Ex gf broke no contact - I'm lost

[Zahara]

She did in fact tell me she had mental disorders a couple of months ago. That she had bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. Her grandmother also had it. That she had 3 personalities. She told me she was really ****ed up and that when I would discover who she really was I would leave her.

 

The happy one, which was who she wanted to be, who loved me and wanted to be with me.

The depressed one, who felt worthless, hated by the whole world, despised, alone and despaired.

The party/bitch one, who wanted to be free, flirt with guys, drink, have fun and do crazy things.

 

She also told me she had a lot of anger inside towards other people, couldn't accept people and things how they were, when it couldn't be on her own terms, how she wanted it.

 

Well, what?

 

Did you forget about all of the above? It doesn't change because she's now lonely and misses you. Her issues will keep resurfacing. Go back and read this thread again, especially your first post.

[greenflower]

This is so just... so sad :'(

 

You think she doesn't give a **** about me ? Why would she write this then ?

[Zahara]

This is so just... so sad :'(

 

You think she doesn't give a **** about me ? Why would she write this then ?

 

You mentioned that she has treated you like shytt for so long. Now she sends you this email and you're confused as to why she doesn't give a shytt about you? Are you so delusional? Remember the shytt she did to you, not some email she's sending with a bunch of words. Focus on her actions. Not on her words.

[greenflower]

Then, can I answer "Selfish to the end." and then block ?

 

What about if she's genuinely thinking about me, and is genuinely sorry ? Everybody is different.

 

I guess if she was sincere, she would "move mountains" and bang down my door right ?

 

But deep down you're probably right... I'm just considering the possibilities.

[organizedchaos]

This is so just... so sad :'(

 

You think she doesn't give a **** about me ? Why would she write this then ?

 

 

 

I don't know man. I don't know what I'd do if my ex sent me something like that.

[InnocentMan]

This is so just... so sad :'(

 

You think she doesn't give a **** about me ? Why would she write this then ?

 

Do what you think is right. Don't take the word of a bunch of randoms from the internet, no matter how well meaning that advice may be. It's you alone that has to deal with the consequences of your decisions. In my experience, if you still have feelings for someone, and they want to talk...what have you got to lose? You can't lose her again.

 

You obviously want to try work it out, otherwise she would have absolutely no way of contacting you.

[Zahara]

Then, can I answer "Selfish to the end." and then block ?

 

What about if she's genuinely thinking about me, and is genuinely sorry ? Everybody is different.

 

I guess if she was sincere, she would "move mountains" and bang down my door right ?

 

But deep down you're probably right... I'm just considering the possibilities.

 

No. Just block her.

 

Look, this person is not healthy for you. You need to cut this off and stop considering possibilities.

[greenflower]

I like this message. And if it was a friend of mine, I would tell him something similar.

 

If she loved you, she wouldn't dump you. Some things are that black and white.

 

I'd say fixing your problem equals getting over your ex, finding someone better who WON'T reject you, and getting the opportunity to tell that ex when they come crawling back that they missed the boat.

 

But truth is, it's not a friend, it's me. And I'm the one in love with that crazy and depressed girl... But truth is she already dumped me 4 times now, but never for more than a few days... But I guess history tends to repeat itself, and if I go back to her it's probably bound to happen again after a while...

[greenflower]

Well we've had a very long time apart this time, more than a month.

 

What if it's true, and this was what she needed to realize what was important ? I'm saying that because the first time we broke up, 3 months in, she was right, and she was way more into me than I was into her. Made me realize how much I cared, and haven't stopped loving her deeply since that day. Maybe I'm naive.

 

The Heart vs The Brain

 

I've chosen the heart so many times, this being my first relationship as well as the first time I truly love someone. As an intelligent person, I should use my brain for once, been hurt enough...

 

This story is so sad, at least for me.

[Zahara]

I like this message. And if it was a friend of mine, I would tell him something similar.

 

 

 

But truth is, it's not a friend, it's me. And I'm the one in love with that crazy and depressed girl... But truth is she already dumped me 4 times now, but never for more than a few days... But I guess history tends to repeat itself, and if I go back to her it's probably bound to happen again after a while...

 

Dumped you 4 times in 8 months. Why would you possibly think that things can change or in such a short span of time, she's changed into this person that values you and the meaning of commitment? More than a month apart? That's nothing in the way of making significant changes within herself.

[organizedchaos]

Dumped you 4 times in 8 months. Why would you possibly think that things can change or in such a short span of time, she's changed into this person that values you and the meaning of commitment? More than a month apart? That's nothing in the way of making significant changes within herself.

 

 

 

Yeah, this changes a lot. That's not the sign of a healthy relationship.

[greenflower]

:(

 

I guess you are right. There's just hope deep inside of me that can't be erased just like that.

[Zahara]

:(

 

I guess you are right. There's just hope deep inside of me that can't be erased just like that.

 

It's normal to have hope and cling. But with NC, that will change. Hope aside, you have to come to terms that with all the issues she carries, you cannot afford to keep jeopardizing your own mental and emotional health.

 

And you have to realize that love alone isn't enough to carry or make a relationship.

[greenflower]

She's inviting me to the restaurant, and then saying "No reply?"...

 

...

 

I have to take some time to think about things, and about what you are all telling me.

 

I know that what you are saying is most likely the best solution for me. I appreciate the help.

[Zahara]

She's inviting me to the restaurant, and then saying "No reply?"...

