Guys I have a question....Why make me jealous?

[LostConfused123]

Hi I'll make this as brief as I can and thank you in advance.

I started a thread in another category when I first got dumped and now see what a favor he did me by setting me free but I REALLY want to learn from this hurtful experience. I'm 42 and this has honestly never happened to me until now.

Btw, I know women do this too and I'm not being a man hater or sexist.

I LOVE MEN!!! ha ha! too much sometimes but that's a whole other thread.

Anyway, dated this guy for about 6 months. Instantly clicked, got along great, he was funny, made me laugh (and I him) attraction, blah blah blah.

 

A few days after he has arm surgery, things get weird. Like twilight zone weird. We were chatting on the phone and he was telling me about how his sister's female friends were taking care of him.

 

him: My sister's friends are all here folding my laundry and bringing me my pills and cooking for me.

 

Me: Well that is really nice of them to do that. (NOT BEING SARCASTIC)

 

him: yeah, but they are folding my Calvin Klein underwear.

 

Me: Oh yeah, women do that kind of thing. We are nurturers that way.

 

him: Also I told them they don't have to get up in the middle of the night to bring me my meds in bed.

 

Me: well that's what makes women so awesome! We like to take care of people.

 

him: I don't even know these girls and they are fighting over who is going to bring me soup.

 

Me: (laughing as I could see right through this and was not about to get pissy or jealous) You should call up one of your buddies and tell him about this. They would be saying "what a lucky bastard and what a great problem to have"

 

him: Yeah I did that but I'm just afraid one of them might try and crawl in bed with me.

 

I do more laughing and tell him to sleep with pepper spray and that I'm glad he's being taken care of and if he needs anything else to please let me know.

 

I DID NOT ACT JEALOUS OR UPSET! But secretly I was CRUSHED and heartbroken that he would be so cruel especially after I had offered to take care of him, bring him anything he needs and was even flirty about how I could make him feel better.

Anyway, I guess I failed some sort of weird test because after trying to get a hold of me for the next couple of days (I was disgusted and hurt and wanted to cool off) plus I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much that hurt.........HE DUMPED ME!

 

I told him I agree with his decision, it's for the best, I am relieved as I'm sure he is too and we wished each other well.

 

I was crushed and in shock but again I didn't show it.

I know now he did me a favor but just wondering if any of you could give me some insight as to what his motive may be.

 

I KNOW IT SHOULDN"T MATTER......time to move on......forget him......he's a jerk....I KNOW ALL THIS but I really do want to learn from this because I honestly saw no red flags and it's like he became a different person.

 

Thanks again guys and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

[twinkie0]

It seems to me like you were pretty cool about the whole thing and he was trying to push your buttons.

 

But you know what? The problem is you were not in fact cool about it, you ACTED that way. Whether the guy did it on purpose or not you will never know because you were not honest.

And that's a big issue with a lot of women (it happens to me all the time). "But secretly I was crushed" is terrible! It's very simple: men can't read minds. If something bothers you, here's a crazy thought: JUST SAY IT!

You should have told him about your discomfort, either right then or a little later, but you have no right to get mad at someone who might not be doing it on purpose, be it your couple or not. Be honest and a little more straightforward. All that stuff about "communication is key to relationships" is not just a cliché, it's the truth.

 

Hope this helps. And if you didn't like this post, let me know instead of getting secretly mad at me! hahahaha sorry, I had to do it. Happy thanksgiving

[LostConfused123]

It seems to me like you were pretty cool about the whole thing and he was trying to push your buttons.

 

But you know what? The problem is you were not in fact cool about it, you ACTED that way. Whether the guy did it on purpose or not you will never know because you were not honest.

And that's a big issue with a lot of women (it happens to me all the time). "But secretly I was crushed" is terrible! It's very simple: men can't read minds. If something bothers you, here's a crazy thought: JUST SAY IT!

You should have told him about your discomfort, either right then or a little later, but you have no right to get mad at someone who might not be doing it on purpose, be it your couple or not. Be honest and a little more straightforward. All that stuff about "communication is key to relationships" is not just a cliché, it's the truth.

 

Hope this helps. And if you didn't like this post, let me know instead of getting secretly mad at me! hahahaha sorry, I had to do it. Happy thanksgiving

No you're right. I really wish I would have because I know he wanted a reaction out of me..... sadly playing it "cool" caused me to lose him.

But then again I feel like if I would have reacted emotionally, I would be here saying "I got emotional and jealous and he broke up with me"

Oh God, this hurts! I so wish we could all be HONEST!

It sucks, if a man calls a woman more than once he's a "stalker"

If a woman calls a man more than once she's "clingy"

I hate these F***ing games!!!!

