Is This a European thing?

[Carenth]

No idea if it's a "European thing" to be honest. I would say it is more of a hallmark of the insecure, jealous to demand this sort of information.

 

I have never given out this sort of information to prior or my current girlfriend. Because honestly there has been no reason to. I wouldn't say I'm a jealous person at all, I have no interest in knowing what my girlfriend does on her email, skype or facebook. That is her business.

 

If she wants to know something all she need to do is ask. That goes back to my original point though neither of us are insecure, jealous or distrustful of each other so neither of us ask. As for pin numbers to bank accounts/cards, I think it's pretty bloody common sense to not hand those out unless you are in a serious long term relationship.

 

Basically is there a legitimate need to hand over this information. For me the answer is no.

Edited November 27, 2013 by Carenth

[violet1]

It happens quite a lot with many couples I know (Im in the mediterrenean), but I never shared such info with anyone, I like my privacy.

 

I agree! My husband is the only one who has my pin, etc. He's my husband and we pay bills together. There's just too many identity theft stories that make me nervous. Unless, I was living together and/or married no way in hell would I give a boyfriend all of my passwords and pin. I never gave any of exes that info either. I see no reason for it. You always have to keep yourself protected. You just never really know what a person or an ex is capable of.

[justwhoiam]

Is this a European thing?

Maybe you can see this more often in a European culture. But we do not have any unity unlike the USA. So there's no "European thing" unless you are talking about some European law.

 

"I said if a guy asked me all of that I'd take him as very insecure and intrusive and it would be a turn off"

You see, you might happen to meet many guys, so it makes sense you keep all your stuff very private.

 

Personally, when I trust someone like myself (and it doesn't happen overnight of course), I have no problem sharing almost everything. I'd prefer to keep at least a personal email to myself, in case I buy stuff for him online, it'd ruin surprises, etc. At the same time, I don't like anyone to look through my purse, without my consent/permission, just a matter of principle. And I like to open my own mail, again a matter of principle, more than anything else. By the way, where I live, anyone else opening your mail is considered illegal.

[HeavenOrHell]

I don't get this lack of trust thing, surely you have people in your life you can trust, like a best pal or family member, if you would trust them 100% why not your partner?! And why would they suddenly become unstrustowrthy just cos you've split up?! All sounds so petty to me, also very sad that so many people don't seem to fully trust their partner, I mean why be with them if you don't fully trust them, I don't get it.

 

 

 

 

I agree! My husband is the only one who has my pin, etc. He's my husband and we pay bills together. There's just too many identity theft stories that make me nervous. Unless, I was living together and/or married no way in hell would I give a boyfriend all of my passwords and pin. I never gave any of exes that info either. I see no reason for it. You always have to keep yourself protected. You just never really know what a person or an ex is capable of.

[nomadic_butterfly]

I don't get this lack of trust thing, surely you have people in your life you can trust, like a best pal or family member, if you would trust them 100% why not your partner?! And why would they suddenly become unstrustowrthy just cos you've split up?! All sounds so petty to me, also very sad that so many people don't seem to fully trust their partner, I mean why be with them if you don't fully trust them, I don't get it.

 

In a perfect world people would be like you and I and your current partner as you have previously described. I don't want to go to jail nor do I desire to "avenge" myself. I leave that to God/the universe/karma. Unfortunately, this is not the case many times. I know it's difficult to understand otherwise but I have witnessed far to much not even just in my life but in the lives of others that make is as cautious as possible. I highly doubt most people go into something without trust and paranoid that their partner would do something nasty should they break up. But the fact is that is does happen. A LOT. I admire your super trusting nature. I am more on the pre-cautious side as I've evidenced SO MUCH in real life and watching court shows, etc.

 

People can get very nasty and vindictive. In the good times people talk so lovingly of their partners. Money makes people act funny. Hurt feelings makes people act funny. You cannot predict the future behavior of anyone, including oneself for the most part. Sometimes unforeseen situations occur. Moments of weakness occur. "Temporary insanity" occurs. I don't mind giving all my info to my husband but will never ever do it for a boyfriend. Better safe than sorry.

[HeavenOrHell]

I am extremely mistrusting of people on the whole and wary of them, but if I trust someone enough to be my partner, then of course I would trust them with my personal info, if I can't totally trust the person sharing my life and my bed then it wouldn't work for me.

 

I know how many horrible people in the world there are, and what people do to each other, it is something which grinds me down daily, but there are people in my life who I trust with my life, including family members, and close friends. I don't have a super trusting nature at all, my partner is clearly trustworthy that's all there is to it, I know him well enough to know that, same as I did with my ex, like I said my ex still has my door keys and computer info, he could look at anything he wanted on my computer, but I know him enough to know he wouldn't.