 

...

 

I have to take some time to think about things, and about what you are all telling me.

 

I know that what you are saying is most likely the best solution for me. I appreciate the help.

 

I wish you well. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you finally learn and accept the reality of things. I don't think you've gotten there yet.

[organizedchaos]

She's inviting me to the restaurant, and then saying "No reply?"...

 

...

 

I have to take some time to think about things, and about what you are all telling me.

 

I know that what you are saying is most likely the best solution for me. I appreciate the help.

 

 

 

Don't let her make you think she is the victim here should you not respond.

[greenflower]

Yeah, she is ****ed up and has mental illnesses.

 

I do want to answer her. I want to tell her that it's not about beauty ; it's about choices, communication, respect, honesty, fidelity and most of all commitment.

 

I also want to send something harsh but polite in addition, to make her realize how she has behaved. Make her feel guilty. That she couldn't appreciate such an amazing person. I can write well and strongly should I decide to.

 

Then I'll tell her to listen to Kanye West's song Heartless.

 

And then I'll disappear into the night...

 

Not a good idea ?

[greenflower]

I could go and have sex with the girl I love right now... This is so hard :'(

 

But I don't trust her, and she'll probably screw me over once again should we start seeing each other...

 

I guess I will follow your advice, silence.

 

**** that.

[Zahara]

I do want to answer her. I want to tell her that it's not about beauty ; it's about choices, communication, respect, honesty, fidelity and most of all commitment.

 

I also want to send something harsh but polite in addition, to make her realize how she has behaved. Make her feel guilty. That she couldn't appreciate such an amazing person. I can write well and strongly should I decide to.

 

Not a good idea ?

 

You're trying to project your values on her. You think that just by telling her what's right, she's going to get it? You think after all the ill treatment she's dished out on you, for some reason she is going to now feel guilty?

 

No. People that behave this way can't see your point of view. They can't grasp your sense of what's right and wrong. They can't comprehend respecting and valuing a partner or relationship. If she could do all that, you wouldn't be where you are now. Even if you said all that, it would go in one ear and out the other. She'll be the same person she's been all this while. On top of that, she is mentally ill.

 

People don't change overnight, or over a month. It takes years and with that, therapy and consistent effort to want to change.

 

Go and have sex? Yes you could. Sadly, you'll be the only one to emerge broken and devalued.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Zahara

[greenflower]

I was willing to stay by her side and help her though it. As long as I knew she loved me and wouldn't leave me.

 

I guess even that was too much to ask...

 

And no the break up/make up cycle is not addictive to me, I had it. It breaks my heart each times. Maybe it's addictive to her... who knows.

[greenflower]

It's 4 am, she's alone in front of her screen, waiting for me to answer. She is still sending me stuff, and posting things about me on her 2nd facebook account... It's actually quite sick...

 

I don't think she would do this, if she didn't care or was playing a game. I think she's sick, and right now at least she's sincere. That's what makes it so hard.

[Zahara]

It's 4 am, she's alone in front of her screen, waiting for me to answer. She is still sending me stuff, and posting things about me on her 2nd facebook account... It's actually quite sick...

 

I don't think she would do this, if she didn't care or was playing a game. I think she's sick, and right now at least she's sincere. That's what makes it so hard.

 

I'm going to be blunt with you.

 

She broke up with you 4 times in 8 months. Each time, you were waiting there like a puppy dog ready to start back up again.

 

Now, she's back again. She's wondering, "Hey, why isn't puppy dog answering me. Normally he's always there waiting with a wagging tail. Always there to pick me up when I fall. That's odd. How dare he ignore him. He better say yes like he always does."

 

Do you get it? She's not being sincere. She's doing what she needs to get what she wants. If you read Aspiring's post, she mentioned dumpers remorse. She's realizing that you're a nice crutch to have, WHEN SHE NEEDS IT. Now that she doesn't have it, she has to get it back. It has nothing to do with being genuine or sincere. Or love.

[greenflower]

I wish what you said was true Zahara. Then I would block and move on.

 

Thing is, we don't know. And that's what is holding me back.

 

As a lame example, there is huge difference between 99 and 100%.

 

But evidence and experience would support your claims, I will give you that for sure.

 

 

If I go ahead with the blocking and move on, I might always regret, what if.

If I start seeing her again, I might end up getting extremely hurt and regretting as well.

The fool in my heart would say, you might end up making it work and being happy...

[greenflower]

I like your answers, they are keeping my head straight up and high. I'm leaning towards ignoring so far.

 

But I still have doubts.

[Zahara]

I wish what you said was true Zahara. Then I would block and move on.

 

Thing is, we don't know. And that's what is holding me back.

 

As a lame example, there is huge difference between 99 and 100%.

 

But evidence and experience would support your claims, I will give you that for sure.

 

 

If I go ahead with the blocking and move on, I might always regret, what if.

If I start seeing her again, I might end up getting extremely hurt and regretting as well.

The fool in my heart would say, you might end up making it work and being happy...

 

What if? I suggest you read your first post on this thread. I suggest you do your homework on the mental illnesses that your ex suffers from and the possibilities of having a healthy relationship. I suggest you take take into account the quality of what your life and your relationship will be in the long run with someone that already has been in the past 8 months killing your self-esteem.

 

I think you should contact her. I think the only way you'll be rid of this torment is to get kicked in the gut again. Till then you'll be obsessed about the what ifs.