Serial short term lover!

[L1ght]

LOL! OP you can't escape it, you're either in a relationship or you're not. Why not just go to a brothel then?

 

Once you get in a relationship it'll be too late for this method of thinking, it'll all go straight out the window once you care about someone you love.

 

They WILL **** up sooner or later and then you'll abandon the relationship but will you?

 

That's the golden question isn't it because even you can't answer that in the present. You might know what you want now but you won't know once you are in love with someone and realize not everyone is perfect.

 

You'll have to choose between giving up on someone you love or risking them giving up on you.

All your relationships will never get the chance to grow and strengthen because all great relationships have bad times. You'll go through a lot of women and it'll always be the same result because everyone changes during a relationship, there are always bad times.

 

The person you are attract the women you get. If you keep getting ****ty women my friend you need to look at yourself because I doubt it's them.

Its a very good point you make. It really is but I can honestly tell you that for me personally taking that extra leap in a relationship where I allow myself to go deep and feel love for someone is a choice. It's also a choice to make exceptions and compromises which this time round I don't intend to make.

You seem to believe it's impossible to stick to this kind of game plan but I don't. I feel pretty confident.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Getting into a car and going to work is not the same kind of risk as giving your heart/mind/soul to somebody on the deepest level is it?.....but you already know this I'm sure.

It really is a funny thing....the connection, the intimacy, the grip that another human being can have on your very inner being and core. It's not that I'm not gonna risk getting deep with someone.....it's that I absolutely am willing to walk away as soon as I feel that my position in the relationship comes under threat when I female partner inevitably expects me too start making exceptions for inconsiderate emotional fluctuations.

If it makes you feel better then view my new approach as a quest to find the ideal woman for me personally. The ones who don't live up to my expectations will get left behind

 

It's a risk as soon as you enter the relationship because that's when it's too late, that's when you risk falling in love with the person. Once you fall in love you won't just walk away.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Its a very good point you make. It really is but I can honestly tell you that for me personally taking that extra leap in a relationship where I allow myself to go deep and feel love for someone is a choice. It's also a choice to make exceptions and compromises which this time round I don't intend to make.

You seem to believe it's impossible to stick to this kind of game plan but I don't. I feel pretty confident.

 

Then it's not a relationship it's an extended date. Also it's human nature to fall in love with someone, are you a genetic mutant? You don't choose if you love someone they do because they attract you, it's in the word, attract.

 

Everyone is attracted to their partners for different reasons, they pull us in we don't have a choice it's why we spend time with them.

 

If you're not intending to make exceptions and compromises how can you expect them to make any for you? It's a failure waiting to happen on stubbornness. You know my stubbornness was my biggest weakness in my relationship, you have to give to get.

 

You only get what you give out of something. Your partner will expect you to be in love with them but you say you won't allow that to happen so I hope you're a great ****ing actor because once they sense you're not into them it will cause insecurities and distance - the biggest ingredients for a failed relationship.

 

Notice most break-ups occur because they took their ex for granted? It causes doubts in the relationship and that's when you both aren't on the same page.

 

It takes two people to love and give fully in a healthy relationship. Yours will be built on your own fake bull**** whilst you sit around sucking your own dick because you're perfect and haven't contributed to your past break-ups at all.

 

If it ain't smooth sailing 1000% no exceptions you're out. Good luck with that even a friendship doesn't require such prerequisites.

 

It's a game plan with more holes than the Matrix trilogy.

[L1ght]

It's a risk as soon as you enter the relationship because that's when it's too late, that's when you risk falling in love with the person. Once you fall in love you won't just walk away.

I've already done it once since my last serious relationship. Met a girl in the beginning of the year and the buzz was good for a few months until she changed the way she talked to me.....that's all it took to get my defences up as I had pretty much already realised I wasn't gonna put up with any more crap from women.