 

I've had a couple of nasty partners, a long time ago, never again, maybe I'm just older, had more experience than you have, I don't know, I just know who I can trust now and those I can't, I don't trust instantly, it takes time, those I don't trust I don't keep in my life.

 

Yes I can predict how my partner would react if we split up, even I cheated on him, which I wouldn't, his ex left him but this doesn't mean he's been a bastard to her since, he's been nothing but a good friend to her since they split. If we split I have a friend for life in him, same as I do with my ex. My ex has never been nasty and never would be, same as my current partner. I trust my current partner and my ex same as I would if they were my husband, I've known them long enough and well enough, husband or not they're trustworthy.

 

Trusted my ex for the past 23 years-so you see there ARE some trustworthy people out there, when you meet someone you trust implicitly you'll understand what I'm talking about, I can't put it any more clearly that that.

 

I'm not talking about giving info out to someone you've just met or barely know, that would just be crazy.

 

 

In a perfect world people would be like you and I and your current partner as you have previously described. I don't want to go to jail nor do I desire to "avenge" myself. I leave that to God/the universe/karma. Unfortunately, this is not the case many times. I know it's difficult to understand otherwise but I have witnessed far to much not even just in my life but in the lives of others that make is as cautious as possible. I highly doubt most people go into something without trust and paranoid that their partner would do something nasty should they break up. But the fact is that is does happen. A LOT. I admire your super trusting nature. I am more on the pre-cautious side as I've evidenced SO MUCH in real life and watching court shows, etc.

 

People can get very nasty and vindictive. In the good times people talk so lovingly of their partners. Money makes people act funny. Hurt feelings makes people act funny. You cannot predict the future behavior of anyone, including oneself for the most part. Sometimes unforeseen situations occur. Moments of weakness occur. "Temporary insanity" occurs. I don't mind giving all my info to my husband but will never ever do it for a boyfriend. Better safe than sorry.

[FitChick]

If I were married I would expect to share everything as we would be legally responsible for each other.

[C00kie]

I am European and no, it's not an "european thing"...it's a control freak thing, a jealous person thing, an insecure partner thing, you name it...

 

But it's not an european thing for sure!!

[Els]

There is a huge difference between asking for the information and sharing it of one's own accord, imo. We're not European, but we have shared everything that you mentioned. They just came out over the years, usually for practical reasons.

 

If someone just sits you down and asks for everything out of the blue, I'd be very wary.

[AlexiaBrinn]

lol

if you turst your partner and youve been living together yeah she can have my pin. no problem. its normal. you share a house hold you share the money.

[777doom]

When I was with my ex, she was Belgian, I am British. We never once gave or expected the other to give passwords to accounts. She once left her password in her facebook logon on my iPad, but I didn't go on her profile out of respect.

 

I can see why married or LTR couples would give each other PINs etc though

[PinkInTheLimo]

Well I am as European as it gets and I've never heard about that. I definitely would not do this.

I think it depends a lot on how old people are when they became a couple. I have the feeling that people my age (49) who got married in their early twenties share a lot more than people who got together later. Some girls who were with me in high school and married their high school sweetheart for example have a shared email address with their husband, which I find very weird.

 

As far as financial stuff is concerned, I would never ever give my partner access to my bank account. My motto is that I don't mind risking that my heart will be broken but will never risk that my partner breaks my bank account...

[justwhoiam]

Well I am as European as it gets

Me too and in my country most couples have a shared bank account.

[HeavenOrHell]

You don't trust your partner then basically, if so why be with him? There must be some people you trust fully in your life, friends or family members, why would you trust your long term partner or husband less that that, I don't get it. Why be with someone who you feel could be an ******* if you split up?

 

I agree with people who say there's no need to give personal details out just because their partner is jealous/possessive/controlling, that would just be silly and unreasonable, but sometimes it's useful or there is an actual reason to give out passwords or bank details in a well established r/ship with someone you know inside out.

 

 

Well I am as European as it gets and I've never heard about that. I definitely would not do this.

I think it depends a lot on how old people are when they became a couple. I have the feeling that people my age (49) who got married in their early twenties share a lot more than people who got together later. Some girls who were with me in high school and married their high school sweetheart for example have a shared email address with their husband, which I find very weird.

 

As far as financial stuff is concerned, I would never ever give my partner access to my bank account. My motto is that I don't mind risking that my heart will be broken but will never risk that my partner breaks my bank account...

