My goal: 1 month NC

[me85]

God i miss the old her so much

 

Tyler, boy do I know how you feel. But she is NOT who you fell in love with.

 

SO STOP.

 

This is what I have a hard time with some days. I think of how he WAS and what he DID...how we WERE...how it USED to be good, we USED to be happy (well, I thought we had our good times but apperently it was all bad according to him) sometimes when people change it's for the worst (in my ex's case anyways-but maybe he never changed, I think that was who he really was all along, he was just pretending to be mr. charming the whole time.)

 

The past is the past. Just let it go. You like Fight Club...think of the car crash scene...just let go, man.

 

She's not that person anymore. Maybe she never was. It's all about the present. Focus on the reality of the situation. IT'S OVER. They're a memory, they're a ghost...but they won't haunt us forever.

[Haydn]

I do agree with you Cav on tough love. Just didnt want to come across as `I know it all` I dont know it all and i think sometimes we make very big mistakes with this tricky subject. I know i have. But i am getting closer to the light and things are on the whole are pretty ok. I think Tyler will know what to do when the time comes. I hope you will anyway Tyler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for your kind words Cav.

 

I disagree. Team IS let down. (not me necesarily)

 

It is his choice but this stuff is dead serious if you want to get over it. He didnt just contact her but ending up hooking up. He might be the exception (doubt it) But this is super bad bad bad for his.recovery IMO. Cav

 

PS i like you Hayden just disagree on this one. Tough love is called for.

[Meadowgreen]

I don't have the urge to contact her anymore, I just feel depressed and lonely.

 

I need to make some girl friends..

 

If you do, just make sure you don't give any new girl indication that you're looking for a relationship, dude. I've been that 'girl who's a friend' for guys on the rebound, and the dumpee's readiness to just sap a nice girl of her affection and support for his own gains is staggering. Be upfront from the off and don't let anyone fall in love with you!

[Meadowgreen]

Hayden I may have to take you up on that offer!

 

Sooooooooo.. I failed, but I don't feel like a failure..

 

She called me, we chatted and had our usual laughs and then she invited me round to her place..

 

I went round, we kissed and cuddled and messed around blah blah, then she gave me the usual 'i don't feel anything for you' speech. However this time hearing those words were different, they didn't hurt or make me upset. I came home and went out with my friends as if nothing had happened.

 

YES I failed, but I don't feel bad, I actually feel kinda good that we did what we did and I felt nothing.

 

She wants us to go out together 'as friends', and you know what? I think I could do it..

 

For now I am going back to NC, she will have to initiate contact going forward.

 

I feel like I've let the team down!!

 

 

 

 

UGH.

 

Facepalm to the max.

 

I can understand why it's happened, I really can....but...I just feel like you're in for a world of hurt :/

[Meadowgreen]

Tyler - I try to cope to and i watch Anime currently 'Attack on Titan' it's been the first thing i have been able to watch besides 'How i met your mother' lol.

 

I know it's off topic but Attack on Titan is AWESOME, haha!

[Logan oO]

@TYLER - NO! Bad TYLER! You might think you can do the friends thing, but what if she starts talking / flirting with another guy in front of you? are you completely sound in your mind to say you could think 'good for her'? Tell her you cannot be anything to her anymore. That ended with your relationship. I've had to deal with my ex starting to sniff around for breadcrumbs of information about what i'm upto as well (below) but i don't feel anything about anything at the moment. Apart from wanting to help my fellow Loveshack Brethren find 'peace' within themselves too

 

I know it's off topic but Attack on Titan is AWESOME, haha!

I don't know if you've been watching before i mentioned it or since, but either way, i'm glad it's reached it's way into the heart of a fellow anime fan

 

I feel i must step in now and give you all my opinion too.

 

Tyler, Acidios and anyone else who is hurting currently.

 

I can't quite figure out why, but in the past two days, something has changed, i'm not 100% but it's almost as if i've officially let go and by that i mean, my mind and body have accepted the fact that the ex is gone for good.

Yes this is a good thing.

 

I'll elaborate.

 

My ex has been in contact twice this week, once to say about some mail that keeps coming to her.

 

We had spoken briefly last night also because 'her xbox account' was suspended and she wanted my help. Not that i have to give it to her, but i didn't i explained she should call customer support the following day and that 'we' are not supposed to be talking anymore as the people in our lives would probably not appreciate us talking to our 'ex'. (She thinks i'm seeing someone because i didn't want to give her the benefit of 'thinking' i'm moping about her.)

