Author nicepuzzle Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 I was the same. So was he. We never got over each other but we wandered through life the best we could. He came back. He apologized and we started up again. When I saw it was moving in the direction as 8 years ago, I stopped physical contact. It was tough, but made him see I meant business this time. You have to put you first. You weren't stupid. We just want to believe them so much. I wish you the best in your journey. I was you. We do make it. Just remember that. I found out that mine had a LOT of other affairs and still was travelling with his business couligues, once he slept with. I confronted him and wanted to hear the explaination. he didnt give any and told me it wasnt my business and all I hould worry is how feels for me and he loves me. I knew he loved me but I wanted to hear about his other rumours but he wouldnt answer and after I became emotional and called him names, and told him I was stopping physical contacts. he agreed and told me he would like to have me in his life as a friend and he can live with that. It was hard for me to be friend after rehashing everything and couldnt act and in fact he couldnt act to be a friend. All the social scene became awkword where we both were emotional and trying to be friends. unlike yours, he came back to restablish the old relationship of sex once in a while where we can be vulnerable, passionate, and cry. And once out of that room, lead a normal family life. He never communicated that, but all his signals showed me that. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too and I didnt agree to his terms this time. if I didnt tell his wife, I would still be seeing him on thanksgiving and be miserable and he would have got what he wanted. Have me around, and be happy just seeing me and in his terms he is sacrificing for the kids. I just couldnt be continue to be miserable. There are few stories which are sucessfull as yours. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Hope46 Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Nice puzzle,hugs to you. I feel your pain. I was never one to believe that the bs should be told by the AP, but in your case I see why you did it. He was a cake eater. He was driving you emotionally crazy. I have been through the ups and downs and they are horrible. You feel you will never survive it. You feel desperate and alone and betrayed and so many other emotions. Telling his wife was your survival. Your way of breaking the cycle for you. He needs to clean up his own mess. You need to move on.i can understand why you told her. I really can and I feel for you. If you hadn't, would the craziness still be going on? Probably. Walk away and work on you. Make something good come from this. You did what you needed to do for you. I don't think anyone should judge you for that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Wow - are you kidding me? 6 years and he shows up! Amazing. Had there been complete no contact during that time? I'm glad you were able to stand firm. I remember reading a post on here where the MM tracked down the fOW after 20 or 30 years. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I remember reading a post on here where the MM tracked down the fOW after 20 or 30 years. Well that I can see - a lot can happen in 20 years - death of a spouse, divorce, etc. That makes sense I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 You owe the BS nothing, Nicepuzzle. Neither of them are your concern or worry anymore. Get yourself healthy and focus on being great to yourself. You have been a victim too, and many of us understand that. Don't allow him to take advantage of you again. And ignore the people who have never walked a mile in your shoes. They have no business coming here and giving you advice of any kind. The fact that they bring their bitterness here to lash out just illustrates their misguided pain. Ignore and focus on the positives of your own future. Good luck to you. Now that you see him for who he is, you can finally find peace. this x10000 well said! Link to post Share on other sites
GettingOver Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 *hugs to you*. I have wasted 12 years of my life (6 with him and 3 try to move on and now...)because of this man and never truly moved on, since he didnt let me move on and I was stupid enough to fall for his games. Whereas, he always knew what he was doing. he was a professional player in this field and compartalized everything, but he NEVER communicated to me that. So I got led on. I was quizzing, why he was doing this or that, but he was simply trying to control his emotions by giving gaps, not seeing for dates etc, while I loved him with heart and soul. He is 10 years older than me and always knew what he wanted out of me. OMG, this reminds me of my situation a bit! I am almost 3 year in the A, he is 15 years older and I always question myself if he is a master-manipulator or just stupid???? Lately it seemed morelike he is stupid and cannot make up his mind or smth, but a bad guy. But I can never be sure,perhaps he's doing all this intentiaonally, like blowing hot and cold, etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
krazikat Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 If I didnt tell her, he would have continued his game and there could have been a 3rd affair.... I did a favor to her You did the right thing. It must have been hard but you shook it off and did what you needed to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 OMG, this reminds me of my situation a bit! I am almost 3 year in the A, he is 15 years older and I always question myself if he is a master-manipulator or just stupid???? Lately it seemed morelike he is stupid and cannot make up his mind or smth, but a bad guy. But I can never be sure,perhaps he's doing all this intentiaonally, like blowing hot and cold, etc.... And guess what I wasnt the only one in love with him...we are nothing but objects and by making us emotional its easy for them to manipulate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 You did the right thing. It must have been hard but you shook it off and did what you needed to do. It was very hard. I asked him to apologize so I can move on. But he simply blocked me no explanations or apologies. Plain stopped talking leaving me to figure out and move on...I begged him to stop me and called him names. But he wouldn't. He didnt leave any option for me. Looks like he wasnt worried his wife knowing since she knew about other affairs he always refused and never admitted any one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 He (the MM) said to you about "love you", does not mean it is really true. Every MM said to OW including mine, love love love everyday every txt - mountain high ocean deep, but is your MM leaving wife for you. If not , this is not "love you". Mine also bought gift, dinning often, even would do extreme hard and challenging labor work for my property, like a slave, but still does not mean he is truly loving me even he claims that his work is the proof. But I don't believe verbal statement. I told his wife: 1. I knew her personally 2. I met him the on social events where he played games in front of his eyes, including in his own home 3. I knew his wife history where she cheated on him and as per what he told me, that she had someone else child and he is raising her. So I didnt feel much bad telling her. As per him, he sleeps with whole town because of that, BUT he did love me. ( yes believe it or not but he said that to me) 4. First time when I broke up with him and relocated and moved on with my life I tried to keep a cordial relationship with the entire family and wished him luck. However, I cried for 2 years missing him and but handled it and successfully created this wonderful friendly relationship and forgave him. 5. Second time, when we got emotional and he behaved jerk and told me to deal with it. It was time to give him back. I wasnt going to fel orry for myself and try to move on again and feel bad for me. He showed his real face second time and now he should deal with it too, so exposed to his wife. 6. I completly want to block him and his wife too so I do not see him ever gain. It was only way to break up for good. in another way, i told him to go to his wife and do the right things. I didnt want to play any games with him anymore and keep going in circles. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionlessbutalive Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 He (the MM) said to you about "love you", does not mean it is really true. Every MM said to OW including mine, love love love everyday every txt - mountain high ocean deep, but is your MM leaving wife for you. If not , this is not "love you". Mine also bought gift, dinning often, even would do extreme hard and challenging labor work for my property, like a slave, but still does not mean he is truly loving me even he claims that his work is the proof. But I don't believe verbal statement. YOU are right. it was a false perception and idiolizing Link to post Share on other sites
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