2 guys, 4 years, emotional!

[miraclesdohappen]

Ok, so this might be a long one... and I wasn't sure which category it fell under!

 

Over 4 years ago, I was 24, I was seeing a guy, let's call him Mr A. For some reason he was really special to me, we didn't live close to each other but we used to see each other every weekend. I was besotted with him. At some point he did a disappearing act and then came back after a month/2 months and we saw each other occasionally for a while, this whole affair lasted just under a year. He never explained why he just disappeared (not answering calls etc when we used to speak every day). He just said he had 'stuff going on'.

 

I eventually 'deleted' him from my life when I found out he had been on holiday with another girl. I never told him because at this point I didn't really see him that much anymore but it hurt me and I didn't want to see him if there were other girls involved.

 

A few weeks later I moved in with my friend, who lived in the same city as him. I always wondered if I would see him, as time went on I never forgot and I still thought about him now and then. I have lived in the same city ever since and have been really enjoying life.

 

I had relationships and dates and so on but no other men I met ever compared to him, or to how I felt about him should I say, until a year ago when I met someone. Let's call him Mr B. We instantly hit it off, we were seeing each other all the time, I really liked him, but we were never officially together (pattern emerging...whole 'nother story!) we were seeing each other a lot until about 2 months ago and now it's still a bit up in the air (for me anyway), we have had contact within the last few weeks and I have always hoped we would get together.

 

So last week I ran into Mr A... after almost 4 years! It was crazy, we exchanged numbers and I had in mind to have a casual fling to help me get back into the dating scene. Having only had any kind of male contact with Mr B for the last year, I was feeling anxious about finding someone new. I do want to be in a relationship now, but not with Mr A. I don't even know if I want someone new or Mr B.

 

So all week Mr A has been texting me, to the point where it has become annoying and I cringe. I also found out through social media he had children with this girl he went on holiday with back then, but he still hasn't told me about them??!

 

I didn't like how persistent he was, he would text me day and night and I only really wanted something casual, it was too much for me. I remembered all the things I didn't like about him as well! So yesterday it came to a head and I just said to him I didn't think I wanted to see him again. I said I really liked him back then and obviously he had something going on and I felt like now he was trying to act like nothing happened, and where was it really going to go anyway. I was emotional writing it and I don't know why.

He just said 'ok'.

I pushed him and he said he wasn't acting like nothing happened and he hadn't thought about where it was going. I haven't responded, but he was quite hostile and I had hoped it would be amicable and that maybe this is what I needed to tie the loose ends of my life up so I can move on emotionally. I had always thought about Mr A, it was like we had 'unfinished business'. He is the only person I felt like that about.

 

Anyway I am so emotional about this whole thing and I don't know why. I am very strong and over the years I have grown up a lot and I always try to see the positive in everything and trust my instincts but I am so confused right now, I feel like I'm doing the right thing and I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing?

 

I am worried that I am going to hold Mr B in the same way only to see him in 4 years and cringe at him too.

 

Why am I finding this so hard?

 

What do I do?

[Acacia98]

I am worried that I am going to hold Mr B in the same way only to see him in 4 years and cringe at him too.

It doesn't have to happen that way. You were able to get over guy A because you finally confronted him about his lies/ omissions. I think that if you face your doubts about guy B head on in a similar manner, you will be able to find closure and to move on.

 

Why am I finding this so hard?

What do I do?

Seems to me that, by recognizing that there's a pattern in your relationship choices, you've already made a huge first step. What you probably need to do now is to figure out why you make those kinds of choices. So it's time for some deep reflection on your part. If you can afford individual counseling, go for it. It wouldn't hurt to look up some psychology books pertinent to your situation. You should also stay away from relationships and dating while you try to figure yourself out.

 

Btw, take heart. Figuring out this kind of thing can be pretty hard. So the way you're feeling is not strange.

Edited November 23, 2013 by Acacia98

[miraclesdohappen]

Thanks for the reply.

 

How do I face my doubts? Do you mean in my own head?

 

I will definitely look up some books. I enjoy personal development, and I will be pleased to sort myself out!

 

I do feel like I'm taking a big step, I think it is also like I am saying goodbye to someone who I have never really let go of, in a way it is exciting because now I know what I have to do maybe I will find true love.