still feeling really sad and a little suicidal:(

[HangingOnToHope]

I started going out with my ex in 8th grade when i was only 14 and he was 15.

2 1/2 years later he ended it. Which was a month ago. He ended it because i could be very whiney or naggy sometimes during my periods, which led to stupid argruments. We always made up right away though. He said he just couldn't deal with it anymore. And no, there was no other girl involved.

Other than that, our relationship was amazing. We were like best friends. We were always laughing and just having a good time no matter what we did. We were so close that we even farted around each other!!(sorry). He always used to say how different i am than any other girl he's ever known/dated...but in a good way. Every weekend we would have sleepovers, go out to parties, dinner, bowling, the movies, or we would just cuddle and watch movies and eat pizza on rainy days. He is a big football player so he's been extra close to his football team mates lately. I'm wondering if maybe their the reason why he ended it. Because their all single and stupid and i think my ex became one of them. Ugh. All's they do is get drunk and throw parties. His friends don't give a **** about him at the end of the day. Unlike me who has been there for him through thick and thin. That's what he doesn't get.

 

However, i do admit that i could be naggy and annoying at certain times of the month and i feel bad . I just want another chance so bad it hurts. I told him that i would try really hard and work on trying to control my mood swings when they happened. He said he believes me but he doesn't want to date me yet. He says that we can hangout soon and that "maybe we can try again soon" and that "maybe he'll consider giving us another try and that he'll think about it."

So, that's where we left off 6 days ago via text. But i haven't heard from him since. I've been feeling so anxious, so depressed, so worried, so sick, and just such grief.

I miss him so much that it hurts. Tv shows, movies, holidays, music, stores, the seasons, and restraunts remind me of him and bring back memories. So basically everything brings back memories and makes me think of him :/ I know this sounds cliche but he was just different! He's the funniest person i've ever met and that's why we got along so well. We both had the same sense of humor and we were just so much alike. I know i'm young, i know...but i've never met anybody that i connected to so much and felt so close to him. Which is why i feel torn in apart

We had many mile stones together. We lost our virginity, we celebrated sweet 16's, we both got our licenses, etc. I was just a little teenager when i met him, 14!! And now i'm 17. And i feel so much guilt how i would be naggy and y sometimes. Just wish i could make it up to him and prove that i can change how i act during the certain time of the month.

Has anyone ever experienced a break up like this? If so, please tell me about yours and how you were feeling also!

[HangingOnToHope]

feeling really suicidal right now. my ex boyfriend ended it with me a month ago after a very close 2 1/2 relationship. just wants to be single, no other girl involved. he was my best friend. we connected so well and we laughed all the time and just always had a good time together. i trusted him the most. now ive just been lost and confused and really depressed. getting therapy though but isnt changing these suicidal thoughts. ugh, whos been through a tough break up and can help me? i miss him so much nobody understands. i basically grew up with him and now he acts like we never met. i really feel like i cant live without him:( it just hurts too bad..

[Blastbeat]

Oh no! You have to remember, it's only been a month, it's still fresh in your mind. Feeling super upset is NORMAL. You are allowed to grieve, but you must remember that someone else is in your future. As time passes you WILL start to feel better. Be strong! You're worth it! Keep busy, go out with friends, work out, there is so much opportunity out there, for YOU.

[Toddbt12y1]

Well...You ddon't need to end your life. You are young, but, do you realize how mmuch better is out there for you? In life you meet many people, some good, and mmay bad. Through this sea of trouble...you find someone worth a lifetime of love.

 

This boy ended it, and that is all on him. Crying won't help you. Cry, yes, but, not for long. You truly miss out on life. He certainly won't, and you shouldn't either.

 

Be stronger than this. Be greater than this. What steps is your therapist giving you, to help you?

 

There was a woman, whom, I was with for four years, and loved her dearly. I was to be married to her. She cold heartedly cheated on me, with multiple people. She was greatly happy about it. I was crushed, and have been through these emotions.

 

Trust me...it does get better. It may take much time...but it gets better. You will have ups and downs...feel joy one moment and sorrow the next. Anger one day, and none at all the next. Go through emotions. Do not sit idly by and let them dominate you.

 

Be proactive on your recovery. Do things, talk it out, like now. Us this new singleness to go out and do things you may not have done before. But...something so temporary is not worth dying over.

