago, that he was having an affair right under my nose and I was too stupid to notice and on and on. I swear I thought I was going to lose it. I said many things back to him that I should have said long ago. I don't even understand why he started blasting me. All I did was tell him that I was at the vets and that our dog is very sick. I thought he'd like to know since he loved her so much.

 

Then, today was our son's birthday. He promised to come to the movies with us and then out to dinner to celebrate (putting aside our differences just for our son's sake). Just before he was supposed to come, he texts and says he is going to work instead. Now what is funny about that is... Friday nights are overtime for him... he told me last week that there is no overtime until after January. So, he was lying. And then to top it off... his skank was busy posting on twitter about how they were having sex this evening and made more nasty comments about me.

 

Will this craziness ever end?

 

Seriously? Why not just leave me ALONE? I mean, haven't I suffered enough? Why keep rubbing my face in it?

 

Am I the only person who has had an ex and the OW he cheated on me with act in such a crazy manner?

 

Ugh, I just need to cut contact altogether. How do I do that when we have a child together?

 

Your ex is f,cked in the head. Really he is. Rae, you need to ignore him!

 

Though I do wonder if it's his psycho OW who is texting you all that horrible stuff or she is egging him on. Either way, that's just cruel and mean. What a complete A-hole!!!!!!!!!

 

I am sorry to hear about your dog. Pets are loving family members too, so my heart goes out to you and your son.

[Acacia98]

Will this craziness ever end?

 

Seriously? Why not just leave me ALONE? I mean, haven't I suffered enough? Why keep rubbing my face in it?

 

Am I the only person who has had an ex and the OW he cheated on me with act in such a crazy manner?

 

Ugh, I just need to cut contact altogether. How do I do that when we have a child together?

Sorry about your dog, Raena.

And sorry about all the drama with your ex and his girlfriend. They both seem so invested in pushing your buttons that I can't help wondering: Is it possible that they have nothing else in common?

 

It's sad that your ex couldn't set aside the acrimony for your son's sake. However, you should probably reconsider the idea of doing stuff together 'as a family' on special days. It's not automatically a good idea to do stuff together. It makes sense if you're both able to put the negativity aside. But if you have a combative relationship, it is much, much better for your son to have separate celebrations with each of you.

 

Also, it's in your best interests to ignore your ex's girlfriend's tweets. And don't take the bait when they send you abusive messages. Ignore all abusive messages. Respond only when your ex communicates the way a sane, self-respecting man should.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

Personally I would block him from phone and FB and whatever else. If you can, get a cheap prepaid cell and give him that number. He can leave voicemails if he wants to contact you.

[Raena]

Thank you to all who read and responded. It really does help to hear everyone's perspective.

 

I'm feeling much better about things today, at least for the moment. It's this roller coaster of emotions that get to me. That and the sleepless nights.

[bentleychic]

I'm so sorry about your dog.

 

The mean texts from him sound more like stuff she would say/do from what you've said. I wonder if it's possible that she took his phone from him.

 

Either way, try as best as you can not to engage the crazy unless absolutely necessary.

[Ladydrib]

I tell you what, it sure does seem like I can't get a break.

 

Ex and his skank are busy shacking up... meanwhile my life is falling apart.

 

Yesterday, I had to take our dog to the vet. I found out that she has a tumor that is so large the vet doesn't think it makes sense to operate. I have to put her to sleep. I got her just before I met him. She's been with us for 11 years.

 

While I was at the vets getting this news... ex decided he would start harrasing me via text message. He sent me text after text after text about what a piece of crap he thinks I am, that he stopped loving me a long time ago, that he was having an affair right under my nose and I was too stupid to notice and on and on. I swear I thought I was going to lose it. I said many things back to him that I should have said long ago. I don't even understand why he started blasting me. All I did was tell him that I was at the vets and that our dog is very sick. I thought he'd like to know since he loved her so much.

 

Then, today was our son's birthday. He promised to come to the movies with us and then out to dinner to celebrate (putting aside our differences just for our son's sake). Just before he was supposed to come, he texts and says he is going to work instead. Now what is funny about that is... Friday nights are overtime for him... he told me last week that there is no overtime until after January. So, he was lying. And then to top it off... his skank was busy posting on twitter about how they were having sex this evening and made more nasty comments about me.

 

Will this craziness ever end?

 

Seriously? Why not just leave me ALONE? I mean, haven't I suffered enough? Why keep rubbing my face in it?

