I get jealous over everything my bf does?

[beautifulxtragedyx5]

So I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now. He's a great guy, and we click very well. He always gives me the attention I need (unless he's out with friends or something), respects me, and is very understanding. I, however, am an extremely jealous girl - but I try to do my best to cover it up. I've been cheated on in the past (with my first boyfriend), and since then I've always assumed the worst with every guy I've been with. My current boyfriend hasn't really given me any real reason for me to suspect him, but I always end up creating scenarios in my head.

 

For an example, when we are together and he gets a text or something - he'll put his phone away. Either he does this because he knows I don't like people using their phones when they're socializing with me (likewise, I don't use my phone when I'm hanging out with anyone either - mutual respect) but then I think to myself, maybe he's putting away his phone so I don't catch him texting another female. Or when he goes out with friends, I feel like he's hanging out with a bunch of girls (I know he has numerous female friends). I never bother to ask who he's going out with just because we've just started dating, and I don't want to come off as a controlling gf. I'll see him like other attractive female pictures of Facebook, and again I don't bother to ask. But this does affect our relationship, as I tend to get extremely moody with him thinking about all this - and just avoid talking to him.

 

I just don't know what to do. He also never asks about any guys in my life. He is even aware of the fact that I talk to my ex-boyfriend (daily actually) and he has never objected against it, and therefore, I feel like I have no right to object anything he does. He rarely ever talks to me about his female friends - except one female friend who I am very good friends with as well.

[LostConfused123]

First of all, I want to say it takes tremendous courage for you to admit your insecurities and want to address them. That's awesome!

 

Being cheated on in the past unfortunately makes us all a little scared it could happen again and we don't want to feel that awful betrayal again. Been there too. It sucks!!!!WE ALL have insecurities and have fears that our loved ones could be "stolen" from us.

 

I was told something years ago that helped me so much.

 

Just because WE think our bf/gf is so great, sexy, smart, attractive, awesome etc......does NOT MEAN the rest of the world sees them that way. How many times have you seen a man that you found attractive but you weren't "attracted to them?"

Does that make sense? There has to be that "spark" and "magic" and that feeling just doesn't happen that often.

 

Also, we have all seen our friends or a family member madly in love with someone and we are like "what do they see in that person?"

 

My point is WE see our boyfriends as the most desirable man on earth but that DOESN"T mean all other girls do to....just doesn't work that way.

 

Hope this helped a little. I have been there too. Best of luck to you and Happy Holidays!

[Oldspiceywolf]

Have you fought about therapy. Not because you seem like a nutty person or anything it's just when we have these thought processes that disrupt out lives it's time to get to the root of it. It's no day task changing your way of thinking but if you spend the time to own your own mind it will be an asset instead of the bad devil on your shoulder. Still be attentive to your relationship and make sure you don't turn a blind eye to red flags. Stay practical about your thoughts but also don't hide your feelings, you are doing fine!