Is This a European thing?

[nomadic_butterfly]

I was talk to my French friend in casual convo about relationships. He was telling me it is totally normal to give your BF/GF the pin numbers to your cards, all your passwords for FB, emails, social media, your phone, etc.

 

I told him that is absolutely ludicrous and if someone asked me for all of that I would laugh in his face. I am sorry but the only exception I'd make for someone whom I'm not married to is maybe pin/bank account # if we lived together. I don't believe in shacking up so that wont happen either.

 

He said he can't believe I wouldn't surrender all my info and I said if a guy asked me all of that I'd take him as very insecure and intrusive and it would be a turn off. I said hell hath no fury like a man/woman scorned and next think you know if the person who holds ALL YOUR INFO decides to get vindictive you are SOL. Or even if it's not a bad breakup it would be annoying as hell to have to change ALL this info given to an ex bf. I am sorry but if we are not married I am not treating things as such. I got a little worried b/c the guy I'm getting to know is European (though not from France). What do you guys think (especially Europeans)?

[sun1972]

hmm if its a serious relationship then yeah its no big deal, if i was in the shower or whatever and needed cash i would give my ex my card and ask her to get some out for me...more often id be waiting for her to get ready though and she would give me her card so i could do something useful while waiting

 

it was the same deal with my ex before as well...

 

she knows my email and works passwords too, not cos she asked but becausei was joking about how i always use the cats name and bday and i didnt bother changing them when we split even to be honest...

 

so to answer you, serious relationship...tis no big deal

[ThomasD]

Don't know if it's European or not. (I'm in the middle of the USA and never lived in another country.) My wife and I allow each other to have personal, private, unchaperoned lives apart from each other - but if there was evidence or suspicion of inappropriate activity then sharing ALL of our passwords, PIN #'s, discussion accounts, etc - both ways - would seem reasonable.

[sun1972]

maybee its how your putting the question...but i dont see it as one person 'asking' its just in a trusting relationship... you dont think about it

 

examples

 

'can you check that txt/email hun im making tea' when fone goes off

bank cards as mentioned

ordering stuff on joint amazon accounts

 

etc etc

[FrostBlaze]

I knew a guy that was like this to his girl, i ain't. (european)

I find it the same as you, a nuissance and quite ludicrous.

The hell you need all my fb/yahoo info? Insecurity, control freak.

 

However the girl i dated, had a similar GUY before me, soo she wanted to share her account info with me so i can check on her to make sure she isn't cheating and whatnot :|...because her ex did it. I told her no, i found it silly and said i will just trust her.

This is early in a relationship, when settled down or married, sure i got no problem.

 

But early in a realationship, the reason for the info sharing is so yeah...they can check on you :|, not cool.

Edited November 25, 2013 by FrostBlaze

[nomadic_butterfly]

Don't know if it's European or not. (I'm in the middle of the USA and never lived in another country.) My wife and I allow each other to have personal, private, unchaperoned lives apart from each other - but if there was evidence or suspicion of inappropriate activity then sharing ALL of our passwords, PIN #'s, discussion accounts, etc - both ways - would seem reasonable.

 

In marriage this makes perfect sense to me. I don't maybe because I've been through like stalking, etc. that makes me really value my privacy and take my time with trusting people and revealing personal details. I just can't see why a bf needs all this info.

[soccerrprp]

In marriage this makes perfect sense to me. I don't maybe because I've been through like stalking, etc. that makes me really value my privacy and take my time with trusting people and revealing personal details. I just can't see why a bf needs all this info.

 

In my past marriage, yes, we shared all pins, passwords. As bf/gf, not quite yet.

[nomadic_butterfly]

maybee its how your putting the question...but i dont see it as one person 'asking' its just in a trusting relationship... you dont think about it

 

examples

 

'can you check that txt/email hun im making tea' when fone goes off

bank cards as mentioned

ordering stuff on joint amazon accounts

 

etc etc

 

My friend said he will ask straight up and also give his info as well. His all his exes (European of course) had no qualms with this. I just find it weird and a shock. Only people in marriages/living together I've seen do the bank account thing. But FB, Gmail, Yahoo etc. is over the top to me. Unless I breach your trust before so now I'm being "monitored" to me it seems like prison unless we are married. Then two becomes one so it's no biggie to have everything out in the open.

