My goal: 1 month NC

[TylerDurdenn]

Hi guys/girls,

 

Some of you may be aware of my other threads, I was dumped 2 months ago and have been a pretty **** dumpee since.

 

In the past 2 months I have begged, cried, bought her jewellery, taken her out countless times, sex, kissing/cuddling, been lied to and stayed 100% committed to my ex in hope that she changes her mind.

 

It didn't work.

 

She told me today she was only being nice because she felt bad for me.

 

**** you.

 

So I've drawn the line, and from today I am initiating NC for a month. Why a month? I'm not sure, just a realistic goal at the moment.

 

I hope to keep this thread updated, and use it for self motivation.

 

And for people hoping that their ex will all of a sudden realise what they're losing, they won't. Please don't waste your time, use my previous threads on how not to act .

[mendsley]

Awesome! Some will say setting a specific date is no good. But, f*ck them! You need direction, you need something to work towards. One thing I would suggest is make sure you're ready for your next goal when 30 days hits. Awesome job and be strong!

[Still Searching]

Break that goal down to one week, then two, or even better, day by day. Trust me, it's hard not to contact them...

 

Although my ex and I connected in certain ways better than I've ever connected with anyone, we were hopelessly and so completely broken in others that my rational mind knows it'd never work. What helps is to keep a list to draw upon anytime you feel tempted to contact her. Write down all of the negative things, or reminders of times when she made you feel unhappy/sad. I dealt with similar things as yourself, being led on for weeks, always wishy-washy, her leaving breadcrumbs. Maybe it was out of pity, or her just not knowing for sure what she wanted, but I just remember how I felt when I'd try to reach her and wait what seemed like forever to hear back, or have her back out of plans, or her making me feel like I was good enough to talk to/see only at the end of the day, or when she was done with anyone and anything else.

 

Try to take her/the relationship off a pedestal, and don't idealize her or the relationship. Sure, you'll miss things about her or the relationship, but try to think with your head, and not your heart. My friends and family were good at reminding me how much better off I am, and my head agreed, but when alone sometimes, the heart wants the exact opposite, in your/our case, what we can't have.

 

Good luck.

[fixing]

Good luck mate. Silly bitch loses out in the long run, not you! Gl with no contact. It 100% works in the long run, its just a hard journey to endure.

[Logan oO]

I agree with 'stillsearching's response.

 

Make it day by day. It'll be just as hard, but you will feel more accomplishment from setting a goal that is much sooner acheivable.

 

For the record, my ex was a cold self absorbed waste of life, so i know how ya feel.

 

Oh and don't tell her you are not talking to her, just do it.

[TylerDurdenn]

Thanks guys.

 

My friends/family/co workers remind me daily that I am silly for wasting my time on her, I will let their words sink in

 

The one slight thing that bugs me is that she is ALWAYS out socialising, and I am not. If I can get over her without a rebound or relying on going out to take my mind off her then that's an achievement in its self.

 

Thanks again.

[fixing]

Yeah, imho. There are two types of people when it comes to relationships and the breaking up part specifically...

You got the type of person like me, and you and probably most others on this site who, once dumped, naturally take it very hard, and need time to process, accept and get over a BU before we find ourselves and date again.

Then, you get the other type, which i can never relate to, and those are the types of people that are literally able to bounce from one relationship to the next in a matter of days/weeks/months. They appear to be equally, if not more in love with their newest partner..

Personally, i feel those people, are shallow, insincere people who cannot bare to be alone in this life. Its some sort of coping mechanism, which leads me to believe they will never be able to commit and experience real love.

Because lets face it, you simply cannot just put on some great clothes, splash of cologne go out and fall madly in love with someone if and when you chose.

Real Love comes around, for most people, once or twice in a lifetime.

So, my advice to anyone, particularly dumpee's who are hurting from being used to fill a vacuum in anothers life, do a little homework and make sure the next one you meet, is genuine, and not some rebounding, selfish person looking for a quick fix.

[Logan oO]

Thanks guys.

 

My friends/family/co workers remind me daily that I am silly for wasting my time on her, I will let their words sink in

 

The one slight thing that bugs me is that she is ALWAYS out socialising, and I am not. If I can get over her without a rebound or relying on going out to take my mind off her then that's an achievement in its self.

 

Thanks again.

 

Tyler - I try to cope to and i watch Anime currently 'Attack on Titan' it's been the first thing i have been able to watch besides 'How i met your mother' lol.

That being said, don't limit yourself mate, go out and enjoy yourself, easier said than done, but if you are with the right company / best friend, all that pain gets left behind for a night.

