CA20 Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I was just wondering something..my relationship was recently ended by my ex fiance, and lately I have been doing ok, but does anyone else ever do this....I sometimes catch myself thinking about the great times we had, like when we spent an entire week at the beach when were engaged, and even when we would do something so tame as go grocery shopping, pet store on a Friday night, watching a show, etc...and I get down because I start thinking....'' pretty soon, unless the unthinkable happens and she has a miraculous change of heart, some other guy is going to be doing those things and making new memories with her ''....now she even said after the breakup that everything we did and all we have been through is special to her and that would never change...marriage or not to someone else, but I cant help but think....someone else will provide her with new memories, and ours will not matter to her....I mean, this was my future wife, it was set in stone, so I thought, that we were getting married....I have the exact date, everything....why do I feel like this, a jealous feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 just re-read this: "She was a possessive, selfish person who dominated the relationship in every way possible. She had no self esteem and enjoyed ridiculing me from everything to what I wore, to my friends, etc...nothing was good enough for her, she always got upset at the most ridiculous things..and when I say upset, I mean literally, one time at a mexican place we ate at, I said something about being pressed for time, and she said '' don't tell me to hurry up'' ...I said I am sorry, and she then just kept egging it on and finally she just up and left the place....gone....I kept my composure, ate my dinner, paid the bill...left to go to Barnes and noble to read and give her some space, and when I decided to go back home ( we lived together ) I looked at my cell phone and she had called 16 times!!! she was crying and saying she was sorry and that she was lonely and let me tell you.....it was like this almost anytime we would do anything together....always!! why did I love her and want to stay with her? because I grew to see her other side, even if it was not always there....I felt like I was being calm and being understanding of her when she got like this, but it became such a common thing, I began to question if it was worth it....I thought if I stuck it out, then things would get better...: Link to post Share on other sites
Author CA20 Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 Thanks...thats all I needed....I have been posting as a way to divert my thoughts, so if it seems repetitive, forgive me! Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 Jealousy is normal, and we all need time to work out our own issues. I do the exact same thing that you do, but I stay sane by remembering that my fantasies of him being happy are probably not true. I know him in a way that very few people ever will, and I've grown with him over the years and all of that. It's the same for you and her. Don't dwell on her future happiness. She probably won't have the happiness she had with you for a very, very long time. She will always remember you and look back to good times with you when her new relationships get rocky. She may even reconsider later on, and you may or may not decide to give it a go. All relationships will go through the same crap, no matter what. And hey, probably every time she goes out with a new potential fiance, she'll think of you. A relationship where you consider spending your lives together does not foster memories that "won't matter" later as you fear. Link to post Share on other sites
smile Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 There are two ways for you to stop thinking that. Get back together or let it go. And if you do get back together there is no surefire way you wont think about who she was spending her time with while you were apart. Sure those are things that happen is relationships. But that fun stuff wasnt just because of her. You were there too. You are going to have more fun and exciting times like that with someone else too. Allow yourself to believe that and then allow yourself to do it. You will start being goofy and having laid back times like that with friends.. and then maybe someone youre interested in.. and then maybe the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Be open to allow being with her to mean something. You know that kind of fun can exist ... you have learned so much about you and about what you want... sure you learned it with her... but its still stuff you learned. The growth you made as a person can't be taken away because she broke up with you. Allow those things to happen with someone else. Focus on you and who knows.. she may be wondering who you are grocery shopping with.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CA20 Posted December 29, 2004 Author Share Posted December 29, 2004 Yeah, I was thinking that this morning on my way in to work...The image I get, and I am sure most people do, is of her just having nothing but the greatest times with someone new and completely forgetting about the great times her and I had....you are all right....the times we had and the closeness we had will not be forgotten by her, and also may serve as a benchmark so to speak for anyone else she is with. It just takes time to get past these things....But I will most definitely. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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