Dumpees are just as selfish....?

[mikecr50]

Of course every situation is different and there is no good way to be dumped! I think that can make a big difference in getting over it. For example I just went through it after seven months I got we're too different of people-really? Then she wants to be friends work on her car (which I did), she got mad when I said I can't do the friends thing. I'm definetly not the narcisist this time! lol! Lots of variables that get you lost in the "why" zone sure can make you crazy. Hey what do I know :-)

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

It's the self absorption that gave your mind the leap to narcissism. Since I have questioned this myself because of my first hand experience, I can only assume that you have a brilliant mind!

 

It's not a stupid question and there's no problem asking it. There are just going to be people who want to pick everything apart because you didn't do it perfectly in their eyes.

[fixing]

I tend to side with the dumpee, almost always. Unless of course, they deserved to be dumped, i.e

The Dumpee was: Abusive

Violent

Controlling

Unfaithful

Drug/Alcoholic (with no desire to change)

Clingy

Overly Jealous

It's fair to the above mentioned that they can be considered as self involved and selfish if they loath in self Pity and dont recognize their own faults.

 

But,

 

What about the millions of instances of the dumpee's lives behing completely turned upside down and shattered out of nowhere because the dumper, secretly got bored, felt unfulfilled, wants to suddenly take off travelling alone.

The dumper's that secretly and willingfully engage in affairs with a coworker, a brother, a best friend. Or the dumper that simply met someone else and didnt give the dumpee a second look.

The dumper's who suddenly break it off out of the blue because they want to rediscover their youthful days of being single and sleeping around with whom ever they desire.

The countless stories of the dumpee's who commit and sacrifice major parts of their lives in order to be closer to their partners, the compromise's met only for their partners to decide that their new job comes first and they simply, no longer have time for a relationship.

Those are just a few of many scenarios which the dumpee has no control over and cant possibly foresee coming.

So, its only natural that their system over loads with devastating feelings of rejection, humiliation, betrayal, abandonment, loss, crushed dreams, no future, the life they have become comfortable with no longer exists, that soul mate whom you could rely and count on, no longer exists.

This type of shock to the system is on par with bereavement itself.

So No, i dont believe dumpee's on a wholescale are selfish, weak or full of self importance, or self entitlement.

This kind of abrupt/sharp stabbing through an emotional heart has detrimental effects on the dumpee, and in some case's, irreversible damage occurs.

As we all know, break ups, in some tragic cases can lead to suicide, Alcoholism, drug abuse and other horrid results.

The heart is a very powerful thing, and people on a whole are fragile. Self esteem and self worth in one takes a massive hit.

Im on the dumpee's side most of the time!

[mutualove]

I really am starting to feel like the people who hurt a lot and for the longest time are the most self involved.

 

I get that there are sometimes issues with self esteem etc underpinning it, but sometimes I can't help but think that some people are really selfish, and that is why they hold on. -like can't look outside of themselves?

 

I know little about psychology- copied this from wiki... some 'symptoms' of narcissism

 

 

 

• Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
  
• Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
  
• Envies others and believes others envy him/her
  
• Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
  
• Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
  
• Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
  
• Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic
  

 

Couldn't some off this be applied to what people struggle with after a break up?

 

This is just something I have been thinking after reading a lot of posts. It is not something I am dead set on, or a perspective I am particularly fond of.

 

Thoughts?

You kind of described the dumper there,I was the dumpee but what you said applies or at least applied to her haha:lmao:

[Sugarkane]

I'd like to say not all dumpees turn psycho amd endlessly contact their dumper. I've never cried, begged, pleaded or initiated contact with a dumper and I was dumped out of the blue, by text.

[hotpotato]

Well, of course, it hurts being dumped.

 

People feel better when is good for them.

 

Oftentimes dumpee is blindsided.

 

Sometimes dumper chooses object of addiction over relationship. Now that one will really hurt for awhile!

[hotpotato]

I'd like to say not all dumpees turn psycho amd endlessly contact their dumper. I've never cried, begged, pleaded or initiated contact with a dumper and I was dumped out of the blue, by text.

 

Ditto. I dont beg or plead. If they want to leave, by all means, they may.

If they are leaving, its too late to beg, plead, bargain, make promises, or whatever...