[Viking-Liz]

I would not hesitate to give my man the PIN-code to my card if we lived together and shared expenses. I wouldnt care f he saw my passwords etc either, but if he asked for them it would be a no-go.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Why be with someone who you feel could be an ******* if you split up?

 

Because I have seen too often that you know the person you get into a relationship with but not the person you break-up with...

 

When I was 20 I would also have been in favour of sharing everything but now that I actually have some assets I am very protective of them. I think most guys my age will understand that, especially if they have children.

You don't want to be ruined financially when your relationship ends, and reality shows that a lot of relationships end these days...

[SerCay]

I must have my european heritage thing going on because if i am with someone they have my details....they are the only one who has everything......no secrets...no surprises....easy for me.....easy for them. doesnt bother me and i am not stupid.....i could kill them if i wanted too.....kidding.......i have to trust someone if i am with them......deb

 

I agree with this, and of course not in 3 months....in relationships these things are supposed to happen gradually. But I would say, if someone is reluctant to share details even when needed, they're hiding something.

 

I mean if you're sharing your life with someone, what's the use of hiding your stuff? Relationships are build on trust right.

 

My ex was a person always keeping his stuff private, he had all my details. I found it made our relationship cold and distancy. Anther boyfriend's parents were like that too, their relationship was distant as well. Certain types of boundaries make people create distance that do a relationship no good on the long run. In my opinion this is.

 

That said, I find it weird and unneccessary to be ''checking'' your so's mails and stuff on daily basis. This is just for cases when it's needed. Like other posters said, when cash needs to be withdrawn or when a text needs to be read etc.

[HeavenOrHell]

Sounds like the wrong choice of person in the first place, I knew my ex wouldn't get petty/spiteful if we split and my current partner wouldn't either, they're not that type of person, I keep clear of those.

 

Compassionate, trustworthy and having a big conscience and not being petty/immature/spiteful are things which come top priority in a r/ship for me, genuine people don't become ass***** after you split up.

 

I'd be more inclined to share personal info with my partner nowadays than when I was 20, if I'd done it back then it would been out of naivety quite possibly, nowadays I know who I can trust and who I can't.

 

I wouldn't be with someone who I thought would ruin me financially if we split, why would anyone?! I don't have anything to do with idiots like that, I don't have friends who would do that either. Genuine trustworthy people do not have personality transplants after a break up.

 

I just feel sad that so many people think their partner could be capable of that, why be with them if there's the possibility they could do that?!

 

I still don't get why some people don't trust their partner fully but they trust might a close friend, parent or sibling, why is the partner less trustworthy, I don't get it.

 

 

Because I have seen too often that you know the person you get into a relationship with but not the person you break-up with...

 

When I was 20 I would also have been in favour of sharing everything but now that I actually have some assets I am very protective of them. I think most guys my age will understand that, especially if they have children.

You don't want to be ruined financially when your relationship ends, and reality shows that a lot of relationships end these days...

[FitChick]

 

I just feel sad that so many people think their partner could be capable of that, why be with them if there's the possibility they could do that?!

People change. My friend is going through a divorce now and she has known her soon-to-be-ex for over twenty years. He is fighting her for every penny and they both make the same amount of money -- $150K.

[nomadic_butterfly]

People change. My friend is going through a divorce now and she has known her soon-to-be-ex for over twenty years. He is fighting her for every penny and they both make the same amount of money -- $150K.

 

Yea, this is what I am talking about. No rational person goes into something thinking the partner will screw them over but IT DOES HAPPEN. How many times do people screw people over not just romantically but professionally? I have seen it ad infinitum time. I'd like to believe most people have decent judgment of character but you cannot fully predict anyone else's future actions to the T. I know at this very moment what I would or wouldn't do but in the same vein I disappoint myself from time to time. It's just being human.

 

Certain things, ESPECIALLY MONEY causes lots of strife. Why do people sign prenups? To protect themselves. I trusted my exes going into things and I wouldn't go into something with someone I don't trust but that doesn't mean they are incapable of getting nasty in certain situations.

 

For example, my parents took in my teen cousin when I was also teen and b/c my mom got a settlement after an accident and they bought a van, moved and bought a house, opened a restaurant, etc. everyone thought they were rich. Would you believe her parents RARELY sent any money to take care of her and my mom treated her better than she even treated me (which I didn't mind). It was discovered that she was stealing thousands a week from my parents working the register. She also broke into their room and searched their things to find the exact settlement amount. Her mom who DIDN'T GIVE US A DIME told her WELL THEY ARE RICH.