 

Am I the only person who has had an ex and the OW he cheated on me with act in such a crazy manner?

 

Ugh, I just need to cut contact altogether. How do I do that when we have a child together?

 

You're story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry you're going through this. Please try to stop looking at what that woman posts. It made sense when he was still living with you and lying to you - because it was a source of truth through the cloud of lies. But now that the truth has become reality it's only a source of pain.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your dog too.

[rumbleseat]

While the behaviour is low class and trashy, remember that ultimately, they are making themselves look really, really bad. Send one text that tells the two if them, sweet as pie, that you hope they have a happy life together and then block all contact. If you need to be able to be in touch with him about your son, set up a web based email account that you check on an as needed basis, and set it to filter out nay messages sent from her. Let him know that this email is only to be used for essential messages about your son and nothing else. Let him know that you don't want contact from him for any other reason. Save a copy of the outgoing message, and have. Areas receipt put on it.

Next, see a lawyer and find out what your right s and obligations are. Find out about child support. Document any attempts on his part to contact you that aren't under the strict conditions mentioned above.

 

Right now, they are doing what they do to hurt you and get a reaction. Don't give them that satisfaction.

[Raena]

Just a quick update... I hear that her newest thing is to post all sorts of pictures of the two of them together... kissing and whatnot. I didn't actually go look at them. Just heard about it.

 

What I'm thinking about doing is posting all sorts of pictures from our relationship on my twitter page, one story at a time. Yeah, I know she'll see them and it may bother her... but what I'm really aiming for is to go through it all and process what happened with us. How we went from being soooo in love to all the craziness. I don't have pictures of the craziness of course, but it is almost therapeutic for me to do this. It gives me perspective of what happened and when throughout the years. In a way, it feels good to tell the story and get it out there. We weren't this awful couple that hated each other and never talked. That happened over time. It happened after he cheated the first time, and some other things. It happened again when he chose to cheat again rather than work on our relationship. I think it's good for me to see it all there... clearly laying out what I went through. Some of it was sooo great, some of it wasn't. I kind of want to do this as my way of getting through this pain I'm feeling. Remember what it was, what it became and what it is now.

 

Don't get me wrong... I do want both of them to see it too. I think she is living in this little fantasy land that she is so special and he didn't have those feelings for me too. The fact of the matter is... he probably still does have those feelings for me now. They are hidden because he is in this "fog" believing that what he has with her is better than what he had with me. Pretty much the same story he told me about his ex-wife and the one long term girlfriend he had before her. It's all the same story. As much as I can't stand this girl right now... she has a right to know what she is getting herself into. He also needs to see it too. You don't just pour your heart and soul into a relationship with a woman and then brush it off as if it didn't happen.

 

I don't know. I probably shouldn't do it... but I feel like it's what I need to do. They have knocked my self-esteem down so low that I feel like I need to fight back. I'm not an awful person. I didn't do anything to deserve this. The worst thing I did was to try and forgive him after he cheated the first time. I loved him and I believed in him and I want to tell my story. My way. It empowers me.

[Spark1111]

if you need to do it, then do it.

 

Just don't attach any import to.the outcome, KWIM?

 

She may NOT see it from your perspective....EVER.

 

But if you feel it will empower you, then do so.

[Raena]

You know... the ONLY time she will see it from my perspective is when he does to her what he did to me. It's bound to happen sooner or later. For now, she's in the same "fog" he's in.

 

Sometimes people can change when they really want to, when the outcome is far better than not doing so... but most of the time, people don't change who they are and how they respond to situations.

 

It's that old adage of "once a liar and a cheat, always a liar and a cheat". I've come to see on this forum that this isn't always the case. Sometimes the person really does feel remorse and does what they need to do to fix it and make sure it never happens again. After knowing this man for 11 years and knowing how he treated his previous mates, I seriously doubt that he won't do the same again if given the chance. As soon as he wakes up and realizes that he can't stand her neediness, he will find a replacement. It's what he does.

 

But... you can bet it won't be me again! Never again.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Rae I really believe you need to just ignore this. You will most likely not get the reaction you want. And whoever is telling you what is being posted is not helping you at all.

 

For your own sanity stay off that stuff and tell your friends you don't want to know. It will be much better for you - truly if will.

[bentleychic]

I really fear doing things like that will make you more of an object of their joking and cruelty.