[TrappedWanderer]

Hang in there! I know it's super painful.....I, too, felt like that at first. The pain seemed unbearable. But little by little the light at the end of the tunnel will start to poke through.

 

What worked for me, hard as it was, was to try and focus my mind on something else-something trivial and silly just to take my mind off of things. I watched 13 seasons of ER in a row...just zoned out, watching them, because it seemed that like the only thing that helped take my mind off of the incredible pain and hurt I was going through.

 

Find something that works for you...it won't be perfect or 100%, but if you can find something to ease your mind for just a little bit, things WILL start to get better, slowly but surely.

 

You can do this...there's so much life to live for. Call a friend, your mom, a hotline...post on here. Anything that helps you get through this. And you CAN.

 

Sending you big hugs!

[me85]

I am so sorry you are going through this bad depression. They have a suicide hotline.

 

Please call !

 

I too have had a really hard time with my ex breaking up with me. We were together nearly 3 years.

 

I am better now but my situation is a lot different. He is a very mean manipulative liar. He ran out a week after telling me we were meant to be & got in a RS with someone out of state. All the while feeding me false hope, calling me, seeing me, telling me he loves me & there's no one else…

 

LIES LIES LIES. I had to find out through a mutual friend of ours. I was, I don't even know the feeling I felt at that moment. He was my best friend, my everything & he played me like a tune.

 

Oh yea & 2 days before I found out he told me "you're still my best friend."

 

So be glad your ex did not do you that way. Believe me, it's not worth being depressed & suicidal over sweetie. It's his loss.

 

Please keep using this forum for guidance. We care! We want to help!

[LostConfused123]

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself!!!!

Seek help or call a hotline. No shame in that. Like the above poster stated, it is normal to feel so upset. We all do. That's why we are here. You mentioned no one understands but you're mistaken. We all understand. It's absolutely dreadful, terrifying, lonely, devastating and just plain SUCKS!!!!

we all understand and we are here for you! I know it doesn't seem like it but you will feel better. You just have to go through the grieving process and unfortunately it is just plain awful but it will pass! Promise!

((hugs))

[Shaine]

There's light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep walking.

After a couple more months, you'll be okay. You just have to endure the pain for now.

If you really are meant to be, you'll be together. Maybe not now but in the future. You just have to be patient. Fix yourself. Cheer up.

[HeartDesires]

HangingOnToHope,

 

I have felt the exact same way...this was a few years back.

 

If you are thinking of harming yourself it is CRITICAL that you receive immediate professional help.

 

Where I live, you can check yourself into emergency. They treat psychiatric problems the same as physical ones.

 

You must do something right now.

 

Good luck to you,

Heart

[Kevin_D]

I felt like you about a week ago, but I'm already feeling better, much thanks to this forum. We feel alone, but almost everyone here has a simular story to tell. And not only did they survive, they also became even happier than before.

 

My girlfriend broke with me up after 6 years a few weeks ago. I didn't saw it coming. We had tons of stupid little inside jokes. She never seemed to care when other guys showed interest in her. I felt so secure. So it was a complete shock. I'm sure the next year will be a nightmare. I feel betrayed. When we met, none of my friends though she was pretty and they couldn't understand why I wanted her. But after we had been together for a while, her confidence grew and she became incredibly beautiful. Suddenly, my friends started to envy me.

 

I helped her getting through tons of difficult situations. I encouraged her to study. I encourage her to gain new talents. And I told her everytime we met how beautiful she is.

 

As guess what? After six years together, I began losing my own self-confidence. I became weak and asked her for support. She couldn't handle this, so she dumped me, and even told me that she had so many dreams before she met me and that it's time to fulfill them now. Ouch.

 

I made her believe in herself. And now when she does that, she doesn't need me anymore.

 

I'm not angry. I'm not even that sad. I'm just incredibly disappointed. I'd never thought that someone who requested so much emotional support would to something like this out of the blue.

 

It felt like I would never meet someone better. It still feels like it. But then I realised:

 

I'm intelligent, I have a great education, I'm creative, I'm a great singer/guitar player and I'm quite good-looking. So why did I lose my self-confidence during the relationship? Obviously she wasn't as supportive as I thought she was.

 

She, on the other hand, is obviously somewhat narcissistic. She may get a lot of attention based on her looks for a few more years, but after that there'll be trouble. She is terrible with money, she can't handle criticism, she's lazy and she obviously mostly cares about herself.

