"I won't date a smoker".

[ThatMan]

So maybe a year down the road, you catch them lighting a cigarette, and they confess they're a light smoker and just never said anything about it.

 

So you break up with them?

 

No, you can't and won't, because you're in love.

 

 

That sounds strangely manipulative and incredibly insecure.

If given the choice, why not choose to be with somebody who doesn't mind rather than somebody who feels obligated to remain? You shouldn't have to trick people.

 

This is a borderline abusive mentality at worst and unhealthy one at best.

Just be yourself and the right people will come to you...

Edited November 25, 2013 by ThatMan

[mortensorchid]

I have quit at last. It was a dealbreaker in some situations with others past, and most likely if someone were to come into the picture today it would also. I have this to say about smoking ...

 

I quit once before, and it was because I was going out with a man who said that it was not going to be a permanent set up if I did not quit smoking and loose weight. After dropping about 30 of the 40 lbs I would eventually loose, and having quit for about 6 weeks, he was furious with me. It took me too long to do both. Another I was with for a flash said that he felt like he wasn't part of my world and that he couldn't be with someone who smokes.

 

True story for both? Well, yes literally, but I think it was more about power and control for them. I had made good on a promise to the first and he was angry that I showed him I could do it. The second was also about power and control, but he was showing it in another way.

 

Smoking, however, is not truly the issue here. What is truly the issue is that this is something conditional. If a person truly loves another person, they would not care if they smoked or not, had 20 extra pounds, was rich or poor, etc. That is a big condition to have, no question, but it's about conditional love not true love.

[Phoe]

For me it is a dealbreaker simply because I am allergic to cigarette smoke.

 

Any extended amount of time too close to a lit cigarette and my nose stuffs up and I sneeze, my eyes are burning and puffy, my head starts pounding and I start feeling like I've got the flu. It'll put me in bed for the rest of the day.

 

 

It's not something I can even remotely compromise on.

[man_in_the_box]

To be honest, I have a hard time respecting people who smoke.

 

What, you mean in general? You know that one bad habit doesn't define a whole person, right?

 

For the record I completely understand the aversion for dating a smoker. I have my own dealbreakers. A matter of personal preference and everybody has them.

 

I'll give quitting another try in 2014.

[Janesays]

What, you mean in general? You know that one bad habit doesn't define a whole person, right?

 

For the record I completely understand the aversion for dating a smoker. I have my own dealbreakers. A matter of personal preference and everybody has them.

 

I'll give quitting another try in 2014.

 

Listen, I usually keep these thoughts to myself because I believe voicing them is rude. If I knew you in real life, I would NEVER say this. But secretly, deep down, it is what I think.

 

I tend to think smokers are dirty and stupid.

 

Would I be friends with a dirty person? Sure, if they had a good heart.

 

Would i be friends with a stupid person? Sure, if they have a good heart.

 

Would I let a dirty, stupid person touch my girly parts? No, never.

 

I realize it sounds horrible and judgemental, but it is how I feel. In my head, I associate smokers with dirt and stupidity. Two things that MOST turn me off romantically. The ONLY reason I typed this is because you asked and I wanted to be honest. I'm sorry if it hurts anyone's feelings.

[OpheliaSong]

I 100% what janesays wrote though I wouldn't want to be mean to anyone, that is what I think too. Cigarettes/ smell makes me .

[SoleMate]

Did you know, less than 10% of lifelong smokers will get lung cancer, and the rates are even less for other cancers?

If cancer were the only medical problem caused by smoking, then maybe this statistic would be a good one. (Well not really.) But many other horrible diseases are caused by or aggravated by smoking. Case in point, COPD, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. I watched both my lifelong smoker parents become crippled by it, and my father died from it.

 

Death isn't so bad. It's the suffering and loss that goes ahead of it. It's the years unable to draw a satisfying breath or to walk. COPD means the body can't metabolize food effectively and the sufferers become very thin, almost skeletal.

[dreamingoftigers]

I wish everything wasn't so cut and dried with people. I mean, I just don't get it.