Anyway to cut a long strory short I confronted her about her shift in attitude towards me and she did what women always do which is to pretend that nothing was wrong so I told her it was over. She got mad and said I was just like her ex and I told her to F*ck off and we have not spoken since.

I liked her but I did not and still do not regret the decision I made to walk away instead of trying to work the issues out with her. From my experience a guys position in the relationship weakens every time he has to try and work something out with a girl....screw that noise. I'm done.

Edited December 7, 2013 by L1ght

[L1ght]

Then it's not a relationship it's an extended date. Also it's human nature to fall in love with someone, are you a genetic mutant? You don't choose if you love someone they do because they attract you, it's in the word, attract.

 

Everyone is attracted to their partners for different reasons, they pull us in we don't have a choice it's why we spend time with them.

 

If you're not intending to make exceptions and compromises how can you expect them to make any for you? It's a failure waiting to happen on stubbornness. You know my stubbornness was my biggest weakness in my relationship, you have to give to get.

 

You only get what you give out of something. Your partner will expect you to be in love with them but you say you won't allow that to happen so I hope you're a great ****ing actor because once they sense you're not into them it will cause insecurities and distance - the biggest ingredients for a failed relationship.

 

Notice most break-ups occur because they took their ex for granted? It causes doubts in the relationship and that's when you both aren't on the same page.

 

It takes two people to love and give fully in a healthy relationship. Yours will be built on your own fake bull**** whilst you sit around sucking your own dick because you're perfect and haven't contributed to your past break-ups at all.

 

If it ain't smooth sailing 1000% no exceptions you're out. Good luck with that even a friendship doesn't require such prerequisites.

 

It's a game plan with more holes than the Matrix trilogy.

Maybe you are incapable of choosing when you allow yourself to connect with someone on the deepest level and "fall in love". I am being honest when I tell you that it is always a choice for me personally when I allow myself to go that deep....I have been in many situations where I havn't gone deep for whatever reason though the opportunity to do so was available to me.

Asides from that you are entitled to your own opinion about how I intend to approach all relationships I enter......good luck with your own relationships is all I really have to add at this point.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

LOL! That's exactly what I've just said in my last posts! You threw your defenses up as soon as you reached trouble.

 

Both partners need to be in it together. She could of had a good reason or apologized for her behavior in which you would of grew closer and learned more about each other and how you both tick but your defenses shot her down and scrapped her.

 

Same thing will happen next relationship.

 

I've been through that with my ex and it was not permanent. Hell we've been through worse times and it's still worth it in the end because I loved her. You didn't love this woman enough it seems like you just love yourself.

 

LOL a guys position doesn't weaken from working problems out. It shows maturity, running away is weakness.

 

I've had fights with my brother and he's almost grown apart from me at one time, he stopped talking to me and I felt bad because he's younger than me and I'm suppose to be the strong older big brother not the weaker brother who gives up and runs away.

 

So I straight up told him one day I will never hate you no matter how we fight. I love you you are my brother.

 

Guess what ever since then he's talking to me, asking me to hang out with him and visiting me again.

 

Because it's the strong who have patience, understanding and the balls to put their heart on the line to let others do the same.

 

It's like hanging around positive people, you become positive. Hang around bad people you become like them.

 

Hang around someone who loves and gives and you do the same. Hang around a fake person who refuses to give others any exceptions and compromises and you'll become like that too.

[L1ght]

I can support that. I had a certain standard for women I would commit to and I found a woman that lives up to that standard so she gets me all. If they don't live up to that standard why invest a lot.

Yeah investment. It's great when the investment is equal.....but once you feel that shift in balance happen you better be ready to put your foot down or walk out the door cos otherwise you will get left looking like a fool sometime down the line. Guaranteed.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Maybe you are incapable of choosing when you allow yourself to connect with someone on the deepest level and "fall in love". I am being honest when I tell you that it is always a choice for me personally when I allow myself to go that deep....I have been in many situations where I havn't gone deep for whatever reason though the opportunity to do so was available to me.

