warmsaki Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 hi, ok im gonna make this brief.. i have recently started going out with a girl -well a woman (32)..who was in a lesbian relationship for 14 years ...(im a guy) ...she'd had a couple of guys before that she told me ... but anyway so.. i'm thinking its kind of a turn on hearing little things about it hear and there from her ... and as the relationship got going and we got more serious i kinda didnt like to hear about it so much ... so anyway from the get go she kind made it clear that in hind sight she found sex with the woman a bit horrible ...and also voiced how it was a mistake ..and she like MEN... so, a little about me .. im a jealous guy and and get possessive about girlfriends...or should i say defensive ..i know what men are like .. and see them all as threats ... but then the other night ..we're sitting down drinking some wine and she gets onto the subject of her ex partner ... and she mentions some things they did together ..i make the normal ''hell yeah'' face that most guys would ... THEN she says ... i'd love to do it with somebody and have you doing it at the same time with me ... sooooo - you would think that a guy would be excited by that right??? ... ummm WRONG! .. i now see women as a threat to my relationship too now ..as she obviously loves to ..erm ... eat pink taco!... am i being irrational? ...or do i have a valid reason to think that she may go after something that ..as a man .. i literally cannot give her!. help? .. Link to post Share on other sites
mikecr50 Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 She's very adventurous sexually- obviously! You have to be honest with yourself if you can't handle that ( it's not a weakness!) you should end it, for everyone's sake. Always be honest with yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 well, im pretty adventurous myself ... my point is ... she out of the blue said she wanted a sex session with me and another woman .. (boo hoo me right :-) ) ... the thing is .. that just makes me see women as a threat to my relationship .. and i cant out compete a woman .. i dont have THAT equipment ... you know? Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I had a girlfriend for 15 months, she was bisexual. I cant really offer any advice with your question about jealousy with her, because my Ex never got with any other females as for as i know. But, this is something your going to have to accept. She is attracted to females and males so there's twice the risk lol. Not sure i can offer any advice worth value here. But, i guess its only natural that you want to keep her for yourself. Im interested to hear other peoples advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 bottom line .. do i just go with (knowing that 99% of relationships go nowhere) and just have fun .. or do i go with my heart (im pretty into her) and just go major league paranoid and think she's bedding women ... and have it wreck the relationship or do i sit back and let her bed women .. and get off on it .. . i mean wtf i like the idea!.. but i dont think its .. a healthy place to lay a foundation ya know .. im 31 and looking for a wife! Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 just posted above ..what do you think? ... so when you were with yours did you find yourself thinking she was looking at women when you were out .. did you feel immasculated? ... or did you love it? Link to post Share on other sites
Oldspiceywolf Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Cliché but. . . Have u thought about therapy to work on your jealousy issues? You don't have to be stuck in the same thinking patterns that have kept you uncomfortable in your relationships so far. I don't know what your plans for the future may be but if you suffer from jealous tendencies you should try working on that. Don't limit yourself because your mind is a fraud to let you experience more aspects of life because you probably won't find that perfect person who doesn't make you feel jealous feelings the way you are now, changing yourself is always an option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 well i was cool with her past ... until friday when she kinda voiced how much she'd love to perform oral sex on a woman... she'd led me to believe that she found it ..''ikky'' with her ex and was basically in a controlling relationship with the woman she was 17 when they met ..the woman was like 34 ... she'd also voiced how she knew didnt like women ... maybe im over reacting and should just say **** it!... as deep down i'd love to see her with another woman .. but would i like A WIFE to??? hello no!... Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 just posted above ..what do you think? ... so when you were with yours did you find yourself thinking she was looking at women when you were out .. did you feel immasculated? ... or did you love it? Nah, my ex turned out to be a cheating whore lol. But with men. I suppose she could have been going at another woman too behind my back now that i think of it. But, na, she never indicated any interest to other women. I woulda liked to have experienced a 3 way with another lesbian though. Maybe you should try it out with her and another woman man. But, tell her the thought of her going off with another woman behind your back would be cheating on you and would kill all hopes of a future together. Link to post Share on other sites