 

So i explained i'm trying to move on with my life, and that i have left her alone and that i ask only that she does the same. She said 'ok bye'

 

So she contacted me this morning too, about mail again. I told her it's been dealt with and just ignore any further letters. Yet an hour later she's making conversation with me 'how was your date' (i told her i was going to see thor last night, and i've subtly let on i'm seeing someone new even though i am not. (I don't want her thinking i'm moping around, i did that too much over that relationship). Then she goes on to ask how i'm getting on, blablabla.

 

So i asked her outright 'why are you contacting me? we are not supposed to be speaking!' she went on to explain that she was being 'friendly' so i said that i'm ok and that i am trying to get on with things and that after this conversation could she not contact me any further. I made my excuses that i had to go, as i don't like talking to her (oh btw she asked me to call her, but i told her i don't want to as i don't want to hear her voice) for lengthy periods.

 

Anywho, she asked when i was seeing this girl next, how we met etc. I told her, i have no intention of talking about this, as i wouldn't want to know about her goings on (she told me weeks ago about her new guy she is 'seeing' and yes they are having sex).

I left it at that, said i have to go, 'have a nice day' and left it at that, she said bye, i deleted the conversation and went about my day.

 

Now - before anyone says 'BLOCK HER' i have blocked her on everything apart from watsapp. Not so i can contact her as i don't, if i block her, it will have her 'number' blocked, which i will always see, whereas if i don't have the number, eventually i'll forget it.

 

So after all that, i don't feel different at all, i still feel normal, not empty but hopeful for the new year being a new start, i've got a group meal on the 21st with mostly my girl mates and a few guys. I'm at a new year party with the same group at their house. I want to learn to drive by the end of next year also

 

To summarize, the whole reason i was able to talk to her via watsapp without feeling, is that i have actually let go of any hope involuntarily. I'm actually looking forward at what 'I' want for myself from the next year of my life

 

Believe me, i know i will still have my 'days' but each day i get a little bit stronger, and a little bit more of that wall around my heart is built tougher and thicker than before

 

Never Let Someone from your past, stop you from having a good future

 

Sorry about the length i wanted to be honest.

Edited November 30, 2013 by Logan oO

[TylerDurdenn]

Hi guys,

 

The loneliness is really getting to me, sure I have my friends but they're not available all the time like my ex was.

 

I feel lost, like I'm trying to be somebody I don't actually want to be. Really I am an introvert that hates sociallising with people I don't really know, however since the break up I have pushed myself into situations I am not really comfortable with, just because I feel like I have to.

 

I'd love to meet a girl that I can settle down with, but right now everything just seems a bit weird.

 

I want to go travelling to see the world and find new interests, but I have nobody to go with and whilst travelling alone initially sounds appealing, I couldn't do it.

 

Back to work in the morning and I am actually looking forward to being busy/stressed, definitely keeps my mind off stuff.

 

Keep strong guys

[radiodarcy]

Hi guys,

 

The loneliness is really getting to me, sure I have my friends but they're not available all the time like my ex was.

 

I feel lost, like I'm trying to be somebody I don't actually want to be. Really I am an introvert that hates sociallising with people I don't really know, however since the break up I have pushed myself into situations I am not really comfortable with, just because I feel like I have to.

 

I'd love to meet a girl that I can settle down with, but right now everything just seems a bit weird.

 

I want to go travelling to see the world and find new interests, but I have nobody to go with and whilst travelling alone initially sounds appealing, I couldn't do it.

 

Back to work in the morning and I am actually looking forward to being busy/stressed, definitely keeps my mind off stuff.

 

Keep strong guys

 

Have you seen this post on the break up thread yet? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/446268-being-introvert-heartbroken-same-time

 

It has some like minded people on there (myself included) but also contain some very good insight and advice.

[TylerDurdenn]

Felt better today, I am still at the early stages of a very long journey..

[TylerDurdenn]

Another day down, how are we in December already? Scary.

[cavalier99]

How are you after the contact last week?

[TylerDurdenn]

How are you after the contact last week?

 

I feel fine, slightly lost but I don't hurt anymore. I miss her, but at the end of the day there is NOTHING I can do.

 

She said some strange stuff in our chat, the most notable being-

 

'I'm going to get breast implants and a nose job, because nobody will ever appreciate me as much as you do'

 

With the above being said and her constant partying it has really put me off her, she used to be so sweet, innocent and thoughtful.

 

I am in no rush to move on, I need to find myself again.

[cavalier99]

Good for you. Just stay NC. I have found that those who recover the quickest keep NC. Those that repeatedly break it take much longer. Make sense. Even poeple that seem pretty strong like yourself. Over confidence should be a concern for you.