[todreaminblue]

I must have my european heritage thing going on because if i am with someone they have my details....they are the only one who has everything......no secrets...no surprises....easy for me.....easy for them. doesnt bother me and i am not stupid.....i could kill them if i wanted too.....kidding.......i have to trust someone if i am with them......deb

[nomadic_butterfly]

I must have my european heritage thing going on because if i am with someone they have my details....they are the only one who has everything......no secrets...no surprises....easy for me.....easy for them. doesnt bother me and i am not stupid.....i could kill them if i wanted too.....kidding.......i have to trust someone if i am with them......deb

 

 

Wow so a bf of let's say 3 months, you just zap them an email with all your bank account info, phone pin, email and social media log ins?

[SaltwaterHeart]

It probably depends on the couple. Definitely not a European thing per sé.

I grew up in Northern Europe, spent years in the South of Europe and am now in the UK. None of my close friends from any of the four European countries I've lived in would dream of doing that.

[HeavenOrHell]

There's no reason to hand over all your personal info like that is there? If someone asks you for it with no good reason, or just to prove to them you trust them then that's just weird.

 

My partner knows some of my passwords because he helps me with computer stuff sometimes, I did know his fb log in but forgot it cos I don't care about it, why would anyone go sneaking around if they trust someone?

 

We'd give each other our pin numbers if we needed to draw money out, no need to give it otherwise.

 

I would trust him not to do do anything bad with this info of we split, he's not that sort of person, and nor am I. He trusts me with personal pics and videos of us, same as I do him, I wouldn't dream of getting revenge with anything if we split up, even if he cheated on me, (which he wouldn't), because I'm not that sort of person.

 

I won't be changing my passwords if we split up, he's not a snooper or petty or cruel, so I'd have no need to change them.

 

We're both European, but I think that's irrelevant.

 

 

 

 

 

I was talk to my French friend in casual convo about relationships. He was telling me it is totally normal to give your BF/GF the pin numbers to your cards, all your passwords for FB, emails, social media, your phone, etc.

 

I told him that is absolutely ludicrous and if someone asked me for all of that I would laugh in his face. I am sorry but the only exception I'd make for someone whom I'm not married to is maybe pin/bank account # if we lived together. I don't believe in shacking up so that wont happen either.

 

He said he can't believe I wouldn't surrender all my info and I said if a guy asked me all of that I'd take him as very insecure and intrusive and it would be a turn off. I said hell hath no fury like a man/woman scorned and next think you know if the person who holds ALL YOUR INFO decides to get vindictive you are SOL. Or even if it's not a bad breakup it would be annoying as hell to have to change ALL this info given to an ex bf. I am sorry but if we are not married I am not treating things as such. I got a little worried b/c the guy I'm getting to know is European (though not from France). What do you guys think (especially Europeans)?

[HeavenOrHell]

My ex still knows some of my personal details, and if I had a good memory I'd remember his, but what's the problem? Neither of us are petty or mean, why would we abuse trust just cos we've split up?! I still trust him 100%. We didn't change any log in details or pin numbers or anything.

 

Even if he'd cheated, nope I still wouldn't be a bitch.

[nomadic_butterfly]

There's no reason to hand over all your personal info like that is there? If someone asks you for it with no good reason, or just to prove to them you trust them then that's just weird.

 

My partner knows some of my passwords because he helps me with computer stuff sometimes, I did know his fb log in but forgot it cos I don't care about it, why would anyone go sneaking around if they trust someone?

 

We'd give each other our pin numbers if we needed to draw money out, no need to give it otherwise.

 

I would trust him not to do do anything bad with this info of we split, he's not that sort of person, and nor am I. He trusts me with personal pics and videos of us, same as I do him, I wouldn't dream of getting revenge with anything if we split up, even if he cheated on me, (which he wouldn't), because I'm not that sort of person.

