jforthegirl Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I was the controlling one... I am new here, two weeks ago my husband of 20+ years told me he was leaving me. We have a young daughter. When we met we were very young (in our late teens) and I was very insecure and jealous. I was like that for many years. I feel like I got better as we got older, but apparently he always felt like he was living with that same controlling, insecure girl.Now he is full of resentment and anger, that my behavior influenced the decisions that he made in his life, that I have left him as a shell of a man with nothing to show for it.I am full of regret and sadness, wishing that I could turn back time and get help for my emotional issues. *And of course I am terrified of what our split will do to our daughter.Anyone else have regrets about ruining their marriage? How do I move on and get over my mistakes? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Recognize, regroup, and change. The damage is done and he'll have much work to do on himself to create a more solid being. So to goes for you. Realize your part and work towards a healthier mental being. You'll have less regrets as you go about changing your attitude and your ways. My heart goes out to your child who didn't ask for this scenario, She deserves to not get caught in the crossfire. Be gentle with her and learn to forgive yourself. ( and yes, anyone with a heart feels regret when a marriage is over...its natural , a season of life is over and must be placed in its perspective) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I would take a hard look at the situation and be sure that you are actually guilty of what he has said. Lots of people in your situation come out shouldering the blame only to find out it wasn't theirs to carry. A person looking to walk away will say a lot of things in order to justify their actions and the other spouse being "too controlling" has to be in the top 3. Look into IC, an impartial person will be able to decipher what is yours to carry and what should be put on him and how to go about working on the things you feel need improvement, once those have been isolated for yourself rather then just from his possibly skewed telling of events. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I was the controlling one... I am new here, two weeks ago my husband of 20+ years told me he was leaving me. We have a young daughter. When we met we were very young (in our late teens) and I was very insecure and jealous. I was like that for many years. I feel like I got better as we got older, but apparently he always felt like he was living with that same controlling, insecure girl.Now he is full of resentment and anger, that my behavior influenced the decisions that he made in his life, that I have left him as a shell of a man with nothing to show for it.I am full of regret and sadness, wishing that I could turn back time and get help for my emotional issues. *And of course I am terrified of what our split will do to our daughter.Anyone else have regrets about ruining their marriage? How do I move on and get over my mistakes? Do some research on personality disorders. I'd start with Borderline PD and Avoidant PD. (I have those and some of your symptoms I recognize in myself) Link to post Share on other sites
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