I am so into my professor

[cocorico]

He has stated in his lecture that he has gone out for a beer with students the last night of class after the final exam. Would it be inappropriate if I were to ask him to go out for a drink after our final? Especially, if there is a group of us.

 

Yes, if you have intentions beyond just a beer.

 

Chances are, he is putting in extra effort with you because he knows that "mature students" are more at risk of dropping out than younger students. Chances are he would be horribly embarrassed if he realised his friendliness was being misinterpreted. Chances are you are misreading the significance of tiny things because you *want* him to be interested.

 

But even if he were not - you are still a student, even if your module with him ends. He is still a member of staff. If you were to fraternise, you would place his career in jeopardy and risk your own academic record. Believe me, people notice when students crush on lecturers, and it's a routine topic of discussion in staff tea rooms and the staff club. Act on it, and every last staff member on campus will no about it before the week is over. Is that really what you want?

[Sub]

HE is the one that mentioned that he has went out for a beer after the final, not me.

 

This is more common than you think. As a former college professor, there is a certain amount of innocent socializing that occurs. I've been to students music gigs, gone out for an occasional beer, and stay in contact with some after graduation on a mentoring level. There ARE some students that I grew closer to, both male and female, and there were always rumors about crushes. I appreciated it(who wouldn't?), but it would never have been my thing. I'm not trying to say that you aren't in some way special. It may just not be in the way you think.

 

Question: Have there been any rumors about this prof. in previous years singling out girls in his class? Some guys get a reputation for this sort of thing.

[Zahara]

I just want to spend time with someone that I am into. Is that so horrible?

 

The fact that you had to post this, you already know it's horrible.

 

And the woman that had an affair with your husband, did you think it was a horrible thing to do on her part for participating in your pain, your childrens pain and the demise of your relationship?

 

His wife is real. You need to care if you have an ounce of empathy. She will endure the same pain you did when you were betrayed.

Edited November 25, 2013 by Zahara

[leavethepieces]

Sorry people are beating you up...

 

All I would like to say is forget about his wife getting hurt! I've been there and can promise you that *YOU* will end up being hurt and wish that you were alone and lonely again. I visited these boards and asked advice before I started my affair (which has been over for about 6 months). I remember reading the advice where people told me DO! NOT! DO! IT! and I also remember thinking: no way, that won't happen to me. This guy is way different than anyone ya'll are talking about.

 

He wasn't.

 

SAVE YOURSELF WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pteromom]

You are absolutely right. I am ashamed of myself. Just lonely and always put everyone else before myself. Was thinking of putting myself above all else for once.

 

But you wouldn't be putting yourself first. You'd be sabotaging yourself!

 

Do you really think if you slept with him and it was wonderful, that you'd then walk away feeling great about yourself and content?

 

You'd only want more. And you'd feel even more guilty for wanting more. And then the lies would start and the longing would intensify, and you'd be staring at your phone waiting for that text...

 

No, if you are putting yourself first, then you have to take CARE of yourself and not even let yourself go down that road.

 

I know it sucks. But if you've gone on 25 dates with single men, and they all sucked, then maybe 26 will be the winner. Or 31 or 35. Don't give up and don't sell yourself out.

[threelaurels]

This is more common than you think. As a former college professor, there is a certain amount of innocent socializing that occurs. I've been to students music gigs, gone out for an occasional beer, and stay in contact with some after graduation on a mentoring level. There ARE some students that I grew closer to, both male and female, and there were always rumors about crushes. I appreciated it(who wouldn't?), but it would never have been my thing. I'm not trying to say that you aren't in some way special. It may just not be in the way you think.

 

Question: Have there been any rumors about this prof. in previous years singling out girls in his class? Some guys get a reputation for this sort of thing.

 

I will add that I have been to professors' houses, gone out to lunch/dinner, and even gotten drunk at bars with them. A few of my colleagues actually even went to a strip club with one of our professors once. It's not completely out of the norm, but it's far more common with grad students than undergrads.

[pteromom]

I also want to add...

 

The reason you are feeling that connection with him and not with the guys you have dated is that you don't know that much about him.

 

You know that he stares at you. You know you are attracted to him. You know he's made some little comments that make you think he's interested.

 

But you don't know anything else. So you've filled in everything you don't know with the positive. You've created a rich fantasy life based on who you THINK he may be, and who you wish he is.

 

But in reality, he is probably completely different than what you are imagining. He may have hygiene issues, impotence issues, or be the world's laziest lover. He may stare at you because you kinda look like his wife. Or worse, his sister!

 

You just don't know. It's fun to fantasize, but you just can't assume that your fantasies are fact. They are only a fun diversion, and aren't a reason to pursue anything with him.

[Chattycathy]

I also want to add...

 

The reason you are feeling that connection with him and not with the guys you have dated is that you don't know that much about him.

 

You know that he stares at you. You know you are attracted to him. You know he's made some little comments that make you think he's interested.

 

But you don't know anything else. So you've filled in everything you don't know with the positive. You've created a rich fantasy life based on who you THINK he may be, and who you wish he is.

 

But in reality, he is probably completely different than what you are imagining. He may have hygiene issues, impotence issues, or be the world's laziest lover. He may stare at you because you kinda look like his wife. Or worse, his sister!

 

You just don't know. It's fun to fantasize, but you just can't assume that your fantasies are fact. They are only a fun diversion, and aren't a reason to pursue anything with him.

Such a good point. I don't know anything about him. I just know that I am physically attracted to him. I honestly believe it is mutual but you are right, I can't be sure. I do know we do not have anything in common, yet I am drawn to him. I probably would not like his personality outside if the classroom. I think this is just a case of physical attraction. Thank you so much for helping me see it.

[pheazoid]

My professor did the same to me... Long eye contact, cheerful chatting, interested in me. A lot. He even drove me home after our late night class together for a whole semester. We ended up becoming friends. We're both married, but we still catch up as often as time and our busy lives permit. I wonder if he never pursued anything with me because I had a boyfriend (who is now my husband) at the time. There was chemistry between us. He even attended my graduation ceremony and partook in the official duties just to be there for me. But I think it was the choices we made which caused us to take separate paths.