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Guys that love thrill of the chase....but then lose interest

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine,
in General Relationship Discussion

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I have had this pattern happen over and over again.

 

A guy would come on strong. I am typically only half interested because something about the approach makes me see some red flags. Then some guys would persist for months of "wooing" and basically convince me that they are serious.

 

The as soon as I genuinely warm up and return interest they start pulling away. I had this happen too many times to count. It doesn't have much to do with timing of sex, rather when they see that I am emotionally invested. Which is weird to me because they seemed by both words and actions to be emotionally invested as well.

 

It's getting hard to know when a guy is genuinely interested or when he is just enjoying the chase :(

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Dark_history

Dark_history

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In dating, it is always better to have a lower interest level than the other person. The one with the lower interest level is the one with the more power, aka control, over the relationship.

 

To put it another way, keep them wanting more ;)

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off-topic content of banned member redacted
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Eggplant

Eggplant

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Tit for two tats. Open up emotionally one time for every two times he does. Don't just declare at some moment that you're opening the spigot and from that point forward you're emotionally on. You need to do an emotional dance, 1 step forward, 2 steps back. Let him initiate most times, even after a while of dating. It's stupid, but it works.

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PogoStick

PogoStick

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Your picker must be broken. The process is broken. Guys shouldn't be having to "win" you. You aren't giving a chance, or are not interested in, with the guys who would be genuine/serious.

 

Do you have a fear of real intimacy? Therefore only going for guys who won't commit?

 

And don't listen to these guys. Stop playing hard to get. Don't play games. It's annoying and a turn-off. Put in some effort and make it work.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I am not interested in playing games. Been there, done that. I need a guy that won't run away because I have feelings for him. I am probably picking commitment phobes.

 

I really don't want to be "just out of reach". That's draining. I think with the right kind of guy that won't be needed.

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Grumpybutfun

Grumpybutfun

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ES:

I have no data on this phenomena, because if a girl I liked (back in the day) was starting to open up, I would find that to be the fascinating part of the romance.

Best,

Grumps

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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ES:

I have no data on this phenomena, because if a girl I liked (back in the day) was starting to open up, I would find that to be the fascinating part of the romance.

Best,

Grumps

 

Aw I agree 100%. When a guy I like starts to open with his feelings, that's when the magic happens for me. That's when it is the best feeling in the world.

 

I also think that many guys don't really lead anyone on on purpose. Kind of like lying to themselves or not knowing themselves. They think they are interested in someone and get butterflies/thrill when winning the girl over. Once they got her, the feeling goes away. Because it was never about the girl, it was about the chase and ego.

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Leigh 87

Leigh 87

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Love the new pic :) You ave an adorable little nose and nice smile :D I have slightly crooked nose and I NEVER take pics of my profile:(

 

 

 

Ummmm and yeah, they just aren't the right guys. That is all it comes down to.

 

The wrong guys for you will start off genuinely interested, and then leave when they realise you're not it for them.

 

The right guys will want to continue investing in you.

 

Remember, not all guys lie frm the beginning. I have also had guys who were genuinely into me, yet lost interest once they got to know me.

 

 

Wrong guys. It takes time to find the right guy. Not all of them fake an interest from the start.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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Love the new pic :) You ave an adorable little nose and nice smile :D I have slightly crooked nose and I NEVER take pics of my profile:(

 

 

 

Ummmm and yeah, they just aren't the right guys. That is all it comes down to.

 

The wrong guys for you will start off genuinely interested, and then leave when they realise you're not it for them.

 

The right guys will want to continue investing in you.

 

Remember, not all guys lie frm the beginning. I have also had guys who were genuinely into me, yet lost interest once they got to know me.

 

 

Wrong guys. It takes time to find the right guy. Not all of them fake an interest from the start.

 

Leigh, who cares about the nose. You got killer body ;)

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Leigh 87

Leigh 87

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Aw I agree 100%. When a guy I like starts to open with his feelings, that's when the magic happens for me. That's when it is the best feeling in the world.

 

I also think that many guys don't really lead anyone on on purpose. Kind of like lying to themselves or not knowing themselves. They think they are interested in someone and get butterflies/thrill when winning the girl over. Once they got her, the feeling goes away. Because it was never about the girl, it was about the chase and ego.

 

 

Ahh yes, chemistry. That is the trouble with people who need or much prefer some chemistry, opposed to having to "learn" how to enjoy kissing them.

 

I have had a few guys have chemistry with me and who also quiet liked me as a person....

 

Then once they got to know me, they realised it was only chemistry and the fact I am cool on the surface that drew them to me, and there was no real emotional connection..

 

 

 

 

THe key for me? I DO NOT get attached even if we REALLY click and we both seem head over heels early on. It can all end SO fast, once they realise it is JUST chemistry that compells them to be with you.

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joystickd

joystickd

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Have you ever thought the chase made them lose interest? No man really likes to chase. We are not cheetahs

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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Have you ever thought the chase made them lose interest? No man really likes to chase. We are not cheetahs

 

Nah they genuinely enjoyed the chase. They did grandiose romantic things and would only up the level if I remained hot and cold and disinterested. As soon as I consistently returned their interest...poof they are gone.

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Dark_history

Dark_history

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I reread your post and saw that it takes these men months to get your attention. At some point, that initial feeling must fade and than it really becomes about the chase.