 

She should be so happy that she met someone like me. If she even considers throwing away six years for some lame excuse, that's pretty much the nail in the coffin. She doesn't deserve me (at least not at the moment).

 

And your boyfriend doesn't deserve you.

[purplesoccer34]

Believe me when I say this. You will definitely get over him. When I was in high school, I dated a guy for 2 years. He's a good family friend, so I knew him since I was very young. Like you and your ex, we connected very well and he was my best friend. When we broke up, I was miserable. I thought I was clinically depressed and that I'd never get over him. Yes, it did take me a while to get over him, but I did.

 

The same sort of thing repeated recently, but it wasn't nearly as bad. I graduated from university this year. Throughout my senior year of college, I dated a guy that I really liked, and I truly enjoyed being around him. We broke up 3 months ago, and I was miserable when it happened but I got over him. I wouldn't say that I'm 100% over him yet, but I'm almost there.

 

Since you guys just broke up and it's all fresh in your head, you're feeling miserable. I completely understand that feeling and it's normal. You probably replay the memories you guys had over and over again and it can be upsetting, but do anything and everything you can to distract yourself. Call up some old friends that you haven't spoken to in a while and make plans to hangout. Take up a new hobby, volunteer, focus on school work---anything to get your mind off of him. That's what I did, and it worked wonders. And don't worry, it will definitely get better. You just have to give it time.

[LostConfused123]

Also try to keep in mind that heartbreak is magnified immensely this time of year.

Heartbreak feels so much worse this time of year. I was in the grocery store a couple days ago and had a huge lump in my throat and it took everything I had not to cry when I saw the holiday egg nog. (true story)

So sorry for your pain!!! But you will feel better and I bet it will be sooner than you think.

You're in my thoughts.

((hugs))

[Never Again]

OP, there's much more to your life than your ex.

 

A girl I once dated killed herself because of me. Well, she likely would have done it anyway, but she blamed me and my new relationship.

 

She left behind a beautiful 2 year old niece, her parents, one sister and three brothers...nevermind all of her friends and other relatives.

 

Her brothers blamed me. Her parents tolerated me. Her aunt pitied me.

 

Her death marked my new relationship, and my inability to cope with the guilt made me pull away from the nicest, most enthusiastic, caring and brilliant girl I'd ever met. She left me because I couldn't keep up with the relationship anymore...I couldn't put in the effort needed and she fell out of love.

 

One loss led to another. I blamed myself for her death AND my breakup for a long time. Sometimes I still do. I can't help but think of her young niece, who I met at the memorial service, and feel agony that she'll grow up without her auntie.

 

Our lives are tapestries. A single cut strand should not weaken the integrity of the fabric as a whole. You have many more connections in your life and a composition to create. If he choses to not be a part of it, then you will weave without him. The loom is yours, so make the most of it - don't give up because of the hurtful actions of one man.

[xpaperxcutx]

If you try to overlook these past two years that you've been with him, how were you like before you ever met him?

 

When my breakup occurred two months ago after a year and a half relationship, I also thought about killing myself. In my mind, I was drowning in my own sorrow because I thought I couldn't live without him by my side. There were days where I felt like lying in bed and wishing I never woke up.

 

It seemed endless, really, that pain was sucking the air out of my body and I was gasping for some reason that could make me want to go on. You know what? I did. I am 24 years old ( he broke up with me three weeks before my birthday) and i thought to myself that time, I knew him for a year and a half of my life, and yet I was able to live 22 and a half years of my life without him.

 

I thought about the things that made me happy before my ex ever came into the picture. My family and friends, my interests and hobbies. I slowly picked myself up and learned to love everything around me.

 

It's funny, but I like to compare relationships to car cru\ashes. Love and feeling in love are unexpected accidents.When u are with someone, you often feel like you're relying on crutches because you broken a leg.

 

In the beginning they may help you- help you to walk and get to places. But over reliance may mean you never want to fully walk on your own.

 

I'm telling you to get rid of your crutches and learn to walk on your own again. It may be hard, and require a little physical therapy. You will cry, you will want to give up.

 

But do you honestly want to rely on that crutch forever?

[HangingOnToHope]

thank you everyone so far, all your support and kindness really means alot <3

Now i am laying in bed trying to fall asleep but the memories and thoughts just keep coming and coming. im so tired but my mimd takes over

[Never Again]

The way I see it no man should make you feel that way. Someone who loves you wouldn't make you feel this way.

