He told me he isn't in love with me

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

We were watching a movie together and I tried to cuddle with him, normally he would cuddle back, but he just laid there. I texted him earlier today and told him how I wasn't giving up on him and I knew deep down inside he loved me back. Because I thought he really did. But tonight I sure felt the indifference towards him.

 

Well, tonight I asked him why he didn't respond. And he said, "I don't want to have the same conversation over and over and I know I'm an a $ $ hole, but don't want to feel like one" So I asked, "Should I just give up and let you go?" And he shook his head yes. I told him how I thought he wanted to work on things because he cuddled me and treated me like a girlfriend still and how we had sex. You know what he said? He said "I'm a guy, I'm not going to say no to sex." My heart shattered at this time because I had no idea that's how he felt about our sex.

 

We both just sat there silent for a couple minutes not knowing what to say to each other and I was trying my best not to cry, but I couldn't move. I asked him if I could hug him and he opened his arms and I fell right into them. I started weeping and I had no idea I would do that, but I just started crying so hard and shaking. And he held me tighter as my world shattered trying to keep the pieces together...

 

Then I pushed myself off of him and walked to my room still crying and closing the door behind me. I stumbled into my bed embarrassed and broken. Just a complete mess. He came in soon after and just laid in bed next to me and held me while I continued to cry. He kissed the back of my head twice as my tears soaked the pillow. Then he got up and left. He didn't go back to watch the movie. He turned off the TV and went into his bedroom. Usually he stays up late. Not that it matters anyway.

 

I'm so heartbroken I can't move.

 

He did say he didnt love you and he was done.....and yet the cycle still continues.

 

You will continue to feel heartbroken until YOU do something about it.

[Million.to.1]

Move out of there!!!

[LadyM]

My heart goes out to you because I really do know how badly you're suffering and the pain you feel. If it is any comfort, all of us understand the depth of your misery. You are not alone and that's one thing I find comforting on LS.

 

I think it's awful that he had sex with you knowing he didn't want the relationship. It shows low character and low integrity. Like Salvatore said, it's all about being a decent human being.

 

The indifference you speak of is the worst of it. I experienced it with my ex and it's excruciating. I know you're in a bad place now, but time is a great healer. Come here as often as you need to and we'll be here to prop you back up.

[Leeway Harris]

I'm sorry, Cotton. I really hope you can get out of there soon.

[headinthecloud]

Sheesh that's rough. It's going to be a tough one socks but you're going to have to move on for your own health and sanity. The one thing you need to understand though is the whole "I'm a guy, I'm not going to turn down sex" is a BS cop out. I can promise you I've turned down sex more times than I care to even mention and it's just about being a decent human being.

 

You need to get out of the horrible situation you're in right now so you can start to heal. I'm sorry you're going through this socks, keep your head up.

 

It would be lovely if this was the norm. We need more men like you, Sal. *sigh*

[headinthecloud]

He did say he didnt love you and he was done.....and yet the cycle still continues.

 

You will continue to feel heartbroken until YOU do something about it.

 

Try to start fresh. Read this, it helped me get on the path to recovery. I still have my days here and there but I post here when I do. I'm committed to getting back to a healthy emotional state.

 

Breakup Recovery Guide

 

You have to break your habit of codependency if you want to start living life again. What you're doing right now to yourself is torture.

 

You didn't deserve this. It happened. Don't let him define your lovableness. You deserve to be loved. Start with standing up for yourself and believing in you.

 

In life we only have ourselves so be the friend that you need right now.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Thank you guys <3 It's so refreshing to know people are here with me during these times.

 

I didn't sleep at all last night, just tossed and turned. I'm up 30 minutes before I have to get up and my heart is just overwhelmed and shaken. I can't even breathe. Gah, I just feel so broken.

 

I want to throw up. I was so strong in the beginning if you read my first post, I was so firm on leaving him!! He broke up with me once before about a year ago (well kinda, had a fight and the next we were back together) and I took him back thinking he was serious about us, I should've known better. Don't ever take back your ex's guys, because they never change!!

 

I did this to myself and gave up my beautiful apartment to live with him! And now I'm lost.

________

 

Guitarhero, ?? I think you have me mixed up with someone else. Are they going through something similar ??

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

About to leave for work earlier than normal because I can't sit still and I can't stay here. I can't grieve properly knowing he is in the other room. Is he grieving too, what's on his mind?