Asides from that you are entitled to your own opinion about how I intend to approach all relationships I enter......good luck with your own relationships is all I really have to add at this point.

 

I am perfectly capable of withholding how close I get to someone. I'm already doing it with a female friend because I'm not over my ex. It's not hard to withhold affection, block feelings or refuse to give your whole self.

 

Maybe you just think half the man you are is enough to keep a woman interested, you come across as pretty arrogant.

 

But this is the hole in your game-plan. If you withheld yourself for months into the relationship then no wonder she had a shift in attitude! She was probably waiting for you to fully connect with her and began to have doubts.

 

Seriously this is a stupid plan because you're a product of your own environment in a relationship. If you want a happy healthy loving relationship then create one from the beginning and stop putting a wall between you and your partners.

 

Give a flower sunlight and it will blossom. Take a dying flower out the snow and re-pot it to bring it back to life.

 

Give your relationship the effort, time and chance it deserves because you're sabotaging them from the get go and only stopping yourself from being loved for who you are.

 

Yeah you can pretend to love someone whilst not giving your all but you'll never be the REAL you. You'll be this arrogant guy who thinks he's got everything worked out. Your relationships will be **** because you don't make a deep connection and that's necessary for both people to really care about each other and not have problems. You'll never want to work anything out with someone you don't have a deep connection with.

 

Take a glass of vulnerability and drop the ego.

Edited December 7, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[L1ght]

LOL! That's exactly what I've just said in my last posts! You threw your defenses up as soon as you reached trouble.

 

Both partners need to be in it together. She could of had a good reason or apologized for her behavior in which you would of grew closer and learned more about each other and how you both tick but your defenses shot her down and scrapped her.

 

Same thing will happen next relationship.

 

I've been through that with my ex and it was not permanent. Hell we've been through worse times and it's still worth it in the end because I loved her. You didn't love this woman enough it seems like you just love yourself.

 

LOL a guys position doesn't weaken from working problems out. It shows maturity, running away is weakness.

 

I've had fights with my brother and he's almost grown apart from me at one time, he stopped talking to me and I felt bad because he's younger than me and I'm suppose to be the strong older big brother not the weaker brother who gives up and runs away.

 

So I straight up told him one day I will never hate you no matter how we fight. I love you you are my brother.

 

Guess what ever since then he's talking to me, asking me to hang out with him and visiting me again.

 

Because it's the strong who have patience, understanding and the balls to put their heart on the line to let others do the same.

 

It's like hanging around positive people, you become positive. Hang around bad people you become like them.

 

Hang around someone who loves and gives and you do the same. Hang around a fake person who refuses to give others any exceptions and compromises and you'll become like that too.

I don't really understand this response to be honest with you. Your response is the kind of response you would send to a person who has no experience with deep intimacy or long term relationships. The whole point is that I know what it's like to go deep.....so I don't really need you to tell me that relationships get stronger the deeper you go or that things are always worth it at the end of the day. They aren't. Fighting to make things work in my last serious relationship at the time felt like the right thing to do so I did it, I hung in there and did my best to keep the love alive.

You don't get it, I'm not that guy anymore....the breaking point has been reached and the only time a woman is likely to see the best of me is in the initial parts of a relationship cos once I have to "knuckle down" and commit to the strain I'm getting the hell out of there. I don't want it.

The only thing that would make me commit in that kind of way again is if I have kids but these days kids are the last thing on mind.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I can support that. I had a certain standard for women I would commit to and I found a woman that lives up to that standard so she gets me all. If they don't live up to that standard why invest a lot.

 

LOL this is so hypocritical it makes me eyes bleed! You want someone to live up to your standards but refuse to invest in your own! Maybe they couldn't be arsed just like you.

[Woggle]

Yeah investment. It's great when the investment is equal.....but once you feel that shift in balance happen you better be ready to put your foot down or walk out the door cos otherwise you will get left looking like a fool sometime down the line. Guaranteed.

