Britain Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I have browsed the forums and forums like this and was not sure this was true but EVEN after extraordinary circumstances, horrible ending, a 50 shades of grey relationship, ddays...yes they do come back. I never expected it, but I now believe it true for the majority. Link to post Share on other sites
HairTie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I think you're going to have to be a bit more specific. The affair partner comes back or the spouse comes back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britain Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 The affair partner. Link to post Share on other sites
HairTie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Did the affair partner come back after you decided to end things, or after they decided to end them? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I have browsed the forums and forums like this and was not sure this was true but EVEN after extraordinary circumstances, horrible ending, a 50 shades of grey relationship, ddays...yes they do come back. I never expected it, but I now believe it true for the majority. What do you mean come back? As in pop up back with the same ol' same ol' trying to see if the OW/OM still wants to play? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britain Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 Hello HairTie. I cannot go into specifics due to privacy reasons. But after a tumultuous end, long NC and the thought that there would never be contact ever, it happened. When I read threads about this very topic, I always thought ha! never in my circumstances. I am now a believer this is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britain Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 What do you mean come back? As in pop up back with the same ol' same ol' trying to see if the OW/OM still wants to play? Yes, I would not give any more thought that it was anything but that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Hello HairTie. I cannot go into specifics due to privacy reasons. But after a tumultuous end, long NC and the thought that there would never be contact ever, it happened. When I read threads about this very topic, I always thought ha! never in my circumstances. I am now a believer this is true. Let's just hope the wait long enough for us to regain our sanity so we can quickly send them right back to where the came from - the land of insignificance. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britain Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 Let's just hope the wait long enough for us to regain our sanity so we can quickly send them right back to where the came from - the land of insignificance. Restoration of sanity after the affair cycle, the highs, the lows, is it possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladydrib Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Restoration of sanity after the affair cycle, the highs, the lows, is it possible? Not there yet... But I'm a big believer that we can all do anything we set our minds to do. Also, without the AP pumping our heads full of whatever, it is a lot easier to make progress with regaining sanity. So NC is crucial. It's hard to do, but again, there's a way and each person just needs to what they find works Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Hello HairTie. I cannot go into specifics due to privacy reasons. But after a tumultuous end, long NC and the thought that there would never be contact ever, it happened. When I read threads about this very topic, I always thought ha! never in my circumstances. I am now a believer this is true. How long was the nc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britain Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 Over a year less than 2. Link to post Share on other sites
ByMyself01 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Yes, they always come back because once a cheater, always a cheater. After a D-Day they try to be on their best behavior and as soon as the wife/husband builds up even enough trust, they go back to doing it in hopes they will not find out a second time. The older, the worse. As they say, "Can't teach an old dog new tricks." They will already be set in their cheating ways. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Erm....no they don't AKWAYS. H didn't, neither did I when I ended my EA many years ago. There are no absolutes. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I don't think you can say "always" about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 My xMM ended our (short) A almost 3 months ago and there has been NC since. I don't think he will return. Unless he gets divorced, which I doubt, and even then I'm not quite sure I will hear from me, because he probably associates the end of the marriage with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britain Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 Erm....no they don't AKWAYS. H didn't, neither did I when I ended my EA many years ago. There are no absolutes. I agree there are no absolutes, however, it is the same as not all men will leave the toilet seat up, but a majority, most will. I was mentioning this after reading similar threads. I would not have thought so either after such extreme circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 It seems that in many cases, the AP will come back. Whether it's because things returned to the status quo at home long enough to feel safe enough to revisit their AP, or if it's just to see if the AP would be willing, or if it's because they want to process whatever they've thought about after however long they've been NC - I think many do come back. It's not so different than an ex calling you when they've gotten lonely again. No different than reconnecting with an old friend from your youth. People like knowing there's a possibility of reconnection, some times. I'm not certain if it comes from anywhere other than a selfishness, of wanting what was once there. Whatever lacked likely still lacks and whatever caused hard feelings will still cause hard feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
I'mNotYours Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 It's not so different than an ex calling you when they've gotten lonely again. No different than reconnecting with an old friend from your youth. People like knowing there's a possibility of reconnection, some times. I'm not certain if it comes from anywhere other than a selfishness, of wanting what was once there. Whatever lacked likely still lacks and whatever caused hard feelings will still cause hard feelings. I think it's a bit different. I have been contacted by exes and x-friends with benefits, but ONLY when they were single. None of them have contacted me while being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope46 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Mine came back after 8 years. We started up the affair again a year ago. Finally, I told him I was done. I ended all physical contact and after four weeks, he filed for divorce. If they love you, they will do what they need to do to be with you. Although, I do think you have to guide them a bit. End any physical contact is key. He has two boys at home that he loves and he had to work through leaving them before he could leave for me. And I let him, but on my terms only Link to post Share on other sites
Yayo Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Hopefully I'm not the only one here who secretly wants them to be sad and yearn for you and want you back when you walk away. *sings youre gonna miss me when im gone* Too bad I'm always the one who contacts the ex first -__- Link to post Share on other sites
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