taking my chances

[smile]

Ok so here is an update on everything. I am done wigging out... thanks everyone who helped talk me down, the slap in the face worked wonders! Last night he called me about 6 different times.

 

First he called when he was at work. Then right when he got home. Then an hour later when he had finished dinner. Then again 30 minutes later bc he was searching for the present I got him for xmas and he couldnt find it anywhere. Lets see thats 4 right ... then he called again with an update.. cant find it. That time he said "it was my favorite present and I cant find it.. what a jerk I am I lost the present you gave me" Then he called again and we both (me on the phone) went through every place he could look in his house... it was no where.. so odd.

 

Anyway then sometime around midnight he called me. We were both in bed and we just talked for a bit. Then it got kinda racy and we laughed because we are like a 3 minute walk away from eachother. But yet we did that on the phone...

 

Sooo I am thinking things are ok. I didnt ask him where he was this weekend. When we were talking about stuff... fantasy stuff.. he kept saying "does that make you jealous?" not in a jerky standoffish way but in a concerned way. He seems to be making sure I dont get the wrong idea about other girls a lot lately... thats good right?

 

He also asks what I am doing the next day.. me thinking he wants to hang out, so I give him my plans and he says "oh I have to work. " He does that a lot. Why do guys do that? See if youre available and then say "oh but Im busy". He did say we might hang out tonight.. but I am sure he has band practice.. he is a bit of a scatterbrain and forgets sometimes...boys

 

Ok so I am still insecure but its ok.... I am a girl. So far things are going good. I am not expecting too much and it makes me happy. I dont spend my days worrying where he is or what he is doing.. bc these last few weeks he has always come back to me... as long as that keeps up what need I to worry about?

[_Saffy_]

hey smile

 

been following ya posts, and im pretty sure that hes still interested, but maybe cautious.

 

just a question here, when he asks if ya busy?? do you tell him that you are? or do you make yourself available just in case he is?

[smile]

I try to be as honest as I can when he asks. Like I am on vacation all this week so I am pretty much open. Its weird because last night we were on the comp.. yes he had band practice .... and he said he was tired. So I said ok I am going to go.. but he said no he didnt want me to. He had some more stuff to do on the comp and wanted my company.

 

So we chatted for a couple of hours.. I helped him with what he needed help with. He ran everything by me just like he used to. Then he said "I am going to be right back" he signed off for like 20 minutes... I left the comp on but went about doing some stuff. He came back and said "ppl are funny" I asked why he said that and he said because he was havign trouble sleeping.. he would fall asleep anywhere but never for long and never feel fully rested.

 

So I said thats odd because when he slept here the other night he slept for a loooooong time.. seemed pretty rested too. I gave him some ideas how to fight insomnia. He was having some self doubt about his intelligence and his sanity. When I mentioned something from when we were dating he just said YES! like that he excitedly remembered that.... I dunno.

 

Weird things... since we first started talking last night he hinted at comming over. Saying he wanted to cuddle and he was cold. So I said stuff like.. cuddle up to yr computer its warm and it buzzes... he laughed. Basically everytime he mentioned comming over I made a joke... so finally he was blatant.. saying he wanted to sleep with me. When I finally said come over he said.. I would if I didnt have to work in the morning.

 

I was exhausted playing this game by then ya know? so i said ok good luck falling asleep and I will talk to you later.. and he just said bye.

 

I dont know I think I am just so gunshy ya know? Him too I am sure. I try to make myself busy but right now there isnt much to do... I am bored... and I cant sleep which sucks too.

 

Anyway thanks for your comments... keep em commin if you can... I appreciate it..

[_Saffy_]

well see what happened there? he was flirting with you to come over, and you were joking back, in the end he had to be blatant about it and tell you what he wanted.....and you agreed.......leaving him able to knock you back.

 

i think i would have said "i would love you to come over but hey, im going to *insert something" early in the morning, another time maybe?"

 

that way it would have left him still wanting you.

 

as it stands at the moment, he asked you to stay online and talk to him when he wanted you to, you have left yaself open all week in case he wants to see you......next time, try to be busy, even if you gotta go out and walk for several hours. just be busy.

 

he will think twice if he thinks that you arent his "beck and call girl" (pretty woman quote and julia roberts got her man in the end)

[smile]

soooo be busy? I can do that I guess. I can try anyway.

 

I have an other question. He has a show on new years eve, he keeps mentioning it. has been for some time now. He has also been saying how When Harry Met Sally is such a good movie... funny bc he hates romantic comedies.. but in that movie these two best friends who have been through relationship drama , finally get together on new years.. its like the climax.. so that makes me think i should go

 

Also um the place where he is playing is a place he hasnt played in a while. In fact the last time he played there was the night we met.. I mean remet... we met once he flirted with me and told me his name and he was in a band but never exchanged numbers. By the time he came back to ask for my number (he was so flustered he got all the way home and realized he didnt ask) I was gone. .... so ffwd two months later and I wind up at the show. He was so amazed and walked right up to me and said youre so and so we met two months ago... he used to always say how he was searching for me everywhere for those two months... grocery stores everywhere..

 

So I was thinking about showing up to the show.. but then I worry what if it turns out to be a bad idea? But arent those the chances you take in life? And is my taking that chance showing that I am stronger than I was?

 

I know if I go his family and some friends (who have asked me to go) would hang out with me.. if he you know was weird or something...

 

surprise seems romantic but should i ask him to make sure... ? ugh. i hate new years..

 

oh yeh and the other thing is i had this belief that if you dont spend new years with someone you wont be with them in the comming year. He went to LA last year to see his brother and his whole family went.. I coudnt go. He called me and everything at midnight.. we even had a fake new years party before he left... but I said all that and then BAM this is the year we broke up. So umm any advice here?

[_Saffy_]

ok, this is a hard one, you sound like me, im a huge romantic too, and would be looking for these kinda signs.

 

go, but dont tell him, just turn up, dont let him initiate it, you do that, just turn up, have fun with the friends n stuff, dont put any pressure on it and dont expect anything

 

if he makes a move, give him ya number and get him to call you, tell him he should ask you out on a date.

 

dont go home with him!!

 

and if it turns out to be a bad idea, well you went out for new year, you saw a great band, spent some time with friends, which is all you want for that night.

 

 

i hate new year too, hyped up big time, and usually a let down.

 

 

make sure you look a million dollars when you get there, and have fun.

[smile]

Ok so I am going to the show... I am going with a friend who used to be his gf...we are the exgf squad.. ha

actually they dated for a month 10 years ago.. she just kinda became part of the family ever since. I was so jealous of her when him and I were together but after therapy and stuff we started talking. She has also been to therapy...so we have stuff in common.

 

She is so sweet and so I feel better going with her because then I have to go home with her.. instead of being alone.. that idea creeped me out a bit.. showing up alone. ICK

 

I know there is the chance that he asked someone to go.. no one in particular that I know of but there is aways that chance. He said he wanted to be alone for a while but that doesnt mean much. He said he was going to be celibate for a while too and that didnt turn out so well.

 

Anyway I am mostly excited about hanging out with ppl I havent seen in a while. I know it might seem weird to everyone there... he did say one time.. "how come you never show up to any of our shows?" I duno that sounds to me like he half expects me to.. ya know just show up.

 

And so what if he has an other girl there? I am getting back into hanging out and maybe I can make some plans with some ppl so I am not so damn bored all the time!!!!

 

So you think he will be happy to see me there? I hope so .. do I mention it or just surprise him? Any comments or suggestions would be helpful.. thanks so much !!!!