thehappyclam Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 I'm 24 year old guy, has been single for the past year after a 4 year relationship (my first love), in recovery mode, if you will. I have a lot going for me in term of look, intelligence, family/friends, support, etc...and I'm pretty financially secured. The problem is ever since I shook off the depression that followed the breakup and start living life again, I have a lot of moments when I just want to throw my hands up and do nothing about girls. I used to see love as everlasting, now I know it's certainly not. A lot of the time I wonder that if my ex, whom I loved that much, and who loved me that much, can leave me in the end, then what chance do I got for a better relationship? It's a total loss of innocence, and I hate it. The thing is, I'm starting to find a lot of girls attractive, and I'm starting to want another girlfriend. It's hard to be 24 yo and not think about sex, you know? There is one girl who has pretty much given me the green light a few months ago. The rub is that I don't see a long term future with her. Outside of this girl, I have had zero success at other females. At times, I just want to give up on women all together. And then the sex drive kicks in. It's the most frustrating cycle!!! Help me! What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 ah, honey, don't throw your arms up ... throw them around a nice girl! in other words, don't let one unhappy ending ruin your existence, but rather think of each relationship that you experience with a girl as getting one step closer to where you're meant to be. sometimes it takes awhile, sometimes it don't. but it's an experience worth having because you grow your heart -- if you will -- in the knowlege of love. it sucks losing the one you've invested your heart and emotion and time in, but that doesn't mean you've absolutely positively got to shut yourself off from other romantic interests, be they long-term or short-term. your hormones are like that chorus from a song you've got stuck in your head that you can't get out. sometimes you've got to sing through it to get it to leave, you know? fades into "Afternoon Delight" ... where was I? oh yeah your hormones kicking in, making you look at girls is a kind of survival instinct, both emotional and physical. deep down, your inner self is telling you to take that step to recovering from that blow landed to your heart. I used to see love as everlasting, now I know it's certainly not. A lot of the time I wonder that if my ex, whom I loved that much, and who loved me that much, can leave me in the end, then what chance do I got for a better relationship? remember the saying "you've gotta kiss a lotta frogs to find your prince"? it's true. You're going to suffer a good deal of heart-break from people you give your heart to, but it all works out, because in the end, you DO find the one you've needed all along. It just takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 29, 2004 Share Posted December 29, 2004 something MUCH more eloquently expressed by me in a post to another dejected young lover: [color=blue]Never give up, never lose your capacity to love. Sometimes you'll feel foolish for trusting or believing, but that's okay, because when you let yourself love, you're giving the world something special. Not everyone has that capacity, you know? So love without abandon, even if it leaves you bruised and raw -- you're a better person for being a lover ... As hard as it is to deal with what's going on in your love life right now, there is a purpose for the pain you're feeling. Think of it as a sort of tempering, as a means of finely honing your capacity to love. Last (and this is my personal belief), know that every love relationship you experience brings you ever closer to the love you're meant to have. It might not be the person you had hoped it to be -- or it might BE her -- but you've got to go through those experiences to grow your heart, sí? So that when you *do* end up with the one you're meant to be with, you'll look back and see how your journey had to go the way it did for you to be where you're meant to be. So as you go through this heartache, and as you try to make things work between you and her, don't give up on being that man who is capable of love.[/color] from the post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t45030/10-2 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 I completely hear your frustration! I too am 24, also recovering from a four year relationship that ended tragically............... I am finally starting to look at guys again, but it just seems like the ones I keep meeting are shallow and insincere........ So, what I've now decided is that I'm just going to put that energy into ME, my career, my work, my finances, etc. Love will find us when we're least expecting or least looking. A blessing in disguise in some ways, but it's also hard because sometimes at the end of the day all you want is some gorgeous warm sexy understanding passionate witty body to come home to. (Sorry to digress, you can tell what I'm yearning for!) But honestly, if there's anything I've learnt from this heartbreak is that until you've healed you don't have as much to give, when you're ready the gorgeous warm (____fill in the blank) body will appear. In the meantime, HAPPY HUNTING. (Can't this be partly fun because we can dream about what we DO want?) Link to post Share on other sites
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