 

Not saying you won't feel crappy with a hangover, but it's nice to escape from yourself sometimes ya know.

 

Believe me i went through that stage, worrying about what they are doing, when they don't give two prawn crackers what your doing or how you're feeling.

 

Here's a quote i saw on someone's status on facebook today.

 

'Don't feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them.'

 

Things will get better man, we're all in the same boat, keep eachother afloat.

 

Hey that rhymed lol

[Eddie007]

Hi guys/girls,

 

Some of you may be aware of my other threads, I was dumped 2 months ago and have been a pretty **** dumpee since.

 

In the past 2 months I have begged, cried, bought her jewellery, taken her out countless times, sex, kissing/cuddling, been lied to and stayed 100% committed to my ex in hope that she changes her mind.

 

It didn't work.

 

She told me today she was only being nice because she felt bad for me.

 

**** you.

 

So I've drawn the line, and from today I am initiating NC for a month. Why a month? I'm not sure, just a realistic goal at the moment.

 

I hope to keep this thread updated, and use it for self motivation.

 

And for people hoping that their ex will all of a sudden realise what they're losing, they won't. Please don't waste your time, use my previous threads on how not to act .

 

Im glad you've decided to go full Nc as its the only option.

 

As for your last paragraph, I dont totally agree.

 

Per your own admission you have been begging, buying gifts, sex etc......how can someone miss something they havent lost. Of course she hasnt realised what she is losing because she has yet to lose it.

 

I wish you well in your decision. It is truly the best.

[Jules78]

Hi guys/girls,

 

Some of you may be aware of my other threads, I was dumped 2 months ago and have been a pretty **** dumpee since.

 

In the past 2 months I have begged, cried, bought her jewellery, taken her out countless times, sex, kissing/cuddling, been lied to and stayed 100% committed to my ex in hope that she changes her mind.

 

It didn't work.

 

She told me today she was only being nice because she felt bad for me.

 

**** you.

 

So I've drawn the line, and from today I am initiating NC for a month. Why a month? I'm not sure, just a realistic goal at the moment.

 

I hope to keep this thread updated, and use it for self motivation.

 

And for people hoping that their ex will all of a sudden realise what they're losing, they won't. Please don't waste your time, use my previous threads on how not to act .

 

OMG what a bi**H!

 

You are so right. They won't realize it because they are selfish jerks. I used to know one very well. Turns out I didn't know him well enough. I am counting my blessings a little bit more each day that he is GONE!

 

Best wishes!!

[Stay]

Yeah, imho. There are two types of people when it comes to relationships and the breaking up part specifically...

You got the type of person like me, and you and probably most others on this site who, once dumped, naturally take it very hard, and need time to process, accept and get over a BU before we find ourselves and date again.

Then, you get the other type, which i can never relate to, and those are the types of people that are literally able to bounce from one relationship to the next in a matter of days/weeks/months. They appear to be equally, if not more in love with their newest partner..

Personally, i feel those people, are shallow, insincere people who cannot bare to be alone in this life. Its some sort of coping mechanism, which leads me to believe they will never be able to commit and experience real love.

Because lets face it, you simply cannot just put on some great clothes, splash of cologne go out and fall madly in love with someone if and when you chose.

Real Love comes around, for most people, once or twice in a lifetime.

So, my advice to anyone, particularly dumpee's who are hurting from being used to fill a vacuum in anothers life, do a little homework and make sure the next one you meet, is genuine, and not some rebounding, selfish person looking for a quick fix.

 

You're right, I think people that jump into another relationship might seem like they're in love but all you're seeing is that initial stage that makes you feel like this person is the best ever. It will not last and eventually it'll be a very bad relationship in my opinion. Not all are like this but I'd say majority.

[acidios]

wish you the best m8 im also in my 5th NC day be strong it will be hard focus only on your self and dont give up.

 

Logan oO im also into animes right now and its wierd for me as a 32 years old to say that i watch animes but its something new and it helps to keep my mind busy also some of those got great stories its a nice alternative when you spend your time at home and alone.

[TylerDurdenn]

Took a pre workout that has made me really happy lol.

 

Hard gym session, jacuzzi and sauna now time for some chicken and rice and Afro Samurai XD

 

Thank you guys for your kind posts

[acidios]

Took a pre workout that has made me really happy lol.