 

To be fair, he's not making her feel that way.

 

She's making herself feel that way. He is actually doing her a kindness by being distant.

 

HangingontoHope, I hope you realize that this is the case. It may not seem like it now, but by staying away from you...he's giving you time to heal. If he was still acting like your best friend even after the breakup, it would just reopen old wounds. What you're feeling now would only get worse.

 

His "kindness" would torment you. You'd still feel love for him even though he rejected you, and you'd go through a vicious cycle of feeling joy and anguish. You'd be retraumatized over and over again.

 

Take this from someone who's been through it from the other side - I stayed in contact with my ex, someone who was a "best friend", because I thought she was over me. I tried to support her through some really rough times. All I did was accidentally allow her to become dependent on me. She NEEDED me to get by, and when it seemed like I was slipping away...

 

Well, I already mentioned it before.

 

These thoughts you're having would only get worse if he stuck near you. See the silver lining here - he's trying to avoid hurting you any more than he already has.

 

Take that for what it is - a genuine caring act. He cares enough to keep his distance. He cares enough to not hurt you anymore.

 

Now it's time for you to start caring about YOU.

[Logan oO]

feeling really suicidal right now. my ex boyfriend ended it with me a month ago after a very close 2 1/2 relationship. just wants to be single, no other girl involved. he was my best friend. we connected so well and we laughed all the time and just always had a good time together. i trusted him the most. now ive just been lost and confused and really depressed. getting therapy though but isnt changing these suicidal thoughts. ugh, whos been through a tough break up and can help me? i miss him so much nobody understands. i basically grew up with him and now he acts like we never met. i really feel like i cant live without him:( it just hurts too bad..

 

You'd think of taking your own life because of that!

Life is precious, no matter how ****ty things get.

Sometimes in life we end up in situations that we just want to bury our heads in the sand to avoid. I understand that feelings of 'loss', we all do. we have all been there.

 

I will never harm myself, because that other person that made me feel that way, they carry on with their life as if i didn't even matter. So why give them the satisfaction of being able to ruin your future happiness.

 

ANYONE that can drop you like that is a piece of Trash. Look at 2014 as a new start for you. Out with the old, in with the NEW. Make some realistic / achievable goals.

 

The truest thing i have ever heard and experienced is, 'you gotta get up dust yourself off, and get back up on that horse and carry on'

[Meadowgreen]

To be fair, he's not making her feel that way.

 

She's making herself feel that way. He is actually doing her a kindness by being distant.

 

HangingontoHope, I hope you realize that this is the case. It may not seem like it now, but by staying away from you...he's giving you time to heal. If he was still acting like your best friend even after the breakup, it would just reopen old wounds. What you're feeling now would only get worse.

 

His "kindness" would torment you. You'd still feel love for him even though he rejected you, and you'd go through a vicious cycle of feeling joy and anguish. You'd be retraumatized over and over again.

 

Take this from someone who's been through it from the other side - I stayed in contact with my ex, someone who was a "best friend", because I thought she was over me. I tried to support her through some really rough times. All I did was accidentally allow her to become dependent on me. She NEEDED me to get by, and when it seemed like I was slipping away...

 

 

This is absolutely correct, Hangingontohope. When a relationship ends, as agonising as it is, both parties need room to heal and reflect, and enforcing no contact is the only way. Delete his number. Remove him from Facebook, Twitter and any other social media channel. If you have stuff belonging to him, tell him to pick it up from a mutual friend or family member's house. It sounds brutal but it's the medicine you need, trust me.

 

Love that has nowhere to go only festers in your heart, so you need to start reflecting that love back onto yourself and respect yourself to know you deserve better. 10 years ago, I fell for my best friend but for various reasons we couldn't be together (one of those reasons being that he was very emotionally immature). I moved away and after a year of no contact he emailed me out of the blue. He thought he could pick up where he left off because we had that time and distance between us, so he started with the 'here's who I've been falling into bed with lately' talk that I had to endure when we were friends...all the while he knew deep down I still had feelings for him, and I was secretly angry because I felt he was being very disrespectful, but the truth is I was LETTING him disrespect me, whether knowingly or unknowingly, because any attention from him was better than no attention.