 

I agree, packs a day is pretty nasty. But if I eat well, exercise, and manage to stay it better shape than 90% of guys, I'm going to be dismissed as a potential partner for smoking a few cigs a day? Something I might just drop tomorrow anyway?

 

I know everyone has their preferences, but damn.

 

Yeah. I'm a fat girl and I wouldn't date a smoker (again).

 

I wouldn't have married my husband if he didn't quit. I didn't force him to or anything. He was going to be a fun thing for awhile and then we'd go out separate ways. Turns out he was a long-hauler (well, erm, kinda). He wanted to quit smoking himself, didn't think he could do it, tried laser therapy and it worked.

 

I would NOT have stayed with him long-term. NO WAY. It's a gross, embarassing habit.

 

I clearly loved the guy enough to MARRY him. And there's no way I would've done so.

 

In fact I can handle drinking better than smoking and my father was an alcoholic!

 

Smokers DO stink! And 93% of them think they can hide it!

[dreamingoftigers]

Not that simple. Clothes could smell. And the home can too if you smoke indoors.

 

I cleaned for a living.

 

You could always tell who smoked indoors. The walls took forever to scrub off the yellow/brown crap left behind.

 

Considering what it can do to a 1500 sq ft area, it completely amazes me the someone would put that into their lungs day after dày.

[Janesays]

 

Smokers DO stink! And 93% of them think they can hide it!

 

Quoted. For. Truth.

 

I know you only smoke outside, down wind, and you ALWAYS hold the CIG away from your body. I can still smell it on you. You reek.

 

And you make it worse when you douse yourself in perfume and compulsively pop breathe mints. You are NOT masking the smell. Now, you just smell like a french wh ore house.

 

It's terrible and you reek. Without exception, YOU SMELL BAD.

[dreamingoftigers]

meh, most smokers will see their kids grow up.

 

Did you know, less than 10% of lifelong smokers will get lung cancer, and the rates are even less for other cancers?

 

Is smoking healthy? Not at all. But cancer from smoking is actually a low probability. It's mainly a genetic issue.

 

Really?

 

Because the buses out here were spouting a government "help quit" program stating that 1 of every 2 people that smoke will eventually die from it. That's an insanely high number and I don't believe that it is exaggerated.

[man_in_the_box]

I tend to think smokers are dirty and stupid.

 

Well, I can't argue with the smell - it's a fact.

 

But 'stupid' - yes it's not a good habit. It's unhealthy. But do you honestly think that makes the entire person stupid? As in dumb or whatever negative connotation you are refering to? The habit is stupid - but I think it's stupid to deem the entire person for that stupid.

 

Everybody has either unhealthy, useless, time-wasting, unpleasant, asocial or generally looked down upon habits. I'll never know ofcourse, but I bet there's something about every poster here that absolutely disgusts me. Doesn't mean they're all retards.

 

But you have the right to believe about smokers whatever you want.

[NGC1300]

But 'stupid' - yes it's not a good habit. It's unhealthy. But do you honestly think that makes the entire person stupid?

 

No, she's right.

 

Einstein was indeed a stupid man.

[soccerrprp]

Smoking, however, is not truly the issue here. What is truly the issue is that this is something conditional. If a person truly loves another person, they would not care if they smoked or not, had 20 extra pounds, was rich or poor, etc. That is a big condition to have, no question, but it's about conditional love not true love.

 

The real world requires conditions. That includes our perception of love. True love w/o condition doesn't exist. Ever nor has it ever.

 

Having meaningful conditions help us from becoming victims.

[NGC1300]

Really?

 

Because the buses out here were spouting a government "help quit" program stating that 1 of every 2 people that smoke will eventually die from it. That's an insanely high number and I don't believe that it is exaggerated.

 

Surprisingly, fewer than 10 percent of lifelong smokers will get lung cancer. Fewer yet will contract the long list of other cancers, such as throat or mouth cancers. In the game of risk, you're more likely to have a condom break than to get cancer from smoking.

 

Source: livescience

 

Of course, there are other diseases besides cancer associated with smoking. I'll grant you that.

 

But it does bug me when someone says "so and so smoked, and I watched them die of cancer, etc...".