 

I fully agree. Over the years her investment has only gotten deeper but the minute you sense that distancing process it needs to be addressed and if you can't happily resolve it be prepared to end things.

 

If you put out a small flame you can prevent an inferno and if there is no way to stop the fire get the hell out.

[Woggle]

LOL this is so hypocritical it makes me eyes bleed! You want someone to live up to your standards but refuse to invest in your own! Maybe they couldn't be arsed just like you.

 

As long as she is invested I will be. Once her investment wanes I will adjust mine accordingly.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

As long as she is invested I will be. Once her investment wanes I will adjust mine accordingly.

 

Give me a hypothetical example.

[L1ght]

As long as she is invested I will be. Once her investment wanes I will adjust mine accordingly.

Exactly. It always starts with very small and subtle signs of inconsiderate behaviour......the kind of behaviour that they would not have shown earlier on in the relationship when they were doing their best to keep you interested. All women do this and this is where the games always start.....I guess they come to a point where they feel like they have "got you" and then they want to see how much they can get away with. Lol maybe I should start using this tactic too, start being an inconsiderate moron to test how much my next partner will put up with a few months into the relationship? I jest of course. I'm not built that way and that kind of nutty behaviour doesn't interest me the same way it interests the ladies.

[Woggle]

Exactly. It always starts with very small and subtle signs of inconsiderate behaviour......the kind of behaviour that they would not have shown earlier on in the relationship when they were doing their best to keep you interested. All women do this and this is where the games always start.....I guess they come to a point where they feel like they have "got you" and then they want to see how much they can get away with. Lol maybe I should start using this tactic too, start being an inconsiderate moron to test how much my next partner will put up with a few months into the relationship? I jest of course. I'm not built that way and that kind of nutty behaviour doesn't interest me the same way it interests the ladies.

 

I don't agree that all women do this because mine sure doesn't but it is the first sign that a relationship is starting to break down.

[Woggle]

Give me a hypothetical example.

 

If I see her just not making any effort to treat me well or be considerate I will not stoop to her level but she will not be rewarded with me trying harder to be loving and affectionate. If she is loving and romantic I will be the same in return. She will be treated according to how she treats me.

[L1ght]

I don't agree that all women do this because mine sure doesn't but it is the first sign that a relationship is starting to break down.

Well like I say I don't really agree. I think there always comes a point where they want us to "reward them with love and affection" while they don't give the same back.

The more a guy lets them do it the more they will believe they can get away with it.

Good for you that your relationship is working out for you. Maybe one day I will meet the perfect woman someday too though I ain't holding out for it.

[Woggle]

Well like I say I don't really agree. I think there always comes a point where they want us to "reward them with love and affection" while they don't give the same back.

The more a guy lets them do it the more they will believe they can get away with it.

Good for you that your relationship is working out for you. Maybe one day I will meet the perfect woman someday too though I ain't holding out for it.

 

We have been married seven years and together nearly nine so if she hasn't done it by now I don't think she ever will.

[L1ght]

We have been married seven years and together nearly nine so if she hasn't done it by now I don't think she ever will.

I can't even imagine being with a woman that long. the longest I have gone is 2 years and that's after trying my absolute best to stick I out and make it work.

I am born to be the serial short term lover and I embrace this part of my life with my arms wide open.....until I need to shut them and move onto the next thing.

[Els]

Not really sure what the point of this thread was. I reaaalllyy don't think anyone here had you pegged for the long-term sort of guy, Light. I would be surprised if most of the women you meet IRL with a decent head on their shoulders didn't realize that, either.

 

Sounds like someone making a thread about, "You know what epiphany I just reached, guys?? Superman wears red undies!!!"

[L1ght]

Not really sure what the point of this thread was. I reaaalllyy don't think anyone here had you pegged for the long-term sort of guy, Light. I would be surprised if most of the women you meet IRL with a decent head on their shoulders didn't realize that, either.