 

Just be aware that your not immune to having a big setback if you keep repeaded contact. Sometime a little healthy fear is a good thing.. Rock on! Cav

Edited December 4, 2013 by cavalier99

[cavalier99]

You actually remind me of a poster from last year. Super confident guy. Was recovering great. But he got overconfident and though he could keep contact with the ex. She was also willing to hook up with him and gave him a ton of mixed signas. I even broke my rules and supported him in his quest. I thought he might be the exception.

 

He went from feeling really confident to having setbacks because of her indecisivness on getting back together. He regained confidence ...then they had more contact as he pulled away ecetera. They finally did try again and it lasted like a month. She sorta tried but started acting like she did before the 1st BU.

 

He finally went NC. But in the prcess he lost like 6 months of recovery. And the whole process just beat him down.

 

I was healed and he was in a world of hurt. Even worse than the 1st BU. If he had just stayed NC he would have been over it. Probably faster than me with my BU.

 

Just beware that her willingness to be with you and hook up, give you mixed signal, and your confidence can be a deadly combo. Tread very carfeully. Cav

[amorydiver]

agreed. I've been super over confident at times, and thought I could hang out and be friends.

but the fact is, I have a weakness for that person, all my over confidence and fwb's type stuff just sucked me right back in. Fact is I've learned the hard way that I just cannot be anywhere near her without falling for her. When those blue eyes smile at me in that way. I fall right back, and ruin myself in the process.

telling myself I didn't care, and didn't hurt, didn't make it true.

I lie to myself all the time still, but now I know better than to believe it.

[TylerDurdenn]

Does anyone know how to delete recent numbers in an iPhone?

 

[srmano]

delete as in clear all your recent calls? if so just click edit its on the top right hand side

[TylerDurdenn]

delete as in clear all your recent calls? if so just click edit its on the top right hand side

 

No i mean't when you go into new message it pulls up all of your last contacts regardless of if theyre in your pb

 

Done it now though

 

Absolutley no way of contacting her

[cavalier99]

No i mean't when you go into new message it pulls up all of your last contacts regardless of if theyre in your pb

 

Done it now though

 

Absolutley no way of contacting her

 

Woo hoo. Good step. If she does call use that opportunity to block the number (after not answering). Then you really know your cutting ties. Cav

[TylerDurdenn]

Woo hoo. Good step. If she does call use that opportunity to block the number (after not answering). Then you really know your cutting ties. Cav

 

I highly doubt she'd ever contact me.

[cavalier99]

I highly doubt she'd ever contact me.

 

Well youd be surpised as the months go on. But if she doesnt that is great!! Makes it that much easier.

 

The nicer the bradcrumb the worse they are and the more difficult they are to ignore. Your lucky if she doesnt contact you. Cav

[TylerDurdenn]

Feeling good today

 

Nearly Friday as well!!

 

Hope everyone is well.

[lovecomesandgoes]

I'm sorry to hear that, my exs and many of my guy friends unfortunately went through what you went through.

 

Although it seems to me that guys never realize what they have until it's gone.

 

Forget my exs, let me tell you about two of my guy friends:

 

Guy friend #1: was with his gf for 1.5 years, he often complained to me how she was needy and she would cry he didn't want to spend time with her even though he just wanted to go play basketball or video games. I kept on reminding him that she was a great girl (pretty, nice body, very smart, and is overall a good catch) for some reason, I don't think he remembered all of the reasons why he fell for her in the first place. He told me time to time he wanted to just end things but would miss the sex (who was he kidding? he had real feelings for her) Until one day, she realized she could do better and tried to break up with him. He came to me crying and was overly distraught, for the next two weeks he kept on begging her and spent all of his savings on buying her ipad, purses and a new jacket. None of the tactics worked, she returned everything and kept to her decision. I'd say it took him a good year to fully get over her (he moved back home to the other side of the world, I'm sure that helped a lot)

 

Guy friend #2: Got dumped after 6 years, was blind-sided and came to me in almost insanity-mode. He stopped buying her Christmas gifts and even talked down on her as jokes all the time. I often told him to cherish her b/c she was also a great catch and very tolerant of him, he would laugh it off and probably thought I was being a drama queen. Behold, she dumped him, he tried and tried, broke walls, showed up to her house, her work, cried, nothing worked. He still misses her a year after and says no girl he's met so far even compares to her.

 

Moral of the story: cherish what you have before it's gone, hey, lesson learned for everyone.

[AnyaNova]

Feeling good today

 

Nearly Friday as well!!

 

Hope everyone is well.

 

I am glad you are feeling good! I must admit that I haven't been keeping up on this thread, but I am assuming that the feeling good probably means you have been keeping NC.

 

Good for you!

[TylerDurdenn]

She's just text me saying she's the happiest she's ever been in her life right now.

 

Enjoy your crappy nightclubs with your cokehead friends.

 

If only I could just delete her from my mind..