 

With that said, you do whatever you feel you need to do to heal. I would stop looking at their page or having people report to me about what was posted, though b/c I truly do feel that they will see it as something else to laugh/joke about.

[Raena]

Yeah you may be right. "Look at that pathetic witch, rambling on about how good it used to be"

 

Fact of the matter is... he is repeating past behaviors with her. I see it clear as day. She won't. Not for a long time.

 

Honestly, I think it will just piss her off and make her want to post more crap. So... I just block her and then she can't see what I write... not until I'm ready to open it up and let her see. In the meantime, I can still get it off my chest and do it for the reasons I originally said. The only followers I have on there are my two best friends. It's pretty easy to make my tweets protected so that no one but those two people can see what I write.

 

But... the evil side of me wants to piss her off... not sure what the heck that is all about but there it is. Part of me wishes I could hurt her just as much as she has hurt me. Revenge is never fruitful, but at the moment it would feel so good to exact it. I think I'm moving into my "anger" stage.

[wanting more]

They both sound like pretty pathetic people

 

I don't know that you'd actually piss her off. It would probably just fuel her to post more things that she and he knows bothers you and gets you upset

 

You should start a journal. Your own life story. But just for you to read. It's very therapeutic and will help you get your feelings out

 

Another posted suggested getting a prepaid phone and let that be the only way of communication between you and that as*hole ex

 

And please please tell your friends to stop looking at her social media pages. That is doing nothing but hurting you more.

[krazikat]

Yeah you may be right. "Look at that pathetic witch, rambling on about how good it used to be"

 

Fact of the matter is... he is repeating past behaviors with her. I see it clear as day. She won't. Not for a long time.

 

Honestly, I think it will just piss her off and make her want to post more crap. So... I just block her and then she can't see what I write... not until I'm ready to open it up and let her see. In the meantime, I can still get it off my chest and do it for the reasons I originally said. The only followers I have on there are my two best friends. It's pretty easy to make my tweets protected so that no one but those two people can see what I write.

 

But... the evil side of me wants to piss her off... not sure what the heck that is all about but there it is. Part of me wishes I could hurt her just as much as she has hurt me. Revenge is never fruitful, but at the moment it would feel so good to exact it. I think I'm moving into my "anger" stage.

 

Them not getting the reaction hoped for would be the best revenge. Don't react, don't post anything. Actually, girl stay away from all social media for the next 3 months. If you have to keep up for professional reasons then block block block. They do not deserve to know you are reacting.

 

I do believe writing it out is therapeutic...so write here where you know we got your back....or keep a private journal. Even write lettered to him and her BUT DO NOT SEND!! You will get thru this, but bump them, they don't deserve any more of your headspace...they are both disgusting people. Let them live miserably together.

[Mcle]

In your head wish these 2 losers all the happiness they deserve. Then block them out in any possible way. Try reading chump lady com it might help you. Good luck and hugs.

[3blindmice]

I'm sorry to read about your dog.

 

I wonder if your son is your husband's only child, because it sounds like they have a plan. To make you do something so that he can get full custody of your son.

 

It would be best for you if you don't see what they're doing so they can't bait you into doing something that will cause you to lose custody.

[whichwayisup]

Yeah you may be right. "Look at that pathetic witch, rambling on about how good it used to be"

 

Fact of the matter is... he is repeating past behaviors with her. I see it clear as day. She won't. Not for a long time.

 

Honestly, I think it will just piss her off and make her want to post more crap. So... I just block her and then she can't see what I write... not until I'm ready to open it up and let her see. In the meantime, I can still get it off my chest and do it for the reasons I originally said. The only followers I have on there are my two best friends. It's pretty easy to make my tweets protected so that no one but those two people can see what I write.

 

But... the evil side of me wants to piss her off... not sure what the heck that is all about but there it is. Part of me wishes I could hurt her just as much as she has hurt me. Revenge is never fruitful, but at the moment it would feel so good to exact it. I think I'm moving into my "anger" stage.

 

Anger is good. What you need to do is write it all out. Vent it out and also, join a gym where there's a punching bag and let loose! Really, anger can be constructive in a good way, so use it for good! (aka getting you great muscles, and working out)

 

Reacting and stooping to her level is not worth it and it'll add fuel to the fire.

 

However you're finding out about this stuff, through a friend etc, ask them to stop telling you. Focus on yourself and not on them.

 

You are right, she will learn her lesson in time....