 

Sounds like someone making a thread about, "You know what epiphany I just reached, guys?? Superman wears red undies!!!"

I always assumed it was an all in one costume but then again what's weirder? An all in one skin tight costume or an all in one skin tight costume with red undies on over the top of it?

irrelevant topic tho it just makes me think you've got superman's genitals on the brain and wanted a reason to bring it up while you fantasize about his wonder balls dangling in front of your face. Lol

FYI I like my balls to breath in my boxers so skin tight undies are pretty much the furthest thing from my mind.....I'm just saying.

[L1ght]

Found someone who's interested in me though it's been ongoing for a few months since I switched stations at work. I made a move today, yes she likes me but she's so materialistic it's a disgrace. I have a good rapport with her and didn't expect to be put in a situation where she would make me feel uncomfortable but she did. After I basically asked her out she said yes as long as I change my shoes......(inside I was like WTF?) but outwardly I said yes of course....I'll meet you Friday night.

The only reason I didn't tell her to f*ck off is because shes so hot. So anyway why should I even give a sh*t about a girl who will only date me if I change my shoes? IDGAF about shoes! never have and never will. My quest is to f*ck this b*tch then I'm out. I will keep you all updated.

[AnyaNova]

Found someone who's interested in me though it's been ongoing for a few months since I switched stations at work. I made a move today, yes she likes me but she's so materialistic it's a disgrace. I have a good rapport with her and didn't expect to be put in a situation where she would make me feel uncomfortable but she did. After I basically asked her out she said yes as long as I change my shoes......(inside I was like WTF?) but outwardly I said yes of course....I'll meet you Friday night.

The only reason I didn't tell her to f*ck off is because shes so hot. So anyway why should I even give a sh*t about a girl who will only date me if I change my shoes? IDGAF about shoes! never have and never will. My quest is to f*ck this b*tch then I'm out. I will keep you all updated.

 

Most of the decisions you seem to make, though some of them quite arguable :-), seem to center around the basic goal of ensuring a place where members can come to heal.

 

I see no way that this entire thread, and this post contributes to that, and in fact, given the poster's comments especially regarding the bolded portion could be highly triggering to anyone who felt that something like this happened to them (and no, peanut-gallery opening poster, this is not even close to what happened to me, so don't even try going there. I will not engage with you, however I could forsee that particular jibe a mile away).

 

At what point, moderators, does a thread continue to do more harm to the stated goals of the group than good?

 

I personally believe this one crossed the line a long time ago.

[L1ght]

Most of the decisions you seem to make, though some of them quite arguable :-), seem to center around the basic goal of ensuring a place where members can come to heal.

 

I see no way that this entire thread, and this post contributes to that, and in fact, given the poster's comments especially regarding the bolded portion could be highly triggering to anyone who felt that something like this happened to them (and no, peanut-gallery opening poster, this is not even close to what happened to me, so don't even try going there. I will not engage with you, however I could forsee that particular jibe a mile away).

 

At what point, moderators, does a thread continue to do more harm to the stated goals of the group than good?

 

I personally believe this one crossed the line a long time ago.

Crossed the line? How exactly? I think this is a great way for me and any other guys with an ounce of common sense to analyse female behaviour and the things us guys have to put up with when we pursue women.

By all means make a thread about guys you pursue and the stupid things they ask of you if it pleases you. I feel no reason to stop what I'm doing....I just see it that you don't want me to point out the many flaws in a woman's attitude when she is pursued by a man. So self entitled and completely self obsessed....that's pretty much the mark of the female psyche when a guy shows interest in her.

I aim to shed light on it....so deal with it.

Edited December 10, 2013 by L1ght

[MoooOinkBaaa]

It sounds like she's a good match for you brah, you might be happier with someone who doesn't put up with your terrible dress sense.

 

Maybe she won't put up with you either and you'll be more loving to someone who would leave you high and dry, just like you would them.

Edited December 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator