My goal: 1 month NC

[TylerDurdenn]

She just ****ing called me 'by accident', she's out partying on a Monday night.. What a mess.

 

I ****ing hate her.

[fixing]

Lol, typical childish behavour, the classic accidental call... She's just trying to get to you man, trying to let you know she's out partying it up. Its just pathetic, cheap game playing tactics. Keep ignoring her, and it will really piss her off. Stick to NC and rise above these cheap shots of hers.

[Stay]

She just ****ing called me 'by accident', she's out partying on a Monday night.. What a mess.

 

I ****ing hate her.

 

Why'd you pick up if you did pick up?

[TylerDurdenn]

I picked up as it's 12:30 and thought it was unusual.. May have needed help or something.

 

Can't believe she did that, she knows I have work in the morning..

[Froelich87]

Tyler,

 

I feel for ya dude. For real.

 

I'm going through almost the exact same thing.

 

I never bought her stuff afterwards... but I broke 2 months of NC. Had Sex. Tried the whole "friends" thing.

 

I feel ya man.

 

It's so damn hard.

 

I'm on day 1 of NC today. And I'm never going to break it until I am over her and completely indifferent.

 

We aren't runners. We aren't commitmentphobes, we don't swing from relationship to relationship to feel validated. We are genuine human beings who just want to love and be loved in return.

 

This heartbreak just sucks so damn bad... but it's only temporary.

 

 

Sadly, temporary feels like forever.

 

I just posted a thread here... feel free to read and respond.

 

Take it one day at a time man.

 

We will make it.

 

Swingers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Wedding Singer, The Break Up, High Fidelity, How I Met Your Mother and countless others may help you. I knew they have helped me before my relapse.

[Stay]

I picked up as it's 12:30 and thought it was unusual.. May have needed help or something.

 

Can't believe she did that, she knows I have work in the morning..

 

You shouldn't care, she didn't care about your feelings why should you be there whenever she needs someone? Don't be that safety net for her. You're not hers anymore and the sooner she realizes that the better.

[Logan oO]

you are right into my relatioship with your words,you hit the spot,bullseye.

 

i also gave my 100% and i know it but she dint care she wants to look her self now.

 

my friends...yes same story here.i remember one day we had men only gathering in one of my friends house simple men stuff,nothing bad RC car racing bbq beers.like we allways had for years..the meeting was for about 3 hours..she called me every 20 mins..where i am,if we have womens in the gathering etc...come on she was in a lot of those meetings with the wifes/girlfriends of my friends what questions are those we just wanted to spend a little time like old days.we where just 5 stupid guys with rc cars eating burgers and drinking beers..after that i dint joined eny of those meetings.4 years have passed from that day.but those guys are still here for me also.they are all merried now and they dont have alot of free time but we talk everyday in the phone.right now it feels really bad to be the only single in your friends group but i will not do the same mistakes in my next relatioship.

 

Exactly the same i've been through lol. Completely innocent hanging with the guys and yet you are guilted into having to try and PROVE you aren't with women. WHICH in a normal healthy trusting relationship should NEVER be a problem.

 

I'm glad your friends are still there for you too dude. A lot of my female friends are married off, or had kids and settled down, but my guy mates are still about. We are all late 20's and for me, being in that relationship for so long with someone who stole 'me' from myself, it was really difficult to recover from.

As i said, i'm not 100% or anywhere near it, but i find each day is a little easier, don't get me wrong some days i feel crappy and like a step back, but if i move forward 5 steps a week, and only two back. It is still progress

[TylerDurdenn]

I woke up today with a massive urge to call her phone and wake her up as pay back for last night, decided against it

[acidios]

I woke up today with a massive urge to call her phone and wake her up as pay back for last night, decided against it

 

there is a nice song that goes like this: block block block. delete delete delete.block block block :D

 

well imagine something like this

you call your ex

 

you ex answer: hello

 

you:BAZINGA!

 

enyway m8 try to have a great day and be happy

[TylerDurdenn]

Finding today hard, work is slow and can't stop thinking about her with somebody else..

 

On one hand I don't care, she has issues and she is not the sweet innocent person she once was. And then on the other the thought hurts me deeply.

 

7 hours until gym..

[Logan oO]

Afternoon tyler

 

You will have up and down days, i still do. Try to accept that it will be this way for a little while. Let yourself enjoy the days where you don't feel bad.

 

It isn't wrong to think of an ex. It's difficult to comprehend at first, but eventually you start to realize you miss the companionship of having someone who in short, is your best friend, and when they no longer wish to be a part of your life, it's like mourning the death of a relative or friend.

 

It takes some getting used to, but i wouldn't say occupying your mind is the 'key' to recovery, because i find that you need to allow the bad / sad feelings to come out should you be at home or in bed, just let it out. You'd feel a sense of relief after, and albeit a small weight off your shoulders, it's still less stress on your mind.

[TylerDurdenn]

Feeling happy right now, how long it'll last who knows..

[radiodarcy]

Feeling happy right now, how long it'll last who knows..

 

doesn't matter - - just enjoy it

 

I have found the more I can glean from those happy moments, the better I am able to endure the darker ones.

 

Perhaps because during those happy times I am reminded that I can be happy without him

[TylerDurdenn]

Spoke to a lady colleague today, I said about her constant partying and she responded by saying that she is on a downward spiral and it will eventually hit her hard.

 

I don't care if it doesn't but I hope it does.

 

Sorry!

[me85]

hi guys/girls,

 

some of you may be aware of my other threads, i was dumped 2 months ago and have been a pretty **** dumpee since.

 

In the past 2 months i have begged, cried, bought her jewellery, taken her out countless times, sex, kissing/cuddling, been lied to and stayed 100% committed to my ex in hope that she changes her mind.

 

It didn't work.

 

She told me today she was only being nice because she felt bad for me.

 

**** you.

 

So i've drawn the line, and from today i am initiating nc for a month. Why a month? I'm not sure, just a realistic goal at the moment.

 

I hope to keep this thread updated, and use it for self motivation.

 

And for people hoping that their ex will all of a sudden realise what they're losing, they won't. Please don't waste your time, use my previous threads on how not to act .

 

 

"no fear, no distractions, just the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide."

[me85]

Break that goal down to one week, then two, or even better, day by day. Trust me, it's hard not to contact them...

 

Although my ex and I connected in certain ways better than I've ever connected with anyone, we were hopelessly and so completely broken in others that my rational mind knows it'd never work. What helps is to keep a list to draw upon anytime you feel tempted to contact her. Write down all of the negative things, or reminders of times when she made you feel unhappy/sad. I dealt with similar things as yourself, being led on for weeks, always wishy-washy, her leaving breadcrumbs. Maybe it was out of pity, or her just not knowing for sure what she wanted, but I just remember how I felt when I'd try to reach her and wait what seemed like forever to hear back, or have her back out of plans, or her making me feel like I was good enough to talk to/see only at the end of the day, or when she was done with anyone and anything else.

 

Try to take her/the relationship off a pedestal, and don't idealize her or the relationship. Sure, you'll miss things about her or the relationship, but try to think with your head, and not your heart. My friends and family were good at reminding me how much better off I am, and my head agreed, but when alone sometimes, the heart wants the exact opposite, in your/our case, what we can't have.

 

Good luck.

 

This was a great post. Thank you. I really enjoyed reading it StillSearching!

 

The first long paragraph of what you wrote describes my last RS to a T. I was so blinded by my emotions and just wanting him to love me the way I loved him and not understanding why out of no where I was being rejected...well, because he found a new toy/obsession.

 

You are so right about taking the old RS off the pedestal and focusing on WHY you're not together anymore. I absolutely have to keep that list of negativity in my mind constantly thinking over it. It helps tremendously.

[Still Searching]

This was a great post. Thank you. I really enjoyed reading it StillSearching!

 

The first long paragraph of what you wrote describes my last RS to a T. I was so blinded by my emotions and just wanting him to love me the way I loved him and not understanding why out of no where I was being rejected...well, because he found a new toy/obsession.

 

You are so right about taking the old RS off the pedestal and focusing on WHY you're not together anymore. I absolutely have to keep that list of negativity in my mind constantly thinking over it. It helps tremendously.

 

No problem; I'm glad it helped someone.

 

I can relate to you. I just kept letting the things she was doing go, maybe out of fear of losing her, blinded by emotion, like you said. With her, the highs were incredibly high, but those lows were very dark, very painful. Almost like a drug, I suppose I was constantly chasing/craving those highs, and for too long I let myself be put in those lows.

 

It's tough to draw on those negative elements of the relationship; some people simple won't want to, and would rather focus on the good times and things they miss. These aren't to be forgotten, but initially, that list of the bad is helpful. Over time, the pain, anger, and sadness will subside, and hopefully one becomes indifferent. I've had some exes do some nasty stuff, but nowadays, I have no hard feelings. It is what it is, it's made me stronger, and it taught me lessons I'm thankful to have learned.

[Darren Steez]

How pathetic must she think of you to tell you she felt bad. She let you buy all that stuff, take her out. Pathetic.

 

Now take that and let that resonate in your head, every time you think about picking up a phone or text. She thinks I'm pathetic. Then you go ahead and show her what a strong man you're on your way to becoming.

 

There will be a time when her little ego needs stroking and she'll shoot you a text or call to see "How you're doing" Don't answer. Go dark!!

[me85]

No problem; I'm glad it helped someone.

 

I can relate to you. I just kept letting the things she was doing go, maybe out of fear of losing her, blinded by emotion, like you said. With her, the highs were incredibly high, but those lows were very dark, very painful. Almost like a drug, I suppose I was constantly chasing/craving those highs, and for too long I let myself be put in those lows.

 

It's tough to draw on those negative elements of the relationship; some people simple won't want to, and would rather focus on the good times and things they miss. These aren't to be forgotten, but initially, that list of the bad is helpful. Over time, the pain, anger, and sadness will subside, and hopefully one becomes indifferent. I've had some exes do some nasty stuff, but nowadays, I have no hard feelings. It is what it is, it's made me stronger, and it taught me lessons I'm thankful to have learned.

 

Again, I applaud your post.

 

Yes, yes and yes. "The highs were incredibly high, but those lows were very dark, very painful. Almost like a drug, I suppose I was constantly chasing/craving those highs, and for too long I let myself be put in those lows."

 

That really hits the nail on the head. That's how it was with me and my ex. I, too, was chasing the high moments that became so few, far and in between.

 

I am 90% sure my ex is either bipolar or sociopathic...or sociopathetic lol jk. Seriously, though. I am pretty much convinced of it. Never remorseful, never at fault...The grass is always greener, there's always something better, it's just never enough for people like that. On top of that he is ADHD so he very literally can not sit still for too long. People like that will NEVER be truly happy with anything because they don't appreciate what they already have and that is so, just, sad.

 

I've grown up very unfortunately and had to earn everything I have on my own. I come from a very dysfuntional family, many struggles, overcame much abuse and trauma and yet I am FAR BETTER than my ex on all levels. Because I treat people good & I have so much love just bursting out of me!! (: He had hardly no problems growing up (his parents divorced but so did mine when I was 3, I never had a father either or a mother for that matter) his mother has and continues to shelter and support him every step of the way...& he's 28! (she is an enabler) So therefore he doesn't know struggle or how to be without.

 

I knew from the beginning it was wrong to get involved with someone like that but at the same time we had a lot in common. So strange. & kind of sad because all he had to do was try and see what he could have done better. Because I believe people can and do change. I am living proof of that. Just not my ex apparently. If only he would not have been such an opinionated spoiled rotten brat who always had to get his way (thanks to the way his mother raised him) and saught therapy for his anger (but "he has no problems"HA) Things could have worked out. We have the same beliefs politically, religiously, we agreed on things more than we disagreed. BUT...

 

Like you said, it is what it is and all you can do is learn from it and move on.

 

THANKS STILL SEARCHING

Edited November 26, 2013 by me85

[Still Searching]

Again, I applaud your post.

 

I've grown up very unfortunately and had to earn everything I have on my own. I come from a very dysfuntional family, many struggles, overcame much abuse and trauma and yet I am FAR BETTER than my ex on all levels. Because I treat people good & I have so much love just bursting out of me!! (: He had hardly no problems growing up (his parents divorced but so did mine when I was 3, I never had a father either or a mother for that matter) his mother has and continues to shelter and support him every step of the way...& he's 28! (she is an enabler) So therefore he doesn't know struggle or how to be without.

 

I knew from the beginning it was wrong to get involved with someone like that but at the same time we had a lot in common. So strange. & kind of sad because all he had to do was try and see what he could have done better. Because I believe people can and do change. I am living proof of that. Just not my ex apparently. If only he would not have been such an opinionated spoiled rotten brat who always had to get his way (thanks to the way his mother raised him) and saught therapy for his anger (but "he has no problems"HA) Things could have worked out. We have the same beliefs politically, religiously, we agreed on things more than we disagreed. BUT...

 

Like you said, it is what it is and all you can do is learn from it and move on.