[Oberfeldwebel]

You are going to go through many emotions, particularly with the holidays on the horizon, keep busy with friends and family. Wanting to exact revenge is natural, but as you have already stated, it is unfruitful. You don't have to hurt her, he in all likelihood will do that for you, as he has a track record. Don't bother to talk to her about him, as she will not listen, it is a waste of your time. If you really want to get even with them, go live a great life, that will show them. It is a brave new world out there!

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I agree with Kat tenfold. Also, in my experience you cannot tell anyone anything that you do not want repeated. Even your best friends. People have mouths and they talk - they tell their husbands or someone else - believe me. So even blocking her and then posting stuff will eventually get back to her. Believe me.

 

Your non reaction is the best thing ever - it foils their plans and gives them nothing to gossip about.

 

This is what I did (although it was the opposite for me as the ow). That camp was constantly posting things that were hurtful not only to me but my family. When I stopped looking and reacting, it completely stopped - I mean completely. It wasn't fun anymore for them and they looked like jerks. I came off looking much more classy.

 

Same for you Rae. Ignore.

 

Ps - I still believe getting rid of social media altogether is the best answer but that's my opinion.

[Raena]

Meh, I still use fb... neither of them are on there... and that's how I keep in touch with my friends from all over the world.

 

I've decided to not do what I said. It isn't worth it. I already have a journal that I keep about everything. I guess I just wanted to share it with others. Today I'm not feeling much need to. In fact, I feel alright today. Not sad, not angry, not anything really. A little introspective, but more about my life in general and not so much about them or this situation.

 

I have the appointment to go to the vet's on Saturday for my dog. It's killing me. I look at her and she almost looks healthy. The tumor is so large that it makes it look like she is a healthy weight. She's by my side constantly, follows me everywhere. I know she is sick and this is the best thing for her, but it's so hard. I'm sure I'll be a mess that day. He wants to go with me. I'm not holding my breath. I doubt he'll show up. It's so horrible that not only did I lose him, but now I'm losing our first baby too. I got her right before I met him. She's been "our first baby girl" the entire time we were together and truth be told, she always loved him more than me. Losing her right after losing him is just a lot to take.

[crederer]

Jeez. Did you do something to piss your exH off so much? I just can't believe people can say such hurtful things to other people. My ex hurt me very badly. You know what I did? I broke up with her and never talked to her again. I had no desire to say such evil things to her after.

 

I don't understand how some people can be such asshats.

[jnj express]

Hey Raena---you want this all to go away---here is what you do

 

You stop fighting with them, in fact you go complete NC, with her-----BUT---you save every bit of everything she has put out there, that puts you down, or interferes with your life---just keep everything

 

If they persist in bothering you---you do the following----you send her a registered letter, telling her, if she bothers you, or puts out one more piece of ANYTHING----you will file a civil suit against her---you will file agst her for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS------your evidence will go back to the beginning and encompass her stealing your H, and destroying your mge, and family, and the evidence will continue till present day

 

You can actually go to a law library, or get a paralegal to help you with the complaint---the filing will cost very little---but the kicker is she doesn't know that you have not gone to an attorney---but she will have one month , and one month only to file her answer---so she is gonna have to go to an atty, and spend her own money, to have her atty, file an answer on time, or she DEFAULTS----I promise you, you will get a reaction very quickly, and if done right---you can shut her down completely---if she wants to push it, you can hire an atty., to go to court =, but I am willing to bet---she will agree to shut up, and leave you alone, if you withdraw your suit/threat of suit.

 

If your so called H, also persists, in defending what she has done, and continues to hassle/abuse you---you use that as evidence AGAINST him in D court----I promise you this works very well-----when you name a figure in your complaint put in a quarter of a million dollars---that is a nice round sum, that will make her sweat a whole lot, and I promise you---you will get a reaction.

[Raena]

Jeez. Did you do something to piss your exH off so much? I just can't believe people can say such hurtful things to other people. My ex hurt me very badly. You know what I did? I broke up with her and never talked to her again. I had no desire to say such evil things to her after.

 

I don't understand how some people can be such asshats.

 

I did nothing to deserve this. Nothing at all. At worst I could be accused of not paying enough attention to him. That was pretty difficult to do since he was hardly ever here because of our work schedules. Besides that, NO. I did nothing to deserve this kind of hatred and disrespect.

 

I suspect that the hurtful things are being said to justify their actions to themselves. They have to hate me in order to explain why they chose to cheat to be with each other.