Happy Holidays!!! (not being sarcastic)

((hugs))

[Survivor12]

Sounded to me like he was trying to get you to "fight for the right" to take care of him. Even though he turned down your offer because he didn't want to show "weakness", he was hoping you'd insist on pampering him anyway.

 

The truth is, I have known many men who become complete babies when they are sick or injured and the "tougher" they usually are, the more attention they require when they aren't feeling well. Once, when my ex bf was injured, I offered take care of him. Despite him saying that he'd be ok, I was concerned so I took him some food & medicine for his wounds. That was nearly 10 yrs ago and although we've been broken up for awhile, we still see each other occasionally. About six months ago, we were reminiscing & he brought it up saying how much he appreciated me "taking such good care" of him that day. I had no idea at the time that it had made such an impression on him. In fact, I had been concerned at the time that he may be upset because I had done it after him saying no thanks. (I swear this is a true story!)

 

I guess that the common moral so our stories is the importance of not playing games and being honest about how we feel--in both words and actions.

 

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

[Country_Girl]

I don't see anything wrong with "acting" cool about it, to me it sounds like jealousy is not a natural emotion you feel, and the only reason you felt a tinge of it was because "he placed it there". He was game playing, and you saw through it and did not react to it- I would have done the same.

 

It sounds to me you were more hurt he tried to go there and get a jealous reaction out of you.

 

What I wouldn't have done was ignore calls for a few days to cool off. That unfortunately sends a mixed message, because you are telling him one thing (you are cool with it) and doing another (not communicating). Most guys are the biggest babies when they are ill, so he probably took this as you were abandoning him in a time of need.

 

I'm not sure what you could do to rectify the situation, but just make sure in the future you are matching your actions with your words. And please don't take offense to that statement, but just make sure everything matches across the board. I'm not saying the breakup is your fault, but you did tell him to let you know if he needed anything else, and then you weren't there.

[mikecr50]

Sorry but did you break up because of this? I hate game players as well, you did the best thing you can in my humble opinion, never feed their games! I just had a seven month relationship end when she told me we're too different people, we can still be friends, really? So you're that slow? So self absorbed they don't realize how mean they are being. Next!

[LostConfused123]

COUNTRY GIRL, thanks for your reply. You are absolutely correct. I don't feed the jealousy monster. Too old for that crap and I KNEW FOR A FACT he was trying to make me jealous and ruffle my feathers...Why? I have no clue???? (baffled)

 

That is EXACTLY why I was so hurt and shattered because for one, I KNEW he was doing it to get me jealous and that's what hurt my feelings so bad. Why on earth would a man (or in some cases a woman) want their partner to feel

 

*not needed (when I wanted so much to be there for him and he KNEW this as well, I made that very clear!)

*insecure

*that they should be worried (anyone knows these "scenarios" would make one's mind snowball)

*that they don't measure up somehow

I felt like it was a "thanks but no thanks.....I have everything I need (even sex since he was so "worried" they might try to climb in bed with him) seriously , WHY THE HELL WOULD HE TELL ME THAT?!?!?!

 

I have NO CLUE why he would want to hurt me so much and that's exactly why I didn't get emotional. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction! But WHY WHY WHY????? Is what's killing me....ha ha! I know you guys are probably as baffled as I but feels a little better to rant

 

 

MIKECR50 Thank you for taking the time to respond as well.....In fact Thanks all of you.

Anyway, to answer your question.....we didn't really break up over this....well then again maybe we did because he dumped me 3 days later. I am guessing I failed some sort of weird "test" because we have NEVER fought (honestly) got along great, totally attracted to each other, made each other laugh, we were truly friends.

 

Idk, maybe that's why he was trying to make me jealous??? Maybe things were too "perfect" and he wanted some passion (the negative kind) and excitement?????

 

Just speculating here but that's all I can think of.....He does know (and so does everyone that knows me) that I am very sensitive, the type that wears their heart on their sleeve, free spirit type so maybe it pissed him off that I didn't get upset.....WHO KNOWS LOL!!! by the way, thanks also for telling me I handled it the best way I knew how...that means a lot, especially since I was so caught off guard and felt sick to my stomach.

 

Sending peaceful thoughts to all that are hurting!

[mikecr50]

Probably was a test! Reminded me I was told "everyday is a test for you" what?! He's not worth your time. I can relate to the why but why can never be answered, it's the worst of all questions!

[LostConfused123]

Probably was a test! Reminded me I was told "everyday is a test for you" what?! He's not worth your time. I can relate to the why but why can never be answered, it's the worst of all questions!

Oh how right you are "WHY?" is torture!!! ha ha!

But you are also right that he's not worth my time

My head KNOWS this but my heart still misses this insecure fool...LOL!!!

 

My thoughts are with you too my friend!