 

People get nasty. Anyone who never ever encounters nasty people should count their lucky stars because there are plenty. On the contrary though, there are people like me who have integrity and would never want to go to jail so this is what gives me hope. But I stay aware.

[HeavenOrHell]

And many people do not change, not from a lovely, caring person to a vindictive, spiteful person.

Your friend was with someone who always had that in him to be nasty, maybe your friend is vindictive too, who knows, my partner, nor my ex, have it in them to be vindictive, and nor do I.

 

 

 

People change. My friend is going through a divorce now and she has known her soon-to-be-ex for over twenty years. He is fighting her for every penny and they both make the same amount of money -- $150K.

[HeavenOrHell]

Oh I've been with a nasty person and ended up in a women's refuge when I was young, naive, inexperienced. Never again, maturity/experience has taught me who I can trust totally, and who I can't.

 

Yes people can be nasty, of course, I'm saying I know who to trust and who I don't.

 

I feel sorry for those who don't have partners they totally trust.

 

I've repeated myself several times now, I can't explain any better than I have.

 

Hope you all find partners who you know you can trust to not to screw you over if you split, there are plenty of people out there who would not do that, so choose one of them

 

I still trust my ex 100% because I know him inside out, my partner will be a trusted friend for life whether we split or not, end of story.

 

 

 

Yea, this is what I am talking about. No rational person goes into something thinking the partner will screw them over but IT DOES HAPPEN. How many times do people screw people over not just romantically but professionally? I have seen it ad infinitum time. I'd like to believe most people have decent judgment of character but you cannot fully predict anyone else's future actions to the T. I know at this very moment what I would or wouldn't do but in the same vein I disappoint myself from time to time. It's just being human.

 

Certain things, ESPECIALLY MONEY causes lots of strife. Why do people sign prenups? To protect themselves. I trusted my exes going into things and I wouldn't go into something with someone I don't trust but that doesn't mean they are incapable of getting nasty in certain situations.

 

For example, my parents took in my teen cousin when I was also teen and b/c my mom got a settlement after an accident and they bought a van, moved and bought a house, opened a restaurant, etc. everyone thought they were rich. Would you believe her parents RARELY sent any money to take care of her and my mom treated her better than she even treated me (which I didn't mind). It was discovered that she was stealing thousands a week from my parents working the register. She also broke into their room and searched their things to find the exact settlement amount. Her mom who DIDN'T GIVE US A DIME told her WELL THEY ARE RICH.

 

People get nasty. Anyone who never ever encounters nasty people should count their lucky stars because there are plenty. On the contrary though, there are people like me who have integrity and would never want to go to jail so this is what gives me hope. But I stay aware.

Edited December 14, 2013 by HeavenOrHell

[FitChick]

Time will tell...

[HeavenOrHell]

What are you saying? That there is no doubt that my partner or my ex will turn into spiteful idiots?! How patronising and smug

Well I've known my ex for 23 years and I think he'd have become spiteful by now if he was going to, don't you?!

And my current partner, you've never met him, so you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm not saying we won't ever split up, I've no idea about that, splitting up doesn't make someone nasty, it's not a crime to split up, what I'm saying is he's not spiteful and never will be whether we're together or not, he's good friends with his ex who he lived with long term, she left him, they still respect each other. What's so hard to understand about that?!

Hopefully you'll know what I'm talking about one day, and you'll find someone you know you can trust no matter whether you break up or not, don't settle for anything less.

I'm sorry you've not met anyone yet who you know you can trust to that extent, but just because you've not experience it don't tar all partners or ex's with the same brush.

 

 

Time will tell...

[nomadic_butterfly]

I will say this is a fair point because of your partner is like me, or you it seems, you both will be fine. Like I said b/c I am decent I have faith there are other decent people. As a matter of fact I hope you two never have to split. I don't think every person will be nasty but every person just by being human has the propensity; whether or not they will ever reach that point is another story.

 

 

Oh I've been with a nasty person and ended up in a women's refuge when I was young, naive, inexperienced. Never again, maturity/experience has taught me who I can trust totally, and who I can't.

 

Yes people can be nasty, of course, I'm saying I know who to trust and who I don't.

 

I feel sorry for those who don't have partners they totally trust.

 

I've repeated myself several times now, I can't explain any better than I have.

 

Hope you all find partners who you know you can trust to not to screw you over if you split, there are plenty of people out there who would not do that, so choose one of them

 

I still trust my ex 100% because I know him inside out, my partner will be a trusted friend for life whether we split or not, end of story.