 

Men are competitors by nature. You put two of them in a boat each to get across a lake, you can bet they will race, even if they are seniors, it is how we are wired. So while I am sure some of these men did have a real interest at first, after so long, it becomes more about winning, if you will, your attention and affection. Once that is done, they probably feel "well now what" having forgotten while they even started the chase.

 

My advise, don't let men chase you for so long. When you find someone you really like right away, this won't come up as they won't have to chase you, they'll get to know you instead.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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I reread your post and saw that it takes these men months to get your attention. At some point, that initial feeling must fade and than it really becomes about the chase.

 

Men are competitors by nature. You put two of them in a boat each to get across a lake, you can bet they will race, even if they are seniors, it is how we are wired. So while I am sure some of these men did have a real interest at first, after so long, it becomes more about winning, if you will, your attention and affection. Once that is done, they probably feel "well now what" having forgotten while they even started the chase.

 

My advise, don't let men chase you for so long. When you find someone you really like right away, this won't come up as they won't have to chase you, they'll get to know you instead.

 

I don't believe it's about that. I perhaps worded my OP wrongly - in most cases it IS only weeks. The point I return the interest dum dum - they lose it.

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joystickd

joystickd

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Nah they genuinely enjoyed the chase. They did grandiose romantic things and would only up the level if I remained hot and cold and disinterested. As soon as I consistently returned their interest...poof they are gone.

You think they enjoyed the chase. Honestly no man enjoys pursuing after a certain period of time. I never enjoyed chasing and I don't do it. I suggest men don't chase. In the end you end up wasting your time. If it's more like a dance with two people then cool but chasing is no a great thing if you are a man.

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joystickd

joystickd

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I don't believe it's about that. I perhaps worded my OP wrongly - in most cases it IS only weeks. The point I return the interest dum dum - they lose it.

why take weeks if you are interested say you are interested. No man likes to do something for weeks without some from of reciprocation that you are interested too. No wonder you have trouble. By the time you do say you are interested their level has faded. Stop the games and be real.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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why take weeks if you are interested say you are interested. No man likes to do something for weeks without some from of reciprocation that you are interested too. No wonder you have trouble. By the time you do say you are interested their level has faded. Stop the games and be real.

 

I don't play games. I am genuinely on the fence about some guys at the start. I naturally behave hot and cold because I am unsure. Once I become sure, they eject.

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Woggle

Woggle

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On a subconcious level you are probably picking men just like you. People who constantly run into commitment phobes usually are that way themselves.

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joystickd

joystickd

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I don't play games. I am genuinely on the fence about some guys at the start. I naturally behave hot and cold because I am unsure. Once I become sure, they eject.

If you are unsure then be woman enough to end it. It sounds like games to me. You are unsure and you allow someone to "chase" you then when you finally have some interest they end it and you end up confused. Well to me it sounds like they woke up and smelled the coffee lol

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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On a subconcious level you are probably picking men just like you. People who constantly run into commitment phobes usually are that way themselves.

 

One of the problems is that all good men like you are taken :(

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soccerrprp

soccerrprp

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Never in my years have I chased after a girl. I mean, what for? If a girl is trying to pull my strings like a puppet and making me run after her, frankly, it's insulting and a turn-off to me.

 

ES, have you always been this way? Having guys "chase" you? Or is this after some failed relationships? Stop the chasing stuff. If you like someone, show it and then be cautious.

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Mascara

Mascara

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They're not all taken ES, it's just that finding them is tricky .... despite what many guys say, there is a huge number- I would say the majority - of men who love the chase.

 

As some of those on this thread have indicated, not all of them. The trick is finding them, it's not that they don't exist or are all taken.

 

Personally, like you, I want a man who doesn't think commitment is a 4-letter word, but is not passive.

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mysteriouschic

mysteriouschic

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I have had this pattern happen over and over again.

 

A guy would come on strong. I am typically only half interested because something about the approach makes me see some red flags. Then some guys would persist for months of "wooing" and basically convince me that they are serious.

 

The as soon as I genuinely warm up and return interest they start pulling away. I had this happen too many times to count. It doesn't have much to do with timing of sex, rather when they see that I am emotionally invested. Which is weird to me because they seemed by both words and actions to be emotionally invested as well.

 

It's getting hard to know when a guy is genuinely interested or when he is just enjoying the chase :(

 

Exactly the same thing happens with me. That could be why my ex dumped me I started to show more interest towards the end he was exactly like that. So I'm always afraid of I showing interest in case I'll scare them off so I always feel the need to hold back for a while not be too interested or comfortable with them too quickly.

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soccerrprp

soccerrprp

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I'm sorry, but what are your ages? ES? Are the type of men you're dating in their 20s? 30s? Are they still having fun being single? Divorced? Men who have children? I mean, I see this happening with guys who are still single, young and playing the field, so far more likely to be commitment-phobes. Don't want to commit, chase, have sex, conquer....move one to the next possible conquest.

 

All the men have been this way for you ladies that go through this?

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Mascara

Mascara

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It happens with a lot of men in their 40s too. Either the ones who have never been able to commit, or who have had a bitter marriage.

 

In my age group, the best ones to look for are those who have been in a lengthy committed relationship that ended amicably.

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