 

Hard gym session, jacuzzi and sauna now time for some chicken and rice and Afro Samurai XD

 

Thank you guys for your kind posts

 

thats great m8 keep it up also if sometime you feel that you dont want to go at the gym for eny reason make a 30-40 mins walk it helps a lot and really clears the mind.good food.chicken and rice is simple 100% aproved also if you need a anime to make you laugh try sora no otoshimono

[Logan oO]

wish you the best m8 im also in my 5th NC day be strong it will be hard focus only on your self and dont give up.

 

Logan oO im also into animes right now and its wierd for me as a 32 years old to say that i watch animes but its something new and it helps to keep my mind busy also some of those got great stories its a nice alternative when you spend your time at home and alone.

 

Glad your feeling a bit better Tyler, but you need to accept that there will be good and bad times of your weeks / days etc. Once you realize that and knowingly accept it's inevitability you will be able to cope through the dark times a bit easier.

 

Acidios - I'm 28 and a half - Dude watch 'Attack on Titan' It's made me feel so much better this week. It's only 25 eps but they are epic!

[TylerDurdenn]

Thankfully my job is stressful so I have no time to think of her, the hardest times are when I'm alone in my room at night - like now.

 

Netflix is doing a decent job of keeping me entertained!

[fixing]

Yeah, movies are perfect. Just dont ever let yourself go down the route of 'ill have a few pints to feel better' Thats another horrible habit that only makes things worse and worse. Keep busy and active!

[TylerDurdenn]

Yeah, movies are perfect. Just dont ever let yourself go down the route of 'ill have a few pints to feel better' Thats another horrible habit that only makes things worse and worse. Keep busy and active!

 

No time for drinking, I need a body like Cristiano Ronaldo by the summer

[acidios]

Thankfully my job is stressful so I have no time to think of her, the hardest times are when I'm alone in my room at night - like now.

 

Netflix is doing a decent job of keeping me entertained!

 

you are lucky at that,that you can focus on your job. had problems with focus so i got this week free to rearange better my self on my first NC week (also i cant hide my self when im not good,i work in my family business i cant hide my feelings from my brother and my father) the alone part is killing me also but i discovered new things to do at house and those help me to distract my mind movies out of the question for me we allways watched movies together here.so alternative options that really works animes,video games. they work for me she allways hated those i remember her saying virtual worlds lame stuff etc. you know something? she destroyed my world she destroyed my dreams for family she destroyed all my hard work i was working like a mad to buy this house for our family. not the video games.right now i feel that this change in hobbies it makes me feel good and it help me.also i havent forget my self everyday 30-40 mins walking good food and lots of talk with friends.i will win this emotional fight.

[TylerDurdenn]

you are lucky at that,that you can focus on your job. had problems with focus so i got this week free to rearange better my self on my first NC week (also i cant hide my self when im not good,i work in my family business i cant hide my feelings from my brother and my father) the alone part is killing me also but i discovered new things to do at house and those help me to distract my mind movies out of the question for me we allways watched movies together here.so alternative options that really works animes,video games. they work for me she allways hated those i remember her saying virtual worlds lame stuff etc. you know something? she destroyed my world she destroyed my dreams for family she destroyed all my hard work i was working like a mad to buy this house for our family. not the video games.right now i feel that this change in hobbies it makes me feel good and it help me.also i havent forget my self everyday 30-40 mins walking good food and lots of talk with friends.i will win this emotional fight.

 

Yes you will win, we both will. Keep a level head and take everyday as it comes - that's my plan

[Logan oO]

you are lucky at that,that you can focus on your job. had problems with focus so i got this week free to rearange better my self on my first NC week (also i cant hide my self when im not good,i work in my family business i cant hide my feelings from my brother and my father) the alone part is killing me also but i discovered new things to do at house and those help me to distract my mind movies out of the question for me we allways watched movies together here.so alternative options that really works animes,video games. they work for me she allways hated those i remember her saying virtual worlds lame stuff etc. you know something? she destroyed my world she destroyed my dreams for family she destroyed all my hard work i was working like a mad to buy this house for our family. not the video games.right now i feel that this change in hobbies it makes me feel good and it help me.also i havent forget my self everyday 30-40 mins walking good food and lots of talk with friends.i will win this emotional fight.

 

 

Ah Acidios, i feel your pain brother -

My ex was like that, nothing i could do was ever enough, i sacrificed huge chunks of my own interests, hobbies and even my own friends, just to 'try' to make her happy.

You wanna know the good thing though, i live without regret, i did everything i could, i gave it my all.

I will find love again one day

 

The best thing, is the friends i had to sacrifice (she made me do this, guilt trips / threats of leaving me etc....i was weak) they are ALL still there for me now!

