looking4_hope Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 My h insisted I leave our house and return home because he wanted a divorce. For months I fought him on it asking him To go to counseling so we can work it out. When I finally had enough... And he told me once again to leave the house and return home.. I packed up my things and left. Months later he still mad at me?!? Y is my husband so angry/cold whenever I talk to him. I try to approach him in a positive way since our separation but he still comes at me like I did something wrong?? I did what he wanted -- leave the house and go home. Y would he still be mad? Shouldn't he be happy? Confused. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 What reasons did he give for wanting you to leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Author looking4_hope Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 Our fights got worse. His words were becoming hurtful. and we couldn't communicate. I wanted to go to counseling but he didn't. My MC *i went solo* pointed out that he's passive aggressive. We would have good days but when things got bad… he always opted to say "just go home already you don't belong here." Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 OP, you still haven't given us the reasons he gave for ending the relationship. What has or has not been happening in your relationship over the years? Link to post Share on other sites
Author looking4_hope Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 his reasons were: We weren't communicating, and we were always fighting, and the fights were getting worse, and he didn't want to work on a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 his reasons were: We weren't communicating, and we were always fighting, and the fights were getting worse, and he didn't want to work on a marriage. It sounds like some kind of communication was going on, but negative. What were you hoping that he would work on? What were you fighting about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author looking4_hope Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 I wanted us to work on spending more time with each other ( we rarely went out together -- but he always had time for himself, his friends, internet, vid. games). He was always so negative and i hope he would work on that -- nothing i did was right. I took care of my SK while he went to school/work. We'd fight about parenting, being ungrateful about the things i did (it was never enough), not spending enough time together. But I always got he same answer: "just go home" Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 He may be going through some struggles himself (depression) and although he's gotten his alone time, he's still got some other issues to work through. Sorry you're not able to help him, but maybe some more time alone is what he needs without having someone asking "are you OK, how are you doing?" Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I would suggest giving him space at this point, making no demands or pleas, but staying in limited contact with him. It's possible that his heart will soften with time, and while the conflict with you is not in his face. Call him once a week to check in with him and see how he's doing. Keep it light, and give him news of what's been happening with your life. Take this time to work on yourself, improve your own life, and he may start to see and appreciate the woman he fell in love with originally. So my suggestion would be to work on yourself, and maintain limited contact in the form of a friendly and light check in with him once a week. No demands and no pleas. Now would also be a good time to get independent counseling for yourself. Eventually, it may be helpful for you to discuss and take ownership of your mistakes in the marriage, without casting blame on him. There is something very disarming about someone willing to own up to their mistakes without expecting anything in return. In time, he may realize you have grown and changed, and may be willing to consider a reconciliation. But this is not something you can rush, demand or make a plea for. I'm not absolving him of his mistakes in the marriage. I'm sure he likely played a part in this as well. If you both eventually decide to work on the marriage, marriage counseling would be a good idea to resolve the issues both of you have that are contributing to the discord. But at this point, you can only work on yourself, and until his heart has softened, he will not be ready to consider a reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
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