 

I'm a strong woman. I have my dream job. I feel like I'm wise in many other aspects and I've never been one to let people walk over. I'm confident and I know I deserve the best. I get many things done and efficiently. When I start something I don't finish till it's complete. I'm active. I have friends and family. I know I can do this, but I've lost it. I don't know who I am without him here. It's like losing him, I lost me.

 

I have no motivation to work, I can't even sleep, and I know eating won't be easy either.

 

This is not like me. This is not who I am.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Everyone keeps telling me I'm better off and he will regret it later. Why do people say that? Because they feel sorry for me? How do they know he will regret it later? How do they know I'm better off? Always been curious about that...

 

I know I will heal eventually, I am confident in that. But right now, in the midst of it all, I'm fragile and I shake to even think of my life without him.

 

And this morning on the way to work, I get into an accident. It's just crazy how everything happens at once. I'm okay and so is the other person. It was my fault. I just need to regain my focus is all. I need to be strong, because right now I'm in control of my happiness and my life. This path ahead of me may be difficult, but I still have control on how difficult I make it..

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

After last night and how awful it was for me, I realized I can not live with this man anymore. I need to find myself again and gather my confidence and self worth back. This is not like me to succumb to pity and neediness of someone else. I want the old me back!

 

I decided I'm going to rent a storage room and jump from couch to couch with friends and family. It's so much better than having to hear him in his own house and try to be quiet about my crying sessions. Let alone, him trying to lead me on for sex or whatever. I have a friend who wants to get an apartment with me in March 2014 so I only have a few months of dealing with this uncomfort till then. It gives me a chance to save money too. Which is always good...because that means more money for ME time (massages, pedi's, mani's, self help books and extra cash for coffee!).

 

Guys, this is not like me. I have to recollect myself and gain my power back. I don't like him to use me like he has, I just didn't think people who love you did that. That's awful and if I were one of my friends I would advise her to live on the streets versus staying with an idiot who doesn't realize what he has!! Good riddance!

 

I truly believe one day he will regret his decision, but I will be so far gone and married with kids before that happens. I'm not waiting for that and won't expect it either, just saying I know I will find my happiness again. I want to be the confident one who loves life and got over her ex boyfriend that took her for granted!!

 

Who's with me?!

 

(cross my fingers this confidence after the storm lasts long enough to get me out of his damn house)

[Minneloa]

Sounds like a good step!

[BC1980]

I'm so glad you are moving out. I also could not believe what a mess I became after my ex dumped me. I never thought could feel so weak. It was an awful time. You just don't want to believe that someone you love could act this way, and it's so hard to face the truth.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I'm so glad you are moving out. I also could not believe what a mess I became after my ex dumped me. I never thought could feel so weak. It was an awful time. You just don't want to believe that someone you love could act this way, and it's so hard to face the truth.

 

I know *sniff*

 

It's hard to move out though, but I must for my own sanity.

 

Knowing it's over for good, is too much for me to handle right now.

 

I must take it one day at a time. It's hard to drop 3 years just like that. So many memories and he was a good man and wish him nothing but the best.

 

Jeez, it hurts right in the center of your chest, doesn't it? I mean, it's hard to catch my breath sometimes.

 

I don't know how to face him at his house while in the process of moving out. I don't know whether to be cold and ignore him or to be friendly.

[elbe]

Go for it! Impossible to move on living with your ex...

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I am so horribly sad, but I have to do this. I've lost my confidence for a moment so bare with me.

 

What is the best way I can get through this?

[elbe]

I am so horribly sad, but I have to do this. I've lost my confidence for a moment so bare with me.

 

What is the best way I can get through this?

 

Is moving back "home" out of the question? You really need a permanent location. Any friends with an extra room?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Is moving back "home" out of the question? You really need a permanent location. Any friends with an extra room?

 

No, home is far away. Or I would. And my friends live in apartments, so the couch would be the only option.

 

I don't make enough money to live on my own.

 

That's why this is so unfortunate.

[LostConfused123]

I'm so sorry for your pain, Cotton but I think it's great that you are moving out. I have been following your posts and was hoping this would happen for your own sanity. I don't know how you have been able to do it. It must be horrific!!

I was just wondering if you have ever considered a studio apartment. Or if you could maybe look on line and rent a room.

I'm NOT at all trying to tell you what to do or make light of your tremendous strength. . . just throwing ideas out there that you may not have thought of. . . . ((hugs))

No matter what you are definitely taking the right steps and sounds like you are making the best of your situation. Sleeping on couches could actually be an adventure and at least you won't feel alone.

