Filling the void...

[Nikki Sahagin]

I was debating whether to post this in 'coping' or 'self-improvement' and decided on here.

 

What I am discussing is the existential void that I believe fills most, if not all of us.

 

It reminds me of a song by Alanis Morisette called 'Would not come' which basically details all the things she does to try to fill the hole inside herself....food, orgasms, travel etc, and yet nothing works.

 

I feel like this most of the time.

 

I'll pass a test...void remains.

I'll have an orgasm...void remains.

I'll fall in love...void is filled for a while, then remains.

I'll travel somewhere...void remains.

 

It's like I can't do anything to fully feel content and happy.

 

That's not to say I always feel this way but I feel it enough to post this topic.

 

I used to think it was an 'only me' thing until I spoke to others and found they all feel the same. Relationships, children, pets, holidays, alcohol, gambling, shopping, video games...it's recreation but it's also void filling. It's avoiding just sitting, just being...because just being is dull, boring and often painful.

 

I feel I do a lot of things to 'fill' the void, or to accept it.

 

* I volunteer

* I masturbate/have sex frequently (i.e. all that libido energy is used up)

* I exercise

* I meditate

* I do yoga

* I eat healthily

* I have close family relationships

* I travel

* I own pets

* I don't overdrink or take drugs or smoke i.e. no real vices beyond having a slight loose moral compass perhaps by conventional standards

 

I have tried anti-depressants in the past but firstly I don't feel that this is depression. I'm not unmotivated, I'm not lethargic, I'm not in bed for days, I'm not crying all day...I just feel a big void. Also, the anti-depressants I've tried in the past have all made me feel robotic and just really detached which is just another way of trying to fill a void (block it out and plug it up with medication and you won't feel the void because you'll be too mind-blown to care).

 

I wonder...

 

Do you ever feel this way, and if you do, what helps? Or do you just accept that it's the natural human state and nothing can fully ever fill us up?

 

One thing I've noticed I do is tend to get VERY obsessive about people almost as if, if I had them or was them, I wouldn't feel so empty.

 

In relationships, it's obsessive lust and infatuation.

With women, it's obsessive idolising, 'If I behaved similarly to her/achieved what she has, I'll be happy'.

Both times this is fallacy.

A relationship can chew you up if you don't find happiness out of it, and acting like someone else has never brought happiness.

Edited November 23, 2013 by Nikki Sahagin

[InnocentMan]

I note you fail to mention God/religion in your post. Try that, or Facebook.

[ariesgirl-328]

Well not all of us believe in a god....

 

I felt this same void when my ex left me and later when I became atheist and realized there probably is no god listening to my prayers and that I'm all alone in some ways...

 

I honestly think a healthy relationship with a person that you click with and finally don't feel that obsession but want to be yourself will take away that void. You just have to be patient for that person and realize that someone is dating you for you, not to date someone who worships them.

 

Also I watch comedy (: Everyday. To make sure I get a few laughs in for the day, I swear I completely forget the feeling of the void when I'm laughing.

 

I wish you the best of luck (: loving yourself in every way makes the void shrink until it doesn't matter anymore.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I note you fail to mention God/religion in your post. Try that, or Facebook.

 

I do not follow religion in a confined sense i.e. Christian, Muslim, Hindu because there is too much I disagree with. I do not believe God has a gender, I do not believe God would care that two men or two women love one another and I do not believe the interpretation of God's word today as translated by man bears any resemblance to what his original words may be.

 

Instead I am spiritual. I pray, but not to God as others recognise him, but to God as I know 'it' - a genderless force. I also pray to family, ancestors, but as I said, not in a traditional sense because I simply don't believe in that.

 

That helps, but it still doesn't help WHILST we are alive. I know the force I see as God will be there when I die. What I need is something in the world of the living.

 

And Facebook? Are you serious? That's another way of avoiding the void.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Well not all of us believe in a god....

 

I felt this same void when my ex left me and later when I became atheist and realized there probably is no god listening to my prayers and that I'm all alone in some ways...

 

I honestly think a healthy relationship with a person that you click with and finally don't feel that obsession but want to be yourself will take away that void. You just have to be patient for that person and realize that someone is dating you for you, not to date someone who worships them.

 

Also I watch comedy (: Everyday. To make sure I get a few laughs in for the day, I swear I completely forget the feeling of the void when I'm laughing.

 

I wish you the best of luck (: loving yourself in every way makes the void shrink until it doesn't matter anymore.

 

 

Thanks ariesgirl What you said is very sweet and helpful.

I guess I want to find ways of filling that void without having to rely on a relationship in case I never find that relationship or it doesn't last, but I do recognise that relationships can and do help fill that.

[todreaminblue]

Well not all of us believe in a god....

 

I felt this same void when my ex left me and later when I became atheist and realized there probably is no god listening to my prayers and that I'm all alone in some ways...

 

I honestly think a healthy relationship with a person that you click with and finally don't feel that obsession but want to be yourself will take away that void. You just have to be patient for that person and realize that someone is dating you for you, not to date someone who worships them.

 

Also I watch comedy (: Everyday. To make sure I get a few laughs in for the day, I swear I completely forget the feeling of the void when I'm laughing.

 

I wish you the best of luck (: loving yourself in every way makes the void shrink until it doesn't matter anymore.

 

i have voids......i fill them with other personalities..let them take over for a while and do the things they like to do .....all of them absolutely adore god so i guess i am lucky there is never an emptiness in me while i am grounded......i also have the capacity to vague out when bored and think of poetry i wish to write, books i want to pen, places i have been or want to visit...i can go there in my head....as far as love goes......i dont fill love with sex....but if i love someone i cant be with who i know would make me happy ...i do believe you cant and dont always have what you want in life........so i make someone else happy instead by throwing myself into loving them....if you cant be with the one you love love the one you are with i dotn equate that with sex ..i just need that guy who i throw myself into loving...i would never make him feel less by telling him i love someone else and i wouldnt see that guy again.....i need him to be respectful and honest to carry through loving him(the guy i am with) and eventually....it will be real love once i have gotten to know him....because i naturally bring out the best in them i seek what those qualities are.....and yes i am dating someone ....with feelings i have for another are not being reciprocated or shown....no voids in me.....i just dont follow through with allowing myself to dwell ......deb

Edited November 23, 2013 by todreaminblue

[regine_phalange]

I do feel it, and i have accepted it as something natural. If it wasnt for that small void, Id never try to accomplish anything. Being slightly discontent helps moving forward...