KissMyTiara Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Originally posted by immoralist The dirty little secret is that almost every sexually healthy husband is potentially a MM given the right mix of factors. While demonizing the MM makes for fun reading, and definitely allows the critic to feel good about herself, your typical MM is your brother, father, next door neighbor and , need I say it, husband. The MM is all around you. I'm so copying this and changing it and putting it in another forum...watch me go... Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 You're right, alpha, Mr. North is not Gay, he's Bi. Apparently, Peter's in the sexual enhancement multi-vitamin biz. We can all be like Peter if we take the red pill. Or is it the blue pill? Not that any of us real men on LoveShack would ever need an enhancer... Link to post Share on other sites
scarletibis Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 OMG...I usually just lurk here looking for advice on my own lil' crazy situation, but I saw that Peter North thread and almost died...everytime I see that pic of you Immoralist I've thought the exact same thing as that other guy: "What in the world is Peter North doing dispensing love advice for!" LOL And, he's not gay! (not that thats a bad thing...just saying!) Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Regarding your question, while it would be best if MM could give you input, I'll offer my thoughts in case they help you at all. I know my MM wasn't happy during our affair. He felt guilty all the time about the lying and the cheating, and about seeing me unhappy as well - his words not mine. Additionally, he felt afraid of the consequences of his actions and fearful of getting caught (but yet didn't stop the behavior). He was a wreck. During the first phase of our relationship, I think he was in such denial about the whole thing, and he was absolutely euphoric. But once that wore off, and it wore off quickly, he was miserable. Just like I was, by the way. Things continued that way for over a year until I ended the relationship. And he's still miserable. But I'm not kidding myself - he's not miserable to be out of the relationship - in fact, I think it's a big relief for him that it's over. But he's just still the same guy he was when he started things up with me - a guy unwilling to resolve his own issues, and those within his marriage - in an honest way. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletibis Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 I'm no MM but thought I'd add my 2 cents from my own situation. My MM says he does care deeply for his wife, they are like best friends or like very close siblings. Theres love there, I know. He's not unhappy with her like shes a bad person, and he's never ever once bad mouthed her to me. They're just in a "loveless" marriage (no sex, seperate rooms, only time they ever talk to each other is when they're talking about the children.) He and I have been together for 4 years now, and he tells me he loves me and I make him happy in a way he never was in his marriage. And no, he has no plans to leave (3 young children) but we have discussed what life could be like after the children are older. I just don't know. I feel for you and your situation, as I seem to be in the same boat. Off Topic: Immoralist, seriously man, you DO look like Peter North...I've thought that ever since I saw your pic Link to post Share on other sites
hurtinheart Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 I AM NOT A MM!!!! I AM A WIFE!!!! I DO BELIEVE IN KARMA!!!! WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND!!!! YOU NEED TO PUT YOURSELF IN THE WIVES SHOES!!!! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE WAS SLEEPING WITH YOUR MAN??? ONE DAY YOU TO WILL BE MARRIED OR IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR GONNA GET RIGHT BACK WHAT YOU HAVE GAVE OUT!!!!! AS SOON AS YOU FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRIED YOU SHOULD HAVE WALKED AWAY!!!!! HELL I WOULD HAVE TOLD HIS WIFE!!!! AND TO THE MARRIED WOMEN MESSING WITH A MARRIED MAN IF YOUR NOT HAPPY GET OUT WHY CHEAT!!!!! DOES THAT MAKE IT ALL BETTER???? THE MM WILL ALWAYS TELL YOU WHATEVER MAKES HIM LOOK GOOD!!! LIKE THEY ARE REALLY GONNA SAY MY WIFE IS THE BEST!!!!! THAT'S WHY I AM IN YOUR BED!!!! DO YOU THINK THEY ARE GOING TO SAY THEY ARE THE PROBLEM???? CAUSE HONESTY SEEMS TO BE A BIG ISSUE!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Off Topic: Immoralist, seriously man, you DO look like Peter North...I've thought that ever since I saw your pic Who am I to complain if folks think I resemble an aging porn star. I wonder if Mr. North is happy... Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 The dirty little secret is that almost every sexually healthy husband is potentially a MM given the right mix of factors. While demonizing the MM makes for fun reading, and definitely allows the critic to feel good about herself, your typical MM is your brother, father, next door neighbor and , need I say it, husband. I was wondering when you were going to weigh in here immoralist. (And I guess now I will have to do a google search on Peter North, since I have no idea who that is. God only knows what will turn up on that search. Good thing my 12 yo is staying with her Dad for a few days.) Anway though, those were my exact thoughts. I think the threat of infidelity is always present in a marriage, happy or not. Given the right emotional state, and set of circumstances I think we are all susceptible, especially men. This is why, if you are interested in having a monogamous marriage, married individuals need to actively avoid situations that might put the monogamy of the marriage in jeopardy. And I think this is also why OW/OM get a lot of the blame in infidelity situations. Just the slightest bit of encouragement is all that is needed for some individuals in some situations. I think the cuckolded spouses feel that such encouragment, however meager it might have been, ought not to have been given. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Originally posted by Matilda Anway though, those were my exact thoughts. I think the threat of infidelity is always present in a marriage, happy or not. Given the right emotional state, and set of circumstances I think we are all susceptible, especially men. Matilda: Latest studies show that married women and men cheat at about the same rate. Thing is that the men are not as smart or cunning and get caught more often whereas the women do not. In addition, some studies show that one in ten kids is not sired by the woman's hubby and the hubby is bringing up this kid thinking it is his. How is that for equality of the sexes?!? Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Married men who get involved in affairs aren't unhappy........they're happier than pigs in sh*t. It's like being back in Jr High...having 2 girls chasing them..makes 'em feel like big studs who are "in demand." Sure, they may tell their mistress these big sob stories about their wife being crazy/nagging/overweight/unstable/fragile....and how they don't have sex with their wife/stay only for "the kids"/bla bla bla.....but think about it, if they were really so unhappy and had someone GREAT to begin a relationship with (the mistress), why would they stay in an unhappy marriage? It doesn't even make sense. OW are rather naive. They want so badly to believe they have a chance, that their MM will leave their wife to be with them.........but it almost never happens.......if it did, there'd be no posts here (and there's tons of 'em) from OW fretting and stressing that their MM won't leave his wife. OW live in a fantasy world. The MM is on Cloud 9........he's got the good lil' wife who makes a nice home for him, washes his skidmarked-stained undies, makes him chicken soup when he's sick, has dinner on the table, makes sure he has nice clean sheets to sleep on, makes sure there's food in the house and he has a nice "home"............but then he's got the mistress for a shag on the side/the thrill/the excitement/the danger of it all...making him feel like a big stud who's "in demand".......who's got a somewhat desperate woman who waits by the phone for his call, who'll meet him at the drop of a hat for sex. MM men are unhappy? That's got to be one of the biggest myths out there. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletibis Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 I think just like in all situations people find themselves in it all depends. I'm sure some are extremely happy with their circumstances (okay, lets be honest, a lot are I'm sure) but I bet some feel sad, or some feel guilty, or heck, even some are probably totally indifferent to everything. I don't know! It's just every situation is different you know? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Originally posted by scarletibis I think just like in all situations people find themselves in it all depends. I'm sure some are extremely happy with their circumstances (okay, lets be honest, a lot are I'm sure) but I bet some feel sad, or some feel guilty, or heck, even some are probably totally indifferent to everything. I don't know! It's just every situation is different you know? i don't think too many men would be happy when their wife files for divorce and takes the kids and the house and the money AND his entire porn stash. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletibis Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Aphamale, Okay...I'll totally agree with that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kim_mc Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 Thnks to all who responded. I was hoping to hear from more men though. I guess i'll take those answers. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 I know that you wanted to hear from a MM but I am the W. I can tell you when my H had the A he wasn't happy in our marriage. I was a b!tch, nag, you name it. Of course I was all those things. If he would of just helped out once in awhile, didn't spend money all the time, was home more often instead of playing sports, I would of been a more loving W, I would of paid attention to him. This is why my H had an A. The OW made him feel good about himself, paid attention to him, didn't nag at him to help w/ chores, the kids. He was happy that he didn't have to hear the OW nag or b!tch at him all the time. They could go out and do things 2gether and not have the stress of every day life as a married couple. I don't feel my H went to the OW for just the sex, it was for the attention she gave him. I asked him if he was happy w/ her and he said that at first he was b/c she paid attention to him. He told me that sex wasn't that great w/ her. B4 I actually knew about the A (denial, just heard rumors, didn't have the facts) I was still sleeping w/ H. He had the best of both worlds. Link to post Share on other sites
Leaf Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Please tell me you left him. Link to post Share on other sites
mary-kate Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 For my MM i think its fairly simple. He didn't pursue me for a pure sex relationship. we didn't go there for over a year of knowing eachother, even. I think he is unhappy with his wife, she treats him 3rd place since kids, she gained many lbs, she is generally not exactly nice to him. I think for men it is as easy as becoming emotionally dissconected from the pain/cruelness/damage of having an affair. I think they like to look at things as uncomplicated. That everything is OK just go moment by moment you know. I have a tough time talking to him about how miserable i am because he is simply just not connected to his feelings about it, he only gets angry when he starts to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Are MM unhappy? Usually, no. A MM is generally only unhappy if he gets caught. He may tell you that he is unhappy, but the truth is that he is fairly content - he is only looking for someone to fill in the gaps of need that his wife no longer fulfils. Once he finds someone to do that, he is getting the best of both worlds - his needs are being met by both. In some cases, the MM is genuinely unhappy. Those are the ones who go through with the divorce/separation. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Women who get involved with MM need to look at themselves also here. You got into a relationship with a man and may have ruined an entire family. You are no better than he is cause it takes 2 to tango. Women always complain about the MM they are f***king and how they treat they like shyt. These women deserved what they get. If the women banded together and decided not to steal another woman's man this would not happen. HELLO!! This is so true, more true than any "OW" wants to accept or acknowledge! It's so easy to blame the "MM" but no one seems to want to look at WHY they feel the need to attempt to steal another woman's man, or WHY they allow themselves to be second best instead of number 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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