 

I won't be changing my passwords if we split up, he's not a snooper or petty or cruel, so I'd have no need to change them.

 

We're both European, but I think that's irrelevant.

 

Ok, for the most part this sounds reasonable. I was just wondering if it were more of a cultural concept that's all. It was foreign to me. But in the instances you mention it sounds fine. I mean I assume I date people with decent character but personally would change all passwords and pins when we break up and I get married or something. Don't think most husbands would feel comfortable with their wife's ex having all her bank info that maybe he now shares with her as a spouse. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that myself.

 

I am afraid of jail or anything bad consequence of bad behavior so I will never mess with people's accounts, etc. but sometimes you don't truly know what someone is capable of until they are hurt; especially if you initiated a break up.

[HeavenOrHell]

I've been with unworthy people in the past, I'm much more careful/wary who I trust now.

 

In marriage this makes perfect sense to me. I don't maybe because I've been through like stalking, etc. that makes me really value my privacy and take my time with trusting people and revealing personal details. I just can't see why a bf needs all this info.

[HeavenOrHell]

My current partner would have no problem knowing me and my ex haven't changed that personal info since we split, and my ex's partner wouldn't care either way as she knows I'm trustworthy, it's all just irrelevant to us all as we all know we wouldn't betray that privacy in any way. It's not even an issue, or something we think about. I truly know my ex would never do anything nasty like that and that my current partner wouldn't either, they are both very compassionate people with huge consciences which is why I love/d them in the first place

My ex left me, but he's a good person, it's not a crime to leave someone, it's a shame people can become petty and revengeful after a break up, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that in the first place, prefer my men to be kind, mature and level headed.

 

I've no idea what personal info my partner's ex has, it's irrelevant to me, I know she wouldn't use it against him, she's not spiteful.

 

Ok, for the most part this sounds reasonable. I was just wondering if it were more of a cultural concept that's all. It was foreign to me. But in the instances you mention it sounds fine. I mean I assume I date people with decent character but personally would change all passwords and pins when we break up and I get married or something. Don't think most husbands would feel comfortable with their wife's ex having all her bank info that maybe he now shares with her as a spouse. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that myself.

 

I am afraid of jail or anything bad consequence of bad behavior so I will never mess with people's accounts, etc. but sometimes you don't truly know what someone is capable of until they are hurt; especially if you initiated a break up.

[HeavenOrHell]

I meant untrustworthy sorry, I know more who to trust these days.

 

 

I've been with unworthy people in the past, I'm much more careful/wary who I trust now.

[sun1972]

There's no reason to hand over all your personal info like that is there? If someone asks you for it with no good reason, or just to prove to them you trust them then that's just weird.

 

My partner knows some of my passwords because he helps me with computer stuff sometimes, I did know his fb log in but forgot it cos I don't care about it, why would anyone go sneaking around if they trust someone?

 

We'd give each other our pin numbers if we needed to draw money out, no need to give it otherwise.

 

I would trust him not to do do anything bad with this info of we split, he's not that sort of person, and nor am I. He trusts me with personal pics and videos of us, same as I do him, I wouldn't dream of getting revenge with anything if we split up, even if he cheated on me, (which he wouldn't), because I'm not that sort of person.

 

I won't be changing my passwords if we split up, he's not a snooper or petty or cruel, so I'd have no need to change them.

 

We're both European, but I think that's irrelevant.

 

THIS, spot on x

 

And i had no worries about info id given out when we split either... the personal photos we also shared weren't even mentioned..heck she wasnt even interested in having her keys back... when i took them back- i asked why she hadnt asked for them before- she just said she knew i wouldnt use them...end of

[todreaminblue]

Wow so a bf of let's say 3 months, you just zap them an email with all your bank account info, phone pin, email and social media log ins?

