What4 Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 In a previous posted I asked for opinions on opposite sex friendship and gave a short run down of my situation. Most of the comments were "I was having an emotional affair" I'm just curious as to what exactly constitutes an emotional affair? I understand the sharing with a person other than a spouse but what else Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 As I understand the concept it's when you sort of check out on your spouse & get all your conversations & deep communications from this person outside your relationship. Who is the 1st person you want to share good news with? Who is the person you run to when things are bad? If the answer isn't your SO, you may be in a emotional affair. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Those would all be good indicators. The best commentary I have ever seen on this subject comes from a book called Not Just Friends, and I believe it is written by Shirley Glass? Emotional A's can "sneak up on you" if you are not very very careful. I have also heard that the first time it occurs to you that you do NOT want your spouse to know _______, you are in an emotional affair. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Nat22 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 My H has reached outside of our 10 year marriage and had friends. All I've ever asked was for us to communicate needs. He portrays these relationships as just friends but is secretive about them. I'm emotionally drained and tired of dealing with this. I know I play a role in this. We have to accept our personal responsibility but it's beyond asking why it is happening. It is happening so frequently that now, it like.....what do you really want? Maybe I'm not fulfilling your needs anymore no matter how hard I try. He is bugging for another chance and it hurts so much but I feel like we have done 2, 3 , 4 chances. I offered open marriage!!!! I feel so lost and drained. I never imagined my life without him. We have 2 kids 10,9 and they see my anger, bitterness, I hate who I am becoming. Link to post Share on other sites
Nat22 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 An emotional affair is when you develop a relationship with another person of the opposite sex that violates your marriage one way or another. Are they a secret? Why not allow your spouse to be there for you? Would your spouse be hurt by your relationship. It all derives from a fear of being replaced. Whether this will or won't occur what happens is that your spouse feels detached from you, like you are sharing intimacy with another. This will cause issues. Even if you think it wont. An emotional affair will lead you to disconnect in some way from your spouse. The spouse will also respond and further damage the relationship. Figure out what your missing in your marriage and fix it or come clean and move on. It is a slap in the face to your spouse to lie, or mislead. After all your h or W should be your best friend and the 1 person who you can count on and trust more than anyone else. Has that changed? Communicate and resolve! Link to post Share on other sites
Author What4 Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 I'm sorry you are going through that with you H and I hope that everything works out for you. Thank you for your answers/advice on the matter. I'm my case I do have a close friend of the opposite sex. I do understand that I don't need to disconnect from my H and don't think I have, but I also do not want to give up the friendship. I wanted to know what an emotional affair was exactly since in my previous post that was the common opinion that I was involved in an emotional affair Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 What4, There are tons and tons of signs of an EA. Just google it and you can read up on it. In your other thread you talked about flirting, talking a lot, messaging a lot, discussing marital situations/problems together, how you don't want to lose the friendship, etc. Those are all signs of an EA. In its based form it means you have an emotional involvement with someone of the opposite sex that is not your spouse. Ask yourself this question. Would your husband be okay reading what you posted your feelings are about this 'friend'? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 I do understand that I don't need to disconnect from my H and don't think I have, but I also do not want to give up the friendship. I wanted to know what an emotional affair was exactly since in my previous post that was the common opinion that I was involved in an emotional affair What was asked in your other thread (and I don't remember you answering) is whether your husband knows about the depth of your friendship, the amount of time you spend together and the topics you discuss. And if not, why is that ? Why would you feel a need to keep that a secret? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author What4 Posted November 28, 2013 Author Share Posted November 28, 2013 Thank you both for your replies. My h does know about the friendship but not the depth of the friendship he knows that we spend time together at/for work and he does know about some if the topics but like I said earlier not the depth of it. I will look it up. Maybe in some way I don't really want to know... Link to post Share on other sites
tired girl Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Maybe in some way I don't really want to know You already do know. What you are not wanting to admit to YOURSELF is the depth of feeling that you have for this friend. Because if you do that, you will have to make a choice. You are already keeping secrects. Which means you are in an EA. So, what do you want? What is more important? This friend, or your M? You don't get to keep both. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 You already do know. What you are not wanting to admit to YOURSELF is the depth of feeling that you have for this friend. Because if you do that, you will have to make a choice. You are already keeping secrects. Which means you are in an EA. So, what do you want? What is more important? This friend, or your M? You don't get to keep both. Sure she can, she is doing it now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author What4 Posted November 30, 2013 Author Share Posted November 30, 2013 Sure she can, she is doing it now. That was never the intention and I know it usually never is Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 That was never the intention and I know it usually never is I remember from your other thread that you'd had some problems in your marriage. Are those problems behind your need to maintain this relationship with your "friend"? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 (edited) Any relationship with opposite sex you have to hide, or would not be comfortable with your spouse knowing the all the details of what is being said or done. Edited November 30, 2013 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 That was never the intention and I know it usually never is Maybe, maybe not. While it may happen gradually and therefore less apparent most people realize boundaries being crossed one by one. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You have emotional "love/like" feelings for another that you are perusing without engaging in physical contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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