mikecr50 Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I don't think she's wife material! You can ride this train for fun but it's going to be an abrupt stop. I was married to a woman that wasn't honest with her sexuality- even to herself- not pretty. She's not wanting the same kind of relationship you are I don't think, managmous marriage, no chance if she still wants to act out and try things. I think I'd run, just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 (edited) well on the matter of wife material ..i'll elaborate slightly .. the woman she was with , was married ...and she moved her in under the pretense that she was a friend ...then she got pregnant to the husband (the ex never knew) and continued to have an affair with him for years ... sounds pretty bad thinking about it ... but iv'e kind told her we're together now..and said the dreaded I LOVE YOU .. and talked about a future .. you think i should start back peddling ????! Edited November 25, 2013 by warmsaki Link to post Share on other sites
Oldspiceywolf Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I actually have experience with this situation. My wife is Bi and when we first moved in together she had a best friend she had hooked up with before we met and this woman eventually moved I with us. I'm not saying I didn't think about them hooking up when I was at work but it didn't happen and I never let it get me crazy. I have experience with a cheater and my wife ain't one, or at least not unless I pushed her there but I think she's mature enough to probably just break up with me before doing that. We've talked about inviting a girl into the room but of course I want a piece, I'm not happy to just watch. She decided she didn't want to see me with another girl and so the conversation needed there but we do check out chics together and we go to the strip club and get separate dances. Make your own rules and do what your comfortable with. If your just gonna blow it up definitely take part in a threeway before you bounce Link to post Share on other sites
Author warmsaki Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 that was some good advice right there actually made me instantly more relaxed...thanks i have only been meeting this girl since like august its just i kinda thought when i hit 31 early aug ''right thats it -time to find a wife'' and then ''BOOM'' ..its november and im in something that feels flawed .. but yeah your last msg..kind helped .. ''make my own rules'' ....do i nurture her lesbian side? ..(ie choosing lesbian porn ..bringing up threesome's etc) or do i shut the hell up and get on with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Oldspiceywolf Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I wouldn't nurture anything but your relationship if you choose to keep it. I find that people who are built to cheat cheat, people who don't cheat don't cheat and some people haven't cheated yet probably wouldn't but if you push them there under the perfect circumstances they might. My philosophy is: always be confident no matter what, if you're doing what your supposed to be doing and they cheat it's their bad, time wasted lesson learned not the end of the world. Be open minded when it comes to sexual desires, pandora a box is open in our society and sexual curiosity is at the front of many peoples thoughts, be willing to talk about everything and then settle for what's practical. Finally give I to your partner as much as they want and you are capable even if your not in the mood, that's what it means to be a great and giving partner, if they cheat on you you know you did your best and it's a flaw I their character... So yeah don't nurture with porn just be open to her pontificating about what she Ike and you do the same, open conversation is the zenith of a healthy relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 The problem her as I see it is she's gay period. I honestly don't think you can turn it on or off any more than a straight person could. You said she was in a relationship with a woman for 14 years. Just for the sake of the conversation, lets say she Bi. So she's going to get an itch for a woman from time to time. If your looking for a relationship that can lead to marriage and you choose her, the yes your going to have problems because you want to have a monogamist relationship and don't want to share her with any one else, as it should be but if she doesn't feel the same way, guess where the marriage is going to go? Right in the dumpster. If your looking for a woman for a relationship that will lead to marriage, then IMO, look somewhere else and save yourself a headache. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 The reality is that regardless of sexual preference, one is not more likely to cheat than the other. And if you're not cool with the threesome stuff and it bothers you, you shouldn't be giving her the "hell yeah" look when she brings it up as this is obviously leading her to believe that you are into this stuff when you are not. Link to post Share on other sites
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