 

All I'm trying to say is that once you've been in a relationship or had deep feelings of love for someone, it's incredibly difficult - impossible for many people actually - to revert back to platonic friendship. You'll always be hoping for something more, or at least a sign that they regret their decision, which they can't or won't give you. They'll always be hoping that every drop of love and desire you have for them has dissipated, which you can't give them.

 

What you need now is to take steps every day to rebuild yourself. Meditate, sleep, cry, go for coffee with friends you trust,get immersed in boxsets like someone cleverly recommended, pick up a hobby, read a good book, write down all the things you didn't like about this dude (I can assure you he had bad points, even if you don't remember them immediately) think of all the things you can do now as a single person - you could travel the world, you could go back to college, you could teach English in a foreign country or take up a professional sport, there's so much you can do now with your free time, and you'll emerge as a whole new person from whatever endeavor you undertake.

 

I hope that reading everyone's similar experiences to your own has given you some insight and some hope that things are going to get better, because they will!

 

Please don't give up. Your life is just beginning.

[tjr]

Sometimes its hard to see the light but, this will pass. Just take sometime try not to worry on it. Easy to say harder to do. If you cant find friends/family to help, reach out to others professional or what you are doing now. Find silly little things to make even moments to feel a little less bleak. Kittens with strings, silly kids, a bite of a cookie or something waky and different just to stir it up. Do it even if you dont want to. It will help.

[Tactical Mind]

thank you everyone so far, all your support and kindness really means alot <3

Now i am laying in bed trying to fall asleep but the memories and thoughts just keep coming and coming. im so tired but my mimd takes over

 

Try to have a solid night's rest. If you can't, get on the internet and do some reading. Have you heard of the Instagram brat that is supposed to be extremely rich and is agonizing other wealthy people? It's a good read but the kid is a total dick.

 

Get past tonight and re-read all of what these wonderful people have mentioned, trust me when I say during certain stages in my own relationship (in and out of it) lurking around here for inspirational stories always helped me with perspective.

 

I just got out of a year relationship... And maybe I'll write the story in its entirety, but it hurts at first. The bad thoughts come, but it'll be up to you and those who listen to you who'll help guide you to where you want to get. But you need to want it, start telling yourself that you want to heal and focus on those words. Good luck!

[HangingOnToHope]

as from my other posts, i have had a rough breakup with my ex boyfriend who i dated for 2 1/2 years. its my first heartbreak. its been a little over a month since he broke up with me because he just feels like being single and to just hangout with friends:/ it was a shock for me and ive just beem feeling so sad, hopeless, and i just miss being around him all the time including the holidays. i also miss laughing with him, cuddling, partying, sleeping with him, and just being his girl! He was just differnt from any other person i know. we connected and had the same exact rare humor. i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up...

[Haydn]

hey, you are not alone in thinking `they were so so special` You are at the beginning of this BU. It takes time. What would it do to go to sleep and not wake up because of how you feel now? How will you feel in a year? 2 years? You have no idea. Let it out and cry and face the pain. But get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Its essential! Look in the mirror and remember you are not alone. Please post here if you feel despair. Lots of good people here. Take care Today. Haydn

[sun1972]

Im guessing from your post that your quite young?

 

This does NOT diminish the importance of what your feeling, but

 

It does make it hard for you to realize a couple of things.. that it WILL get easier, and that you WILL meet someone who makes you happy.

 

We have all been there before, and all been happy again after feeling our world is over...

 

All i can suggest is try to focus on enjoying times with friends, and look to family for support, and also remember you have many years of happiness ahead of you.

 

I do sympathize though, i think the first love is often the hardest..

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Grieving the loss of a relationship is like grieving a death.

 

You are supposed to feel like ****. You think you want to die because you can't imagine feeling this pain any longer. This pain is temporary. The level of suffering you are feeling right now is temporary.

 

I know it sounds hard but you have to be patient and let these feelings run their course. Allow it the time you need without needing to take action right now.

[nevergoodenough]

as from my other posts, i have had a rough breakup with my ex boyfriend who i dated for 2 1/2 years. its my first heartbreak. its been a little over a month since he broke up with me because he just feels like being single and to just hangout with friends:/ it was a shock for me and ive just beem feeling so sad, hopeless, and i just miss being around him all the time including the holidays. i also miss laughing with him, cuddling, partying, sleeping with him, and just being his girl! He was just differnt from any other person i know. we connected and had the same exact rare humor. i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up...

 

I can relate to this 100%