Author debilou Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 So he has custody of the 16 yo. I have the 11 yo. I know this is so he won't have to pay child support. Whatever! My youngest get his braces Wednesday. Our oldest was in braces when his dad walked out on all of us. I wrote a little note telling the STBXH the monthly cost would be $150, $75 for each of us. But ofcourse, he has to be unreasonable. I called him with the tape recorder rolling, I read the mediation paper to him exlaining how we are each responsible for 1/2 of each childs medical, dental, ocular, psychiatric, etc. He just doesn't get it. He said I need to pay for 1/2 of the 16 yo's car insurance. Remember, I am the carrier of the insurance. He is still unemployed! He acts as though he has lost all sense of reality. I told him "it's in black and white, you are responsible for 1/2 of the braces !". He told me to send his lawyer a letter. Dear God, I have spent 9 thousand dollars on a divorce I still don't have. But come Feb 9 I will have one. No doubt, unless he's hospitalized again. How difficult does one human being have to be ? ? ? If I could afford to pay for it myself I would. He makes me sick and full of regret. I swear he is not the man I married. No, he is, I just let all his short comings slide. I have learned from my mistakes! I will never get married again, I will never share my money with another man. I depend on and trust ONLY myself. Link to post Share on other sites
mum2three Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Have been reading your posts. I was so captivated b/c my H was spewing the same crap out of his mouth too. I couldn't believe it. I think you put up with alot of s***t from exH. Have faith. It will get better. You and your kids deserve it. Wishing you much peace & happiness. Mum Link to post Share on other sites
Author debilou Posted January 16, 2007 Author Share Posted January 16, 2007 mum2three, it's been such head games for so long and it just keeps on going. The reason I posted was to ask "how do I make him pay for the ortho?". I got so upset I forgot to ask that. I have a call into my lawyer. Waiting..... It seems so unfair that I have to pay a lawyer to make him do his part but that's how it looks like it's going to be. Nothing about this divorce has been fair. I didn't want to split up my family but at the same time I was not about to sit home while he sewed his wild oats! I'd rather be alone. I'm doing my best to move forward. I'm ok. Thanks everyone, Debilou Link to post Share on other sites
mum2three Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Is there some savvy way of getting him to pay by twisting his arm a little? think hard. Of course, start with the basics like resnding him copy of his financial agreement to pay ortho or having the dentist bill him directly?? Try to be creative without a war and lawyer b/c u'll end up paying the lawyer $75 for a letter or phone call to him and if he works for an hour it'll be $200 or more. Braces are not that expensive to warrant more legal fees if it can be resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author debilou Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 Well I'm finally divorced. This morning at 9:28 am. I did really good all day. But I cried on the way to pick up my son from his dad's. I KNOW I'm better off without him. I just don't feel much closure. I have too many unanswered questions. I just need to realize he's pretty messed up and it will never make sense. I never knew how irrational his thoughts were. I don't feel much like thinking or anything else. Just wanted to let you guys know that 1 year and 9 months after filing for the big "D" it happened. Oh yea, and almost $10,000 to boot! I'm pretty sure I will NEVER get married again, I can't afford 2 divorces! This one almost killed me. Debilou Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 I was talking to a co-worker today and he went thru a very bad divorce, but he said even though he was glad he got the divorce it still hurt & you still have feelings for that person so don't feel bad, it sounds like it is normal. Sounds like you understand you did the correct thing for you and you are the person that you have to be happy with. (((((((debilou)))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
mum2three Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Big hugs to you. You have been posting all over LS and your strength will pull you through. Not having closure is frustrating but living with the present situation and the H that you knew was not what you wanted. You sound so amibitious and gutsy. I think when you put you mind, heart, and energy into rebuilding yourself you will be quite sucessful. I hear you on the legal fees, I am scared as mine will be starting soon. This experience has sure changed my views about M too. Hopefully, there is love & commitment the next time around or I'll be outta there fast. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Debilou, *Huge Hugs* It's ok to cry. You need to let the emotions out! It's hard but you have to accept that sometimes there's no answers to your questions. Sometimes, things just dont make sense and they never will. At some point we have to just stop asking why, and just deal with today. You have a new chance at redefining your life. You can do anything you want now! Try to embrace this situation as an opportunity at making your life better! This is a chance of relearning and redefining yourself. It's hard, but this can be a very exciting time for you too! You need to have a girl's night! Go buy some nice bubble bath and have a nice hot relaxing bath with soft music and candles! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 I KNOW I'm better off without him. I just don't feel much closure. I have too many unanswered questions. I just need to realize he's pretty messed up and it will never make sense. I never knew how irrational his thoughts were. Sometimes, in the internal struggle between Spouse and Wayward Spouse... the original personality is overcome. The duality is resolved, but NOT in the way we would most like to have seen it. The guy we once knew is lost swallowed up by a tarpit filled with bitterness and rationalizations. That's a sad thing, because you remember him the way he once was. I can understand how it would be difficult to find "closure" in that. There's still the grief to contend with. The sweet boyish man you remember is gone and never coming back. It's okay to grieve for him. But don't forget, closure comes from within. It's not about what the other guy does, it's about your own acceptance of what is REAL. In reality, the exWH has nothing to offer you of substance anymore... nothing you'd want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author debilou Posted February 8, 2007 Author Share Posted February 8, 2007 Thank you to everyone for the words of encouragement. LJ, your post made me get a lump in my throat. For me, when I can summarize my thoughts about my feelings I can move on............you did that for me. I actually couldn't figure out what is/was going on...why I feel so bad about the D. Everything you said is absolutely true...I sooooo miss the man I married. It's hard not to obsess over it. Amazing how it all works out. The D was final Tuesday. I found out yesterday that I start driving school on Monday. God certainly has a handle on things for me. I was soooo sad about the D and then I find out there was one opening for school starting Monday. This is to drive the big brown truck, that's where the money is ! ! ! Remember, he made sure to leave me penniless. Things are looking up. Also I have to say that I have a great family that has supported me financially and emotionally since this all began 2 years 6 months ago. They're all happy about the D and driving school completely blew them away. I'll be fine.....I've said it for years and I've always believed it. Life is good! Thanks again everyone.....you've all been such a blessing! Debilou Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Keep us posted and good luck in school.... {{{{Debilou}}}} Link to post Share on other sites
Author debilou Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well I did it, I'm officially capable, ready, licensed, trained and available to drive. Lots of studying over the past week and 1/2. It was all worth it. I'm the leader of my own financial and emotional future. Life goes on. I don't know where it will take me but I hope I can step up and be in control. I've realized I will let people lead me . . . even when I have that feeling . . . I'm REALLY working on trying to recognize it and put a stop to it. I'm co dependent and want EVERYONE to be happy. That's the old me, I'm trying to lose that old skin, like a snake shedding, but boy it's hard to change what you've always done. I'm a very assertive person. Some people tend to be intimidated by my straight forwardness. But then there are people who are close to me who just tell me how to do things and I just go along with it. I don't want to anymore. I want to be completely sure about myself and choices. Thanks again to everyone at LS. You guys are great people, you've helped me tremendously. I'll be here more now that I'm finished with school. Debilou Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well I did it, I'm officially capable, ready, licensed, trained and available to drive. Lots of studying over the past week and 1/2. It was all worth it. I'm the leader of my own financial and emotional future. Life goes on. I don't know where it will take me but I hope I can step up and be in control. I've realized I will let people lead me . . . even when I have that feeling . . . I'm REALLY working on trying to recognize it and put a stop to it. I'm co dependent and want EVERYONE to be happy. That's the old me, I'm trying to lose that old skin, like a snake shedding, but boy it's hard to change what you've always done. I'm a very assertive person. Some people tend to be intimidated by my straight forwardness. But then there are people who are close to me who just tell me how to do things and I just go along with it. I don't want to anymore. I want to be completely sure about myself and choices. Thanks again to everyone at LS. You guys are great people, you've helped me tremendously. I'll be here more now that I'm finished with school. Debilou OooooRaaaahhhh! Congraulations!!!! One thing about driving the BBT, (Big Brown Truck) ~ you won't have anymore sleepless nights, and you can cancel you're membership at the gym ~ those drivers ain't nothin' but hustle! I hear the money's not bad either. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Debilou!!! I'm so happy for you Congratulations!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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