 

THANKS STILL SEARCHING

 

Like you, I've grown up earning everything I have on my own. My family wasn't really dysfunctional, although my parents did divorce. They were supportive, but at the same time taught my sisters and me to be responsible with money, and appreciative of what we have. My ex just turned 24, and her mother, too, was an enabler. Everything was handed to my ex, everything done for her. She'd get pouty or bored easily if we didn't have big plans every weekend. She couldn't appreciate the little things, which is sad.

 

Funny, when you mention spoiled brat who always got his way. I heard these exact words from my ex early on in the relationship, "I guess I'm not used to having someone stand up to or challenge me. I'm just used to always getting my way." RED FLAG! In our case, we disagreed more than agreed, either on religion, kids, money, where we'd live, etc. It's sad to admit, but I think the only thing that kept us together as long as we were was the intimacy, as that was one area we connected so completely without issue, ever. Maybe I'll never find that same level of connection, but that alone isn't worth staying in a relationship if day to day life is miserable.

[TylerDurdenn]

Feeling good, she is no good for me.. Let her be someone elses problem.

 

Gym done, food cooking, time to chill.

 

Weekend hurry up please

[me85]

Like you, I've grown up earning everything I have on my own. My family wasn't really dysfunctional, although my parents did divorce. They were supportive, but at the same time taught my sisters and me to be responsible with money, and appreciative of what we have. My ex just turned 24, and her mother, too, was an enabler. Everything was handed to my ex, everything done for her. She'd get pouty or bored easily if we didn't have big plans every weekend. She couldn't appreciate the little things, which is sad.

 

Funny, when you mention spoiled brat who always got his way. I heard these exact words from my ex early on in the relationship, "I guess I'm not used to having someone stand up to or challenge me. I'm just used to always getting my way." RED FLAG! In our case, we disagreed more than agreed, either on religion, kids, money, where we'd live, etc. It's sad to admit, but I think the only thing that kept us together as long as we were was the intimacy, as that was one area we connected so completely without issue, ever. Maybe I'll never find that same level of connection, but that alone isn't worth staying in a relationship if day to day life is miserable.

 

No, you're right, that isn't reason enough to stay in a RS.

 

Yes, she gave you one heck of a red flag by saying that.

 

You have obviously learned from your experiences so that's great. Kudos to you and your new GF. That's really awesome that you found a good girl.

 

My ex was short fused and abusive and completely obsessed with girls & sex in a problematic kind of way. I am very passionate and comfortable with my sexuality, however, my ex showed all the signs of a compulsive everything, liar, cheater, sex addict, looking at girls everywhere...out and about, online, chive, porn...one time I found HUNDREDS of pics of girls nude and normal "selfies" on his computer/phone by accident. (iCloud)

 

I mean, I know all heterosexual guys LOVE women and our bodies but my ex is very disrespectful and would make me rather uncomfortable because he CRAVED attention from girls and would seek it out shamelessly right in front of me. That's wrong. Always made me feel like I was not good enough.

 

He had control issues like you would not believe, oh the list goes on and on. I hate that i opened up to him and told him private things no one else knows about me. Because he is very untrustworthy. I should have left him a very long time ago. Like, when he first hit me. Or first called me a b...h/c..t

 

And my family isn't "very" dysfunctional, (I made that sound bad lol)there are just issues like everyone has I guess, I'm just not close with them. A LOT of my family members are really selfish. When I left home as a teenager and then finally out on my own for good at 20, I never looked back. I can't stand drama. I just want the normal simple things I never had. They mean the most to me. QUIET. HAPPY. PEACEFUL. lol

 

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST

Edited November 26, 2013 by me85

[TylerDurdenn]

24 hours nc COMPLETE

 

[acidios]

Break that goal down to one week, then two, or even better, day by day. Trust me, it's hard not to contact them...

 

yes..its very hard right.now is killing me. i want to hear her voice so bad...its like im searching a remedy for my agony right now.

 

i have experienced a lot of stuff in my life i dint had eny problems even when i was 1 year away from home for my army duty,i was ok.

 

but this is something so painfull..OFC i had BUs in my life but this was my first long relatioship and i had dreams for me and her.

 

you know guys what it hurts me the most..its that i cant do nothing im just waiting my self to heal doin enything that i can to distract my self but in the end i feel empy its like fighting a dragon to finish your quest but in the end you dont get the princess...we all fight right now but at the end we will be ok?

i dont know my mind is not clear right now and the worst part is that my day just started.

[TylerDurdenn]

Thinking of her this morning, why am I doing this? She's a horrible person.