 

The truth is, for every person using this kind of anecdote against smoking, someone else can say they have an 85 year-old grandmother who smoked their entire life.

[soccerrprp]

All in all, smoking is a bad, unhealthy habit. Nothing smart about it, but I'd go short of calling someone "stupid." Yes, 1 in 2 Americans will get some kind of cancer in their life time. Any habit that increases those chances should be avoided and THAT is smart.

 

Although genetics has a very big part, many cancers are known to be "preventable". Preventable b/c our lifestyle also has a huge part in whether we get or increase our chances of getting disease and b/c studies of other cultures and lifestyles clearly show that disease is life-style dependent to some extent.

 

Anyway, I am into healthy living, eating, etc. Smokers would not be a compatible option and I certainly wouldn't want my kids seeing it as acceptable.

Edited November 25, 2013 by soccerrprp

[mishy]

My father died from smoking and I have deep seated hatred of cigarette companies and the govt that allows cigarette companies to let it go on.

 

I did meet someone a few months ago who smokes and I didn't know until we had chatted on line for a few weeks, and then I noticed in his profile that he smoked. We met and it didn't work out . If it had worked out he pretty much would have had to quit if I was to have a relationship. I knew that all along, ofcourse I didn't tell him though that that would be the case

[Robert]

Let's try and keep the posts topical to the thread starters first post, would you date someone who smoked or not.

You can explain the reason behind why or why not but let's keep the insinuated insults and statistical data off the thread. Thanks

[ltjg45]

Deal breaker.

 

I just have no respect to cigarettes. Stuff stinks, it helps shorten your life span, no direct benefit, expensive as all hell...

 

There isn't a single thing good about it. If I found out my partner is a smoker and doesn't want to quit, I will take great pleasure in ending the relationship.

 

No compromises on that subject.

[Janesays]

No, she's right.

 

Einstein was indeed a stupid man.

 

Einstein didn't have access to the education and research we have now.

 

If it makes you feel better, I also wouldn't be interested in dating someone who regularly leeched themselves to get rid of the 'bad blood,' either.

[bentleychic]

It is a deal breaker for me and yes, they would quit or I would leave. I've lost too many family members to cancer, I am allergic to cigarette smoke (gives me a massive headache at the slightest smell, coughing, etc.) and one of my children has asthma. I would NOT be with a smoker. They would know this from the beginning of our relationship and choosing to become a smoker after would, IMO, be choosing to end our relationship.

[NGC1300]

Einstein didn't have access to the education and research we have now.

 

If it makes you feel better, I also wouldn't be interested in dating someone who regularly leeched themselves to get rid of the 'bad blood,' either.

 

Lot's of people smoke, despite the education that came out in the 1950's.

 

Martin Luther King smoked.

 

It's one thing to not like smoking, but I find it puzzling you're so eager to marginalize and dismiss people, call them "stupid" etc, because they smoke.

[soccerrprp]

Lot's of people smoke, despite the education that came out in the 1950's.

 

 

The education of the day was to glamorous smoking, convince everyone that it was cool, schick, safe....the advertising of those days was a total lie, deceptive so no wonder you had people buying into the habit.

[Janesays]

Lot's of people smoke, despite the education that came out in the 1950's.

 

Martin Luther King smoked.

 

It's one thing to not like smoking, but I find it puzzling you're so eager to marginalize and dismiss people, call them "stupid" etc, because they smoke.

 

I am not 'eager' to do anything of the sort. As I said, I generally keep those opinions to myself and only expressed them in this thread because I was DIRECTLY ASKED. I apologize if I hurt your feelings. But understand that when some people say that smoking is a deal breaker for them, it means....smoking is a deal breaker for them. As you have learned today, questioning them further on the subject is only going to end up with you feeling defensive and marginalized.

[man_in_the_box]

But it was your first statement that sparked my question.

 

In all honesty my feelings aren't hurt and I was just curious about that specific part.

 

This sidetrack about opinions on smokers instead of opinions on dating smokers is going off-topic and a mod has already politely informed to not mention it anymore.