Finntroll Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 Ok lemme start from the beginning. About 4 and a half months ago I met this girl through a mutual friend of ours. We clicked really well and after a couple weeks of talking online we decided to meet. I knew about her before and I knew she was going out with someone at the time. But I decided to give it a shot, since he wasnt really treating her like a guy should. We met and it was an awsome day, lots of talking and some flirting and ended with a really passionate kiss. I guess she's been going out with this other guy for 2.5 years, the only guy she's ever dated. AND, was supposed to marry him soon. But instead met me and threw it all away. I really dont care for this other guy either, he's physically abusive, mean, and even threatened to kill me once. So she "leaves" him and goes out with me. We went out for 4 months, but it felt like 4 years for both of us. All the while though there were pressures. Her ex works at the same place as her and called her up all the time. I am a little far from her too (about 1.5 hours, but it doesnt matter to me). A couple weeks ago we met on our day off and we hung out but the day didnt turn out so well. There was a lot of miscommunication and she really didnt tell me how she felt, since she was sick at the time. I didnt know so the day turned to crap. I found out recently she has a couple conditions that cause pain, PLUS at the time she was on "the time of the month" SO basically she was pissed at me for a few days after that, saying everything that was bad about me and blaming me for stuff. Meanwhile her ex comes back into the picture, and she breaks up with me (which I found out from her mom instead of from her). I think she felt like she had to hurt me or something because "I didnt care enough." Which is totally wrong. I love this girl to death, she's the only one I can see myself growing old with. =( And when we were going out she truly loved me and thought I'd be the one for her forever. But now she's moving in with the guy! I think he can be controlling at times too because on a couple of times I noticed him putting words into her mouth. So I'm dealing with all this and it hurts terribly, because I want her back and I know I'd be the best for her. Sometimes I dont think she even knows what she wants. Yet... even though she's back with him and moving in... she still wants to be friends. She talks to me on the phone and online, usually every day, saying that she misses me and stuff. And misses... *cough* the lovemaking. I think she misses that the most because we were verrrry compatible in that area, as opposed to her ex. I just needed some time to change and become a better person for her and I'm trying to convince her that. I'm really not sure what to do. We talk and reminice about things we've done and have really good conversations and she calls me pet names and stuff. I think she's being very hasty with her decision about moving out with him and I'm not sure what to do about the situation. She even wants to see me in person again but it all has to be secret from her bf now. Any suggestions? I can give some more details later but right now i have to get ready for work. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 well the way i see it.... is that she left you, shes moved in with her ex, and now you gotta just let her find out for herself that it doesnt work. start no contact immediately, stay strong, dont meet her, and dont let her walk over you. sounds like she wants you around as a safety net, dont be that for her. she will be back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Finntroll Posted December 29, 2004 Author Share Posted December 29, 2004 Hah, it just might turn out for the best. Tonight she called me crying. Apparently her ex told her today that he's in love with someone else. =( She wanted to call and hear my voice. So, I'm sure we'll be back together, I hope. I feel really bad for her too. I knew something like this was going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 thats great news finn, take it slow tho sweetie, dont forget that the situation that drove her back to him hasnt yet been resolved, and this has to be done before anything can be reconciled between you both hope it works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
smile Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 umm I dont like being negative here but it seems to me that she doesnt know what she wants. I mean its great that you two clicked so much after being together for such a short time.. but it seems kinda odd that she is flip flopping between the two of you. She wanted to be with him, then you, then him because of one day of miscommunication, then him, and now that he has someone new she wants you again? I think she needs some time alone to figure out what she wants. Because right now it seems what she wants is to avoid being alone. You know her and know whats best for the two of you. I always think ppl on here can say what they want but ultimately you know you two and the relationship and you know what needs to happen. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.. I hope soon she figures it all out and she decides youre the one for her.. the only one. Take care and good luck* Link to post Share on other sites
Author Finntroll Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 Hmm, these past couple days have been wierd. It seems like she is more pissed off at that other girl than at him for saying he loved someone else to her face. I do think she is really confused. But I dont know what I should do. Still be there and tell her how I feel about her? Or ignore her totally? I dont think the last option would be too good. I asked her if its right for someone that truly loves you to say to you that they love someone else? He told her that and then went to visit this other girl, and didnt even tell my ex what they did or talked about. I dont think thats true love, ya know? She asked me to help her understand that. I dont really know what to say. To me its because it was her first bf, it was an easy relationship, and she was conditioned to it. But.... I dunno... =/ Also, even before she found out that he still loved this chick. She was still talking to me all the time and saying she misses me and stuff. So, I dont really have a clue whats going on in her head right now. Plus she says I'm far and things like that when I talk about us, and that she's not worth it. But if she wasnt worth it I wouldnt be going through all this drama. And I can easily make changes. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 Ok this is going to be some tough love... Do you really like to know that YOU are ultimately the second choice to this other guy?? She dumped you for him and I don't care if she was still saying she misses you or not - the other guy is where her heart REALLY is. My guess is that she got with you initially after he dumped her and then when he came back to her she dropped you like a hot potato. You served your purpose for those 4 months and then when he comes back...WHAM she is out. No more real purpose for you anymore until she gets dropped again. How does it feel to know that you are second fiddle? You need to get mad about this. Don't kid yourself. She only went back to you because she knew you would be there and she's probably pissed off at her other guy because he dumped her for some other girl!!!!! She needed you to make her feel she was still wanted by somebody. She didn't want to be alone to dwell on the hurt she feels by what this other guy told her about loving someone else. She is even griping to YOU and acting pissed off at this other girl that he left her for. Do you think that if you really love someone you will gripe to that person and act scorned about someone else? .....NO. C'mon man...you are second fiddle, can you actually accept that? Can you accept that while she is with you she is longing for this other guy and being angry at this other girl he left her for? This will all end in tears. You better hope that her ex doesn't come back to her because I think that is the only hope you have of staying with her. Don't doubt for a second that if this jerk comes back around she won't drop you again/ Don't you want to be someone's FIRST PICK? I can tell you from a girl's perspective that if she is talking crap about her ex to you, and she is venting to you about someone else and how mad she is then you are NOT as special to her as that ex is. She is using you. What an insult...she comes back to you ONLY because he dumped her! You need to work on your self esteem, man. I know this is hard because you love her but you really need to try and get a grip on what is really going on here. Work on that self esteem...don't accept being second choice to someone else. I would be highly insulted if I were you. Sorry if this was harsh. I just see a set up for more heartbreak here. Don't put yourself through this if you can help it. Easier said than done, I know. Its hard when you love someone. But you deserve better than being seen as a backup boyfriend to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 Oh and this reminds me of a thread started a while back about rebounds... This is a prime example why people should not do this to people. They use the rebound and then toss them aside. Its not fair. Finntroll, I hope I was not too tough on you. Your story strikes a chord with me. But only you know what is best for you in your situation. Love is blind, but try to take the blinders off and see this situation for what it is. If her ex comes back, are you going to be okay with her leaving you again? Link to post Share on other sites
ajogokats Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 deep down,you know what you gotta do,we cant really tell ya,just give you support,take it slow and dont hold on too tightly.You may have to let go. Someone will be here for you either way,I found that out. It's amazing what complete strangers will do for you.Just listen and form your own conclusions,and God bless ya man. AJ. Link to post Share on other sites
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