Bottom line is you are being true to yourself and taking care of the most important person in the world! YOU!!! I wish you all the best and please keep us posted. . . I know many people here have come to care about you. (myself included)

BIG FAT HUG TO YOU!!!!!

you are AWESOME!!! Even if you don't feel it. I have no doubt whatsoever that you will get through this and and be happy again

[LostConfused123]

P.S. You don't happen to live on the west coast do you? LOL!!!

If so, you would be more than welcome to have my couch

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Awww wow thank you!! What state are you from?

 

It's so hard, just met some friends for lunch and I didn't break down crying thank goodness. But my mind always finds a way back to him. He is off to work now and he didn't text me at all. I figured he might have asked how I was doing...

 

Tomorrow and Wednesday I'm sleeping on a friends couch because he will be home those days and I don't want to see him. I just can't.

 

What if he texts me and asks where I am, what do I do? Ignore?

 

I'm so sorry for your pain, Cotton but I think it's great that you are moving out. I have been following your posts and was hoping this would happen for your own sanity. I don't know how you have been able to do it. It must be horrific!!

I was just wondering if you have ever considered a studio apartment. Or if you could maybe look on line and rent a room.

I'm NOT at all trying to tell you what to do or make light of your tremendous strength. . . just throwing ideas out there that you may not have thought of. . . . ((hugs))

No matter what you are definitely taking the right steps and sounds like you are making the best of your situation. Sleeping on couches could actually be an adventure and at least you won't feel alone.

Bottom line is you are being true to yourself and taking care of the most important person in the world! YOU!!! I wish you all the best and please keep us posted. . . I know many people here have come to care about you. (myself included)

BIG FAT HUG TO YOU!!!!!

you are AWESOME!!! Even if you don't feel it. I have no doubt whatsoever that you will get through this and and be happy again

[LostConfused123]

Awww wow thank you!! What state are you from?

 

It's so hard, just met some friends for lunch and I didn't break down crying thank goodness. But my mind always finds a way back to him. He is off to work now and he didn't text me at all. I figured he might have asked how I was doing...

 

Tomorrow and Wednesday I'm sleeping on a friends couch because he will be home those days and I don't want to see him. I just can't.

 

What if he texts me and asks where I am, what do I do? Ignore?

Yes, ignore!!! You don't owe him anything!!!

I understand you want to be civil because your belongings are there until you can store them but at the same time, he has no right to your life anymore.

When are you planning on putting your things in storage?

I'm in Washington state

[LostConfused123]

Yes, ignore!!! You don't owe him anything!!!

I understand you want to be civil because your belongings are there until you can store them but at the same time, he has no right to your life anymore.

When are you planning on putting your things in storage?

I'm in Washington state

When I advise IGNORE, I mean, we don't want him to think you got kidnapped or anything but maybe let him know of your plans to stay away as much as possible. . . Then IGNORE!!!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

When I advise IGNORE, I mean, we don't want him to think you got kidnapped or anything but maybe let him know of your plans to stay away as much as possible. . . Then IGNORE!!!

 

haha true. I think I might say (if he asks where I am): "Out with friends, I won't be home tonight" and leave it at that. Very short and to the point. I don't want to appear like a depressed recluse so I want him to think I'm out having fun. Or I feel like it would be better to just completely ignore him. But I don't want that to be spiteful either. UGH I think too much.

 

As far as storage goes, I haven't had time to do anything yet because I'm at work. Plus, I had a fender bender this morning so I have to deal with insurance first. Everything happens at once, doesn't it?

[LostConfused123]

haha true. I think I might say (if he asks where I am): "Out with friends, I won't be home tonight" and leave it at that. Very short and to the point. I don't want to appear like a depressed recluse so I want him to think I'm out having fun. Or I feel like it would be better to just completely ignore him. But I don't want that to be spiteful either. UGH I think too much.

 

As far as storage goes, I haven't had time to do anything yet because I'm at work. Plus, I had a fender bender this morning so I have to deal with insurance first. Everything happens at once, doesn't it?

Oh no!! A fender bender!!

Geez!!!

I have to go meet with a friend (Her bf just broke up with her) She needs some support. . . wth is going on???

I'll be back later. Thinking of you. Be strong!

[headinthecloud]

No, home is far away. Or I would. And my friends live in apartments, so the couch would be the only option.

 

I don't make enough money to live on my own.

 

That's why this is so unfortunate.

 

I would definitely couchsurf with friends until your back on your feet. You need to rally all the support you can while you heal yourself. Make a plan, share it with your family and friends and then act on it. It's ok to need people right now. Those that love you will be there for you.

 

You can do this!!! We're with you.