 

 

I said i wasnt stupid.......if i am going out with someone i have known them and i trust them ...still wouldnt send it by email......i find it funny that someoen would share a bed with someone before they share a pin number........but hey thats me i dont have a pin on my phone......and if a guy has my pin it will be before he shares my bed...if a guy is that desperate to take my money he can have it..good luck to him it will not last long..i have never had a guy take it honestly they try and give it to me, not take it..i am a cheap date however.and as far as privacy goes if i am going out with someone i dont hide my phone i dont need to...........deb

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes, my ex has my door keys still, he lets himself in (by prior arrangement) sometimes if I'm out, to sort out computer problems for me.

 

 

 

THIS, spot on x

 

And i had no worries about info id given out when we split either... the personal photos we also shared weren't even mentioned..heck she wasnt even interested in having her keys back... when i took them back- i asked why she hadnt asked for them before- she just said she knew i wouldnt use them...end of

[sun1972]

Yes, my ex has my door keys still, he lets himself in (by prior arrangement) sometimes if I'm out, to sort out computer problems for me.

 

well im seeing her again 12 days anyway... im going but there to look off work (as well as online looking)... she said last night that i should have kept the keys ...because now she will have to get up to let me in lol

Edited November 26, 2013 by sun1972

[nomadic_butterfly]

I said i wasnt stupid.......if i am going out with someone i have known them and i trust them ...still wouldnt send it by email......i find it funny that someoen would share a bed with someone before they share a pin number........but hey thats me i dont have a pin on my phone......and if a guy has my pin it will be before he shares my bed...if a guy is that desperate to take my money he can have it..good luck to him it will not last long..i have never had a guy take it honestly they try and give it to me, not take it..i am a cheap date however.and as far as privacy goes if i am going out with someone i dont hide my phone i dont need to...........deb

 

No need to be snarky :-). It was a genuine question and you'd be actually be surprised for some people that is fine.

[regine_phalange]

It happens quite a lot with many couples I know (Im in the mediterrenean), but I never shared such info with anyone, I like my privacy.

[ThomasD]

. . . My wife and I allow each other to have personal, private, unchaperoned lives apart from each other - but if there was evidence or suspicion of inappropriate activity then sharing ALL of our passwords, PIN #'s, discussion accounts, etc - both ways - would seem reasonable.

 

I think everybody is entitle to a little bit of personal freedom and you don't need to share everything. People don't tell you what they are thinking every time a thought comes into their head and peoples live continue on as normal, completely unaffected. To me when you share too much information you encroach on that personal space and that can cause arguments and unwanted tensions in any relationship. Give each other a little bit a freedom for themselves and they'll be happier, develop more trust, and they will respect your a heck of a lot more. If you are always into your partners business being critical of everything they do in their private life (which could be completely innocent by the way) they are going to get angry with you and wonder why you are being so intrusive and what kind of a relationship does that create for them anyway?

I think we agree!

[nomadic_butterfly]

I think everybody is entitle to a little bit of personal freedom and you don't need to share everything. People don't tell you what they are thinking every time a thought comes into their head and peoples live continue on as normal, completely unaffected. To me when you share too much information you encroach on that personal space and that can cause arguments and unwanted tensions in any relationship. Give each other a little bit a freedom for themselves and they'll be happier, develop more trust, and they will respect your a heck of a lot more. If you are always into your partners business being critical of everything they do in their private life (which could be completely innocent by the way) they are going to get angry with you and wonder why you are being so intrusive and what kind of a relationship does that create for them anyway?

 

I've never dated anyone who wanted this much. When I am married I don't mind as much and of course we'd have joint accounts and all but as bf/gf although I don't have anything to hide, I don't want everything under a microscope.

 

I agree that sharing too much might get over the top and we should keep a little something for ourselves. I would find a man with high demands overbearing. I've only briefly dated one person who was raised in London but from Africa that got mad when someone texted me and he GRABBED my phone and I refused to let him read my text message. I was like dude, CHILL THE FREAK OUT. Interestingly enough the same guy had some girl calling him incessantly at 2 am for money whom he claimed he had no relations with. Yea, I'm sure you give away £700 (over $1000) to some booty call hr "friend" solely out of the kindness of your heart. :laugh:LOL.