 

I'm not healed by a long shot, but i'm NC and going strong, i have my moments, but i will never let anyone try to change who i am for their own sense of self entitlement ever again!

 

Also dude, my ex did that, my interests were lame and boring, but if we did stuff she liked, it was fine.

 

I'm listening to the soundtrack to Attack on Titan on youtube whilst typing this. I feel pretty tired, but i ain't sitting here worrying what she's doing, i think i've stopped worrying and caring, and now it's just me healing from all the torture my mind and body went through being with her.

 

(She suffered from Depression / Anxiety and being a general Nasty 'Bitch' really.)

[Stay]

Tyler, keep it up. I just wanna say if your job is keeping you busy and working out is keeping you occupied just keep at it. As much as you're trying to get your body I think going out with friends help a lot also and who knows maybe you'll have a nice chat with a nice girl.

 

Take this with a grain of salt, do not hope for anything back, that hope is the reason you acted how you act. I haven't talked to my ex in 6 months and had an encounter with her last week and lets say she is starting to realize things and told me she misses me. It kinda took me back a few steps and made me miss her more than I really wanted to but honestly I feel like I'm in a better spot and everything is a lot better. I've hit the gym hard and a lot of people noticed the difference so I caught her looking at me up and down also. It's finally catching up to her that the grass isn't greener I think and it feels good to think "Yea I'm doing great without you" Keep that up and you'll feel like you got the better end of things.

[acidios]

Ah Acidios, i feel your pain brother -

My ex was like that, nothing i could do was ever enough, i sacrificed huge chunks of my own interests, hobbies and even my own friends, just to 'try' to make her happy.

You wanna know the good thing though, i live without regret, i did everything i could, i gave it my all.

I will find love again one day

 

The best thing, is the friends i had to sacrifice (she made me do this, guilt trips / threats of leaving me etc....i was weak) they are ALL still there for me now!

 

I'm not healed by a long shot, but i'm NC and going strong, i have my moments, but i will never let anyone try to change who i am for their own sense of self entitlement ever again!

 

Also dude, my ex did that, my interests were lame and boring, but if we did stuff she liked, it was fine.

 

I'm listening to the soundtrack to Attack on Titan on youtube whilst typing this. I feel pretty tired, but i ain't sitting here worrying what she's doing, i think i've stopped worrying and caring, and now it's just me healing from all the torture my mind and body went through being with her.

 

(She suffered from Depression / Anxiety and being a general Nasty 'Bitch' really.)

 

you are right into my relatioship with your words,you hit the spot,bullseye.

 

i also gave my 100% and i know it but she dint care she wants to look her self now.

 

my friends...yes same story here.i remember one day we had men only gathering in one of my friends house simple men stuff,nothing bad RC car racing bbq beers.like we allways had for years..the meeting was for about 3 hours..she called me every 20 mins..where i am,if we have womens in the gathering etc...come on she was in a lot of those meetings with the wifes/girlfriends of my friends what questions are those we just wanted to spend a little time like old days.we where just 5 stupid guys with rc cars eating burgers and drinking beers..after that i dint joined eny of those meetings.4 years have passed from that day.but those guys are still here for me also.they are all merried now and they dont have alot of free time but we talk everyday in the phone.right now it feels really bad to be the only single in your friends group but i will not do the same mistakes in my next relatioship.

[TylerDurdenn]

Keep focusing on the negatives.

[fixing]

you are lucky at that,that you can focus on your job. had problems with focus so i got this week free to rearange better my self on my first NC week (also i cant hide my self when im not good,i work in my family business i cant hide my feelings from my brother and my father) the alone part is killing me also but i discovered new things to do at house and those help me to distract my mind movies out of the question for me we allways watched movies together here.so alternative options that really works animes,video games. they work for me she allways hated those i remember her saying virtual worlds lame stuff etc. you know something? she destroyed my world she destroyed my dreams for family she destroyed all my hard work i was working like a mad to buy this house for our family. not the video games.right now i feel that this change in hobbies it makes me feel good and it help me.also i havent forget my self everyday 30-40 mins walking good food and lots of talk with friends.i will win this emotional fight.

 

Hey good on you man! Keep doing the things that make you happy. **** your ex man, its her loss. She will learn in the end that she lost a great guy! She isnt even worthy of you imo. Keep up the exercise, healthy eating, and socializing. You WILL WIN THIS BATTLE. Keep posting here bro, it really helps to talk and listen to others, and even offer your own advice. We are all in this together!